Plot Monkeys

Today The Plotmonkeys are thrilled to host the hilarious, USA Today Bestselling author JULIA LONDON!
I (Carly) first met Julia one hot summer day on the Levy Tour Bus while traveling the great state of Ohio in pursuit of Walmarts and books to sign. Our joint friend and Julia’s agent, Jenny Bent, called me and said, my client Dinah needs someone to hold her hand on the tour. Will you help her? Dinah turned out to be Julia London (gotta love our pseudonyms that confuse people) and I needed much more help and hand holding than she did. But we had fun and signed books and once authors spend hours on a bus together, they can turn to each other for anything. Please welcome the talented Julia London!

These Books Do Not Write Themselves: a Day in the Life of a Professional Writer:
I am very stoked to be at Plotmonkeys! It’s such an honor to share my book with everyone here. So much work goes into writing a book that when it is published, I feel like I need to get out there and shepherd my baby through all the noise to the readers who want to read it. It’s like I tell my husband—this is a tough business. He always rolls his eyes when I say that, but I remind him of my near melt down over deadlines associated with The Perils of Pursuing a Prince. But he doesn’t understand—life hands you so many obstacles that sometimes, it feels like you are trudging through knee-deep mud when trying to write a book.

Consider an average day in my writing life (as scientifically recorded one Wednesday in March):

7 am: Wake up to dog head-butting the bed because he is hungry and/or needs to go out. (Warning: When considering obtaining a cute puppy with sweetsweet puppy fur, be forewarned: Puppy will grow into stinky, smelly old dog who demands his breakfast at daybreak every day).

8 am: Dogs fed, coffee made, letters Carolyn Hax laughed at (losers), horoscope scrutinized for hidden indication of impending career suicide.

9 am: In p.j.s, in front the computer, surfing email, celebrity news, obscure little links to funny You Tube videos.

9:30 am: Dogs demanding walk. Inner Martha Stewart demanding you get off your fat ass and sweep up the dog hair. Inner you thinking maybe you ought to at least brush your teeth.

10:30 am: Dogs walked, dog hair swept (miGOD how can they shed so much!), teeth brushed. Now screwing around in the back yard watering plants and thinking about swimming.

10:45 am: Swimming.

11:15 am: Snack time!

11:30 am. Email checked again for any late-breaking info. Internet horoscopes surfed for something a little more exciting than the one in the paper.

12:30 pm: Blogging for the day completed. Except for periodic check-backs to see if anyone commented on my comment so I can comment on their comment.

12:31 pm: Lunch time!

1:30 pm: Lulled into false sense of security and believe there is plenty of time to complete WIP. Do a little research into next project. Why waste time on the project they’ve paid you for? They’ve paid you for it – what’s the rush?

2:00 pm: Force legs numb from sitting to get up and move to gym.

3:30 pm: Back from gym, showered, refreshed, ready to start the day. Okay. Chapter One.

3:31 pm: Snack time!

4:00 pm: Quick check to see if Oprah has any child molesters, cheating spouses or Jennifer Anniston.

5:00 pm: Chapter One. He saw her across a crowded ball room, her hair shining beneath the glow of one hundred beeswax candles in crystal chandeliers. Her eyes sparkled with amusement… Anh. Lame opening. Wonder how other authors have hooked readers. Surf the net to find out.

6:30 pm: two paragraphs written. Husband wondering what is for dinner. Inner me has been wondering since last snack. Time to investigate.

9:00 pm: Panic sets in. Not enough pages accomplished today!!! Cannot make deadline at current rate of production!!! Ohmigod must check into hotel to be away from these constant distractions and interruptions!!! No one understands how hard this job is!!!

10:00 pm: Finish surfing email. Okay, back to work. …Her eyes sparkled with amusement and he…and he….AND HE…..

12:00 am: Vision too blurry to see. But two hours of solid work—not bad, considering all the stuff that had to be done today. But tomorrow…tomorrow I will really get on it. No, seriously.

12:01 am. Snack time!

Now see? If you pick up a copy of the THE PERILS OF PURSUING A PRINCE (on sale April 17), you will know how hard I worked. That book was practically written with my blood, sweat, and tears. You can actually see blood on page 162. Or maybe it’s ketchup.

Want to know more about the book and series and see a cool book trailer? Go to Want to enter a drawing to win cool gifts and free books? Check it out my contest page.

What is your greatest distraction when writing or working? Office mates? TV? Snackspetskidshusbands? What do you do to get away from the constant distractions and interruptions!!?

Well, it’s official:

I’m homeless.

Those of you who’ve been around since last summer probably remember my house-selling woes. Yes, we were among the poor, unlucky slobs who tried to sell a house during this horrific housing slump…which is bad everywhere, but especially bad in Florida.

BUT…16 months later…we’ve finally sold!

I honestly never imagined how awful this slump was going to be. When we listed our house in December 05, it was valued at quite a bit more than we owed on it. Today, these many months later, we’re walking out without a penny…and, in fact, having to bring money to closing. But honestly, it’s worth it. I fear things are going to get worse before they get better, and I just can’t stand living with this uncertainty and confusion anymore.

I am fortunate enough to have an amazing family, and my two sisters in Maryland have opened their doors and homes and families to us, so we were lucky enough to not have double housing expenses. And honestly, in some ways it’s been like a big slumber party…I have loved spending so much time with them. But I am ready to be in my own home again. I’m ready to see the china I packed up and put in storage in anticipation for our move in the summer of 2005. Ready to unpack my own Christmas decorations and Halloween stuff. Ready to give my poor youngest daughter all her toys back…now that she’s no longer interested in Barbies & Bratz. (I sense a yard sign will be among the first things we do whenever we get into our own house!)

It’s been a very long road. Seeing the light at the end of this tunnel has breathed new life into all of us, and I am greatly looking forward to house-hunting for a new place up here in MD. In the meantime, as you read this, today, I’ll be busting butt with Bruce and the girls and more members of my amazing family, packing up all the rest of our stuff and preparing to say goodbye to Florida for good.

After 15 years, I am a little sad.

But then I read the hurricane predictions for this coming season…and things don’t look so bad.

Anybody else out there hit with this mess? If so, I wish you all the luck in the world!

The Plotmonkeys are THRILLED to have romance super-star, Julia London, guest blogging TOMORROW! Please make sure to make her feel welcome!

Happy Easter, Everyone!

Special congratulations to MAUREEN, post #1…you have both chocolate truffles and a book coming your way! And because it’s Easter and it’s Spring and I got a beautiful bouquet of tulips for my kitchen table today, I’m picking two more winners, who will receive copies of DOUBLE THE PLEASURE! That’ll be #51, LIZ and #72, SUSAN P.

Send your snail mail address to me at julie @ julieleto.com (no spaces) so I can get your prizes off!

And for those of us who need a laugh…and really, who doesn’t…

And for those of us who need a naughtier laugh…

Thanks to Janelle, who sent me these holiday funnies!

The Plotmonkeys are THRILLED to have romance super-star, Julia London, guest blogging on Tuesday! Please make sure to make her feel welcome!

Patricia A asked:
Who are your favorite romance authors (based on body of work) and what impact did they have on writing your stories?

Who are yours? (our readers)?

CP: LaVyrle Spencer got me started on reading romance. My all time favorite is Separate Beds . She taught me that contemporary romance and happy endings was my calling in life. Gave me the warm, snuggly feeling I want and need in a romance, and that is always what I want to impart to my readers. I miss her writing new books!

LK: You know, I don’t even know if anybody else remembers her, but my all-time favorite romance author was always Laurie McBain. She wrote magnificent, heart-rending historicals back in Avon’s heyday. I read Woodiwiss and Wilde, but my heart belonged to McBain. She wrote books such as Moonstruck Madness, Tears of Gold, Chance the Winds of Fortune and Wild Bells to the Wild Sky. (Bells had a hero named Valentine Whitelaw and a heroine named Lily Francesca and I LOOOVED their story and I LOOVED the tragic love story of Lily’s shipwrecked parents!!) Anyway, I would read one of her books and be sobbing my face off all the while rooting for the h/H to get their HEA. I have never read another author, past or present, who could move me with her books the way McBain could.

Unfortunately, she hasn’t written a new book in years. A true shame, IMHO.

JEL I have so many favorite authors, but the one who got me started writing was Linda Lael Miller. Her Corbin series (Corbin’s Fancy being the first) truly inspired me. You can only imagine the thrill I experienced when I was in the novella collection with her last year that made the New York Times. Talk about coming full circle. When I wanted to write for Temptation, I read Jenny Crusie and Pat Ryan voraciously. More recently, I’d say Nora’s JD Robb books set me on my Marisela career path. She really took the idea of the strong heroine to a new level and really excited me with her Eve Dallas stories. I could probably go on and on about authors I love!

JD: For me, it was Sandra Brown who inspired me to write romances, and especially category romances! This was WAY back when she was writing for the now defunct Bantam Loveswept line. She really knew how to write a hot and sexy story, and once I discovered her books, I went back and glommed all the ones I missed! Unfortunately, once she turned to her darker suspense books, I stopped reading her. Too heavy for me! Another author who inspired me was Cindy Gerard — who again started writing category romances with Bantam Loveswept, then crossed over to Harlequin Desire. She just writes these super-sexy heroes, strong heroines, and a great love story. She has since started writing single title suspense, but I still read her books because her single titles still have a strong romance to them.

What about you? Who is your favorite romance author and whose work do you most admire?

In celebration of this Easter weekend, I decided to offer some yummy, yet elegant chocolate truffles for this week’s Jungle Madness prize! Check these out:

The ultimate indulgence, chocolate has become a favorite Easter treat. These festive spring-themed truffles are a celebratory addition to their Easter basket or holiday table. Nine truffles include three of each variety—extra bittersweet with a yellow flower; toffee with an orange flower; and milk-chocolate ganache with spring flowers. Poured and decorated by hand by Oregon’s Moonstruck Chocolate Company, which uses only the freshest ingredients in all of its fine confections. (Or so the advertisement says! They look yummy, yes?)

All you have to do is post a comment! Check back Sunday when you’re done hunting Easter eggs (if you’re into that sort of thing…which I am!) and find out the name of the winner. Continental US only, for obvious reasons. Oh, and if you answer the following question in your comment, I’ll throw in a copy of DOUBLE THE PLEASURE, an old Blaze of mine (a favorite!) that I recently got extra copies of!

What do you like best about Spring?

Me, the tulips. Lying on my hammock under my big camphor tree without sweating profusely. Our yearly trip to Chicago, this year to see the Cubs, who will be coached by a hometown hero, Lou Pinella, who grew up two blocks from where I grew up and whose parents used to sit on their porch and watch us kids play at the park across the street…sweet people.

Spring always reminds me of my childhood.

Okay, let’s see a show of hands () of how many of you read today’s subject and thought we’d be discussing flatulence and farting? Well, that’s definitely a topic I’m sure would make for an interesting day, but the kind of gas I’m talking about is fuel for a vehicle.

I was running near empty and needed to get some gas for my car. So, I pull into the nearest Shell/Texaco station and start filling up, without paying much attention to the cost of gas, until the nozzle shuts off. That’s when I had to do a double take at the amount I owed to fill my gas tank . . . over $80.00! And that was for REGULAR unleaded gas. Just regular, I tell you – not even SUPREME!

That’s when I finally take a look at the price of gas . . . $3.78 a gallon for regular unleaded gas! (Premium/Surpreme was OVER $4.00 gallon! ) I have a Chevy Tahoe (which I love and won’t part with!) with a 24 gallon gas tank, and well, you do the math. Unbelievable! I’m honestly still in shock, but grateful that I only fill up once every week and a half to two weeks. What about those people who commute 40-60 miles each way into Los Angeles EVERY DAY for work and fill up twice a week? I can’t even imagine how much their fuel bill is!

Anyway, a day or two later I’m watching a news segment about the cost of gas throughout the United States, and how it is the HIGHEST in California (and will probably hit well over $4.00 a gallon by summertime), and has even surpassed Hawaii in cost, which is shocking since they have to have their fuel shipped to them. So how in the world did California become the most expensive place to purchase gas for a car? And why is there such a huge discrepancy in cost from state to state for fuel?

So, my inquiring mind wants to know: where do you live and what is the current cost of regular unleaded gas per gallon?

And you think this blog is going to be about sex, don’t you? (Oh, no! The S-word…Plotmonkeys will be inundated with Spam in five minutes…thank you, spammers.)

No, I’m going to talk about the other activity that makes me oooh and aaah.

Eating. Sort of. Cooking, actually. Sort of. Future cooking…in my new kitchen.

Little by little, I’m finally starting to believe that my dreams of a new kitchen are going to come true. When we moved into our twenty-year-old house ten years ago (making the house about thirty now) I immediately ripped out the wallpaper in the kitchen. It was country…you remember, the mauvish pink and country blue with little people who were dressed like Laura Ingalls Wilder?

Cute for some people, death for me. (The woman who lived here before me also had pink and blue ribbons in the master bedroom…those went pretty darned quick, too.)

I immediately picked new wallpaper and spruced up the floors. The cabinets weren’t bad (just white formica) so they stayed as we totally redid the bathrooms, which had brown formica cabinets. Yikes! That experience was awful (I did tell the story about the man with the blowtorch and my two-year old daughter, right?) so once they were summarily fired from my house, I wasn’t so anxious to allow any other construction workers into my domain.

But now, the kitchen is starting to get on my last nerve.

First, I did not cover up where I ripped all the wallpaper. My husband was supposed to put up a new backsplash. He didn’t. So I stare at ripped drywall every day.

And the appliances are starting to break. My stove/double oven combo is so old, GE can’t fix it anymore. The burners are crooked, so in order to get a semi-even heat on my saute or fry pan, I have to scoot my toaster oven over and level the handle JUST SO. Oh, the funny stories I can tell you about my kitchen.

My soon to be former kitchen. Because this time, it really does look like we’re going to finally upgrade.

We’re knocking out a wall, making my galley kitchen into a big open space. We’re filling in a doorway to give more counterspace. But I’ve found that I really can’t get too excited about these things. They are practical matters…I’m more of an aesthetic girl. And functional is good, too.

So I need your advice.

The thing is, I don’t pay too much attention to other people’s kitchens when I go to their houses. Oftentimes, I like someone’s kitchen, but I’m not memorizing stuff. I did go to Lowes and saw this neato cool pot filler gadget that I absolutely must have…it’s a faucet mounted behind your cooktop so that you can fill your pasta pot right there on the stove! No heavy lifting! This, my friends, is utter brilliance.

So check–must have pot filler.

I also discovered the absolute coolest kitchen gadget in the universe while trolling the HGTV website. It’s a sink…but it’s also a DISHWASHER. Just set a few plates and cups in (like, say…breakfast dishes?) close the top, turn the sucker on and voila! 18 minutes later, you have clean dishes in your sink. You can even have a garbage disposal put in so the plates don’t have to be rinsed or scraped. A woman invented this puppy…of this I’m sure.

As for countertops…well, I’m torn. I wanted silestone until I discovered GLASS. I mean, look at this. Isn’t it the coolest thing ever? It’s probably wicked expensive, but I like to dream.

And then there’s flooring. I’m really torn about this. I don’t want tile. I hate dirty grout and I’m too lazy to clean grout anyway, so dirty grout is inevitable. Tile is out. I have Pergo and I hate it, so le’ts not go there. I want hardwood to match my formal dining/living area, but my husband is terrified of wood in the kitchen and it’s a high traffic area, which isn’t great for wood, either. Any suggestions? I’m leaning toward travertine. But bamboo looks very cool. And did you know manufactures are now actually using cork for floors? Supposedly VERY soft on the feet. Like carpet, but not. Who knows about this stuff?

Not me. That’s the problem. The learning curve for me right now is huge. I’m just wondering if any of you have any renovated kitchen advice…gadget advice…flooring advice? Anything! I’m pretty open and hugely curious about what other people know.

So…other than a personal chef, what must you have in your kitchen? Any advice for someone who is about to renovate? Other than buy a new house?

I know, I know, you all thought this was going to be yet another post about Carly and her hair. Curly hair, straight hair, blonde hair, brown hair, red hair. At least she has hair. Because this post isn’t from Carly. It’s from me. Buddy. The dog she claims to love. Well if she loved me, would she let me walk out of the hair salon looking like this?

BEFORE

AFTER

Well this hairdo was a mistake and I (Buddy) was too stupid to say anything.

What about you pet owners out there? Have you ever tortured your beloved pet/best friend with bad hair and lived to regret it?

So…here’s the conversation I had with my 11 year old the other day when I picked her up from school.

“How was your day?”

Grunt. “Okay.”

“Do anything fun?”

“No.”

“Nothing at all, huh?” (typical conversation here…)

“Well, we watched a movie.”

“Oh, was it a good movie?”

“We watched THE movie.”

Lightbulb goes over my head and I start to shift uncomfortably. I’ve done this a couple of times now, but my youngest daughter is the very analytical one and isn’t a bit embarrassed talking about anything. (This is the one who already wants to be a coroner.) So I’m prepared for some pretty direct questions. “Well, did you understand it?”

“I knew all the girl stuff.”

Yes, she did. As soon as I mentioned the whole puberty thing starting a year or so ago, she dug through her sister’s shelves, found the American Girl “Care & Keeping Of Me” book, and came out and announced that she could be starting her period any time now.

Oh joy.

(BTW: I think she’s been PMS’ing since that moment. )

Then she says, “But we also had to watch the boy stuff. Gross.”

I nod in commiseration. “Yeah. Gross.”

The conversation goes on… “What if you’re wearing white pants or khakis and you start? That’d be so embarrassing. Boys are lucky.”

“Well,” I point out, “It’s kind of tough to be a boy because they can’t always control things and it’s very obvious when something’s going on.” (Wondering if she knows what I’m talking about here.)

I should have known better.

“Yeah, like in Anchorman.”

Curse that Will Farrrell.

“Exactly. So, uh, you totally have it all down, huh?”

“Well…one thing I’m not sure of…”

Okay, here it comes. I’m ready for the I know boys have this and girls have that, but how does it all come together? question. So I say, “Do you have questions about the sex act itself?”

She scrunches her nose. “No, I do not.”

I see she already knows.

“So what aren’t you sure of?”

I’m racking my brain wondering what she’s going to say, and am struck into silence by her response:

“Why do they make pads with perfume in them?”

Patty L, Message # 55!!

You’re the winner of our Jungle Madness Friday, meaning you get books from all of us, plus a $25 g.c. to either BN.com or Amazon.com

Please drop Leslie a note: author@lesliekelly.com and let her know your:

1: Snail mail addy
2: Title of paperback book from Carly Phillips that you’d like
3: Choice of Amazon or BN.com

CONGRATULATIONS PATTY!!!

Now, rather than a funny, I have to share a Thing That’ll Make Ya Go…AWWWWWWW!

Saw this on YouTube and just HAD to post it here. What a lovely display of tender emotion…(be sure to watch the last 20 seconds or so…