Plot Monkeys

First of all, happy Martin Luther King day. It’s nice to have a moment to remember such a great American and such a personally wonderful man. Here’s to him and to his message.

Now…

You know, believe it or not, despite the fact that we’re not out there slinging jackhammers or delivering pizzas or lifting boxes or evading touchy-grabby coworkers or dashing up stairs or ringing up cash registers or any number of work related things, we writers really get hurt a lot.

You wouldn’t think so. I mean, most full-time writers I know do their job in their pajamas or sweats, surfing the internet for half the time they’re supposed to be working, legs kicked out on the recliner with Diet Coke and Hershey’s Kisses within easy reach. (Oh, wait, that’s just me…but I don’t think I’m that unique!)

Still, a bunch of writers I know are dealing with some serious health issues. Which is why you’re stuck with me today, rather than with Carly. You see, her doctor has given her strict orders to PUT THE MOUSE DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER! (In James-Earl-Jones-Darth-Vader-aka-God voice!) Her neck’s bad, her shoulder’s bad, her arm’s bad. I think there’s a back issue in there, too.

You all probably know I had major back surgery a couple of years ago. And that I went through rehab this fall for tendonitis in the rotator cuff. Now, as I race to finish this last Blaze before I kick in to the Black CATs books full time, the back of my neck feels like somebody shoved a steel rod through my muscles. I can barely turn my head by the end of the day. God bless Bruce and his magical hands.

Last year, Janelle was dealing with major neck problems. Julie has had a litany of physical ailments. This year, the Advil was floating freely between our suites as all four of us griped and groaned and sought to find comfortable positions for our plotting sessions. There’s a big discussion going on right now on one of my author’s loops (hi Temptresses! ) about a whole bunch of authors dealing with this stuff.

I don’t have any pearls of wisdom to impart on how to avoid this (obviously) but I brought it up both as an explanation for why Carly’s not here, and to point out the potential hazard to other writers who hang out around here. Your back is your friend. Take care of it. Ditto your neck and your shoulder and all the other parts of your anatomy that stiffen up and revolt against being in the same position for eight hours a day while you slog through your latest WIP.

And now, I think I’ll go for a walk…if I can make it to the end of the driveway.

Anybody else have any suggestions, or war wound stories?

PS: Get well soon Carly!!

This week’s winner of the pralines and the book is #11, Karen H!

Please email me with your snail addy so I can get the order going! And stay warm!

Here’s this week’s funnies…and they’re visual.

Stacey (aka December Quinn, aka Stacia Kane) and I have “met” online and are of like minds on many topics, so we’ve had the pleasure of corresponding from time to time. I was thrilled to visit her website recently and find this fascinating and dare I say it, brilliant, article on publishing. I immediately thought it would be a GREAT topic for our Saturday Guest Blog series on the craft and business of writing! As the article appears in two parts on her website, I asked her to do half this weekend and the other half on February 15th. I’m also pleased to announce that her first urban fantasy book, PERSONAL DEMONS, will be released in April! Great cover, don’t you think?

So without further ado, here’s she is…talking about choosing a publisher!———————————–

A lot of writers give writing advice. I personally don’t think I’ve achieved anywhere near the kind of success that would make people yearn for my words on that subject. You won’t see me doing workshops anytime soon, anywhere—if I ever do, which I most likely wouldn’t.

But I do know rather a lot about how to spot a scam publisher or one that won’t necessarily advance your career, and since this is a topic I’ve blogged about off and on since for some time and one I care a lot about, I decided to give it a go.

Several months ago on a different site, one of my friends asked about an anthology and whether it was worth submitting to. I’m going to use that particular publisher as an example of a legitimate, if small, press.

For the bad? I’ll use the Champion Scammers, Publish America. (And they ARE a scam; they claim to not be a vanity press but have admitted in arbitration that their business model is to sell books to authors and not to the public. That’s vanity press; whether they take your money up front or after the book is printed makes no difference.)

(Note: None of my comment are absolute absolutes, as you’ll see [although there is absolutely NOTHING to recommend Publish America]. But hopefully this will be a good base.)

So first. The house I looked at for my friend was this one: Cleis Press. I chose them because they’re small, so the chances you’re heard of them are also small. Because they’re niche, which also lessens the chances you’ve heard of them. Because their site is a good example and their reputation is stellar. Plus because I was just there. (I’ll find a different publisher to use for epresses.)

Okay, so there’s the Cleis website. What is the first thing you notice on this page?

You notice that it’s a professional-looking site. The colors mesh. There are no visible typos. The layout makes sense, too. You can see a couple of book covers, with blurbs. There’s a description of what they publish, and a link to an interview with the owners.

That last is important why? Because right there, you know who runs this business. Nobody’s hiding.

Go to the bottom of the page at Cleis. See the little menu? Notice the options. “How to Order”. “For Booksellers”. “Academic Resources”. “For the Media.” “Best Sellers”. Etc.

Those options tell you something important as well: that Cleis considers its job to be selling books to the public, and to booksellers. That they have a media/publicity department. That they keep a list of their best sellers and make it available.

Okay. Now let’s look at our scam publisher, Publish America. What is the first thing you notice on their website? What’s right near the top? (Aside from the slogan “We treat authors the old-fashioned way: we pay them!” which is a red flag because, that should go without saying.)

(more…

I’m home…still jet-lagged, but home. And yes, it’s warm here. But don’t start talking about everyone coming to visit until you’ve been here in August.

I got an email today from Loretta’s Pralines reminding me that Mardi Gras is right around the corner. As IF I’d forget. But still…it’s nice to be reminded. And so, I’m offering a sampler of pralines from Loretta’s and a copy of my books, NEW ORLEANS NIGHTS, if you don’t already have a copy.

US residents only.

Today is one of those days that is a very proud moment for this mom. While most high school seniors will be finishing up their school year and graduating in June, my oldest daughter, Danielle, will officially be a high school graduate as of this afternoon. She’ll walk with her class in June in a formal graduation ceremory, but today is her very last day of high school. She worked hard to get all her high school credits, and now she gets to reap the benefits of that. She’s ready to start the next phase of her life . . . and I’m so NOT ready for that!

I’m so very proud of her . . . and very emotional about this moment, too. The past seventeen years have passed so quickly! For those of you with little ones, cherish every minute. The years pass much too quickly!

Congratulations, Danielle! You’ve become such a beautiful, sweet, and caring young woman. You make me so proud and I love you very much!

Very productive week. I’m on a plane with Carly right now…yes, I have to fly to New York in order to get home to Tampa. It’s a long story, but needless to say, if I had to fly crosscountry to a totally out of the way place in order to get home FASTER, I’m glad I’m with my buddy!

This picture, sent to me by my niece, totally cracked me up.

How you know if a Catholic is driving too fast…

Hey hey from southern California! We’re almost through our annual retreat and thought we’d give you a bit of an update.

First…what we’re doing.

We’re plotting. Oh, my goodness are we plotting. We started with Leslie’s entire 1st Black Cats book. Moved on to Janelle’s next entire Wilde book (right down to GMC, plot points, individual scenes.) Carly’s next Lucky book (just as detailed as Janelle’s. We even nailed her villain’s GMC–Goal, Motivation and Conflict for those who care.) Tomorrow is Julie’s turn, we’re hammering out her next phantom book and we expect it to take many hours, much chocolate and a whole lot of laughing and bitching. Nobody’s had to go in Time Out, though there have certainly been some loud voices and passionate disagreements. Not to mention weird conversations about stuff like Brazilian waxes and what an uncircumcised…ahem. Never mind.

What else. Hmm…we’re eating. Way too much. Carly and I start on chocolate in the morning. Janelle and Julie go for dessert at lunch. There are visits to Dairy Queen and See’s candy. And nonstop dashes to the fridge for another Diet Coke or bottled water. I’ve got two night’s worth of dinner leftovers in the refrigerator, which Carly is harassing me for keeping since they make the ice taste funny and we ALL know they’ll be in the trash can when we check out.

Griping…friends bitching. Need any more explanation than that? I thought not.

We’re also doing some more serious talking. And one thing we’ve been talking about is something everybody in Romancelandia–and writing’landia–is talking about.

Plagiarism.

I can’t imagine there’s anybody out there who hasn’t heard about the big plagiarism scandal rocking the romance world this past week. It started on www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com, got picked up by www.dearauthor.com and has since made its way into the mainstream media in a very big way. It’s distressing, it’s maddening, it’s just damned sad for all of us.

While Julie and I both got involved in some message board discussion last week, we didn’t bring it here right away. We don’t usually talk about anything heavy here–none of us wants the drama–so we didn’t bring it up on Plotmonkeys. But in talking about it in person here this week, the four of us decided it was imporant to publicly state our united opinion on this issue. We want you–our wonderful readers, friends, and Plotmonkey community members–to know exactly how we feel about it. And hopefully to help spread the message about just how insidious and ugly an assault this truly is on any creative person.

First, think about this: Three of the four of us monkeys have been plagiarized in the past.

That’s 75%.

That’s almost unfathomable. And it’s entirely unacceptable.

Plagiarism in any format–whether it’s an author swearing she’s using nonfiction books for “research” and she just forgot to credit her sources, or a fanfic site conveniently changing the names of a published story and presenting it as their own, or a desperate author stealing entire chunks of another author’s book and then selling it to an unwitting publisher–is wrong. It’s illegal, it’s immoral, it’s unethical.

There are no acceptable excuses. None.

Two of us discovered the plagiarism when we were tipped off by loyal readers paying attention. So here’s a sincere thank you, and an invitation to keep on being watchdogs, not just for us, but for any author you enjoy. If you see it–if you suspect it–point it out. Get involved. Only by dragging these ugly, dirty little secrets out in the open is the message going to get out there that stealing someone’s words is STEALING. It might not be a diamond necklace, or a credit card or a stereo, but in many ways, it’s worse. Stealing the words right out of someone’s brain is almost like a physical assault.

And we four–Carly, Janelle, Julie and I–sincerely hope you’ll join us in stepping up to fight back.

Plotmonkeys readers/visitors are in for a treat!
A sneak peek at my October cover for LUCKY CHARM (10/08)!
2008 is the year of bare chested men on my covers (remember the sneak peek for HOT PROPERTY 7/08).
ENJOY!

The winner of Leslie’s Jungle Madness Friday is…

ANN M. Comment # 28!!

CONGRATULATIONS!

Please send me an email, author@lesliekelly.com with your snail mail addy so I can get your prize right out to you.

Hope you’re all having a great weekend. We’re having a great time so far in sunny southern California. No books plotted yet, but lots of laughs and food and we’re getting to work at 9am on Sunday. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Here are a few funnies that I blatantly stole off Bruce’s blog…thanks babe! (The bolded one is my fave… )

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

Some people are like a Slinky … Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And finally, last but certainly not least, one that is so true on so many levels:

Life is sexually transmitted.

I can’t believe that Plotmonkeys is nearly two years old and Susan Kearney has never guest-blogged here before. You see, Sue and I have been critique partners for over 15 years. We both started out as unpublished wannabe writers who attended the same RWA chapter meeting. I was fairly active in the chapter already and Sue was new. She tells the story that she listened to me speak about something, decided I knew what I was talking about and then approached me about critiquing.

She’ll be stopping by to answer questions in the comment thread, so pose them if you have them! And don’t forget to click over to her website and play her new book trailer. It’s amazing…and she did it herself.
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CHOOSING AN AGENT

This article is not about the merits or whether or not to get an agent. This if for writers who are agent hunting. If you have decided that you want an agent, keep and refer to this list.

I’m assuming the agent has already read your work and is willing to represent you. This is a list of questions you may want to ask an agent before agreeing to work together.

Remember, An AGENT WORKS FOR YOU. So choose carefully. Always keep in mind that to become an agent, you don’t need any schooling, licensing, certification or registration. If an agent is a member of AAR the Association of Author’s representatives, it may be a point in their favor.

And don’t assume you can just leave business to your agent. How will you know if they are any good if you don’t pay attention? Even if you hire an agent you should know about contracts–know what to ask and what is going on in the industry.

What does an agent do? Some help with writing. Some just send it on to sell. Others market the work. Remember an agent is supposed to fight for you. If there is a problem with your publishing house, the agent’s job is to solve it.

Many agents receive 100% of your money from the publishing house, deduct their 15% commission and then pay you 85% of the proceeds. However some agents will agree to split the royalties, sending 15% to the agent and the rest directly to the writer. If you prefer this split payment method, don’t be afraid to ask for it.

Picking an agent is similar to choosing a spouse and the agent that is best for you, may be terrible for your friend. So think first about what you want from an agent. Do you want them to critique your work? Do you want career advice? Do you want someone who is very hands on? Are you more comfortable with a large agency or a boutique operation? Some of these questions have no right or wrong answer. Do you want to be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond? To help you research, these are questions you want to ask your prospective agent:

1. How many authors do you represent? How many are published?
2. Will you multiple submit?
3. Who answers your phone? A secretary? A service? A machine?
4. How long will it take to return my phone call?
5. How often is it appropriate to check in?
6. Does the agent help with career planning? Work with a publicist?
7. What genres does the agent handle?
8. What are the agent’s business hours?
9. How long after you send the agent your work will it take her to send it on to a publisher?
10. Will you know where and when the agent submits your work?
11. Will you receive copies of rejection letters?
12. How long after the agent receives advances and royalties will it be until she sends them to you?
13. Is the agent a member of any professional organizations?
14. What is the agents percentage? Does he charge for mailing, copies? Faxes? Phone calls?
15. If the agent doesn’t like the work, but the writing is good, will she still submit for you?
16. Does the agent handle subrights, scripts, foreign rights, audio rights?
17. Will the agent ask you to sign a written contract?
18. What happens if you wish to sever your relationship?
19. Do you see eye to eye on where your career should go?
20. Is the agent enthusiastic about your work?
21. Ask agent for names of happy clients.
22. Will agent submit just a synopsis and 3 chapters? Or need the whole manuscript?
23. Who takes over when the agent is on vacation?
24. Does the agent critique your work?
25. How many authors has the agent dropped in the last year?
26. Are royalties escrowed in a separate account? What happens to the royalties if something happens to the agent? (This is a concern in small agencies)
27. If you speak to an editor at a conference and they ask to see your work, will the agent send it out?
28. If you don’t like the story, but it’s well written will the agent send it out?
29. Who pays for manuscripts copies? The agent or the author?
30. Do you have problems if the author switches genres?
31. How much work do you expect to get from me in a year?

Remember an agent need not be your friend. This is a business relationship where both parties must work together to sell books. Your career depends on many factors and an agent can be an important one. You must trust their instincts and feel your agent is fighting for you. And most of all, remember, a bad agent is worse than no agent. So check them out. Do your homework. And good luck.
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Julie again! Don’t miss a chance to see Sue’s newest, exciting book trailer at her website! She’ll be back again next month, too! Thanks, Sue!