Let me start by saying I’m laid up with a bad back – in excruciating pain – and in bed for days now. So this is going to be very short. Here we go – people who are close to me, who don’t read my books (not my rant, they’re entitled to their book of choice even if it’s always the “in” book that people are talking about.) Which brings me to my real rant. Everyone around me is asking, “Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey? OMG you HAVE to read it.” Yes, same people who sit at a table with me and ask, “anyone have a good book for me to read?”

Let me ask you? Is this erotica book suddenly OK to read because it’s IN? Whereas my “trashy” romance novels aren’t worth their time?
That’s my rant. Have at it, people. And if you have read said book, is it Romance the way WE here in the jungle think of Romance? Happily ever after Romance?

You all know that I homeschool. One of the most fun things my daughter has done this year is take a Spanish class. Okay, maybe she doesn’t think it’s so much fun (actually, she really does enjoy it) but I’m having a blast following along with her.

Most people who know me assume that I speak Spanish. I don’t and never have. My maternal grandparents spoke fluent Italian (and only Italian) and my paternal grandparents were tri-lingual, speaking fluent English, Spanish and Italian. Growing up, I heard a great deal of Spanish and Italian, but I never actually spoke it because my mother, who grew up with parents who did not speak English in the house, wanted us proficient and accent-less. She regrets that now and so do I.

Studying Spanish in high school, I was never very good. I would get confused between Spanish and Italian, because that’s what I heard. Then in college, I decided to study Italian…and I wasn’t very good at it, either. Same problem. The languages are very similar and I understood just enough of each to confuse myself. Now, it’s been so long since I’ve been exposed to either that it’s coming a little easier.

For my daughter, who has never heard Spanish on a regular basis (my father can speak Spanish, but he rarely does), she’s coming at it clean and doing pretty well. Yesterday, she had to listen to a whole conversation in Spanish and then translate it and she did very well. And learning Spanish is helping her with her English grammar because the lessons give us a chance to dissect the Spanish and discuss how we do it differently in English. (We put the adjective in front of the noun and Spanish does it in reverse, etc.)

So I have to ask…did you study a foreign language in school? Did you hear a foreign language at home? If you could study a foreign language, which would it be?

I’d still love to learn Italian. It is such a gorgeous language to listen to!

I’m sure you all read the title of this post and thought I was using it ironically, and would have some pithy sort of tie-in. Like, “News flash: Leslie’s hero in ONCE UPON A VALENTINE is SO SO SO HOT!”

Uh…wrong.

I’m talking about hot flashes. So, any men who visit here, either stick your fingers in your ears and go, “lalalalalalala!” or avert your gaze.

Holy crap. I mean, seriously, it’s not bad enough that women have to have periods for 30+ years, then when they finally get to the end of that hell, they get these horrible, unexpected, flashes of wicked heat to go with it?

I turned 47 last week (yes, I’m a 1965′er and proud of it!) I hadn’t had much problem with these things save for a one month period last spring when I suddenly started getting them out of nowhere, then they went away. They haven’t come back much during the day, but the night sweats are INSANE! Poor Bruce wakes up at night either shivering because I’ve kicked the covers totally off both of us, or baking because I’ve kicked mine off right on top of him!

It has gotten so bad that I started looking for “home remedies.” I found a bunch of women talking about the miracles of apple cider vinegar. A friend of mine swears she got pregnant after 10 years of childlessness by taking a daily dose of a.c.v., so I figured maybe it does have something to do with female issues. So I started last week–2 tbsp of a.c.v., plus 1/4 tsp of baking soda, mixed with 1 cup of water. GAG ME!! It was almost impossible to get down, even with a straw stuck way in the back of my throat. I cut down a little on the water so I wouldn’t have to drink so much, and added sweet-n-low, and I can now manage it.

I have to admit it…it’s working. I have no idea why, no clue what the chemical combination is, or if it’s just a placebo, or what. But the truth is, I’m having far fewer instances than I was a week ago. (Down to maybe 2x a night rather than every single hour like I was last weekend.)

So I’m curious, has anybody else ever heard of this or tried it? Any other “home remedies”? Anybody else want to share embarrassing hot flash stories? Hey, we’re all among friends here…

PS: My new release ONCE UPON A VALENTINE is in stores NOW! I got so focused on my Christmas Blaze that I sort of forgot to talk about this one. Suffice it to say it’s one of my “magical land of Elatyria” stories and I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! It’s called “Sleeping With A Beauty” so you ought to have a good idea what fairy tale it tackles. Think Indiana Jones meets Once Upon A Time and you will get the gist.

And since I haven’t talked or blogged about it, here’s a fun, long excerpt–only available here! You can click on the cover to order, if you’re so inclined.

Oh, and if you’d like to order a print copy, it’s available now from eHarlequin for 20% off!

Raine Fowler has just grabbed historian Ashlynn Scott and dragged her into the deep, dark woods to save her from a trio of hunters who are tracking her…

She felt good. Too good. He had hoped she wouldn’t, had hoped his deep, immediate attraction to her wouldn’t be a problem, considering he’d already decided she was a pain in his ass. From the moment he’d found her, he’d figured she was the kind of goody-goody he couldn’t stand, all righteous and holier-than-thou, who would surely look down her nose at a guy like him.

She was the purist, the haughty researcher, the historian.

He was the renegade who wasn’t allowed back in some countries, had people after him in his own, and who had four words, “Raine Fowler: Odd Jobs,” printed on his calling card.

She’d call him an opportunistic scavenger.

He preferred to think of himself as a man of adventure.

But none of that mattered a damn right now. Because this man of adventure was suddenly picturing the erotic adventures he’d like to have with the woman pressed so provocatively against him. He wished he hadn’t let his thoughts travel down the werewolf path, because the way she was positioned, it would be far too easy to drop them both to their knees and take her from behind, until they howled at the full moon overhead.

“Hell,” he muttered, feeling his body react to his mind’s imaginings—a far too frequent occurrence when it came to her.

“If I let you go, are you gonna stay quiet?” he asked. He didn’t entirely trust her, but figured he should release her before she noticed his reaction. Plus, it appeared the danger had passed, for now.

She nodded once. Raine lowered his hand and took a good-for-his-sanity step back. When she drew a shaky hand to her mouth, he wondered if he’d hurt her. Not that he was going to apologize—he had very likely just saved her life.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to scream, I was just startled when I saw him.”

“It’s okay. He obviously didn’t hear anything.”

“Who is he?” she whispered, her breaths sounding choppy.

“Somebody who’s been waiting here for you to come back across the border. Your description’s all over the village; they’re saying you came through a month ago.”

She swore softly, under her breath, as if both believing him and being immediately frustrated by the revelation.

“Now, how about we don’t wait here for his two buddies to come out and help him look. Let’s head back into the forest.”

She hesitated, indecision written on her face. He might have just saved her, but she still didn’t know him from Adam.

He stuck out his hand. “Raine Fowler.”

She eyed his hand warily, then, as if it pained her to release her ten-fingered grip on the travel-bag she carried, extended one of her own. “Ashlynn Scott.”

“I know.”

She yanked her hand away. “How do you know?” Then her gaze narrowed further. “And how did you know where to find me?”

“Sorry, lady, but I’ve seen sloths that move faster than you. I followed you across the border, then moved ahead of you and got here almost an hour ago. After doing some scouting, I backtracked to where I figured you’d be showing up.”

“You were following me?

“Yeah, lucky for you.”

Hearing a loud laugh back in the village, he grabbed her elbow and half-pushed, half-led her back the way she’d come, seeking the sanctuary of the deep forest.

His move apparently caught her by surprise. She took several steps, then stopped suddenly. Raine bumped into her, his mouth landing against that thick hair, his leg slipping between hers from behind. Worst of all, his groin mashed against her sexy ass.

He wished he could say he was gentleman enough not to enjoy the hell out of it. Again. He was, however, gentleman enough not to take advantage of it. Again.

Well, maybe gentleman wasn’t the right word—he was smart enough. This was the wrong place, the wrong time and the wrong woman. Though, something told him he was going to have a hard time remembering that the longer he spent with her.

She swung around and planted her feet, apparently oblivious to the whole man/woman vibe that was seriously messing with his head. Well, to be more accurate, both his heads.

Get your big head back in the game, man.

“I’m not going any further without an explanation.”

“Can we at least walk as I explain? I’d prefer not to get gang banged by a trio of brainless slabs of muscle tonight.”

She glanced back toward the village, which wasn’t far enough away to suit him. “Fine.”

They walked. He explained. And tried not to bump into her again.

“Like I said, I got here early enough to scout things out,” he said, keeping his voice low. “The locals say three strangers have been spreading the word that you’d be showing up tonight and have offered a reward to the first person who spots you and turns you on.” Realizing what he’d said, he called himself a jackass, but hoped she hadn’t spent enough time on Earth to learn all the lingo. “In. Turns you in.”

“How did they….”

Her gaze shifted up, where, between the thick canopy of trees, glimmers of moonlight were visible. The moon was enormous over here—a clear sign the border was open. Seeing that brilliant sky, Raine wondered, not for the first time, if Elatyria’s plane of reality, which seemed just one or two degrees west of Earth’s, was also a bit closer to the heavens. Sometimes, it seemed that way.

Then he remembered the downsides: Little electricity, almost no indoor plumbing, no McDonald’s, plus lots of dragons, giants and scurvy. No. Definitely not heaven.

“So they knew I’d come tonight?”

“Yep—the very first night the border opened. You did just what they thought you’d do.”

She shook her head. “Stupid. I should have known they’d wait for me here. I’d expected them to try for me in the borderlands.”

He almost tripped. “You knew there was somebody after you?”

“Yes. I’ve seen that Hunter before.”

The mind boggled. “And you still just…”

“I needed to go to Earth. Foxglen is a half-day closer to the border than any other village. What was I supposed to do?”

“Not leaving a trail two lost kids could follow without benefit of breadcrumbs would have been a good start.”

He thought he might have heard her emit a tiny chuckle, but probably had imagined it.

“I didn’t think they’d strike until they thought I had all four…”

“All four what?”

“You’re saying you don’t know?”

“I don’t.”

“But you do know my name, huh? How do I know you’re not one of them? This could be a scheme to get me to trust you.”

Raine put his hands up, palms-out. “Hey, you want to find out for yourself who’s a good guy and who’s a bad one, go right ahead. But, uh, just so you know, I didn’t get paid enough to put my life on the line. I’m not bailing you out twice.”

A lie. He might not have been paid enough to risk his life, but he’d do it anyway. Always finish the job. Plus, he didn’t like big thugs who picked on defenseless women.

The throbbing in his hand made him clarify that thought—mostly defenseless women, with sharp teeth. God, something was seriously wrong with him that he found that so damned sexy.

Her brow scrunched. “Paid? You mean…”

“Yeah. Somebody hired me to watch over you.”

“Who?”

“Frankly, lady, that’s what I’d like to know. Just who are you, and what, exactly, are you up to?”

Still sounding skeptical, she asked, “You want me to believe you don’t know why someone would be hunting me, or why someone else would hire you to protect me?”

“I haven’t the slightest clue.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I’ve been called a liar before.” He shrugged. “Considering I just saved your ass, though, maybe you oughta cut me a break.”

She sucked in a surprised breath. “You’re from over there.”

He knew what she meant. Most people here didn’t talk about Earth, just as most people on Earth didn’t talk about Elatyria. Considering he had roots in both worlds, he didn’t see the need to be coy about it. “I’ve been tracking you since Philadelphia.”

Her eyes widened more as she stared searchingly at his face. Her beautiful lips parted, her breaths audibly moving over them. Then, with a gasp, she looked away, long lashes sweeping over her eyes. “I remember you,” she whispered, more to herself than to him.

He gaped, shocked that she’d seen him. “Seriously?” He must be losing his touch.

“You were at the store right across the street from the motel, buying a big box of chocolate candy for your…what is that holiday called? Your Valentine?”

He sighed heavily. “My mom.” Given this case, he’d nearly forgotten the holiday was this week, and had run out super early one morning to get a few gifts. He’d thought Ashlynn was still sound asleep in her hotel room. Apparently not. Shit.

Interesting that she’d remember him. More interesting that she wouldn’t meet his eye. Hmm.

“How long have you been following me?”

“Long enough to know you’re in some kind of trouble.”

“That’s ridiculous,” she proclaimed, even as her arms tightened around the leather satchel she always carried, which was about the size and shape of a laptop case. It didn’t take a genius to know there was something in that bag she was desperate to protect, and that it wasn’t a laptop…that whole “no electricity” thing again. While he wasn’t one to nose into other people’s business, if her precious cargo was making her a target for hired thugs, he’d like to know what it was. Especially because, as her temporary bodyguard, he was in the line of fire, too.

“Well, thank you for your assistance,” she said. “And for warning me about the Hunters. But now that I’m aware of the situation, I really don’t need your help anymore. I’ll wait until darkest night to go back to the village.”

He barked a laugh. “You’re not going to Foxglen.”

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

He stopped and faced her. “I was hired to protect you.”

“I didn’t ask for your protection,” she snapped.

“No, you didn’t, but here I am. So why don’t you stop arguing, and tell me what this is all about?”

He moved in close. She quivered as he invaded her space.

Raine took advantage of her distraction. Without hesitating, he reached out and grabbed the satchel from her. “Then you can fill me in on what’s in this bag.”

So, it’s that time of the year again — Girl Scout Cookie orders are happening. I know this because my neighborhood Girl Scout came a knockin’ this weekend, and yeah, I bought cookies even though I do not need them. What is it about Girl Scout Cookies that are so irresistible? Even at $4.00 a box (very over-priced, IMO), I always buy at least four boxes. Hey, they do freeze well!

So, looking over the list of cookies this year, the old favorites are still available, but there are a few favorites that I hadn’t seen before, like Lemonades and Shout Outs. Don’t know if those are new, or not, but I had to try the Lemonades because I love anything lemon. Just in case your local Girl Scout hasn’t stopped by yet, here’s what they’re offering:

Caramel deLites – delicate vanilla cookie drenched in caramel, sprinkled with toasted coconut and laced with cocoa stripes

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Peanut Butter Patties – crisp vanilla cookies layered with real peanut butter and blanketed with a chocolaty coating

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Shortbread – traditional favorites with a buttery, light flavor

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Peanut Butter Sandwich – deliciously smooth peanut butter sandwiched between crunchy oatmeal cookies

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Thin Mints – thin chocolate wafers dipped in a rich chocolaty coating with a burst of pure peppermint

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Lemonades – savory slices of shortbread with a refreshing tangy lemon icing

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Thanks-A-Lot – heartwarming shortbread cookies dipped in rich fudge and topped with an embossed Thank You message in one of five languages

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Shout Outs! – sensibly sweet Shout Outs! are light crisp Belgian-style caramelized cookies.

My absolute favorite Girl Scout cookies are Thin Mints and the Peanut Butter sandwiches. What’s your favorite?

The winner of the $25.00 Amazon gift card (name picked at random by anonymous family member!) is:

Daniela C. (Comment #129)

CONGRATULATIONS!! Please email me the address at which you’d like me to send you the gift card at: carly phillips @ mac . com (no spaces) and I’ll get it to you ASAP!

SUNDAY FUNNY

Grandma’s birth control

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life
finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a
list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.
… As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he
realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.
“Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?
“Yes, they help me sleep at night.”
“Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could
possibly help you sleep!”
She reached out and patted the young Doctor’s knee.
“Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in
the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks…….
And believe me, it helps me sleep at night. .”

You gotta LOVE Grandmas!!!

Hopefully by now I’ve finished my top secret RITA entries and can move on to the books I’ve downloaded on my Kindle. Honestly I’m not sure what they are since I haven’t allowed myself to turn it on for fear of temptation. LOL. So you guys need to tell me on this Reading Saturday – WHAT’CHA READING these days?

We all want extra money to buy books, right? So here you go: a chance to win a $25 Amazon Gift Card!

You know the drill and in case you don’t – post a comment for a chance to win and check back on Sunday to see if you got lucky!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRADY MAN! Last Saturday, January 21, Brady turned one year old. He’s a great dog and I adore him. He’ll never take Buddy’s place but that’s not his job. His job is to be his goofy, loveable self and to LOVE me. Which he does. Just like I love him!

GO PATS! For those who don’t know, I’ve been Tweeting during football playoff games and have come to really enjoy watching the games (so to speak) with my Twitter friends. I’m irreverent and some say funny and no matter if you’re a Giants fan (COUGH!) we’ll have fun on Superbowl Sunday so FOLLOW ME!

CAFFEINE WITHDRAWAL Beginning this past Sunday I stopped drinking Diet Coke, which I was doing in restaurants, occasionally at home, and at friends’ houses. It’s been like being a narcoleptic. All I want to do is sleep. I’m hoping that passes soon. But it as the articles about diet soda contributing to weight gain that got me. I’m also reducing my sugar intake. Easier said than done, especially since if I’m not drinking diet coke, then I shouldn’t drink/consume artificial sweeteners for the same reasons. But I am trying!

EXERCISE – YES I AM! 30 minutes on the treadmill a minimum of three days a week, trying for more. If I can do it, anyone can. Nobody hates exercise like me. Nobody hates to sweat like me. Nobody hates boredom like me. My goal is NOT weight loss. Yes I’d love that to be a side result (so far its not happening) but I’m doing it for one reason – GET THAT BLOOD FLOWING IN MY BODY. I had a wakeup call when a chiropractor said to me, get your blood flowing and it’ll help everything that hurts. And I thought of my dad and his problems, I thought of my genetics, and I said, I MUST DO THIS or else. And I am. When you don’t have a goal that you aren’t obtaining (like weight loss) it’s a huge help – I do it, keep reminding myself why when I want to quit, and feel proud after that yes I accomplished my goal. First time in my entire life.

THE HEARTBREAKER – Ever since THE BACHELOR went on sale for $1.99 eBook, people have been downloading/rereading the series. And they’re looking for THE HEARTBREAKER in eBook form. NOOK readers have had no problem but KINDLE readers couldn’t find the third in the series. Well guess what? THE HEARTBREAKER is available for Kindle now! The last two books, THE PLAYBOY and THE HEARTBREAKER are full publisher price, but THE BACHELOR is still $1.99!! Here is my CHANDLER BROTHER book page – click on each book individually for the separate links for each book’s eBook!

ADVANCED APOLOGY – Ever since our Blackout Week (due to hackers) we’ve all promised to make a greater effort to post during the day here in comments, even if we’re busy. It’s been hard this week with my daughter’s midterm schedule, doctors in between, I started physical therapy on my upper neck/back, and life in general. And today I’m leaving for a few days, so you may not hear from me till tonight or tomorrow. I haven’t forgotten you and I’ll be around as soon as I’m able!

So I’ve left you with plenty of topics to grab onto and discuss until I get back. Pick one!

I am not a pet psychic, but I generally have a good idea what my dog is thinking. Dogs, which is the pet I grew up with, are fairly transparent and if you pay attention, you can figure them out rather easily. They are simple creatures who want love, attention, food, water and the occasional walk or trip outside. Some want a little more, but those are the basics.

Cats, on the other hand, are creatures from an alternate dimension. Websites are devoted to the strange and unusual behavior of cats–they are enigmas wrapped up in riddle inside a mystery or whatever that quote is. In my house, however, we prefer to call Almighty Isis, our Lynx-point Siamese, the comic relief.

The funniest part? She’s not really funny. She doesn’t have to actually DO anything to make us laugh. She can just be sitting at us, staring, or as she is now, perched on the side of my desk like a sphinx and I think she’s hilarious.

We’ve had her for over a year now and we still think everything she does from pawing at the strings to my jacket or crawling into the See’s Candies bag is the most gut-splitting thing ever. (Actually, I wish I had a picture of the cat in a bag…it was crazy.) I’m sure our dog, who is cute as a button, is completely tired of my daughter and I summoning the other to whatever room we’re in because the cat has done something that must be witnessed…like unexpectedly burrow under the sheets in my bed or climb up the porch screen in an attempt to catch a squirrel.

It just never gets old!

(BTW, the dog is at a distinct disadvantage. Not only is she ten years old, but she’s a dachshund. She can’t really climb on things or, because of her nails on my wood floors, pop up when we least expect her. But she is really, really cute and the sweetest dog ever. But she’s the straight man, no doubt about it.)

So…do your pets crack you up with stuff that probably wouldn’t be funny to anyone else? Or are they really funny?

And I can’t help but wonder what the heck the cat is thinking when we’re laughing hysterically at her non-antic antics.

FYI: the cat just tried to climb the ladder that I use to change the light bulbs. It’s folded up against the wall. She didn’t quite make it, but is unharmed. Daughter and I? Can’t…breathe…laughing…

The winner’s of Janelle’s Monday giveaway are the following names. Please contact me at janelledenison @ sbcglobal.net and let me know which book you’d like from me!
Debra G (Comment #1)
Chey (Comment #42)
Martha McKenna (Comment #76)

So, today is a Plotmonkey birthday!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Leslie!  Let’s celebrate and have a fun time wishing her a great day!

And of course, it wouldn’t be a Plotmonkey party without some eye candy.   :devil:

NOW, LET’S PARTY!!!!