Plot Monkeys

They say I look like a teddy bear. They call me an angel to my face. Behind my back they call me psycho dog. What do they expect? I’m a PUPPY. They took me from my mommy and my brothers and sisters and handed me to these wacko ladies at an airport. Then they put me in a bag with a diaper at the bottom of it. They call it a wee wee pad. What? Do they think I’m stupid? Then they took me home in a car – that was kind of nice. Every five minutes on the dot they played pass the puppy – and handed me off from person to person to cuddle with. I liked that.

Then we pulled into a driveway and they brought out a dog that looked like my dad except with short hair. They called him Buddy. Dumb name, but since I’m Bailey now, who am I to make fun of him? They lock me in a crate and all I can do is stare across at Buddy in his crate all night. What fun. Then they take me out and drag me outside where its either cold, or wet, and tell me to “do business.” What the heck does that mean? I pee and they pat me on the head. I poop and they yell “good girl.” Who knew bodily functions could elicit such praise?

Three days passed and I finally got used to this new place and then they took me to another new place and left me with Buddy for three days. I have to admit that wasn’t so terrible since I got to run and play with Buddy. But then to feed me they’d take me away from him and I wasn’t happy. Trust me, I let them know it. I’m female. I make my opinions known. Loudly.

I had my first bath and they clipped my nails and the hair near certain unmentionable places. Why do I get no dignity? Then the crazy ladies picked me up again. I liked coming home. They made a fuss about me. Buddy plays with me.

And they take me to puppy training class where guess what they offered me as treats? CAT FOOD. Is that the stupidest thing you ever heard? Giving a dog cat food? The second time my new mommy and little sister brought me hot dogs. YUMMY. I can get into this puppy training. They tell me to “come” and they give me food. They tell me to “lay” and they give me food. I pee on their floor and my mommy cleans it up. What a life!

I share my water with Buddy. I bend down to drink and what does the big lug do? He paws my head face first into the bowl. I was soaking wet but I showed him. I took his favorite bone – and guess what? He’s too scared to take it back. He looks at mom for help but she tells him to get some balls. Impossible, so lucky me, I keep the toy. Sometimes he brings it up on the couch so I can’t reach. I jump up and fall backwards. For now.
What do you think Buddy will do when I can actually reach him and his bone? Hmm …

All in all, I think I have a very good life here. I hope my new family feels the same way.

The only problem is I seem to have a slight problem holding my bodily functions and even though I’m from a breeder, I sometimes … ummm … go in the crate. Mom made the crate smaller. I find a corner anyway.

Mom wants to know if you have any suggestions? (My birthday is March 11 so I’m really a baby. Maybe she’s expecting too much of me? Still, I hold it most of the night. Why do I have a problem during the day?)