Plot Monkeys

I think we’ve talked on here about real plants vs. silk plants, and I confessed at that time that I have an utterly black thumb. I routinely kill anything that grows in pots, and it’s some kind of miracle that the beautiful plant Carly, Janelle & Julie sent me as a housewarming gift is still thriving in my kitchen.

So, naturally, I, the plant-killer, have decided to plant a vegetable garden.

Maybe it’s not as crazy as it sounds.

I need a hobby. In recent years, I’ve found myself having room for only two things in my life: writing and family. There hasn’t been much else, and now, with the deadlines and the pressures of reinventing my writing career, the writing seems to be in my head 24 hours a day. Considering I’m writing about a brutal serial killer, that’s not necessarily a place I want to be all the time.

I have heard other writers talk about how desperately they need other “mindless” hobbies to just take them out of the writing world for a while. I know Sue Kearney, who guest blogged here not too long ago, does belly dancing and ice skating, which is fabulous! I, unfortunately, have enough belly for four dancers, and couldn’t stand up on ice skates even before the nerve damage in my right leg made it utterly impossible.

Read back a few months…I’m about the most uncoordinated person on the planet. Or at least on this blogsite.

So I started thinking of what else I could do–something that would get me outside, allow me to just shut down and focus on breathing fresh air, enjoying the quiet, doing something positive. Sharing some quiet time with Bruce. And I thought of gardening.

My mother always loved working in her yard. I can still see her wiling away an entire spring afternoon pulling weeds and planting geraniums. She found a lot of peace and solace in it, which is exactly what I’m looking for.

Ergo, Miss Black Thumb is going whole-hog into the gardening thing. I think I might like it–I always enjoyed the little bit of flower planting I did in Florida, before I realized that the sun basically fried any flower that dared to show its head after May 1. The weather here is much more conducive, I have a beautiful big yard and the perfect spot for a big garden. Produce has gotten so darn expensive and preservative-filled, and I am already salivating at the thought of pulling fresh tomatoes, spinach and peppers off the vine for summer salads.

There’s one more big problem: I have no idea how the hell to grow a garden. I’ve been searching online, I researched at Lowes, and had a ball with Bruce and the girls picking out all the veggies we’ll grow. We sat at the kitchen table and started a bunch of different plants–fresh herbs! Yum! But then as we actually read the directions on the packet, we realized, umh, we have about 2 dozen broccoli seedlings. They take up a good couple of feet each. Ditto the squash. And the melons? Don’t even get me started. I think when we figure out just how much space we actually have in the ground, we’re going to be growing green beans, lettuce, zucchini and broccoli on my kitchen counter. lol!

I’m picturing this:

But I’m afraid I’m actually going to get this:

Aside from just the general “we don’t know what we’re doing” there are other issues. We’re clueless about how to keep the animals out. We bought the earth-friendly sprinkles and sprays, and organic fertilizers and bug killer. But does any of that really work? I’m actually thinking of chicken-wiring the whole thing because we live on the edge of the woods where plenty of critters live. Of course, the deer can just bend right over…sigh.

So, I guess I had a twofold reason for posting this today. First: Help! What do you know about gardening? Any tips, advice, do’s or don’ts you can offer?

And second: if you’re a writer, do you have any hobbies intended solely to pull you out of your fictional world and into the real one every day?