Lessons Learned
I’m back. Not at 100%, but the flu I suffered last week just about kicked my backside, and there’s a lot of backside to kick. Part of my misery was having a fever for five days that topped off at 102 and the other part was having my daughter nearly as sick as I was.
But I learned something very valuable while I was sick.
On Friday (I think…could have been Thursday or Saturday for all I know) my doctor put me on a cough medicine that had Vicodin in it. Now, anyone who knows me understands that I have an aversion-bordering-on-phobia about taking prescription drugs. Probably stems from the horrible reaction I had to Percocet after my c-section ten years ago. But my cough was so bad I’d bruised my insides and coughing hurt, so I took the medication.
Ugh.
I was out of it. I could not keep my eyes open, couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t see straight, much less do anything necessary to take care of myself or my daughter.
And that’s when I learned something.
My daughter is very maternal.
Now, some of you might not think this is a surprising thing. I’m extremely maternal. I always have been. I have two younger brothers and as my mother worked, I was expected to take care of them quite a bit, which I did, though I never once thought of it as babysitting, probably because my grandmother was usually supervising. I love babies and will be the first person to take an infant out of a tired mother’s arms so she can get a few minutes of peace when we’re at a party or something. If a neighborhood kid gets hurt, chances are they’ll run to my house for TLC before they go home to their own mom.
My daughter being an only child gets, therefore, a lot of attention. And let’s not beat about the bush–she’s spoiled. Not spoiled rotten (most of the time!) but definitely the center of my universe and she knows it. So it was with great pride and surprise that I learned that when the chips are down, she can turn on the maternal instinct to get done what needs to be done.
I had to eat, but didn’t have the energy to get out of bed, so she went to the kitchen and made me something to eat–her first “cooked” meal ever. It was just a peanut butter sandwich, but from a kid who doesn’t even eat peanut butter sandwiches, I was impressed. And she was so proud of herself. In fact, it was she who said, “Momma, I don’t think you’ve eaten anything today. I’m going to make you something.” I was too drugged out to register much and I was pretty sure she wasn’t going to turn on the stove or anything.
She sat in the room with me the whole day, playing quietly on her Nintendo DS or reading while I drifted in and out. We watched a movie together and she refilled my water (along with hers) and kept taking my temperature. She was as close to Florence Nightingale as a little ten year old could get and I was so proud of her. She never once asked me to do anything for her for an entire day.
I don’t really know why I’m surprised. She’s a very caring child. She’s just incredibly self-absorbed. And like Leslie’s youngest, she’s frickin’ brilliant. If I told you her IQ, your eyebrows would pop off the top of your head. (Mine did when I was told.) But like many kids who are very smart, she tends to live in the clouds and be very unaware about pesky things like how other people are feeling about things. But when the chips were down, she came through in a big way.
Maybe that’s what made me feel better!
So…have your children ever surprised you? Good ways? Bad ways? And if not your kids, someone else’s?
wow Julie, what a lovely, heart-warming story to start the day! Give your daughter a big, old hug from me for being such a sweetie
I don’t have kids, so sometimes I get a little cynical about how they act and are spoiled, but I have a few friends with kids around your age, one of them has a 12-year-old boy, and he gets home from school and takes care of his younger sister and brother, and it’s just so cute, and so wonderful. He even cooks dinner while mom is at work. Maybe not so surprising, but it was waaaay more than what I did at his age. My friend is a single mom, and she’s got great kids. I don’t know how she does it, but she does, and her kids are amazing for being so young and not having much of a father to help raise them. Just puts a smile in my heart.
Comment by Stacy ~ — March 12, 2008 @ 6:14 am
That’s such a nice thing to hear. Hope you spoil her with something when you are back to 100%!
I was a single parent so Heather learned to be self-sufficient very early on. She started babysitting at 11- 3 little kids after school. Couldn’t count on her to clean the litter box on a regular basis though. She is spoiled rotten too, but not a spoiled brat. Just a brat.
Now she has decided to learn to cook, wants to plant a garden and has been helping me put together the redone craft room. No we are not going to AC Moore Heather. There is enough crap up there already.
I don’t think adults give kids enough credit for stuff these days. they hear so many bad things and the good gets pushed aside.
BTW- since she will read this. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GETTING FOR YOUR B’DAY!!!
Comment by ev — March 12, 2008 @ 7:19 am
Good morning Plotmonkeys and Jungle Crawlers,
Julie, so glad you’re feeling better. All three of us were sick with a horrible infection right before you. We all had the over 102 fever, chills…I’m so glad you had your daughter there to take care of you. Kids are amazing aren’t they.
Even when Lilly was sick along with Mike and I, she was still trying to take care of us. She’s quite maternal and very resilient too. We thought the only cure would be euthanasia, but bless her big heart, she just pushed through. I felt so guilty being that sick and not able to take care of them.
But hey, we made it back into the light.
I hope everyone out there is well and stays well.
Cher
Comment by Cher — March 12, 2008 @ 8:03 am
Mine are too young to care for me, but when or if it happens I will be proud and shocked.
Glad you are feeling better.
Comment by Heather Harper — March 12, 2008 @ 8:10 am
Glad your feeling better. I had the flu two weeks ago and the cough is still hanging on.
Your daughter sounds amazing. I think that maybe its the age, because while I lay bed ridden for three days my eleven year old daughter was the one to bring me my medicine on time, to get me drinks and to keep me company when I was awake. It made me realize that she will make a good mother one day, a very loooonnng time from now.
Comment by Patty L. — March 12, 2008 @ 8:34 am
Kids are so amazing. I don’t have any yet, but I do claim my 3 nieces as my own. When my oldest niece was about 4 I got very sick when they were in for a visit. She was so sweet even at that age. She sat next to me on the bed and kept playing with my hair to make sure I was ok. Now that she is 16 she is the biggest help to my sister with her 4 year old little sister. My middle niece, who is 13, always wants to cook something if anyone is sick. She even had my sister mail me cookies one time when I had a kidney stones. My youngest niece just wants to sit with you if you don’t feel well. Her dad had a pretty bad accident at work and she would come in his room and just watch tv with him. Of course, it was the Wonder Pets, but she was watching over him. All three are pretty spoiled(not rotten) but each comes through when needed.
Comment by Liza — March 12, 2008 @ 8:49 am
Julie: that is such a sweet story.
My oldest always amazes me (he has autism). He also amazes his teachers. He did a big, huge project last month, no one at school thought he could do it (he actually did the posterboard and the presentation himself). He had help with the poster from hubby to keep him on task, but that was about it. His presentation was perfect. Only two of the four special needs kids in his class did it. As you can tell, I love freaking out teachers because they don’t think he understands anything and is just ’sitting there’…nope, he’s taking it all in and it will come out at the most random times!
Comment by katie — March 12, 2008 @ 9:27 am
Awww…so glad the princess was there to help take care of you, Julie! And I’m so glad you’re feeling better!
Comment by Leslie — March 12, 2008 @ 10:35 am
Julie,
What a sweetheart you have there.
My oldest daughter seems to be like you daughter.
She is very self absorbed, very smart, and very artistic.
I had the flu last year like you I was in bed for days. My youngest daughter had the flu too and she also has Type one diabetes.I needed all the help I could get.
Any way my oldest did stop what she was doing and played FLorence Nightengale.
Comment by Gigi — March 12, 2008 @ 10:36 am
So glad you’re feeling better.
It would seem that while the Princess is a long way off from becoming her own Queen, she already has all the wonderful qualities. But then she is your daughter and truly it doesn’t surprise me to read how nurturing she is.
I remember when mine were little (so long ago) and I was sick. They did there very best to take care of me, it was so sweet. They’ve both grown to be very caring people.
Comment by Vicki — March 12, 2008 @ 12:29 pm
Julie, glad your feeling better but take it slow because I also had the flu and pushed myself too fast and I feel like its taking me forever to shake this cough.
Your daughter is very sweet!
In our house my daughter doesn’t have alot of compassion or patience. Florence Nightingale she’s not…When she’s sick she toughs it out and expects everyone else to do the same. My son on the other hand, always worries about me and so when I was sick in bed last week with the flu it was him who checked on me and made sure I had fresh water and tissues.
Comment by Tina Martinesi — March 12, 2008 @ 12:51 pm
Julie, I love that she took such good care of you. What an angel!
Comment by Janelle — March 12, 2008 @ 12:56 pm
on my birthday and mothers day my kids make me breakfast in bed… also my son more than my daughter makes sure I go to the doctor if I am sick and gets me soups and juices
Donna
ps both are great he is just my momma’s boy…lol
Comment by donna — March 12, 2008 @ 1:53 pm
Glad you are on the mend Julie. Kudos to your daughter for being such a great caretaker.
The story that comes to my mind occurred only a couple of weeks ago. I have migraines. Since we are trying for a second child I can no longer take my meds. I had a horrible migraine and was laying on the couch while my 4 year old was playing quietly with play-doh. My husband comes home to our quiet house to find me with a migraine. Shortly after he and the dog are playing in the floor being VERY loud. My daughter approaches and says “Daddy, you and CJ need to be quiet. Mommy’s head hurts.” For a four year old I thought that was very sweet. Her daddy felt appropriately scolded and I was off to bed for the evening.
Comment by Kelly H — March 12, 2008 @ 2:44 pm
Kelly, I bet you just wanted to eat her up for being so fabulous! Hugs on the migraines…I can’t imagine. I’ve only had one in my entire life and that was more than enough!
Donna, LOL on the momma’s boy! I’m glad they take such great care of you.
Janelle, I don’t know about “angel” but she was that day. I just wish we both were back to 100%…we’re not. I feel like I could go to sleep right now!
Tina, yes, the cough doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, but at least my ribs don’t feel bruised anymore. I do, however, still sound like a dying seal. It’s not a pretty sound! So glad your son can take up the maternal slack!
Vicki, trust me, this kid is well on her way to being Queen of the Universe (which makes me Queen Mother, which is still a very good place to be!) But she came through and that’s what matters!
Gigi, seems like ours are cut from EXACTLY the same cloth! It’s good to know that when the chips are down, they can do what needs to be done. We just do the best we can as moms, never really knowing how it will all play out. Glad yours was so helpful!
Comment by Julie Leto — March 12, 2008 @ 3:57 pm
Stacy~there’s a special place in heaven for single moms. I’m convinced. Hugs to your friend for doing such a great job!
ev, you crack me up! I’m not surprised you’ve raised such a fabulous daughter!
Cher, you crack me up. I love your daily greetings! I’m glad your family is on the mend!
Heather, hugs on having such little ones…they do grow up really fast though!
Patty, LOL! Yes, a very LOOOONG time from now. I became a mom at 32 and that might have been too young, LOL!
Liza, I love being the favorite aunt. It’s harder now to pull off since I have my own, but trust me, I try! There’s something really special about neices and nephews and I have more than my fair share. Love every single one of them.
katie, that’s amazing! There’s so much we don’t understand about autism…your son sounds remarkable. Of course, it’s probably because he gets so much love!!!
Thanks, Les…let’s just pray now for no relapsing!
Comment by Julie Leto — March 12, 2008 @ 4:03 pm
Julie, so glad to hear that you’re feeling better. That flu has been terrible this year. Ugh.
And how wonderful that your baby wanted to take care of you! My girl’s pretty good about that as well. Son on the other hand isn’t exactly what one would call thoughtful. I’m working on him though. He can cook, clean, knows how to iron, and when my birthday rolled around, I told him I expected a gift. He looked at me sort of funny, but came through. Hey, I’m not just raising a son, I’m raising someone’s future husband–a lucky someone, IMO
–and he’s going to know how to treat a woman. Right now I’m making him open the car door for his sister and it’s absolutely killing him. 
Comment by Rhonda Nelson — March 12, 2008 @ 4:28 pm
My kids shielded me from an abusive husband–said he had to go thru them to get to me. He never touched them. A couple of them were still pre-teen.
Comment by Estella — March 12, 2008 @ 4:30 pm
My daughter who is turning 4 on Friday (God that is depressing for me) says and does the darndest things. Last week I was dying with back pain and when I came home from work I got on the floor and she sat next to me all concerned. Then she said “Momma, let me rub your back and make you feel better.” I smiled and let her rub my back but then she lifted up the back of my shirt and kissed my back and told me that she would just kiss it and make it all better. She just makes me smile no matter how bad of a day I am having.
Comment by Kelly F. — March 12, 2008 @ 4:43 pm
Welcome back Jules…I am so glad that you are feeling better…missed seeing you in the jungle…
your daughter is awesome to do that for you…I don’t have kids, but I can tell you what I did when my mom was sick…I was the “mom” when she was ill…I cooked and cleaned for her, brought her meds and everything…it felt really weird taking care of the woman who took care of me when me or my brothers got sick…gave me a taste of what it will be like when I have to take care of her as she gets older…that’s my story…I am gonna read all the other posts now…
Peace and love,
Paula R.
Comment by Paula R. — March 12, 2008 @ 4:54 pm
Rhonda, on behalf of the mother of a daughter, I bow to you! I know you’re raising your son right…daughter, too, of course! You’re so involved in their lives and that makes all the difference.
Estella, that’s amazing. I’m so sorry you had to experience that life, but your children are the prize for your strength. Hugs!
Kelly, I think I just melted! God, 4 is the cutest age!
Comment by Julie Leto — March 12, 2008 @ 4:55 pm
Paula, you’re a fabulous daughter!
Comment by Julie Leto — March 12, 2008 @ 5:04 pm
My oldest daughter really surprised me recently. My husband lost his job recently and I have been blown away by how my daughter seems to understand what is going on and how her daddy feels. She is almost 7 and very smart with her head off in her own world most of the time. The other day though she gave my husband a card that she made at school telling him how much she loved him and how proud she was of him and that he would find a new job very soon. It was so special it made me cry. It just really amazes me how much she understands about her daddy losing his job and what it means and how sweet she can be to her daddy about it all. All three of my children are very special to me and surprise me all the time but this was just something really special that I know my husband will remember for a very long time.
Comment by jenn c — March 12, 2008 @ 5:09 pm
jenn, that is very special. You should be very proud. Clearly, you and your husband are doing something very right to be raising a child who is so sensitive to the feelings of others. I hope he finds something new very soon.
Comment by Julie Leto — March 12, 2008 @ 5:40 pm
Julie, Welcome back. I’m glad that you are feeling better. Please don’t try to do to much to soon this is such a nasty bug that is going around. Your daughter was so sweet to take care of you. Sometimes I don’t think we give kids enough credit.
My daughters are grown with their own families but throughout the years they have surprised me numerous times, some good and a few bad! But that is just the way it is. I’m very proud of them. My youngest daughter is a single mom & has done a great job with her son. That boy (!) will be 19 next week & he is such a joy. We had lunch together a couple of weeks ago, it was so fun. He always gives me hugs & opens doors and says thank you. I appreciate that she raised this young man and that he is such a good guy. My older daughter has also given me two lovely grandchildren that are my other joys! They are 9 and 12.
Remember to take care Julie and keep getting better.
Comment by Donna M — March 12, 2008 @ 9:17 pm
Thanks, Donna. I will try to take it slow, but it’s so hard when there is so much to do! Your children and grandchildren sound fabulous. I remember the time I spent with my grandmother so well…we were very, very close. It’s something I wish my daughter could experience, but it’s hard because my mother-in-law lives in another city and my mother refuses to retire.
Comment by Julie Leto — March 12, 2008 @ 10:06 pm
My kids constantly surprise me. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s not so good. Their surprises have revealed a lot about how they are growing and changing as people. They’re constant joys.
Comment by Beth — March 13, 2008 @ 3:54 am