Plot Monkeys

I hate being kept in suspense.

I know that sounds silly since I’m such a fan of suspense movies, thrillers, and scary novels. (Though, in novels, I’m never really in suspense as I usually read the ending by the time I hit 1/3 of the way in, just to see if I’ve got it figured out right…and I usually do…lolol!) Anyway, for someone who likes suspenseful stories, I just don’t have much tolerance for being kept in suspense about anything! I am an “instant gratification” girl. I want to know, and I want to know now.

So why do I torment myself with TV shows and movies and even books that result in cliffhangers?

You know how they got started, right? Girl is literally hanging off a cliff, or tied down to the railroad tracks, then we fade to black until next time. It kept those audiences coming back for the next reel…

And obviously Hollywood never forgot the lesson. Because they kept on doing it.

Who can forget The Empire Strikes Back? All appears lost, Han is a statue. Did we not ALL hold our breaths for a couple of years until Return of the Jedi?

And don’t forget Back To The Future II—when Marty realizes Doc died shortly after going back to the old west and sets off to save him?

Of course there’s the Lord of the Rings movies…I was there, in the theater, with my family, on opening day of every movie. Even knowing they would each end in a cliffhanger and I’d have to wait a year for more, I still showed up on opening day. And you can bet I’ll be at Pirates of the Caribbean III next weekend when it opens, since I’ve been waiting to see how they’re going to bring back Captain Jack since I saw II on opening day last year!

It works for books, too. I absolutely held my breath between installments of Stephen King’s serialized novel, The Green Mile. I still have all six of those little paperbacks, and I raced to the store to buy each one on its release date. And I read the first several Stephanie Plum books and was always dying to see how the next one would start…who would Stephanie be with…and what would she be eating?

You’d think someone like me who wants instant gratification would wait until all the things are out and can be consumed one after the other.

But noooooo…

With the single exception of Deadwood, which I got addicted to just as HBO was canceling it at the end of Season 3, I’ve never watched TV shows on DVD, one after the other. (I’m still ticked about that…Deadwood was a great show!)

TV shows used to have weekly cliffhangers…(”Same bat time, same bat channel!” and one of my fave shows, Quantum Leap with Scott Bacula!) Some (Heroes and 24 and the recently canceled Jericho) still do. But it seems like they save the huge ones for the season ender. That probably makes sense because they want to ensure that A, they get renewed, and B, the audience comes back even if they’ve been kept waiting for months!

I think the most classic “season-ender” cliffhanger on a TV show was the whole “Who Shot J.R.?” hoopla for Dallas. (Either that or the Brady Bunch in Hawaii when the kids are trapped in that spooky cave and Marcia and Greg have to use body heat to stay warm. Okay, I made that last part up…hee hee…)

And the tradition continues. Some of the best TV show cliffhangers I can think of from recent tv include:

1. Last year’s 24. All is well, everything’s good, then wham, in the very last moments of the show, Jack Bauer is kidnapped by the Chinese in retaliation for the break-in at their embassy. I SO didn’t see that coming, and I was very anxious to see how they’d resolve it.

2. The first season of Lost. Walt is kidnapped by the others, Jin, Sawyer and Michael’s boat explodes out from under them…great stuff!

3. The season of Friends when Monica & Chandler are getting married and a pregnancy test kit is found in the bathroom trashcan.

4. Rex dying in the last episode of season one of Desperate Housewives. (I’m STILL mad that they killed him off!)

5. The whole series finale of The X-Files. To this day I wonder about Mulder and Scully!

6. Grey’s Anatomy season one, when Addison arrived and asked Meredith if she was the slut who’d been sleeping with her husband.

Which brings me to this…

Grey’s Anatomy’s cliffhanger this year, in my very humble opinion, SUCKED BIG ONES. Good grief, why not just hand us a razor blade and invite us all to slit our wrists over the summer? There was nothing “exciting”, there was just one down, depressing moment after another! Who wants to return to a show that doesn’t have you bouncing on your seat but leaves you reaching for the Prozac?

Big thumbs down for Grey’s…I am holding out MUCH higher hopes for tonight’s Heroes and Wednesday night’s Lost.

So, anybody else have any favorite cliffhangers…or least favorite? Am I the only one who hates to love ‘em?

This week’s lucky winner is VICKI, comment #39! Congratulations! I hope this gives you the twist you need to make it better! Have a shot of Cuervo Gold for me! Email me with your snail mail addy at julie at julieleto.com (you know how to put that together)!

This week has been a struggle. My hands are hurting because of the mad writing I’m doing to reach my deadline. And all-nighters? Oh, boy…are those ever a thing of the past. I can’t look at my screen past eleven o’clock…midnight at the latest. Nothing reminds me of how much age is affecting my life more than a deadline. In that vein, here is the Sunday Funny…

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP

25. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

24. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

23. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

22. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

21. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

20. You watch the Weather Channel.

19. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”

18. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

17. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”

16. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door
won’t turn down the stereo.

15. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

14. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

12. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.

11. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

10. You take naps.

9. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

8. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather

than settle, your stomach.

7. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and
pregnancy tests.

6. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”

5. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

4. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to
drink that much again.”

3. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

2. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them
instead of asking “Oh shit what the hell happened?”

And the number one sign you are getting old is:

1. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that
doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one. Then you forward it to a bunch
of old friends ’cause you know they’ll do the same damned thing.

From Novice to Professional
Winning the First Sale War in 10 Strategic Steps

From the workshop Carly Phillips, Lori & Tony Karayianni aka Tori Carrington, and Harlequin Editor, Brenda Chin presented at the Romance Writers of America Conference, Chicago, 1999

Please note this workshop was presented when Harlequin Temptation was still being published (I wish it still was!) I’ve gone through to update but if I missed anything, that’s why. At the time, I’d sold in 1998 so this was when my first book, BRAZEN had just recently hit bookshelves. Also, this was written with series books in mind, but as I read through, the advice applies to single title as well.

This is for ASPIRING WRITERS – and remember if you want to write, you are an aspiring writer. All you need to do is believe in yourself, hold your head up high, and insist those around you believe in you too. Even if they don’t, as long as you protect your writing (I read this somewhere in a blog this week and can’t remember where, YOU ARE A WRITER!)

SO without further ado … PART 1.
(Part 2 will be next Saturday! I’ve asked Tony and Lori to stop by so if we’re lucky, they’ll be around to answer comments too. I’m out all day but I promise to come back late Sat. night and Sunday to answer questions!)

1. BASIC TRAINING… Fall in, aspiring writers! Oh, no, we’re not talking physically. We’re talking brain here, not brawn, a kind of boot camp for the mind—though we do recommend regular stretching of all muscles. As the paragraph title implies, this is where you need to brush up on the basics. Not sure if you remember the difference between a comma, a semi-colon or colon? Just what is an infinitive and why shouldn’t you split it? Do you think POV means privately-owned-vehicle? Is there a character in your head but you don’t know how to get him out? Does the word “synopsis” sound like little more than a fatal disease to you? (Okay, we can’t tell you learning how to write one will erase this gut reaction, but the effort will make hand-to-hand combat with one easier.) Must-read books that will help you answer these questions are: Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style; Dwight Swain’s Techniques of the Selling Writer; Christopher Vogler’s The Writer’s Journey; Debra Dixon’s GMC: Goal, Motivation and Conflict; and Elizabeth Sinclair’s The Dreaded Synopsis: A Writing and Plotting Guide. Read them.

2. GEAR UP... This is where you prove you’re serious. To yourself. Any good soldier needs barracks and suitable supplies. No, we’re not talking a pickle suit or literal artillery here. You need a special place that’s yours and yours alone where you can nurture your artistic self. No matter if it’s a corner in your bedroom, attic, or even basement, or a cushy room with a view, set up a desk. Buy a secondhand or top-of-the-line computer and printer or typewriter (no dot matrix here, boys and girls). Invest in and learn that word processing program that will spit out format perfect material (1″ margins all the way around, with simple headers listing book title, author name and page number in the upper left hand corner, and easily readable print with approximately 25 lines per page). Invest in your own dictionary-of-choice, thesaurus, copies of the already mentioned books and put them where they’re within reach. Now comes the fun part. Go ahead, make your local office supply store your new best friend. Buy that multi-pack of yellow notepads you could never justify buying before. Choose those colorful paperclips. Invest in those cute post-it notes—you’ll need them. Stock your special place with all those supplies that will make concentrating strictly on writing easier. And just like any good soldier needs care packages, keep a stash of feel-good food (i.e. chocolate) where only you can find it.

3. RECON (NAISSANCE)… Okay, you’re getting into fighting shape, but you’re not there yet. Now it’s time to scout out territory you’d like to conquer. Which publisher do you want to write for? Which series? Go out and buy books from that publisher. Revisit any “keepers” you have and analyze why they earned precious shelf space. Give due respect to established authors—in our own home line, … because it’s from us and them you’ll see what the publisher is buying from new authors now. Note which themes are especially popular. Attend conferences, listen to and meet with editors to learn what they’re looking for. Visit blogs and see what authors you enjoy are saying about what they write, how they write, Then remember everybody’s process is different. Create your own.

4. ARM YOURSELF… Right about now you feel you’ll choke if made to swallow one more style rule, or piece of advice on how to write your book . Now it’s time to arm yourself. No, no, no, we’re not talking actual implements of war here. Your most effective weapon in this battle is your work. Push your research books aside and give yourself over completely to the process of writing. Completely. Do your character sketches. Outline your plot. Set a schedule for yourself, whether it be an hour or two before the kids get up, or the entire day, write, write, write. No weekend warriors allowed here. Devote every moment you can to writing that book through to the end. Trust that everything you’ve studied is there, in your subconscious, guiding you, and ignore the internal editor for the time being. Pound out the first draft till the very end. Call this battle “the book attack,” holding no prisoners, allowing for no excuses. This is where you prove you’re capable of finishing a book. Everyone works differently, so this exercise is not to compare yourself to others. No, it’s a process to get to know yourself as a writer. Only when you’ve finished can you go back and revise, revise, revise, polishing your baby until it coos and shines, tempting an editor to pick it up.

5. CHARGE… You’ve given it your absolute best—nothing less will do—to prepare your book for outside eyes. Send it out. With a self-addressed, stamped envelope. To an editor. If you’re so moved, also enter a contest(s)——but the ultimate test of any manuscript is with an editor. Do your research, find out who the best editor is to approach, know what they want to see (do they want a query letter, sample chapters, synopsis?) then mail the same to her attention, addressing her by name. Include a self-addressed stamped postcard so the editor can let you know she’s received the material, and, worse case scenario, return your manuscript (dealing with a Canadian publisher? Send a check to cover return postage). Now, settle back in your foxhole to wait. That wait could take a year, or ten, and include countless manuscripts. In our case, it took twenty full manuscripts, five partials, and fifteen—yes I said fifteen—years before we could proudly walk out of that foxhole and call ourselves published authors.

6. BATTLE PLANS… Your Mission Should You Choose to Accept it: Now, to train you to how to break free from the ranks of the unpublished and let your work shine in front of your superiors. Like any good soldier, by this time you’ve followed the commands and have a completed manuscript to show for your trouble. Don’t scratch your head and wonder what comes next. The answer is simple. SUBMIT.

Now that your submission is out there, in the hands of the brass. What do you do next? Retreat to your bunker. Hole up, sit yourself down in front of the computer and start over. Another manuscript, another story. Why, you ask? Why bother when you’ll hear in a few weeks time and be on your way to the New York Times Bestseller list? You really are green, aren’t you? Publishing houses are backlogged, editors are inundated. Not only with manuscripts from the unpublished ranks, but with work from within the ranks as well.. If a publishing houses guidelines offer a three month response time, figure six and use the lag time productively. Finish another book.

Why? Because … and this is my most important piece of advice—GET YOUR NAME OUT THERE. At this point you know the market. But does the market know you? Editors admire persistence, and after awhile they’ll begin to remember your name. The only way to make that first sale is to complete manuscript after manuscript until that call comes. With each rejection an editor remembers you. You move closer to being published. And it’s a real morale booster to have more than one submission with a different publisher. If one incoming is rejected, it helps to know there’s another one waiting to sell. So keep writing, and finishing. As an unpublished author, you can’t sell a manuscript unless it’s complete.

***
Don’t forget to check back next Saturday for PART 2!
More writing articles for you at Carly’s Writer’s Nook!

I hope you’ve enjoyed the mini-workshop on Getting Published - We’re trying to give you new and fun things for your Saturdays. If you aren’t an aspiring writer, don’t worry. We’ll be bouncing back and forth with new things often!

Because after losing those twelve pages yesterday (seven edited, five new…all brilliant and all gone,) this is what I’m offering this week.

That’s one bottle of margarita mix, one tin of margarita cookies, one tin of margarita salt and one cute serving tray all from the El Paso Chile Company.

Oh, and a book. There’s always a book!

US residents only…and save a shot of tequila for me. Just post a comment…if you include the reason why you need these margaritas, you won’t have an increased chance of winning, but you will help the rest of us commiserate.

For those of you who’ve been reading our blog for some time now, you know that I’m a HUGE fan of Cindy Gerard’s. I have been ever since I read her very first Bantam Loveswept, MAVERICK, way back in June of 1991. In fact, I still have that book on my keeper shelf! That was way back when I was an aspiring author, and I remember thinking at the time, when I grow up I want to write sensual, emotionally charged books like Cindy Gerard. Not to mention those hot, sexy heroes she creates! Over the years, this talented author has only gotten better with each book she’s written. And now, with her Bodyguard series, she’s become a USA Bestselling author (rightly so!), and is making a big name for herself in romantic suspense. If you haven’t read one of her Bodyguard books, RUN to the nearest bookstore and BUY ONE to read. You won’t be disappointed, and I can guarantee you’ll be back for more!

I’m thrilled to have Cindy Gerard here for the day, so let’s give her a fun, friendly, Plotmonkey welcome!

Hi guys. I’m so jazzed to be blogging with the Plot Monkeys! Such a great name – for a great bunch of authors. Do you guys have, like, a cheer? Give me a P! Give me an L! You get the picture. If not you should just because the blog name is so darn clever.

I’ve been a blogging machine this month. Monday I blogged at the Pink Ladies blog site, Wednesday on ridingwiththetopdown with my very own fabo author buddies, today I’m here and May 29th I’ll be dishing with the Fog City Divas. You’d think I had a book out or something. Um .. well, yeah! As a matter of fact, INTO THE DARK, the 6th and final installment of my bodyguard series will hit the stands on May 29th. Finally. I’ve heard from so many people who are waiting for Dallas and Amy’s story that I’m as relieved as they are that this book’s release is just around the corner.

For those of you not familiar with the series, the Bodyguards are all linked BUT – and here’s the cool thing – you can read each one as a stand alone. Doesn’t matter a bit if you come in at the middle or the end of the movie, although it is kind of fun to read them in order. Check ‘em out at my website: www.cindygerard.com for titles and excerpts – and a really jazzy new book trailer for INTO THE DARK. Oh – and for those budget minded among us (who isn’t??) the first four books in the series: TO THE EDGE, TO THE LIMIT, TO THE BRINK and OVER THE LINE have all been reissued this month at a super saver $4.99! Can’t beat the price.

Okay. Enough about that. I was thinking the other day about perfect days. You know, the kind where everything just falls into place, the planets align, the hair looks good (my topdown blog, BTW, is about hair – a subject near and dear to all of us), the weather is perfect. One of those, AHHH days that you never want to end.

I recently had a day like that (and they are rare jewels, aren’t they?). A friend invited me to visit at her condo in the Grand Caymans. Like I’m going to say no??? Well, every day in the Caymans is special, but this ONE day, we went snorkeling among the fishies, went on to swim with the giant manta rays, topped the afternoon off by lounging in cushy hammocks strung between palm trees with Rum runners in hand :cocktail: and ended the day with a lovely seafood dinner at an open air restaurant while a gorgeous sun set around us.

A perfect day. An ahhhh day.

Now mind you, I don’t have to be someplace exotic to have an ahhh day. I’ve had several at home. Watching an amazing sunrise or sunset. Playing with my critters (we have one very spoiled dog and 2 monster cats along with several quarter horses), writing that perfect passage for a troublesome book. Lots of things.

What about you? What’s your perfect day? I’d love to hear about it. Might give me ideas for how to wangle more of them in my life. And I’d love to answer any questions you might have about me too. So fire away. I’m yours for the day….

SPECIAL REMINDER: Be sure to stop by tomorrow, when bestselling author Cindy Gerard will be our special guest blogger!

As you all know, I’m rolling into the home stretch of the book I’m writing for NAL, a contemporary paranormal. I’m getting closer and closer to the end everyday. Technically, the book was due yesterday, but because my new editor and agent are saints-on-earth, I have an extra week. Yeah!

So, instead of blogging, I’m writing…but I wanted to give you all the VERY FIRST sneak peek of this book. NO ONE has read this except my agent (who thinks it’s incredible…which is why I love her…well, ONE REASON why!)

My working title is PHANTOM LOVER, but it looks like it might be changed to PHANTOM PLEASURES. Not sure yet, but as always, you’ll be the first to know. The hero is from the 18th century and through a magic curse (not time travel), he’s awakened in the present thanks to my heroine, who is a hotelier who owns the castle he’s trapped in.

Enjoy…
——————————————————————————————-
“Maybe this is a dream,” she muttered.
“Perhaps it is. There’s also the distinct possibility that instead of you freeing me from the portrait, I sucked you in with me.”

“You’re just trying to scare me.”

His brow furrowed as he considered the possibility. “Frightening women for sport is not the measure of a true man.”

“What is?” she asked, annoyed at the unwelcome fear coursing through her.

His smile was pure sin.

She scowled to mask the sudden flare in her blood. “I can’t be in the portrait. Can I?”

“Can’t say for certain. I appear to be free of the portrait,” he said, nodding toward the painting of the room that no longer had a sexy, sardonically smiled subject in the center, “yet I cannot leave this castle.”

“How do you know?”

“While you were unconscious, I attempted an escape.”

Can I leave?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted, then leveled his ocean grey stare at her. “Why don’t you try?”

A sudden wave of dizziness struck her. She braced her hands on either side of her, willing the sensation away. She’d experienced enough vertigo for a lifetime after the wreck. She didn’t need a reminder of the pain and discomfort now.

She was healthy. She was strong. She was a survivor.

She repeated the mantra silently in her head until the wooziness subsided. After blinking away the last of the fog, she shot a glance down the stairs and to the door, then back at Damon.

His hopeful expression vanished nearly as quickly as he had.

But not quickly enough.

“No,” she replied.

“No?”

She arched a brow. “Not used to being contradicted?”

His glower was powerful. “Of course not, but I assumed you’d want to ensure that freedom was still yours to take.”

She smiled. “You let me worry about my freedom. You’ll soon discover that I’m very good at taking care of myself and getting precisely what I want, when I want it.”

He wanted her to try the door. Desperately. He was clever and commanding, this man, and he wasn’t as adept at hiding his emotions as she was in reading them. For all she knew, the wave of vertigo she’d just experienced was from him trying to exert his will on her with the same magic he’d used to disappear and to conjure the chaise lounge and the food. But she’d fought him successfully. If she played her cards right, the game could be hers.

Bottom line, she wanted this man.

To be her personal phantom.

“What could be more pressing than finding out if you are free of this curse or trapped by it?” he asked.

“Finding out more about you.”

The atmosphere shifted. The power play ended and the blaze in his eyes kindled from a spark of frustration to a slow, steady sexual heat. He sat back down on the chaise and held out his hand to her.

“You say that with seduction in your voice, my lady.”

She accepted his hand. This time, when he drew her onto the chaise, he allowed no space between them. Her thigh crushed against his, igniting a wildfire of sensation through her.

She braced her hand on his knee. “Wishful thinking, perhaps?”

He smiled with hooded eyes. “Simple observation. There’s no shame if you want me. In the most classical sense.”

She licked her lips, unwilling to deny his assertion. She did want him. She had wanted him–or at least, a man like him, for all of her life. Gallant, powerful, intense. A master of magic.

And best of all, he wasn’t real. He could not follow her out of this castle or disrupt the ordered life she’d built for herself on the mainland. He was a fantasy. A diversion. A sexy, sensual secret she’d discovered and perhaps, only she could keep.

“I won’t deny that I find you incredibly attractive,” she responded.

“How can you? Even now, your body tightens for me.”

She gasped. Even in her century, such talk pushed limits. And yet, as his gaze brushed over her breasts, her nipples responded instantly. Her thigh muscles clenched with anticipation.

Maybe he was simply like her. Honest. Insightful. Observant.

Hot for magical sex.

“Is this magic?”

He leaned closer so that his breath, wine-scented just as she’d imagined, teased her cheek. “Oh, yes. The most elemental magic of all–desire.”

She tilted her chin to match his sensual stare. “You were a playboy in your former life, then?”

He ran his tongue over his lips, drawing her attention to the fullness of his mouth. “Circumstances of my youth dictated that by boyhood was rather brief and did not include much time for play,” he informed her, his words so crisp and factual while his tone lazed with sensuality. “My pursuits of pleasure began when I was very much a man.”

“And you’ve been a man a very long time,” she said, her voice breathy with possibilities.

Their lips were mere centimeters apart.

“I’ve been a man trapped without a woman even longer,” he warned.

Their noses brushed. “Should I be afraid?”

“If you have to ask,” he said, sweeping the edge of his lips over hers, “the answer is decidedly no.”

They say I look like a teddy bear. They call me an angel to my face. Behind my back they call me psycho dog. What do they expect? I’m a PUPPY. They took me from my mommy and my brothers and sisters and handed me to these wacko ladies at an airport. Then they put me in a bag with a diaper at the bottom of it. They call it a wee wee pad. What? Do they think I’m stupid? Then they took me home in a car – that was kind of nice. Every five minutes on the dot they played pass the puppy – and handed me off from person to person to cuddle with. I liked that.

Then we pulled into a driveway and they brought out a dog that looked like my dad except with short hair. They called him Buddy. Dumb name, but since I’m Bailey now, who am I to make fun of him? They lock me in a crate and all I can do is stare across at Buddy in his crate all night. What fun. Then they take me out and drag me outside where its either cold, or wet, and tell me to “do business.” What the heck does that mean? I pee and they pat me on the head. I poop and they yell “good girl.” Who knew bodily functions could elicit such praise?

Three days passed and I finally got used to this new place and then they took me to another new place and left me with Buddy for three days. I have to admit that wasn’t so terrible since I got to run and play with Buddy. But then to feed me they’d take me away from him and I wasn’t happy. Trust me, I let them know it. I’m female. I make my opinions known. Loudly.

I had my first bath and they clipped my nails and the hair near certain unmentionable places. Why do I get no dignity? Then the crazy ladies picked me up again. I liked coming home. They made a fuss about me. Buddy plays with me.

And they take me to puppy training class where guess what they offered me as treats? CAT FOOD. Is that the stupidest thing you ever heard? Giving a dog cat food? The second time my new mommy and little sister brought me hot dogs. YUMMY. I can get into this puppy training. They tell me to “come” and they give me food. They tell me to “lay” and they give me food. I pee on their floor and my mommy cleans it up. What a life!

I share my water with Buddy. I bend down to drink and what does the big lug do? He paws my head face first into the bowl. I was soaking wet but I showed him. I took his favorite bone – and guess what? He’s too scared to take it back. He looks at mom for help but she tells him to get some balls. Impossible, so lucky me, I keep the toy. Sometimes he brings it up on the couch so I can’t reach. I jump up and fall backwards. For now.
What do you think Buddy will do when I can actually reach him and his bone? Hmm …

All in all, I think I have a very good life here. I hope my new family feels the same way.

The only problem is I seem to have a slight problem holding my bodily functions and even though I’m from a breeder, I sometimes … ummm … go in the crate. Mom made the crate smaller. I find a corner anyway.

Mom wants to know if you have any suggestions? (My birthday is March 11 so I’m really a baby. Maybe she’s expecting too much of me? Still, I hold it most of the night. Why do I have a problem during the day?)

Okay, my daughters are such brats. They’ve taken pranks to an art form among each other, which is one thing, but now they’ve got a new target.

Their Aunt KK.

You know we’ve been living with one of my sisters, right? Well, several months ago, she told us about this dream she’d had. She dreamed she woke up one day and rolled over and there was Geoffrey the Giraffe from the Toys R Us commercials, sitting up in bed next to her, wearing a pair of basketball shorts and smoking a cigarette, looking, umh, satisfied.

Yes. Very weird dream.

The funny thing was, my oldest daughter has this HUGE stuffed giraffe. An old high school boyfriend gave it to her, one of those carnival prize things. It was in storage, and my sister had never seen it. Well, the girls harassed us until my hubby took them down there so they could get it…for the sole purpose of tormenting their Aunt KK.

She has found it in her bed (duh!)

She has found it in the bathtub when she goes in to take a shower in the morning.

She occasionally walks out her bedroom door in the middle of the night and finds it standing sentry, nose to nose with her.

It’s been hanging from ceiling fans. It’s been wrapped and presented as a Christmas gift. And today, Mother’s Day, poor Geoffrey was stuffed into a new cooler that we were wrapping as a gift. Of course, he wouldn’t fit, so my daughters decided to CUT OFF ITS HEAD and put it in there and wrap it up.

Vicious little beasts.

I actually thought it would be pretty hilarious, but then I had all these Godfather images of this bodyless, tattered giraffe head turning up in any number of new places (like, the oven, which could get turned on before he was discovvered!) so I didn’t let them.

My sister was very appreciative.

Hmm…wonder if I should warn her who’s sitting in her freshly painted pool bathroom, just waiting for her to go in and see if the paint’s dry.

Nah. I’m not that nice a sister.

As you can tell…

PS: Love ya KK!

Carly’s Jungle Madness Winner is …

Lynn Matherly (Comment #57)

Email Carly at: carlyphillips@mac.com with your mailing address and CONGRATULATIONS!

And now in honor of Mother’s Day, we thought it would be fun for us to post pictures of us as babies, and let you all guess who is who! Here are the pictures, and when you’re done guessing, the answers will be below the Sunday Mother’s Day funnies!

Before we post the answers to who is who, here are a few of those cute and funny “kids say the darndest things”, just for Mother’s Day!

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead.
“How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked him.
“Becaused I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.
“You did WHAT?!!” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst’ and it didn’t move.”

A little girl went to the barber shop with her father. She stood next to the barber chair, while her dad got his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The Barber said to her, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.”
She looked up at him and smiled. “Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs, too.”

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice. “The big sissy.”

A small boy was sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: “Da-aaad . . .”
“What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?”
“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”
Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad . . .”
“WHAT?”
“I’m thirsty. Can I have a drink of water?”
“I told you NO. If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you.”
Five minutes later: “Daaa-aaaad . . . When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”

And now, here are the answers to who is who in the pictures above:
Leslie
Carly
Janelle
Julie

Have a wonderful day everyone!

It’s been a great three weeks discussing my plotting style. Quick review: Plotting vs. Pantster = stupid argument. IMO, you do not have to pick one over the other, one is certainly not better than the other and most important, before you pick a style, understand both ways. You never know when the techniques from one style will serve you in completing your book.

Last week, I went through one technique for plotting based on the screenwriting method. I mentioned there are other ways, but this one works best for me.

Here’s the key to that system working for me, who is as much a pantster as I am a plotter…I don’t plot the entire book at one time.

I mentioned last week that the last row of my plotting board–a full quarter of the book–was blank. It was until today (Friday) when St. Leslie Kelly of the Plot took my desperate phone call and helped me see my way to the end. <= That’s Leslie. I’m throwing the roses.

Plotting an entire book requires skills I don’t have anymore. I used to have them, back when I used to have a memory, too. Now I have to work around my deficiencies, which means, not knowing that far in advance what I’m going to write.

Do I know my plot points? Nope. I simply know when I need to introduce them to the story. Do I know my black moment? Not usually. I just know I have to have one. I plot in small increments and the post it notes are so mobile, they allow me to move things around when scenes take longer than anticipated or perhaps scenes are in the wrong place.

Essentially, I don’t plot–I write, and plot as needed. That, IMO, is the definition of a pantster. But sometimes–more often than not lately–I can’t write a word until I have a short term goal–and the short term goal is plot.

I suppose this method means I have to do more rewriting and going back and layering, but I do that anyway, so it’s no big deal. The point of today’s lesson is that no matter what kind of writer you think you are, you can be flexible enough to use many methods to achieve your goal.

Oftentimes, a big question for me is deciding whose point of view a scene needs to be in. The common answer is “the person with the most at stake.” But that’s not always true. Sometimes, the decision has to be more organic to the story as a whole. That’s another place where the post its come in handy. With one visual, I can see whose point of view I’ve used for every chapter in the book. I can keep track of my secondary storyline and make sure I haven’t spent so much time with them that they steal the book from my main characters. I can see where my big turning points are so that I have no sagging middle.

There are definite advantages to this method that I think some of you should try–and best case scenario–adapt to your own style and use.

The last thing I want to say to all of you who have been so patient with this workshop is to reiterate that you shouldn’t pigeon-hole yourself or label yourself. Learn everything. Keep an open mind. Know that the method you used for one book may not work for another and that your “way” of doing things could change. If your method works and you’re producing books in the time frame you want, then there’s no NEED to change…though you might want to try something new just to see. But if you are not reaching your goals, it may be time to shake things up and try something new.

That’s all I have time for today, I’m afraid. Now that I have a plot, I have seven days to write 75 pages. Hopefully, the end result will be something my readers love!