Plot Monkeys

Since Valentine’s Day is next week — the most romantic day of the year — I thought it would be interesting to see what some of you out there think is romantic. What do you expect from your significant other on this special day? Roses? Candy? Jewelry? And if it’s something tangible you’re seeking, what makes that gesture so romantic?

I know there are plenty of women out there who expect elaborate gestures from their significant other on Valentines Day (and birthdays, anniversaries, etc) — and if they don’t receive candy, flowers, or something “romantic” they’re devastated (and more than a little pissed, LOL!). It made me wonder – are we truly expecting too much from our significant others? And what, truly, is the definition of romance and being romantic?

As a rule, most men are NOT romantic (Okay, Leslie’s husband is the exception). They are practical, straight-thinking creatures, as is my husband. However, I’ve learned over the years to see certain things in our relationship as romantic, though those romantic gestures are rarely in the traditional sense of the word. I’ve learned that I don’t need candy, roses, or even a five dollar Hallmark card to know that he loves me. It’s not about candlelight, a cute or expensive trinket, or drawing me a bubble bath with rose petals (as if, LOL!). For me, it’s the little things that he does for me on a regular basis that count the most. And those are the things that are “romantic” in our relationship.

Romance, for me, is the way that he shows me that he cares. It’s the thoughtful, little things that make a difference to me. Like him making dinner when I’m too tired to do it. Or him bringing a hot cup of coffee to me in the morning while I’m working in my office. It’s the way he kisses me each morning before he leaves for work and tells me that he loves me. It’s the way he takes care of me by making sure the oil is changed in my car (because if not for him, I’d never remember!), and the way he’s learned to accept that the house is a disaster most of the time because I’m always on deadline – instead of nagging me to clean it up. He’s kind and considerate and has a big heart, and THOSE are the things that make me love him. And flowers, jewelry, or candy aren’t going to make me love him any more than I already do.

Now, that’s not to say that my husband hasn’t gone the traditional route before and surprised the heck out of me with flowers, a piece of jewelry, or something else he knows I’ve been wanting. But overall, and especially when it comes to Valentine’s Day, our anniversary, or my birthday, I don’t put those outlandish expectations on him. He doesn’t need the pressure and stress and I don’t need those grand gestures. I only have to look into his eyes to know that he loves me and would do anything in the world for me. Cheesy, but true.

I recently found a quote that sums up what romance is to me: Romance is a state of being. It’s about taking actions on your feelings. It’s a recognition that Love in the abstract has no real meaning at all. Romance/love in action is a daily, living, growing activity.

So, what are you expecting from your significant other this Valentine’s Day? Hearts & flowers kind of romance or practical romance?