Plot Monkeys

…the first Plotmonkey to forget to post her blog. I wish I had some elaborate story to make my brain fart understandable…but alas, I have nothing. Just another example of Julie forgetting what day of the week it is.

To me, September 20th is simply one day–my husband’s birthday.

The fact that the 20th is also Wednesday never even occured to me.

All other responsibilities surrounding this day fall away. Well, except for a long-scheduled appointment with my daughter’s pediatrician, which I’m 100% certain I would have forgotten if not for the fact that I’ve written it down in my calendar.

Oh, who am I kidding? Writing something down in my calendar means zip. Right this very second, I couldn’t tell you where my calendar is.

The only reason I didn’t forget the appointment is because they called me yesterday to remind me.

Family holidays (birthdays) pretty much are ingrained in my mind, so if by some wild chance I happen to know the day’s date, I’m okay. But I’m a scatterbrain and after you reach a certain age, you simply accept this about yourself and move along.

My husband, who is a Type-A personality, cannot understand this. You’d think after 15 years of marriage–and five years dating before that–he’d accept that I’m not a list-maker, not a PDA person. Alas, the poor man suffers. I make an effort every so often to be more organized…I had a list going for three weeks straight until this Monday…but it doesn’t last. I’m starting it again today. One more try!

It’s not that I don’t WANT to be organized. It’s not that I don’t want to get things accomplished. My brain simply is wired to do what is necessary first and foremost and everything else just has to wait. And for some reason, this week has been nuts.

Not that the blog isn’t important…but this week, my focus has been on the hubby’s birthday, my daughter’s doctor’s appointment and various and sundry appointments and paperwork filings in relation to her schooling. Writing? What is writing? I haven’t turned my laptop on in a week.

The only thing that saves me from beating myself up over my inability to be the a) perfect blogger, b) perfect writer, c) perfect wife, d) perfect mother is the fact that I know that women everywhere suffer from the “I must do everything” disease. I just got off the phone with my SIL, who had her daycare provider quit with very little notice and now she’s struggling to figure out where to put her twin toddler daughters while she attempts to keep her job and take care of her two older children…all in the same week that my brother has to go out of town on business.

Made me feel a little stupid telling her I couldn’t talk long because I had to write my blog.

Anyway, for women everywhere who try to do everything right and sometimes just screw it up, I salute you! I toast you with a :cocktail: and send you the biggest of cyber-hugs because, hey, you gave it a shot. And I send two :cocktail::cocktail: to the Plotmonkey readers for showing up here everyday for a dose of entertainment and commiseration in this challenge we call life!

The only thing missing from the celebration is Mike Piazza
But not any more:

MAY THE AMAZIN’S GO ALL THE WAY!
*******

AND NOW ON TO MY ALREADY SCHEDULED POST!

In honor of the Jewish New Year which begins this weekend, I thought I would offer you all a :present: gift :present:

Shana Tovah

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs, and your stocks not fall .

And may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber, and the IRS.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere during rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get there may you find a parking space.

May this Yom Tov, find you seated around the dinner table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends, ushering in the Jewish New Year ahead.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finishdinner, may your checkbook and your budget balance, and may they include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say “I love you” at least once a day to your partner, your child, and your parent(s). You can say it to your secretary, your nurse, your butcher, your photographer, your masseuse, your seamstress, your hairdresser or your gym instructor, but not with a “twinkle” in your eye.

May we live as intended, in a world at peace with the awareness of the beauty in every sunset, every flower’s unfolding petals, every baby’s smile and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous part of ourselves.

Bless you with every happiness, great health, peace and much love during the next year and all those that follow.
Amen.

As a writer, I guess it’s part of my job to know a lot of words and to know how to use them. There are some I just don’t like (for instance penis…hate that stupid word.) There are some I use way too often and which I have to hunt down and slaughter with a poisoned stake before sending in my manuscripts. And, of course, as a romance writer, I especially have to know words like stroked, thrust, pounded, arousal, ecstasy…as well as any other word that can be used in place of the much-hated p-word mentioned above.

But even aside from my job, I’m just a word person. I like them. I like the way some words echo in the ear or roll off the tongue. Some just fill your mouth and some slip past your lips when you say them. I like being able to get a wealth of meaning, mood or description across with just one or two appropriate words…(like :biteme: I mean, it’s so many things–a request, a command and a description of your attitude. Or It conveys mood AND asks a question. What a perfect little combination of words!)

I won’t say I like words as much as I like Snickers bars, but you know, there are some that are pretty darn cool.

Here are some of my favorites…

Metamorphosis: I love the morph in the middle of it because I liked Morph in X-Men. I also like the sibilant “sis” at the end. It’s a mysterious sounding word (and not just because it sounds a little like the word mysterious.) I also like its meaning–changing, transforming, going beyond what you are. As in, “Leslie’s metamorphosis from unknown nobody to New York Times bestselling author took place in a remarkably short time!”

Juxtaposition: It sounds elegant. And it’s one of those words that kind of illustrates its own meaning–the positioning of its own letters makes it unique. I sometimes use it when I’m writing, but haven’t entirely gotten the knack of it, so my sentences would probably be something like this: “The juxtaposition of Leslie’s double chin and her puffy cheeks provided evidence of her Frito Lay weekend.” (I’ll keep working on that one.)

Schaudenfreude: This was actually one of my favorite words even before I fell in love with the song by this name in the Broadway musical Avenue Q. It’s just stark and rigid and you can tell when you hear it that it isn’t very nice… “but everybody does it!” (I actually managed to get it into my last book, Here Comes Trouble…woo hoo!) “Seeing a cop writing a ticket for the dickless wonder who’d just cut her off in traffic made Leslie cackle in pure schaudenfreude.”

Lyrical: It’s another one of those words that sounds like what it is. It rolls off the tongue…it’s lyrical…when you say it. “Hugh Jackman’s sexy, lyrical whispers were jerked out of Leslie’s head by the shrill, not-so-lyrical shriek of her alarm clock.”

Syncopation: I like quirky, offbeat things and people. So a word that celebrates the tock-tick instead of the tick-tock is okay by me. Can’t think of a sentence for it, tho, beyond something like, “Syncopation…sounds like constipation, but it isn’t.” Anyone?

Piparoo: Why don’t we use this one anymore? It’s so funny…feisty and brash. “Carly gave Julie a time-out during a plotting session because Julie was being a real piparoo.”

Karma: I like what it means. I like having a simple, five letter word to replace the otherwise very wordy: “What goes around comes around, you schmuck.”

Onomatopoeia: What a great word! Little kids have to learn it even though nobody knows how to spell it! And it is exactly the opposite of what it means–it sounds nothing like anything…it should be something like “soundsalotalika” but it’s not! What fun!

“Constantinople and Timbuktu!”: A holdover from my childhood love of Dr. Seuss. I was thrilled that I could read “big words too.” (A round of applause for the first one who can name the book.)

Visceral: It’s a raw word and immediately makes me think of bloody, ropy guts. (No, I have no idea why.) But I like it. “Leslie’s reaction to the number on the scale at Curves was a visceral, deep-seated hatred for the man who invented Lays Salt & Vinegar potato chips.”

Impregnable: Huge moat. High walls. Razor-fence. Firmly closed thighs. It’s a challenge word…I like those. “Within the impregnable depths of Leslie’s mind exists the secret for being rich and famous. But she can’t get to it because her mind’s impregnable.”

Impassioned: It’s not just passionate. Not just full of passion. It’s positively instilled with passion, overwhelmed with passion, dripping passion. Now that’s passion. “Leslie’s impassioned plea for another week on her deadline melted the cockles of her editor’s heart.” (Not that I know what cockles are…some wordsmith I am!)

Inane: It’s so much like insane. Utterly appropriate IMO since I, quite often, am driven insane by the inane. “The less Leslie wants to work on her wip, the more inane her blog entries become.” (If you look through the archives, you can probably get an idea of just how much I want to write my wip.)

So, there you go, a brief sampling of my favorite words. There are more, of course, but these were the first that arose from the depths of my consciousness and imbued my soul with the desire to bring forth the subject. (More faves!)

What about you? Anyone care to illustrate their favorite word in a bit of irreverent (I like that one, too) prose? (A book from my backlist to my favorite.)

Friday’s winner is… Shelley, 62!! Congratulations! Please email me at julie@julieleto.com with your snail mail address so I can get your prize out to you ASAP!

Here’s the funny…enjoy!

Lament of a New Wife (A Poem)

He didn’t like the casserole
And he didn’t like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard…
Not like his mother used to make.

I didn’t perk the coffee right
He didn’t like the stew,
I didn’t mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked the shit out of him…

Like his MOMMA used to do.

Have you ever been dissatisfied with a book title or cover?

JEL: Nothing is ever perfect in this business, so of course, there are covers and titles I haven’t liked. Titlewise, nothing that I objected to really strongly–all of those I was able to get changed before the title was put on the cover. I love my Dirty titles, as they are mine, as are most of my titles, honestly. I wasn’t crazy about Brazen & Burning. I wanted the title Slow Burn (which was the heroine, Sydney’s, nickname) but Heather Graham had a book coming out with the same title, so I lost. As for covers, yeah, I’ve had a few that I was really miffed about. But a very small percentage.

CP: I’ve always worked with my editor on titles and so I can’t say I’ve ever been unhappy. The only major changes for me were that Under the Boardwalk and Summer Lovin’ was supposed to be Jersey Girl and Manhattan Woman and those were changed and took a lot of getting used to for me. But for the most part, if they can’t go with a title I want, we brainstorm until we’re all happy, so it works well.

LK: Uh…yeah.
As I said in the answer to last week’s question, I’ve been less than thrilled with some of my s.t. covers. I haven’t ever *hated* a title and I’ve just loved many of them. I really am thrilled with the title of my next HQN single title–SHE’S NO ANGEL–although I sure wish we’d realized we didn’t want to go with the “Trouble” titles *before* the first book came out. Anyway, my editor is very very very good with titles and she can always come up with something that I really end up liking.

JD: Most of the titles I didn’t like were the titles “assigned” to my Harlequin Romances, when I was writing the sweet, traditional stories. At that time, Harlequin was certain that any title with Bride, Baby, Cowboy, Mother, Father, Dad or Wedding was certain to be a best-seller (uh, not according to my records they weren’t, LOL!). Some of the titles I got stuck with were: Ready-Made Bride, Bride Included, A Dad for Daniel, Substitute Father, The Wedding Bargain, The Wedding Secret and The Baby Surprise. Uh, do you see a theme here? LOL. Most of my Temptation and Blaze titles I’ve really liked, even if they did come from my editor, and all my single title and novella titles have been my own. As for covers — yeah, I’ve had my share of less than spectacular ones. Like Christmas Fantasy, which featured a guy (solo) on the cover with a goofy grin and ears as big as Dumbo’s. Oy! And then there was Pure Indulgence, where my heroine had TWO ears on one side of her head. But other than that, I’ve been fairly lucky with my covers.

DIRTY LITTLE LIES has been out for three weeks now and it’s time to party!

The Junge Madness giveaway is the Valor Gold Selection Sampler. This attractive box of chocolates is the ideal introduction to Valor Spanish Chocolates, or perhaps a wonderful gift for someone who likes all types of chocolate, because it contains a generous sampling of everything. Look at the photos to see the variety – Valor’s famous bon bons, individually wrapped solid chocolate squares, chocolate covered almonds, and “Cuvé” – milk and dark chocolate sticks filled with flavored praline.

I gave this away weeks ago at my Marisela website and it was VERY popular!

I’m also going to send the winner a signed copy of DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS (the first book, if you don’t have it!) and a signed bookplate that you can put into your copy of DIRTY LITTLE LIES, because I know you’ve already bought it, because, well, I’ve been pushing that book on you like a used car salesman. And, just because I’m in a party mood, I’m also going to send a Cuban music CD that you can dance around the house with! Go on…I won’t tell if you’re shaking your groove thang!

Just post a comment…you know the drill. US entrants only because of the chocolate. Winner will be chosen via random drawing!

ALSO–you may have noticed that the Plotmonkeys now have a newsletter! If you sign up (look to your right,) you are automatically entered to win one backlist title from each of the Plotmonkeys! I’m giving away a copy of MAKING WAVES. Leslie is offering SHE’S GOT THE LOOK. Carly and Janelle haven’t specified titles, but you’ll get a great gift pack from all the monkeys! Sign up now!

It’s been two and a half months (10 weeks) since I started my healthier way of living and eating, and I’ve reached my first personal milestone in my diet program. I’ve lost 25 pounds and I’ve dropped nearly two dress sizes. Wow, I really, really did it! I still have 40-50 more pounds to lose, but I haven’t seen this current weight of mine in three years, and I’m enjoying the fact that I’m gradually seeing glimpses of a thinner me.

The 25 pound weight loss really hit me when I was lifting a big 25 lb. bag of dog kibble into a basket so I could buy it. I took a second look at the bag of food and thought: Holy moly, I lost that amount of weight. I was carrying around those extra 25 pounds with me every day! How in the world did I do it? And to think, I still have a good amount of weight still yet to lose!

Most people who haven’t seen me in a while and realize I’ve lost weight ask if it’s been easy to do. Yes . . . and no. I’m truly loving everything about my diet program, yet there are times when it’s challenging and I have to really think and decide if that piece of cheesecake is going to be worth the possibility of not losing any weight for the week (You so do NOT want to know how many calories are in a slice of my favorite cheesecake, which is White Chocolate Carmel Latte Cheesecake - YUM! Okay, it’s 1,010 calories and 62 grams of fat. YIKES!).

The other big question everyone asks is: How did you do it? Well, determination, persistence and willpower have definitely helped. But mostly, it all comes down to what I’m eating, portion sizes, and exercising on a regular basis. Sounds easy enough – but as most of us know, it’s not. That’s where my own personal determination has helped me tremendously. I’m determined to get this weight off, once and for all. And now that I’ve dropped 25 pounds, I’m even more focused and driven to get the rest of the weight off. And if I keep up this healthier way of living, I’ll be the newer, slimmer me by February. It’s a long term goal I intend to achieve.

That said, I’d like to share with you the things I’ve learned over the past 10 weeks that have helped me stay focused and on track.

1) Exercising, along with healthy eating habits, does make a big difference. I walk every day for 45 minutes with my dog, Sandie. Sometimes my husband joins me, and when he does, it makes for a nice evening of uninterrupted chit-chat. But overall I’ve noticed that because of the daily walking, the weight is coming off more quickly, and my calves, legs, and thighs are getting really toned!

2) Having a long term and short term weight loss goal keeps me focused. My long term goal is to lose 60-70 pounds by February. I’ve already lost 25 pounds in two and a half months, so it’s a realistic goal. However, it’s important to have short term goals, too. I take my weight loss in 5 pound increments. Losing five pounds is a 2-3 week process, and I know I can watch what I eat and exercise for that short period of time. And, those five pound weight losses do add up, and fairly quickly, too.

3) I definitely have splurge days – or days when I eat things I shouldn’t. Usually it’s just one meal, not a day long binge. But when that happens, I get right back on track the NEXT MEAL. Not the next day. Eating something I shouldn’t isn’t a license to binge for the rest of the day. Anything more than that one “splurge” is just more calories I have to work harder to lose.

4) I love, love, love eating fresh fruits and vegetables. I eat three servings of fresh fruit a day, and four servings of fresh vegetables a day. In the beginning, I truly thought it would be difficult to eat all that fruit and vegetables every day – but I really do like and enjoy it! I go to a local Farmer’s Market twice a week so everything is always fresh and ready to eat. And here in Southern California, where the weather is sunny and warm nearly all year long, fresh fruits and vegetables are abundant all twelve months of the year.

5) Get rid of the junk food in the house so it doesn’t tempt you. That pretty much goes without saying, LOL. I cleaned out my cupboards and stocked them with healthier alternatives, and of course the kids complained, loudly, but I figure if they are that hungry, they can eat a piece of fruit, or yogurt, or a granola bar.

6) My cravings for sweets has pretty much gone away. I never thought that would happen. Every so often something sweet will sound good (usually at that time of the month - UGH!), and if so, I’ll indulge in a few bites of that treat. However, I was recently at a party and was served a piece of tiramisu with french vanilla ice cream. I ate half of it and started to feel sick to my stomach. The feeling lasted for the rest of the night and I woke up the next morning feeling like I had a hangover – my stomach was still not settled, I had a headache, and I just felt BLAH. It was such an awful feeling, that now I think twice before I eat something really, really sweet.

7) On that note, I’ve cut out refined sugar from my diet, as well as the three doses of caffiene I was consuming every day. It was a two week process to detox myself of the sugar and caffiene, but I honestly feel so much better without it in my system.

8) I’m drinking tons of water – well over 100 ounces a day (that’s about 12 glasses a day). I was never a water drinker before, but it’s really all I drink now – except for the occasional glass of iced tea. I don’t drink diet drinks, either. But drinking all that water really does help to flush out the bad stuff, and my complexion has never looked so good! The drawback, though, is having to get up in the middle of the night to go the bathroom. That’s a real pain, LOL.

9) If I am craving something other than my tasty protein bars (they really are good!), I’ll have one of those 100 calorie pack snacks. They are so great – it’s just enough to satisfy my hankering without blowing my entire diet.

10) It’s all about making the right choices. A chocolate candy bar vs. a granola bar. Ice cream vs. fat-free frozen yogurt. You get the point. Those little choices can add up to big savings calorie-wise. And most of the time, you won’t miss the richer, high-fat alternative!

11) Eat a variety of healthy things. My counselor told me that most people quit a diet because they eat the same things over and over (i.e., chicken and tuna, or bananas and apples every day, etc). Their diet becomes bland and boring, and that’s when the splurging gets out of control. I have to say that I eat something different every day. I mix things up – eat different fruits and vegetables and proteins. I do have my favorites, but I try to keep things interesting.

12) Take it one day at a time. Eating healthy does get easier, and it becomes a normal routine after a few weeks.

13) I eat three solid meals a day, along with 2/3 healthy snacks. So, that means about every 3 hours I’m eating something, which keeps me from getting so hungry that I eat more than I should. And I really love that I get to eat every three hours – though in the beginning of this diet I was certain that I was eating way too much food to lose weight. I learned it was WHAT you ate that mattered!

14) I know it’s a pain to do, but keeping a journal of everything I’ve eaten in a day does make a difference. Counting calories, too. If you don’t account for those “few bites” here and there, it can add up to a pound gained in a week. Writing down the calories you consume in a day keeps you on track – and makes you aware of what you should and shouldn’t have.

15) Dieting and adopting a healthy lifestyle is a personal thing. I think it’s very important to find a plan that works for each person and their lifestyle. What works for one person, doesn’t necessarily work for another person. That’s one thing I’ve learned over the years of dieting – and not sticking to it. I’ve finally found what works for ME, and that has made all the difference for me in terms of sticking with this for the long haul. Also, I’ve discovered that living a healthy lifestyle is 90% mental. Being mentally ready to tackle the challenge of losing so much weight was the hardest part. But once I made the commitment, I haven’t looked back or detoured from my goal.

16) And last, and most important, nothing tastes as good as watching myself slim down feels!

So, if you’re currently watching what you eat, what are your favorite tips and tricks that keep you focused and on track?

Are you superstitious? I never really thought I was. I mean, yeah, black cats crossing my path do make me pause. But then, I pause for tabby cats crossing my path, too.

I miss my own black kitty (who, by the way, graced us with a haunting meow this week–that both my daughter and I heard–when she’s been dead for three years…but I digress) but cats have generally always given me the willies. Just look at one long enough and you know they know something we don’t. (This picture isn’t my dearly departed cat…but it looks EXACTLY like her.)

I do not walk under ladders…but then, I do that for safety reasons. Cracks in the sidewalk do not bother me. Ditto for broken mirrors except that the one time I had to have stitches was on account of a broken mirror (though I didn’t go get the stitches because I was too afraid to tell my mother…Long story.) I will fix upside down horseshoes and I’m not too fond of having peacock feathers around, as much as I adore the colors, because a very good friend of mine whose mother was a practising witch told her it was bad luck. (This same woman once read my palm and was so dead on, I don’t argue with her.)

But beyond the normal toss the salt over the shoulder when you spill it stuff, I’m okay.

Except on Sundays.

You have to know that I’m a news junkie. I don’t know exactly when this started, but it feeds my love of trivia, so I go with it. My favorite radio show is on NPR and it’s called “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.” If you’ve never heard it and you love the news, listen once. It’s hilarious. Basically, it’s a game show played by three comedians using the news as their material.

My home page is set to Google news. I check the local news websites at least twice a day (many more during a hurricane threat) and one station sends me alerts when anything interesting happens like a wreck on 275. I rarely go to the big sites like CNN or Fox, but I’ve been known to hit the BCC website just to see what’s going on in Europe.

I love entertainment news. I tolerate political stuff and read only enough to know generally what’s going on in the world. I love true crime and human interest stories. So you can imagine my elation when the big, thick Sunday newspaper comes.

And there is a ritual involved. I have to read Parade magazine first.

Have. To.

I don’t know why. It’s a habit that somehow became a superstition. If I don’t indulge in this brilliant mix-mash of entertainment, health, political and human interest news first thing on Sunday, my week will suck. Seriously, I believe this. I can’t tell you if my week has actually sucked after NOT reading the mag, because well, I’ve only missed weeks when I was on vacation. Though honestly, when you’re on vacation, all bets are off.

I’ve had lots of sucky weeks where I have read Parade, so clearly, this is not a science. But I still cannot knowingly read any other section of the newspaper first on Sunday.

I know. It’s weird. You don’t have to tell me. I’m fully aware.

But I know that other people have little rituals and such that they adhere to that make no sense to other people.

I’ll confess a few more:

I cannot complain about my car while driving in my car…or within earshot. She can hear me and it’s rude.

If I’m eating jellybeans, I usually do so in even numbers.

I always wear my rosary bracelet when I fly or drive long distances. It’s pink and if you see me while I’m traveling, you will see it on my wrist.

Those are only a very few of my neurotic rituals. Do you have any? Come on, spill. Even if they are weird. Those are the most fun!

OK you guys, I’m finally listening to my plotmonkey tape from Atlanta so that I can work on my next Hot Zone story, this one is John Roper and Amy’s story. I love putting on my headphones and revisiting our time together. Our plotting sessions are SO much fun. I can’t believe how hard we laugh and how distinct our personalities are and how those personalities are so vivid even on tape!

Julie brings up things that are important that nobody wants to know or talk about. It’s always a point like … how old is the heroine’s mother? And I don’t care, but I know at some point I’m going to have to care, and she won’t give up :wallbash: until I admit it’s important, LOL. She’s the pusher. One year Julie got a time out and was sent to the bathroom until she could behave, ROTF.

This past session, Janelle kept trying to squeeze through between my chair and the bed and make me move my legs and I wouldn’t. She refused to just climb over the bed because it was too squishy. I whined and she barreled through. Every few minutes on tape, she offered us protein bars.

The funny thing is it’s Leslie who was the most well behaved on tape and if you know Les, well … let’s just say it’s misleading. Hahahaha.

Revisiting our session put a smile on my face but also made me miss my plotmonkey pals. :cry:

Did we tell you we’re plotting again in January 2007? I can’t wait!!!!! Can’t tell you where we’re going. It’s a National Secret. But I can tell you it’ll result in more monkey stories!

And that calls for a P A R T Y!

NEWS FLASH: We’re starting a newsletter! Want to keep up with all the Plotmonkeys news/reviews and general updates? Click the link on our main page to subscribe!

I had a really bad dream the other night and it’s all Julie’s fault. She blogged about that creepy balloon guy, remember? The next day there was an alert here about some guy in a clown suit trying to lure kids into his van. Then I dreamed about a really bad sick s.o.b. luring my kid on the internet. It was the kind of dream that made me wake up in a sweat with tears in my eyes, and sent me prowling through the dark house to check that the children were nestled all snug in their beds and all that jazz. (The next night I went prowling through the dark house on a cricket hunt, but that’s another story.)

Anyway, dreams. I have them. Very, very vividly, too. And some of them are recurring. Just ask my husband–he knows all about my burning house dream.

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve dreamt about being trapped on the third floor of an old white Victorian style house. I’m staring out a tiny window, crying out to the people below who are trying to put out the fire. The one I’m trapped in. The one I think I am about to die in. (Actually, the one I think I did die in if I chose to believe in that past life stuff.)

I have had this dream for years. And it has obviously affected me. Because one night, when I was pregnant with my third child, I woke up during the night gasping for breath, coughing and hacking into my fist. I grabbed my hubby, choked out that the house was on fire. He leaps up, goes into “attack” mode like the fire is actually a knife-wielding psycho, then goes tearing through the house–naked–looking for the fire.

Uh…like, he was gonna spit (ahem!) on it or something to put it out?

Anyway, no fire. Of course.

He came back to bed and the two of us realized I’d just had my very bad awful scary dream again. Which didn’t make him feel any better about running around the house naked at 2 am looking for a fire, and didn’t make me feel any better about how sore my throat was or how I could still feel the acrid tinge of smoke in my eyes.

You think the story ends there? No. You see, the next night…guess what happened. Go on, one guess, you can get it.

Yep. Exactly the same thing. Woke up shaking, hacking, gasping. I was sitting up in bed, practically choking, with tears streaming down my face from my burning eyes as I yelled that the house was on fire.

This time he didn’t go running around the house. He simply calmed me down, hugged me and rocked me back to sleep.

Since that night, I’ve had the dream, but never to that level. And I haven’t freaked my husband out again. It’s never been that drastic–that terrifying. That tangible. (Though, if you ever run into Roxanne St. Claire or Cami Dalton, ask them about the terror I put them through when we were staying on the 23rd floor at a hotel in Washington DC during the 2000 RWA conference. When I smelled smoke. Oy.)

I do have other recurring dreams–often about my Mother. In my dreams, I see her much more vividly than I do when I close my eyes and try to picture her face. She’s so beautiful and so alive, I find myself seeking those dreams in my sleep, even though I do inevitably wake up crying my eyes out, still missing her so much after 17 years.

I know Julie talked about dreams during her blog a few weeks ago, so please forgive the repetition, but I find the whole subject pretty fascinating. Do I really think I died in a fire in another life? Well, it’s very Audrey Rose’ish, but I would never say never. In my defense, I think it’s probably a little less weird than thinking I was once Cleopatra or Martha Washington. (On that subject, why is it that people who get that past life regression stuff, or psychics, always claim they were Napoleon or King George…why weren’t they ever a blacksmith from a little village in Ireland who worked his whole life and died broke and alone? Hmm??)

Okay, weird subject for a Monday morning, I know. Remember, though, it’s all Julie’s fault. She and that weird, creepy balloon guy wouldn’t leave my mind. So be careful what you blog about this week, girlfriend.

Anybody else have the kind of dreams that make you scratch your head, wondering if maybe they’re actually more than just fanciful fantasies of the night?

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