Holiday Diet Rules
Thursday, December 14th, 2006
Dieting during the holidays is the worst! There are so many wonderful food items out there (and candy!) that you can only find or buy this time of the year. So, it’s hard not to indulge. Also, there are holiday parties to attend, family gatherings, and co-workers who bring in home-made cookies, candies, and other treats for everyone to enjoy. It’s so hard to resist!
I thought it was important to let everyone know that there are special rules for dieting during the holidays, and I decided to post them here so no one feels guilty about eating and enjoying themselves.
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar or other “sweet treat”, the calories in the candy is cancelled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as chocolate, brandy, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, and Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else’s plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!).
So, there you go – go forth and enjoy yourselves!
