Plot Monkeys

But then Leslie and Carly had such fascinating posts this week, how could I possibly measure up?

Still…

You see, I have this very odd fascination with make-up. I realized this as I was packing for my trip last week to Laguna Beach and had to consolidate all the makeup I have into one manageable bag…a task I undertake before every trip. Trouble is, no matter how many times I consolidate, I still have to tussle with a great big collection of eye shadows, lips sticks, lip pencils, brushes, etc. I’m a makeup junkie. Estee Lauder is my dealer.

But here’s the funny thing–I hardly EVER wear the stuff.

I knew I’d need it for this trip because the journey was on behalf of my husband’s company. If I have to be around work people, I do the full warpaint thing. Okay, one day I fudged and didn’t wear base/foundation. Hey, I was hanging out by the pool. Can’t go overboard.

The rest of the time, I had the full regalia of color. As little as I wear the stuff during my normal life, I love applying it. I think it’s the artist in me. (Yes, I used to draw and paint…but I was never very good, so I dropped it.) Anyway, I love watching makeover shows and going and having my makeup done by professionals so I can learn all the tricks that really transform me. I mean, if you look the same with makeup and without, then what’s the point?!

I’m lucky that Carly shares my love of makeup, even though she won’t leave the house without looking fabulous while 99% of the time, I look like I just rolled out of bed. When we go on Plotmonkey retreats, we check out each other’s collections and write down colors and such. It’s very girly and very fun. Then I’ll go out and buy more stuff that I don’t need and likely won’t wear.

But I have to have it!

I mean, what if I’m finally getting dressed for some big to-do and I don’t have the precise shade of purple eye shadow BASE that I need for the fabulous purple eye shadow I just bought? And what if I’m wearing cool colors and all I have in my purse are warm lipsticks? Isn’t this a reason for a major upheaval? I have to avoid it. Have to, have to. I mean, this sort of crisis sends me straight to Macy’s.

Okay, I’m sort of kidding. Sort of.

My husband says I wear too much makeup…but I think that’s only because I take so long to put it on. Trust me, he’d faint dead away if I tried to go to church without make-up on. It’s the one time a week you can count on seeing me look like I’m not dead. Even at school, if I wear makeup, the other moms comment on it. They ask me where I’ve been or where I’m going because they know some special occasion must be afoot. I get more compliments at school before and after I go to funerals. Isn’t that sad?

But I have to say, I was always this way with makeup, even back when I had to wear it every day. Although, my poor students who had me first period. I’m not a morning person. Chances are, all they saw was base. I did the rest of my makeup during homeroom. Did I mention I was a teacher then and not a student? Needless to say, none of my female students got demerits from me for putting on makeup during homeroom.

My obsession with makeup is a lot like my need to buy books. I buy entirely more than I will ever read and I can’t go into a bookstore without a paperback charged to the Am Ex before I leave. And if freebies are involved? Well, that’s all she wrote. No one can go hog wild over a “free gift with purchase” from Estee Lauder like I can. Hell, I fall for the “purchase with purchase.” It’s a sickness. It really is.

But you know what? My eyeshadow will always either coordinate with what I’m wearing or with my eye color (hazel.) My blush will always be bronzer. My lips will usually be lined and the color filled and glossed…unless it’s after I’ve eaten, then all bets are off. See, I’m really good at putting on the makeup, but I nearly always forget to touch it up.

It’s like I’m half girly-girl and half obsessive-compulsive.

So, anyone out there that shares my weird love of warpaint? Or is there something else that you simply must buy even if you will rarely use it and already have too much of it anyway?