Plot Monkeys

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Quick Announcement: Be sure to mark your calendars for this Thursday when romance author Jaci Burton will be visiting with the plotmonkeys!

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The idea for today’s blog was taken from the RomanceNovel.TV Blog:
Top Twelve Things without which I couldn’t live my every day life/couldn’t go out of the house without or else I feel naked or ugly or … lost (and this isn’t the same as my what’s in your handbag blog):

1. Moisturizer - Too many products to name.
2. Foundation - Laura Mercier’s silk creme foundation
3. Blush - varies by season and hair color - right now Nars Torrid
4. Eyeshadow base - Lancome Ombre Perfecteur
5. Eyeshadow - minimum - a frosted peach/pink - Lancome Off the Rack
6. Eyeliner - Clinique black/brown
Maximum - Vincent Longo three in one trio - lavender mist
7. Lip Gloss - Glomineral - Coconut (occasional lip liner - Clinique Mulberry)
8. Concealer - Laura Mercier - #3
9. Deodorant - Secret Platinum - vanilla or coconut fragrance
10. Jewelry - a watch; a necklace; earrings at a minimum
11. Handbag - can’t leave the house without it (and we’ve already discussed what’s in it!)
12. Cell Phone or iPhone (it’s amazing how dependent I’ve become on it!)

I realize from reading this how vain I sound. Sheesh! I guess, if I had to, I could leave the house with foundation, lipgloss and some eye shadow alone … a watch and at the very least my wedding rings!
How about you?? What things MUST you do before you leave the house in the morning and what must you have with you when you leave?

And the winner of Leslie’s Jungle Madness Cannoli giveaway is…

JOANNE K. Message # 55!!

Congratulations Joanne!!! Please drop me a note at author@lesliekelly.com and give me your snail mail addy, and let me know which of the Santori books you’d like to have. (They’re on the books page at my website, www.lesliekelly.com )

Congratulations!!

Now for a totally sick joke which totally cracked me up, sick, twisted person that I am…

A man who just died is delivered to a Kentucky mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. Bubba the mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives Bubba a blank check and says, “I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.”

The woman returns the next day for the viewing. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to Bubba, “Whatever the cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?”

To her astonishment, Bubba presents her with the blank check. “Dere’s no charge,” he says. “No, really, I must pay you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!” she says.

“Honestly, ma’am,” Bubba says, “it didn’t cost me a ting. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his missus if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.”

“So, I just switched the heads”.

I’m so excited to tell the Plotmonkey aspiring writers about a Craft series that will be going on here every Saturday for a little while…I’m grabbing some of the best writers in the biz (who also happen to be members of my local writer’s group) and having them take the reins and teach a few lessons here just for our readers. The topics will run the gamut and our first guest blogger is none other than JOANNE ROCK

Please welcome her to Plotmonkeys!

I like time off as much as the next writer. In fact, when I take vacations, I try to leave my laptop at home wherever possible so there is no option to write a chapter. But time has taught me that walking away from the computer—or pen and paper—can be a dangerous thing if I don’t give myself a deadline to return. Because while it feels like I’m recharging mentally, I start to lose some of my facility with words after a couple of weeks. And I shudder to think what would happen if I stopped writing for longer than that. I took a long break after school before I set to work on my first novel and trust me—there was some serious dumbing down that took place in that time!

For awhile I thought maybe that was just because I was out of school and not talking about books and writing on a regular basis. But eventually I realized it didn’t have anything to do with a lack of classroom experience and everything to do with NOT writing. Your writing talent is a muscle. Flex it regularly and shape it with exercise and your words flow faster, smoother and sound all the sweeter in the ear. But if you quit using the muscle, it turns to flab in no time.

Making it Fun

Writing frequently doesn’t have to be a chore. Mix it up by writing in a journal or keeping morning pages (have you read Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way on this topic?). You can write about your observations during the day or you can spout about your daily frustrations and joys. Topics like this keep you actively writing without having to expend a lot of effort on “what comes next” the way you need to when writing a book. There’s nothing stylized about keeping a journal. You simply write what comes to mind. This act of writing will improve all the rest of your writing by giving you a simple, focused outlet to practice your craft.

To give yourself a challenge or to flex another writerly muscle group, try writing a page of description in your journal one day. Take a common room and write about it from the perspective of a stranger or one of your kids. See the details through new eyes and explore the room with the five senses. Exercises like this fine tune your sense of detail and help you to cultivate your descriptive skills.

Extend this challenge by writing about a wider variety of subject matter. The Internet overflows with websites that give journal prompts. Just Google the phrase journal prompts or writing prompts and see what comes up. You might describe your bedroom as a child or write about your first day of junior high. You could describe one of your favorite people or rewrite a moment in your past you wish you could change. This kind of exercise keeps you engaged in regular writing and varies your routine.

Lessons Learned

Beyond the buff new writer muscles you’ll build with this exercise, you’ll also gain invaluable insights on your creative process. If you wrote at a variety of times of day, think about which times were most successful. Are you a better morning writer than afternoon writer? Do you need to wait until after dinner to even think about writing? The more you understand your process the better you can take advantage of your best creative times and – just as importantly—you can avoid sitting at your computer during those times of day where your thoughts are sludge. If you know you can write three pages in an hour in the morning when you are fresh, you’ll never want to waste two hours in the afternoon to get those same three pages because you keep drifting off over the keyboard.

Do you need a routine in place to write? While some people can plunk down anywhere and start typing away, most of us need to indulge in a small amount of stage setting. For example, I like to have my desk cleaned off, my phone at my side, the door shut and instrumental music playing as I work. Chopin is great, but I need something darker for my medieval books. Does noise bother you while you work or do you like a multimedia blare to fuel your pen? Everything you learn about your creative preferences is pure gold to the working writer.

Making it Super Functional

While journaling can be a fun way to build your writing skills without the pressure of adding to your work in progress, you can also use your journal pages as a place to brainstorm your next book. Have you ever tried writing a note to yourself about your story when you don’t know where to go next? A journal is a super place to work out story problems or test scene ideas. Use your journal to brainstorm ten scene ideas or try coming up with ten random opening lines for stories you haven’t even imagined yet. There’s something exciting about coming up with “just” an intriguing opening line. It’s a creative exercise, and a great line just might inspire its own book!

You can also try writing a scene out of context as a journal exercise. Turn off your internal editor and write a high-powered action scene out of sequence. Does the act of disconnecting it from your story ramp up the tension or allow you to think about the sheer impact of the scene without worrying about character motivations and over-arching conflicts? Even if this activity feels painful to you, try it once just to see what happens. Sometimes the most challenging of professional experiences can bring out our most supercharged work.

Commit Yourself

Writing requires tremendous discipline and the sooner you figure out how to motivate yourself, the more successful you’ll be. By setting small page goals with a writing journal you can develop a good habit of writing while discovering a lot about your creative self in the process. Remember that the point of the journal isn’t to be brilliant. Your goal is simply to write. Write for fun, write to learn. But mostly, just start writing. You’ll be surprised how fast the exercises pay off in discipline gained and creativity awakened.
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Takeaway:

1) Discover your best writing routine: time of day, appeal to your own five senses through your writing environment, what external steps do you need to follow to tell your brain you’re now in “writing mode”?

2) Finding writing prompts to make writing fun again and enjoy the act of responding to them.

3) Work out your writing problems on paper in a long note to yourself. Discuss the story problem and write your way to an answer.

4) Know that you’re getting better at writing BY writing. Trust the process!

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Joanne Rock frequently analyzes her work process in the hope of finding ways to streamline, tweak or – sometimes—completely overhaul her approach to writing. The author of over thirty books from sexy contemps to medieval historicals, Joanne’s latest release, BET ME, is an anthology project with friends Debra Webb and Catherine Mann.

Ahh, the cannoli scene…

“God, these are amazing. No wonder they sell out every day at Santori’s,” Nick said as he licked at the creamy center of the tube-shaped pastry.

Izzie shifted in the seat. Licking. It was not a good thing to watch a man do if you wanted to have sex with him but couldn’t.

He nibbled some of the flaky crust.

Nibbling. Also bad. She added it to her mental list of no-nos to watch.

Then he bit in and closed his eyes in rapturous delight.

Oh, Lord. Biting–anything that put that look of intense pleasure on his face–was absolutely out of the question.

Thankfully, he finished the thing so quickly–devouring it in three bites–that she didn’t have time to do something foolish, like, say, offering him her tongue to lick and her breast to nibble and her inner thigh to bite.

“You are going to let me have another one, aren’t you?” he asked. Not waiting for an answer, he got out of the driver’s seat and bent over to step into the back of the van. Metal racks were attached to each side of it, with an aisle down the middle. Opening the lone box remaining on one shelf, he held it toward her. “Come on, have one.”

She hadn’t voluntarily eaten a cannoli since tenth grade, the day after she’d split her pants while trying to do a sit-up in gym class. They’d torn with a resounding flatulent sound and she’d almost dropped out of school then and there. “Huh uh.”

He smiled, his eyes glittering in the near darkness. Dusk had fallen while they were out making the rounds, and it was now after eight o’clock. The book shop next door was also closed, their private parking spots empty, and the small lot was entirely quiet and deserted. Very private.

She really should hop out of the vehicle and go inside. Being out here, in the near-dark, alone with Nick, was not a very good idea. Of course, being inside the closed shop, in the light, alone with Nick, probably wouldn’t be much safer.

“One little taste. How can you tell how good you are at doing it if you never give it a try?”

Nearly choking, she repeated, “How good I am at doing it?”

“You know. Making them.”

Yeah. Sure. That’s what she’d thought he meant.

A small smile continued to play on those incredible lips of his as he watched her, as if he knew what she’d been thinking. And had intentionally put those thoughts into her head.

Get out. Now.

But she didn’t reach for the door handle. Instead, like a kid lured by the ice cream man, she ducked into the back of the van with him. There wasn’t room to stand, but Nick had already sat down on the carpeted floor. One leg was sprawled out in front of him, the other bent and upraised. He was carefully picking his way through the open box of pastries, as if searching for just the right one to satisfy his craving.

Izzie sat down across from him, cross-legged, wondering whether the temperature in the van had just gone up forty degrees or if it was her imagination. Considering it was a breezy summer evening and the front windows were open, she somehow doubted the air had gotten hotter…only she had. In fact, being this close to Nick was setting her on fire.

“You going to let me tempt you with one?” he asked, still looking down at the box, not at her.

They did look good. So good. “I really shouldn’t.”

“Just a taste,” he whispered. Not waiting for her to answer, he lifted one out, then put the box back on the shelf. He scooted forward…close, so close she felt his heat wash over her and his warm, masculine scent fill her lungs. He lifted one of his legs over her crossed ones, until her right knee brushed his hot, jean-covered butt.

She didn’t move. Not one inch.

“Won’t you have one little lick?” he murmured, lifting the cannoli to her lips.

Staring at it in his hands–the flesh-colored cookie, the pale creamy cheese oozing from the end–she suddenly realized just how phallic the thing looked. Her mouth flooded with hunger–she wanted to lick, to taste, to devour.

Not the pastry. Him.

Almost whimpering, she lowered her mouth to it, scraping her tongue along the flaky crust, brushing his finger as she did. He shifted a little in response, as if no longer comfortable sitting the way he had been. The way they were sitting, she quickly realized why.

He was rock hard, his erection thick and long against her leg. She almost drew her legs together, the pressure in her sex demanding relief. Izzie could hardly think or breathe. Unable to resist, she moved her leg a little, rubbing it against him, and got a low groan in response.

“Taste, Izzie.”

She tasted. Imagining it was him she was sampling, she nibbled at the filling, brushing her lips against it.

She didn’t need to invite Nick to share it. He was already there, kissing the corner of her mouth, his tongue flicking out to clean some of the sweetness off her lips. “Good,” he whispered.

Oh, very good.

She licked again, dipping her tongue inside the cookie shell for a deeper taste. Nick tasted deeper, too. He covered her lips with his, stealing some of the cream right out of her mouth, their tongues tangling over it for a long, delicious moment.

“Get your own,” she whispered with a soft laugh when he pulled away to offer her another lick.

“I’d rather have yours,” he murmured, moving his mouth to her cheek, then lower. He nibbled her jaw, scraping his lips along it until he could nuzzle the sensitive spot just below her ear. “Actually, I’d rather have you.”

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I’d love to send you some cannoli, but they are SO expensive to ship!

So how about this instead…

And a copy of one of my backlist Santori books to go with it.

You know what to do…just comment and you’re entered!

PS: If you are dying to know just how far things go with Izzie, Nick and a case of cannolis, feel free to order OVEREXPOSED.
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Aspiring Writers: Come back tomorrow for a down-and-dirty guest blog by bestselling author, Joanne Rock! It’s time for a writing workout! And once you’ve entered today’s contest, hop on over to the Romance Reviews Today blog and check out a new interview with Julie.

Today’s blog is pretty simple and straight-forward. As a writer, I’m curious to know what is your pet peeve as a reader when it comes to reading a book? What makes you grind your teeth or want to throw a book against the wall in frustration? :cursing: What are huge turn-offs for you, to the point that you can’t finish a book? I don’t want to name authors or books, just general comments about what your reading pet peeves are.

Of course, when I’m reading a book, I have pet peeves of my own and I’ll share them here.

1) I hate when the conflict between the hero and heroine is based on nothing more than a misunderstanding that can be cleared up with a single conversation – yet the conflict is somehow dragged out for 200-400 pages!

2) Too much introspection and narration. If an author goes for pages and pages of introspection and narration (Or chapters! OY!), I get bored and usually will put the book down . . . and not pick it up again. I like action and dialogue between characters with introspection sprinkled in and around those two elements.

3) A hero who smokes cigarettes. It’s just not sexy to me.

4) A cowering heroine, or a hero who is verbally or physically abusive, and that includes any form of rape. That’s a big deal-breaker for me.

Those are the biggest issues that stand out for me as a reader. I know there’s more, and I’m sure as everyone posts today I’ll be agreeing with some of your comments.

So, let’s talk! What are your pet peeves as a reader?

Today, we have a guest blogger…please join me in welcoming RHONDA NELSON, who is one of the brilliant bloggers behind The Soapbox Queens. She’s also a brilliant writer with whom I’m sharing shelf space this month in the WITCHY BUSINESS novella collection. She was the brains behind the collection and without her, I wouldn’t have been included, so thank you, Rhonda!

And don’t forget to order your copy of WITCHY BUSINESS at Amazon or Barnes and Noble or Booksamillion or even eHarlequin (who actually has a phenomenal site with great customer service.) I have a sneaky suspicion this one won’t be easy to find in stores.

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Thanks so much to the Plotmonkey’s for letting me hang out in their jungle today! I’m thrilled to be here. Does anyone else hear The Token’s The Lion Sleeps Tonight or is that just me?

When Julie and I decided to swap blogs I couldn’t decide what I wanted to blog about. My most recent release? (Witchy Business, with Julie and Mia Zachary.) I loved writing that story, but did I really want to dedicate a whole blog to it?

No.

My November Blaze, Feeling The Heat? (Bad ass bounty hunter from Memphis who is so commitment-phobic he breaks out in hives when he hears the Wedding March. Naturally I asked myself who would be his worst nightmare and paired him up with a Type A wedding planner with an incontinent three-legged dog. I had big fun with that book. Sheer joy from start to finish, one of those books where I never once stopped and asked myself, “Now what, girl genius?” And even better, Jennifer LaBrecque wrote the hero’s brother’s story, The Big Heat, which will be out in December.)

No.

What then? I kept wondering. What topic did I want to tackle? Ultimately, I decided that, rather than sharing a specific book with you, I thought I’d share my process. After all, Halloween isn’t that far away, and it’s pretty damned frightening.

Phase One

So. How do I start? Generally I get an idea delivered on the gilded wings of the Idea Goddess and it’s wonderful. It’s going to be the best thing I have EVER written in my life. Dear God, how will I ever top this? This is freaking fabulous. I love this story. I am WRITER, hear me roar. (Note at this point I think I really know what I’m doing. I am confident in my ability and the blush of confidence this rockin’ story idea has lent me has given me an inflated sense of self and ability. It’s self-delusion in its most potent form…and as the book progresses I will need it. Oh, dear readers, will I ever need it.)

Phase Two

By this point I have finished the first three chapters–sometimes even the first half of the book–and I have come to the sad but inevitable conclusion that this story wasn’t exactly as fabulous as I thought it was. Pull last book off the shelves and realize that it was really a much stronger book than the one I am currently working on. Editor–aka Precious–will hate it.

–Julie here. I get a kick out of how Rhonda calls Brenda “Precious.” She sounds like a cat. Or a teddy bear. Trust me when I tell you that the type of bear our editor can be is not of the teddy persuasion. I love her, you know I do…but Precious? Rhonda…you are just too Southern! Bless your heart! Back to Rhonda…

Heroine isn’t strong enough and lacks depth. Hero is a directionless moron with a large penis and no integrity. In short, I suck and I am screwed. Field call from Precious about the state of current manuscript. Don’t confess problems, merely gloss over the fact that the book is a steaming pile and I am a hack. (Obviously the pendulum has swung in the other direction, of course. Twenty-something books later you would think that I would be used to this process, that I would understand it’s just part of my way of crafting a book and accept the fact that, at the end of it all, I will ultimately be happy with what I’ve written. You would think this and yet…it never happens that way. Thus is the twisted mind of The Writer. Doubt, she’s a shadow it’s hard to shake.) But, moving on…

Phase Three

At this stage of the writing process I suddenly develop the pressing urge to clean the blinds, turn the mattress, redecorate every room in the house, purge the closets of things that no longer fit, move major appliances and clean behind them, reorganize my kitchen cabinets, watch movies and read books under the guise of “refilling the well”–which is important, by the way, but not a good idea when deadline is looming–and generally avoiding anything to do with actually putting my hands on the keyboard and working through the problem. I tell myself that I have to sort it out in my head, that I need the distance to gain better perspective. (And this is true, but still, alas, unproductive.) I tell myself that I am an idiot, that I have done this often enough now that I should be able to sort all this sh!t out beforehand so that I don’t end up in the very predicament I currently find myself in. Friends Jen LaBrecque and Vicki Lewis Thompson will call/email and ask how the book is going. Because I am a good friend and coward I often lie and say that it’s going fine. Naturally, they know better.

:wallbash:

Phase Four

At this point I have read through the manuscript at least a dozen times, I have layered in important character traits which make my hero and heroine a bit more compelling and real. I am slowly digging out from under the cloud of doubt that descended midway through the book. It’s salvageable. I can make it work. If I just keep plugging along my fickle muse will deliver the secret code of success which will make this book all come together for me.

And she does. (More often than not with the aid of Precious. Have I mentioned that my editor is wonderful?)

The end of the book is finished in a blur of poor hygiene and take-out food, ranting thank-God-this-is-coming-together phone calls to Jen and Vicki, along with the promise to NEVER let myself get into this kind of shape again. While the first half of the book was dragged out a word at a time, the last half literally pours out of me. I don’t sleep and if I do, the laptop is just a couple of steps away. I’m never far from the work. Snippets of dialogue surface out of the blue and the perfect ending emerges from the muddled mass of my distant brain. I immerse myself into the story and I don’t come out of it until it’s done. (Naturally, my family hates this part but have learned that it signals I’m near the end and if they want clean clothes and a home-cooked meal, then they need to leave me alone.) At the end of every book my kids get to take turns typing “The End” for me because those two little words mean they will be getting their mother back. It’s a beautiful thing. )

Which brings me to Phase Five

By now I’ve sent the book in, called Precious and confessed that I struggled, but have managed to pull it together. It is pure crap until she says otherwise, so I generally wait with bated breath until I hear from her. Once she’s given me her thoughts, I can breathe again. The world is bright and wonderful, and for the moment I know that I have created a story that’s going to reach thousands of people and hopefully make them smile. A new idea is already brewing and I’m gearing up–after revisions, of course–to start the whole magically demented process again.

Because, at the end of the day–at the end of the process–I am a writer. And, neurosis aside, that’s pretty damned cool.

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Thanks, Rhonda! It’s always fascinating to see how other author’s work. Unfortunately, my process changes book to book. ::sigh::

Now remember, Plotmonkey readers, come visit me over at Soap Box Queens!

And if you’re interested in winning a free copy of OVEREXPOSED by Leslie Kelly, pop on over to the blog of one of our favorite review sites, Romance Reviews Today. I’m certain our Plotmonkey readers can answer most of those questions with their eyes closed!

It’s been a while since we’ve talked about books we’ve been reading. I have recently been on a romantic suspense glom (since I’m trying to break into romantic suspense) as well as squeezing in other things here and there. I always enjoy talking about books and we haven’t done for quite a while here at Plotmonkeys. So let’s have a book club Tuesday!

I’ve recently read two Allison Brennan books:

THE KILL

I really liked this one. The concept of a heroine having put an innocent man behind bars for 34 years was really different and fresh, and I liked that Brennan let the wrongly convicted man behave as I think a man would behave in that situation.
The romance was really effective in this one, too. I liked the hero and heroine and really liked the way their relationship developed. Their relationship was very believable, they were true partners, and I definitely felt the spark between them.

SPEAK NO EVIL

This was pretty good, though I liked The Kill better. I liked the mystery aspect, but the romance just didn’t feel as compelling in this one. But still well worth a read!

I still have the first two books in the first trilogy…I know I’m reading them out of order, but I’m looking forward to it!

A for both Brennan books.

I also read my first Karen Rose book, NOTHING TO FEAR:

This one was just terrific. I was fascinated by the villain, and loved the romantic relationship. The h/H sparked from their first meeting and slowly built their attraction into a truly loving relationship that healed them both. Absolutely recommend this one…BUT…it is kind of gory. No problem for a Stephen King fan like me, but if you don’t like really dark stuff, there are a couple of scenes that might squick you out.

But for me, it was just a fantastic read. A big

I read a really good Lisa Gardiner book called THE THIRD VICTIM.

This is an older title, but I didn’t realize it when I picked it up. It was disturbing, since the story revolved around a school shooting at a grade school. But very well done. Not much romance, it’s much more of a suspense with a bit of a romance. But I realized that there’s a sequel continuing the relationship between the hero and heroine and I have just ordered it so I can see how these two very different people work it out.

I also read a Linda Lael Miller book called DEADLY GAMBLE.

WOW–this one I LOVED. The heroine’s name was Mojo Sheepshanks…and she sees dead people. Really. The book opens with her dead husband showing up in her bedroom…he’s trying to make amends for the crappy things he did to her in life. Eventually he brings her her dead cat. Sounds so morbid, but it was really hilarious. Meanwhile there’s this intriguing mystery involving the murder of the heroine’s parents going on, and a very sexy romance between Mojo and a divorced cop. I so hope Miller is going to write more Sheepshanks books because I definitely wanted MORE!

I don’t often write fan letters to authors, but I did write to both Karen Rose and Linda Lael Miller to let them know how much I loved their books. I know, they probably get tons of reader mail, but I really wanted to thank them for the genuine reading pleasure I got from their books.

You might also remember from my blog earlier this summer that I also read all 7 Harry Potter books. I loved the whole over-arcing story. I liked 1-3, really loved 4, liked 5 a lot, 6 not so much, and really liked 7. So I guess that makes 4 my favorite.

That sums up my reading lately. How about you guys…anyone else read any great books?

A note: there’s a treat at the end, if you get through reading about my griping and problems.
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Life is crazy. Just plain crazy. As if buying the iPhone wasn’t expensive enough, as if dropping Verizon and paying the penalty wasn’t bad enough, AT&T service is awful. I don’t get calls. My calls drop. But I love having my email and I don’t want a Blackberry. So I decided to port my phone number back to Verizon for phone calls and reinstate my old phone. ($200 down the drain from leaving Verizon. Now I’m back). One hour in Verizon getting it done. They say it’s complete but after an hour, I can make phone calls from the Verizon phone but if you called me, it rang on my iPhone. (Say what?!? Daddy!? - Hannah Montana) Knowing it takes awhile to go through, I call At&T to ask them to give me a new phone number on my iPhone. Guess what? The contract was on the phone number NOT on the phone, so they said they had to put through a cancellation fee. I put my husband on the phone. He asked for a supervisor. (Keep in mind, husband already dumped the iPhone and went back to his Blackberry b/c he hates that the iPhone didn’t let you know when you received an email AS IT CAME IN). Supervisor said tough. My husband said, are you telling me you’d rather take $200 in cancellation fee now, and give up my monthly service bill which probably exceeds the $200 in two months? They said yes. :wallbash: :wallbash: He was going to just cancel the iPhone account (and I was dying because I NEED MY EMAILS) when he finds out that if he cancels that account before the Verizon port finished, I’D LOSE THE PHONE NUMBER that I’ve had for the last … oh I don’t know seven or more years? So he said forget it … and then I called Verizon back and they pushed through the port, and now I have my old Verizon phone AND MY IPHONE IS DEAD. And what does hubby say when I pick up the phone to call AT&T to set up a NEW phone number for my iPhone? WHAT’S YOUR RUSH? Why do you have to do something that’s going to screw up everything? (Screw up WHAT I MIGHT ASK YOU?) So … I say I need my emails. And he says, “at two in the morning?” Just wait.
MEN!!!!!!! So I’m waiting. FOR WHAT?

(Footnote: since I wrote this post on Thursday, it’s now Saturday … I mentioned wanting my iPhone back and hubby said, it’s been 24 hours, all things have probably been processed, GO. So I called and discovered I had to go to the AT&T store which I did, and now I have my phone back. PLUS they agreed to wave the $200 fee because I came back. Which is cool but don’t you want to bet on the next bill the fee will be there and I’ll have to fight it? But that’s for another blog ).

Another frustration. Time. My kids went to day camp. One went as a camper this summer and the other worked there as a counselor. Camp began the Monday after school ended on a Friday in late June. Camp ran for seven weeks and ended on August 10th. And school doesn’t start until September 6, the Thurs. after Labor Day weekend. 4 LONG weeks. OK I am sure many of your kids don’t go to camp and so you really can’t sympathize with me. That’s OK. I have enough sympathy for myself to go around. You see? I can wallow with the best of them. And what happens during these four weeks? Well I was smart enough to escape on vacation for the first five days. After that? We went from appointment to appointment, sometimes three or four a day (hair cuts, dentists, orthodontists, dermatologists, waxing, etc. You name it, we’ve done it). And what else? WE SPEND MONEY. Shopping. Back to school clothes because a) they grew; b) the styles change; c) they grew; d) 50 tank tops each aren’t enough; e) they grew; and f) styles change. Yes, I know, nobody’s crying for me. Again, not to worry. I have enough tears for myself. I truly do. Then, sports began. Not once a day, but DOUBLE SESSIONS. Driving to school at 8:30; picking up at 11; back to school at 1:30 and picking up at 4. I carpool but it’s still a frenzied week. And it’s not over yet. They practice WEEKENDS!

I have two kids and two dogs. I might as well have four children. Seriously, training Bailey is enough to make me insane. But she’s so cute, I can forgive her almost anything, the almost being the poop in the crate that she messes in and I have to clean up HER and the crate. Good thing she’s just so gorgeous and she gives the best kisses. And unlike Buddy who she tortures and hangs from (and adores), she just drives me insane in other ways. But I love her to pieces. Him too.

WRITING. Protect the Work. WHEN? Somebody tell me WHEN I can protect the work in the midst of the above insanity. Which, you must remember includes 2 dogs. 2. One is still being trained. Yes, folks, she’s smart as a whip but slow on the other end. But there is small progress, so I’ll take it.

And I’m sure you aren’t surprised to hear that all of the above gave me a massive, can’t move but have no choice because life goes on, MIGRAINE. It’s almost gone, three days later.
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So just when I think I can’t take anymore … something wonderful happens. And I just have to share it with you guys only!

THE PROPOSED COVER FOR THE JULY 2008 RELEASE OF HOT PROPERTY!
It’s topsecret: It also isn’t FINAL … things may change a bit.
But I still got permission to post it here …

How can he keep his eye on the ball when she’s in view?

Just one short season ago, major league center fielder John Roper had it all: the looks—and personal life—of a sports hero and the public’s adoration. But this hot property’s lucky streak has run out. After a World Series disaster, fans diss him, shock jocks mock him and his dysfunctional family hassles him for money he really can’t spare. Now it’s up to him, and Hot Zone publicist Amy Stone, to get his life back on track.

Amy finds it’s easier said than done. What with the constant intrusions of his nutty family, a crazed fan playing stalker, and Roper’s refusal to put his own needs first, she’s starting to think that life in the fast lane isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But when the two retreat to a secluded lodge, the sexy center fielder throws Amy a curveball—one she never saw coming …

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So it’s up to you … what do you want to talk about? Life’s frustrations? Or my cover and what you think of it?

For Friday’s contest

Paula R. (Comment #36)

CONGRATULATIONS, Paula! Please contact me at janelledenison@sbcglobal.net with your mailing address. You need to let me know if you want your $25.00 gift certificate to Amazon.com or BN.com. You also get to choose one autographed book from each Plotmonkey’s backlist of books — 4 books in all! (Book chosen depends on availability. Sorry, but no just released September or October books can be chosen — BACKLIST only! ). You can check out each author’s website to see what books are in their backlist.

And now for the Sunday funny:

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE AND GET A QUICK RESPONSE.

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police who asked “Is someone in your house?” and he said “no”. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. “Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now ’cause I’ve just shot them all.” Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence and they caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

**Apparently this is a true story!**