Plot Monkeys

The winner of Janelle’s Jungle Madness Contest is:

Julie S. (Comment #30)

Congratulations, Julie! Be sure to email me with your full name and mailing address at: janelle@janelledenison.com so I can mail you your prize. Oh, and you also need to let me know which book of mine you would like to receive!

And now, here’s a cute cartoon for all those diets and promises to excercise that will be starting at the beginning of the new year. Have a safe and fun New Year’s Eve!

Jennifer Y asked:
If you could switch places with one fictional character (tv, movie, book, etc.) who would it be and why?

CP: Easy! Sydney Bristow from Alias. Why? Other than the obvious kissing Vaughn/Michael Vartan? She leads an exciting life I could only dream about and take chances I’d never take in real life, and still get the man! And when I’m back to being me, I’d have all the secrets to plotting and excitement and emotional angst and drama for my books!

JEL: Ah, yes…easy, easy! Piper Halliwell on Charmed. While Phoebe is my favorite character, Piper has the coolest powers in being able to blow things up and freeze things. And she’s a mom. She’s a little whiny for my tastes, but if I was her, I’d change that. Besides, Leo is hot. Not as hot as Cole, but while bad boys are fun and all that, it’s the good guys who win your heart. I also wouldn’t mind being Hermoine Granger. The only thing that keeps me from that is having to relive teenage angst. No thanks. Otherwise, she’s cool. (Yes, I’m still writing my witch books, so yes, I’m still on witches!)

LK: Hmm…not so easy for me, I would really have to think about this one. Do I want to be a kick-ass heroine? Or a romantic one? An important statesperson? A powerful historical leader? Too confusing! So I think I’ll just be Cinderella. You know–strong, determined, romantic, married to a prince. Yeah. Cinderella.

With the New Year only a few days away, I thought I’d giveaway one of my favorite things.

Starbucks, of course! I’ve been so good about not indulging in Starbucks during my weight loss, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy this gift basket! Here’s everything you will receive: 2 Starbucks coffee mugs, Mocha & Caramel Frappacinos, Caffe Verona Coffee, House Blend Coffee, Awake Black Tea, and Chocolate Hazelnut Biscotti - YUM!

The winner will also receive a book of their choice from Janelle’s backlist (depending on availability of book choice since there are some book she no longer has copies of), along with a fun “book thong”.

All you have to do to enter is post on today’s blog. Winner will be announced on Sunday, so be sure to stop by over the weekend to check and see if you’re the winner!

I have a dog and two cats, and they all keep life interesting around my house, in their own ways. They each have their own distinct quirks and personalities, but there are just some things that truly separate who and what cats are (those of you who have cats know what I’m talking about!) compared to the easy-going, I-want-to-please-you personality of most dogs. I came across this humorous run-down of how to give a cat a pill, and how to give a dog a pill. The results couldn’t be more true, and I hope you all laugh as much as I did while reading this.

How to give the cat a pill

Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail and get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. :| Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to give the dog a pill :doggie:

Wrap it in bacon.

If you’re a dog and cat owner, what other differences stand out to you?

In between books, I have to “refill” the well…the well of my creativity, that is. I’ve tried many times to go from book to book with no discernable break, but it doesn’t work. As I finished my last book right before Christmas, I didn’t have much guilt over taking a vacation from writing. I read a book–LONE STAR SANTA by Heather MacAllister–that was delightful. Funny, sexy with a GREAT plot…what Temptation used to be in all its glory, but now is at American with fabulous authors like Heather. Pick it up if you can find it. I think it was a November release.

I’m re-reading HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE now. HP is my comfort read and I’m always struck by the change in mood from the first book to the most recent…so much darker. But still fabulous!

I’ve watched several movies, including one last night with my gorgeous 18-year-old niece who is graduating this year from high school. She was three when she was the flower girl at my wedding. But she doesn’t make me feel old. She’s the neatest kid. We watched LOVE, ACTUALLY together, which I have never seen in its entirity. Great movie. They could have cut out the porno-stand in story line and the guy who goes to Wisconsin and possibly even the Kiera Knightly and given more screen time to Colin Firth. LOTS more screen time. And I actually loved Hugh Grant in this movie. Make that two movies of his I liked…no wait, three. SENSE AND SENSIBILITY, TWO WEEKS NOTICE and this one. I’m almost becoming a fan. Almost…but not quite. Still, more Colin Firth, I say!

Went to the theatre with my daughter and saw NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM which was delightful, funny and clever. Loved Ben Stiller. Loved, LOVED Robin Williams (though I always do.) Anyone who says he is playing his same manic, crazy character SO didn’t get this flick. He’s playing Teddy Roosevelt…and Teddy Roosevelt was larger than life. Robin Williams was the heart of the movie. Fabulous. And what’s up with Owen Wilson taking an uncredited role? He was incredibly funny…honestly, the funniest character in the entire movie. He was perfect. And thankfully, all the stupid monkey parts you see in the previews and trailer are all the stupid monkey parts in the whole film. While I love plotmonkeys, I’m not a fan of mean monkeys…so the less the better.

Last night, my daughter and I joined my sister in law and her sons (and their friends) to see ERAGON. I haven’t read the book. My nephews, who had, were very disappointed. My SIL, who also read it, knew ahead of time what had been cut, so she was able to enjoy the movie on its own. I liked it. Didn’t love it, but liked it. The guy who played Eragon was a cutie and it was nice to see Jeremy Irons in a good-guy (sort of) role. Thumbs up, though. Daughter liked it, too, though she was a bit confused by parts…she’s only 8. I’ve heard it called a Star Wars wannabe. Whatevah…I loved Star Wars (the original) so I’m not going to complain. I found the “homage” (said with the proper French accent) quite delightful, esp. since the story was originally penned by a 15-year old boy, yes?

How else did I refill this week? I cleaned the junk drawers in the kitchen. Not a big thing, but it’s a reminder that I’m getting caught up on all the little things that went by the wayside while I was working so hard to meet my deadline. And I cooked! I made minestrone soup, chocolate cake, mac & cheese, artichoke dip, peaches & cream bread pudding (my specialty!) and any and all comfort foods I could think of. I even had my mother-in-law over so she could show me how to make her signature chocolate chip cookies. Delish!

I know I have to get back to work soon…probably won’t be until next week after my daughter goes back to school and my husband goes back to work, but I’m determined to enjoy these last few days of “vacation” and keep my mind off my books so that when I do get back, my subconscious and creative minds will be rested.

So…what do you do to refill your well? To soothe your frazzled nerves and give your brain a well-deserved rest?

Me, I think of Colin Firth.

And since it finally got cold in Florida after the tornados…I think I’ll make more soup.

HAPPY DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS!
It’s a holiday week, so my brain is on vacation. I’m giving you a laugh instead!
THEN I’M ASKING YOU AN IMPORTANT QUESTION …
*****

Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Greying hair adds attraction. Wedding dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
****

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY :present: GIFT :present: THIS YEAR?
Mine was the handbag I’ve been admiring in the store for weeks and weeks and didn’t want to splurge on!
****

Now that you’ve answered, what are you doing on the computer? Go hit those sales!

We wish you all a joyous, safe and peace-filled holiday.

Love,
Leslie, Carly, Janelle and Julie

The winner of Friday’s Jungle Madness Contest is:

EV (Post #67)

Congratulations, Ev! Be sure to email me your full name and mailing address at: janelle@janelledenison.com so each of us can mail you your autographed book. Also, let me know which online bookstore you would like your $50.00 credit to.

It’s Christmas Eve, and here’s wishing all of you a holiday hunk of your very own!

“What present would you like most this holiday season?
(No cheating and saying fabulous contracts, world peace or George Clooney! Those are a given.)”

LK: I want an official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.

Um…okay, no. That’s Ralphie, not me. Hmm, what do I realllly want beyond a miracle pill to make 30 pounds disappear and remove all the gray from my hair and the wrinkles from my face? That’s tough–I have everything I need. Except a house! That’s what I want. A house. I want to sell my house in Florida and have a new house of my own up here in Maryland.

But since I probably won’t get that by Monday, I’ll vote for a pair of fun and funky winter boots to wear in case it EVER gets cold and/or snows up here. And maybe a cute new pair of jammies to wear when I go see my Plotmonkey posse in just a couple of weeks! Yahoooooooo!!

JEL: I guess the jammies I got us for the summer aren’t flannel, are they? Wait…darn. Just checked the weather. It’s cold. Relatively speaking. Man, the food better be good because I’m going to have to pack a LOT of sweaters. Oh, wait…whining isn’t part of this answer. I want my daughter to get her cast off, while I also want her to realize that wearing a cast isn’t the end of the known universe. I want to get willpower for Christmas, so I can keep up my exercise regimen…or at least, the exercise regimen I intend to have after the new year. I want an outfit to go with the coolio boots my husband got me for Christmas. (Yes, I know I’m not supposed to see them, but I had to try them on…they are cool-iiii-o!) I want to work on a book that doesn’t try to wrestle me to the ground. And succeed. I want more time to go see movies! And I want my weekend with my girls!!!

CP: I want time alone to breath. I want a book that doesn’t pressure me. I want to write and find pleasure. I want a vacation with my husband. (i.e. time alone to breath). Not asking for much, am I? Oh and the yellow gold Cartier LOVE bracelet. NOW I’m not asking for much, am I?

JD: As you all can probably tell, I think the holiday stress has gotten to us Plotmonkeys, LOL! We’re all looking forward to our yearly retreat next month! This is a tough question, because I truly have everything I could ever NEED. And for me, I already got my Christmas present this year — my two teenage girls, who HATE to have their picture taken, grinned for the camera and let someone take beautiful pictures of them. I couldn’t be happier. It’s been such a long time since I’ve had really nice photos of them done up, and it makes me realize just how grown up my two girls have become! ::sniff:: Other than that, I would love another 12 hours in a day, time to read all the wonderful books in my to-be-read pile, the energy and enthusiasm to write as fast and as well as Nora, and a magic wand that makes my house clean and spotless when it’s waved over a mess (and there are plenty of them!).

Now what about all of YOU? What present would you like most this holiday season?

All of us Monkey’s decided for the holidays we’d get together and do a fun giveaway. Something the winner can use AFTER the holidays to relax and enjoy themselves! So, with that in mind, we’re giving away a $50.00 gift certificate to one of the following: barnes&noble.com, Amazon.com, or Amazon.ca (which makes Canadian’s eligible to win, too — whoo-hoo!!!). The winner will choose which online bookstore site they would like the gift certificate to, and we’ll have it sent directly to them.

On top of that, each Plotmonkey will be giving away an autographed book from their backlist:

Leslie - HERE COMES TROUBLE
Julie - DIRTY LITTLE LIES
Carly - HOT ITEM
Janelle - SECRET SANTA

If you should have one or all four of those books already (and we really, truly hope you do! ), then you can choose another book from the author’s backlist (depending on availability. Sorry, but no upcoming titles can be chosen for this contest — just existing already published books).

All you have to do to enter is post on today’s blog. Winner will be announced on Sunday, so be sure to stop by over the weekend to check and see if you’re the winner!