Saturday Guest Blogger…KIMBERLY RAYE!
We are SO lucky to have KIMBERLY RAYE back here at Plotmonkeys! Though she has a new book out now, she’s taken time out of her busy schedule to share with our aspiring writer friends about a GREAT topic. She says she’s “not into craft” but trust me, this is worth a read. Thanks for coming by, Kim!
First off, oodles of thanks to the Plotmonkeys for inviting me! Second, I truly hope I don’t disappoint anyone who’s come here for craft advise because I’m so NOT into craft. Plot scales make my eyes cross and character analysis charts that are so in-depth that they include your hero’s favorite baby food flavor when he was six months old make me want to toss my cookies. Therefore, I’m a little out of my element. But there is one aspect of novel structure that I am fascinated with, and that’s the beginning. As a writer, I spend over half of my total time per book on the first few chapters. As a reader, it’s the first page of a novel that sells me rather than the back cover copy. Why? Because the beginning sells the book. To a reader. To an editor. To anyone. So here are my thoughts on what makes a great beginning.
BANG-UP BEGINNINGS: How to Yank a Reader into Your Story
What draws a reader/editor/agent into your story? A cool premise? Beautiful prose? A particular font style? An offer of money and/or chocolate?
Unfortunately, there are as many different answers as there are readers. I have my own theory (which leans toward the catchy hook and/or the offer of chocolate), but there’s no tried and true answer. I find, however, that I rely on three Dos and Don’ts when starting a book.
1) DON’T
- Start with the proverbial trip to the mall. For instance, there’s a poisoning at a dinner party which sets the story into motion. Don’t start with the trip to the grocery story hours before. Start with the guy plunging face first into his French onion soup.
DO
- Start at a critical point in the story. This can be some sort of action, an emotional challenge, etc.. In my newest novel, YOUR COFFIN OR MINE?, the story opens with Lil being followed. This is an intriguing place to start because it raises immediate questions–why is she being followed? Who is following her? Why is she trying to evade being followed? Will she get away or get nailed? These questions make the reader want to find out the answers and, hopefully, turn the pages.
2) DON’T
-Start without a hook. A what? A hook. Something that pulls the reader in and tells them they’re going to want to stay awhile. I equate a hook with a premise. And for me, premise is EVERYTHING. It sets the tone for the story and builds expectation. In my funny paranormal series from Ballantine, the hook is that Lil Marchette, the lead character, is a vampire matchmaker. The two seem so opposite, which makes her intriguing, which stirs interest, which LURES the reader in , I.e. it HOOKS them. But how do you come up with an effective hook? This leads to the DO:
DO
-Know what you’re writing and reader expectation. Mystery? Suspense? Family Drama? Romance? Horror? The theme should play into your first line.
Here are some examples of first lines from some of my books. Keep in mind that these books are from various genres, I.e. horror, romance, urban fantasy, etc. See if you can guess from these openers what category each falls into:
A) “She needed a really good orgasm in a really bad way.”
B) “I’d always wondered what death would feel like.”
C) “I was being followed.”
If you guessed that A was a romance, you would be right. It’s the first line of one of my Blaze novels entitled THE FANTASY FACTOR, therefore it screams sexy right away. Meanwhile, B is the first line of a horror book I did a few years back entitled THE HOMECOMING. C is the first line of my newest book, YOUR COFFIN OR MINE?, out now from Ballantine Books. I love all of these first lines because I really think that they set the stage and satisfy reader expectation for their specific genre. The first is sexy, the second is creepy, and the third delivers the feel that the reader is in for some sort of mystery and intrigue.
3) DON’T
-Assume you have an entire page to snag your reader.
DO
-Assume you have a paragraph at most (that’s 2-3 lines). Make them count. While editors might have a rule of thumb for the first ten pages, etc., a reader doesn’t.
For me, first lines are what I angst over. I strive to come up with just the right words to capture the genre and set the mood. Sometimes, however, it takes more than a first line, and that’s okay if it pulls the reader along and delivers a punch. Here’s an example of an opening where the hook doesn’t come along until the end of the first paragraph. It’s from another one of my Blaze books, TALL, TANNED & TEXAN:
“Deanie Codge had been waiting her entire adult life to experience really great sex. Sex that included lots of slow, deep kisses and long, lingering touches. Sex that stole her breath away and zapped her common sense. Sex that made her toes tingle and her skin prickle and her body actually throb. Sex that didn’t involve a sleeping bag, a can of insect repellant and the bed of a beat-up pickup truck.”
This opening says sexy and funny which is exactly what my Blaze books deliver.
So tell me some of your favorite openings. Maybe it’s the first line of the book you’re working on, or maybe it’s a first line for a book that you haven’t yet started, but have been thinking about? Best first line wins an autographed copy of my newest book, along with autographed copies of the first two in the trilogy. Good luck and may the best first line win!
Julie here again…looks like Kim is going to marry her vampires with her super-hot Blaze books this coming November…and I couldn’t resist posting her cover. Somebody buy me a fan!
Oh…and in response to everyone who twisted my arm about updating my website…it’s UPDATED! COME AND LOOK!
So sorry for the web glitches this morning!!!!
Welcome, Kim! Thanks so much for coming, we’re so excited to have you here! Those are some great do’s and don’ts. I try to come up with intriguing/interesting opening sentences and put a lot of thought into them, too.
Comment by Leslie — October 13, 2007 @ 10:36 am
Oh I’m so glad it wasn’t just me that couldn’t get on here earlier.
Welcome Kimberly - and I love your Lil books. Have to confess I haven’t read a lot of your others, but Lil led me to you and I’ve loved all three of them. I liked the NASCAR ones too, I just can’t remember the names.
I have to confess that I lose sleep over first lines. I know they’re the most important and I know it’s so important to get it just right. But…how do you know?
I’ve rewritten my current wip 3X. I’m done. And I finally came up with a first line that I love, and most others have liked it too, but is it enough?
Seems like a good place to get some great feedback so I’ll throw it out here.. 
“Oh man, not the strawberry…not the strawberry…aw, sh*t.” He was done for.
Comment by Jodie — October 13, 2007 @ 11:17 am
Welcome Kim! We always love having you here — and those DOs and DON’Ts are great reminders on how to write catchy openings!
And man, oh man, oh man! Your Blaze cover is so SMOKING HOT!!!
Jodie — Your opening line definitely made me laugh!
I’m intrigued to find out what’s going on with the strawberry. It could be something totally innocent, I know :giggle: or it could be something totally kinky. 
I’m hoping for the latter! 
Comment by Janelle — October 13, 2007 @ 11:39 am
First Kimberly thanks!!
I love the list of DO’S and DONTS. So here goes my opening on my lastest work in progress:
Tonianne stood with her trembling hand on the doorknob, fighting the inner voice that was screaming, “for the love of God don’t go in there!” She turned the knob and slowly opened the door just in time to see John throw back his head and call out, “Oh yea Richie give it to me, give it to me just the way I like it!” And there to Tonianne’s shock and horror was Richie, the hot young mailman that every woman in town had been lusting after, giving it to John, apparently just the way he liked it.
Jodie, I love your opener!!
Julie I’m glad you updated your website, and I’ll be sure to order the New Orleans book that is giving money to charity, that is really a great thing to do!
Comment by Tina Martinesi — October 13, 2007 @ 11:55 am
I love first lines that hook you! Here’s some of my favorites:
”When the first bullet hit my chest, I thought of my daughter.” -No Second Chance by Harlan Coben
”At the very beginning, she had seen his face and knew he would not let her live.” - Prologue of Speak No Evil by Allison Brennan
”There are some men who enter a woman’s life and screw it up forever.” -One For the Money by Janet Evanovich
”Detective Chase Kelly stared into the nose of a .45 semiautomatic, his mind desperately seeking a way out.” - Divorced, Desperate and Delicious by Christie Craig (out in December)
Comment by RachaelfromNJ — October 13, 2007 @ 12:23 pm
Oh also, I LOVE the opening paragraph you posted from Tall, Tanned and Texan! That definetely hooked me!!
Comment by RachaelfromNJ — October 13, 2007 @ 12:27 pm
Oh wow those are some great openers! I think my opening sucks now
so i’ll do one fo rthe next MS i’m thinking of.
“He was going to crash” Short but sweet
Comment by Ayla — October 13, 2007 @ 12:56 pm
My favorite first line from one of my own books is, “I knew my father had had sex the moment I walked into the kitchen.”
Comment by Darlene Ryan — October 13, 2007 @ 1:04 pm
Here’s my latest…
“Considering a crew from a travel network was arriving to do a story on Holly Cavanaugh’s struggling B&B in two hours, the last thing she wanted to see was a dead guy on her living room floor.”
Comment by Leslie — October 13, 2007 @ 1:06 pm
Here’s some more:
”When Lorcan O’Halloran, four thousand-year old vampire and professed Druid, fell at my feet, it wasn’t to beg forgiveness for killing me three months ago.” - Don’t Talk Back to Your Vampire by Michelle Bardsley
”Death. He smelled it. Death and Darkness and the stink of brimstone.” - Demon’s Kiss by Eve Silver
”Dental hyiene was important to a vampire.” - Prologue of High Stakes by Erin McCarthy
This next book..I am DYING to read!! Here’s almost the whole first paragraph. It’s just so addicting that I couldn’t stop it at a couple sentences. I can’t wait to read it.
”Archie doesn’t know for sure that it’s her until that moment. There is a dull bloom of warmth in his spine, his vision blurs, and then he knows that Gretchen Lowell is the killer. He realizes that he has been drugged, but it’s too late. He fumbles for his gun, but he is ham-fisted and can only lift it awkwardly from his belt cliip and hold it out as if it were a gift to her. She takes it and smiles, kissing him gently on the forehead. Then she reaches into his coat and takes the cell phone, turning it off and slipping it into her purse. He is almost paralyzed now, slumped in the leather chair in her home office. But his mind is a prison of clarity.” - Heart Sick by Chelsea Cain
Comment by RachaelfromNJ — October 13, 2007 @ 1:21 pm
One more..
”Whoever said you see your life flash before your eyes when you die was full of crap. You don’t see your entire life. Just the most important parts. Or in my case just the most recent parts. As I die now, feeling strong arms holding me tight, hearing a voice whisper that it’s ok, my mind plays back the events that set me on the road to Hell, good intentions and all. ” -Prologue of The Road to Hell by Jackie Kessler
Comment by RachaelfromNJ — October 13, 2007 @ 1:30 pm
Wow Rachel, You’ve been busy!!
Comment by Tina Martinesi — October 13, 2007 @ 1:40 pm
You guys are too good! The first lines are fabulous!!!
Jodie–I, too, want to know what’s up with the strawberry.
Tina–Too funny!
Rachael–I was hoping someone would mention the first line from ONE FOR THE MONEY. It’s one of my all-time favorites!!!
Darlene–I’m definitely intrigued. Which book is this from?
Leslie–I’m green with envy! You’re too good. Is this from the new suspsense you’re working on?
Comment by Kimberly Raye — October 13, 2007 @ 1:53 pm
Oops, I forgot to ask. Am I the only one who buys books because of first lines? I really do find that I’m more influenced by them than I am by back cover copy. Maybe this is because I know that sometimes the person who writes the back cover has NO CLUE what the book is about. I’ve actually had this happen to me on more than one book. At the same time, when I think back to when I first started reading, I remember opening and reading that first page every time before I actually bought the book.
Comment by Kimberly Raye — October 13, 2007 @ 1:57 pm
Comment by Kimberly Raye — October 13, 2007 @ 1:57 pm
LOL Kimberly you’re too funny with your banana guy wagging his whip!
I love Evanovich too. She always has funny first lines. The first line and first paragraph DEFINETELY influence me into buying the book. Sometimes I try not to read the back cover copy because they give too much away. I didn’t know that the person who writes the copy doesn’t read the book! That’s horrible. They should at least read it to know what they’re writing about. That’s like writing a review about a book you never read!
Usually I’m in a rush in the bookstore because I take so long, so reading the first page is what I usually do to see if I want to buy the book or not. Actually I do look first at the font size of the print. If the font is too tight or too small, I won’t buy it. How am I going to read it if it’s too small? And I don’t wear glasses or have bad eyes, it’s just reading should be comfortable and tight and small print ruins it for me.
The first page is definetely the hook. I agree.
Comment by RachaelfromNJ — October 13, 2007 @ 2:07 pm
Hi Kimberly~ thanks for being here!
The information you’ve given is great. I’ve actually never bought a book based on the first line. I guess I’m more influenced by the back cover copy. I think often times a book gets better as you read, so I’m willing to keep reading. But I think I might be in the minority there.
Leslie, I loved your first line!!
Okay, here’s one of mine from a novella I just wrote:
Samantha Bennett spotted him and the iced tea making it’s way from her glass to her mouth took a slide south, doing a waterfall down her cream silk blouse.
It was so hard for me to put that out there - and there’s more, but I think you just wanted one line.
Comment by Robin — October 13, 2007 @ 2:21 pm
Robin, thanks so much for sharing!! I know how hard it is to let the words go. I still feel wierd when I think of people actually reading my books. It’s like letting them stare through a peephole into your soul. At least that’s how I feel sometimes. So you’re not alone. In fact, I don’t think the feeling ever goes away no matter if you publish a zillion books. I still feel the butterflies when I send a book in to my editor. And then when it comes out. It’s torture. I must be a glutton for punishment. Heyyyyy, maybe that’s why I like this so much!
Comment by Kimberly Raye — October 13, 2007 @ 2:32 pm
Did I misspell wierd? Is it weird? I’m definitely having one of those days.
Comment by Kimberly Raye — October 13, 2007 @ 2:33 pm
Thanks Kimberly. And I forgot to say how much I liked all of your first lines!
Comment by Robin — October 13, 2007 @ 2:46 pm
It’s ”weird.” I do that too sometimes. I stare at a word so much that I convince myself it’s wrong.
Robin great opening line!
Comment by RachaelfromNJ — October 13, 2007 @ 2:55 pm
Thanks Rachael! You made my day. :mrgreen:
Comment by Robin — October 13, 2007 @ 3:03 pm
Robin - notice I used the barfing icon before I put my first line down - it’s because that’s the way I was feeling just thinking about putting it out there. I belong to an online chapter of RWA and we have a section called “Critters” where you can post pages, chapters, or whatever and let anyone who wants to critique it. It can be good, it might end up bad, but its one of the scariest things I’ve ever done!
Thanks for sharing and sometimes short and sweet is the most powerful.
Tina!
I love it!
As for Evanovich - she’s a master (imo) at first lines. They never fail to grab me. And she says so much with so few words!
As for weird…I always remember it because it doesn’t follow the i before e thing…it’s weird. :giggle:
Okay, I’m past the paralyzing fear. Here’s the opening for the new WIP I just started this week for a novella bootcamp. I haven’t even gone back and edited anything but this opening kept going through my head and I’ve actually developed the whole story around this opening.
Nikki’s left hand clenched the steering wheel in a white knuckle grip while the fingers on her right hand twitched on the Hearst shifter. The clutch was mashed to the floor and the toes on her right foot flexed in anticipation of slamming the gas pedal to the floor. She shouldn’t do it. She knew she shouldn’t. But sometimes doing what was right and what was fun were just two entirely different things.
Does it do anything for you guys?
Comment by Jodie — October 13, 2007 @ 3:33 pm
Oh wait, Ayla’s was short and sweet. Your’s is something that would happen to me!
I sure want to find out what happens.
Comment by Jodie — October 13, 2007 @ 3:35 pm
Great bunch of info!
I came home to escape one hell and stepped straight into another.-Hidden Moon by Lori Handeland
I’m looking for an old-fashioned screw.—-Overhexed ny Vicki Lewis Thompson
Comment by Estella — October 13, 2007 @ 3:38 pm
“Falling in love with a Catholic Priest was not my smartest move.” Kristan Higgins, Catch of the Day (HQN) - first book I think! or 2nd.
Comment by Carly — October 13, 2007 @ 3:38 pm
Welcome, Kim! Thanks for coming by and sharing your wisdom. Always great to hear from you and your take on writing is invaluable. I’ve had a LONG day and a two day migraine. Crawling back to bed now …
Comment by Carly — October 13, 2007 @ 3:39 pm
I am staying at my mothers house right now (middle of moving..again) I have a few books here.I read the back then the first page.
Sandra Brown Two Alone
They were all dead.
All except her.
She was sure of that.
She did’t know how long it had been since the impact or how long she’d remained bent over with her head in her lap.
Although I think it was the fact that Sandra Brown wrote it, but the 1st page made want to read it first.
Comment by nancy — October 13, 2007 @ 4:17 pm
Great line, Nancy. Sandra Brown has always been one of my all-time favorite authors. Slow Heat In Heaven is on my permanent keeper shelf FOREVER!
Carly, I hope you feel better!!! Thanks for having me today.
Thanks Rachael! I knew I was getting it wrong somewhere. Right now I’m surprised I can even spell my own name. Son just came in and reported that he won his football game and plowed some boy down in the process. This got a concerned look from me (I started looking for injuries) and a double high five from hubby. Definitely mars and venus.
that man into shape (okay, so I couldn’t resist getting this in at least one more time).
Maybe I’ll just have to
Comment by Kimberly Raye — October 13, 2007 @ 4:46 pm
Comment by RachaelfromNJ — October 13, 2007 @ 4:52 pm
Hi, Kim! I’m not a writer but I have a few favorite lines of books I’ve read. I love a book that starts with a somewhat funny line like, “The unbelievable horror began when Fred walked in on her parents making love on the living room coffee table.” - Sleeping with the fishes by Maryjanice Davidson.
“If you ever touch me again, I’ll pull off your ears and stuff them up your nose.” Another Davidson one - The Royal Treatment.
There’s tons more but I can’t remember them. Oooh, also the one Rachel said: ”Dental hyiene was important to a vampire.” - Prologue of High Stakes by Erin McCarthy.
They’re awesome! :mrgreen:
Comment by Wendy — October 13, 2007 @ 5:41 pm
From some author named Leslie something - Kelly I think it is….. heehee -
Don’t Open Till Christmas - Trying on a skimpy cocktail dress on Black Friday - the day after Christmas was bad enough, Hearing a couple having sex in the next dressing room?
Or how about Fat Tuesday by Sandra Brown - He’ll walk. Burke Basile extended the fingers of his right hand, then formed a tight fist. This flexing motion had recently become an involuntary habit. There’s not a chance in hell they’ll convict.
Comment by Pat L. — October 13, 2007 @ 5:59 pm
Whoops meant to say day after Thanksgiving
Comment by Pat L. — October 13, 2007 @ 6:06 pm
Thank you for the great advice. All the first lines I am reading here on the message board sound good to me.
I love the first line about the strawberry.
I love to write but am always insecure about the beginnings. Oh and those middles and ends.
Janet Evanovich is a favorite author of mine, too.
In addition to the first line from One For the Money, I also like:
“I knew Ranger was beside me because I could see his earring gleaming in the moonlight.” Two For the Dough.
I admit to having a bit of a thing for Morelli however Ranger….o.k., anyway.
And I like the advice about having some action at the beginning. That always intrigues me. I will be excited to read your new book about Lil, the matchmaker for vampires.
I always look at the first line, the first paragraph to make my decision about whether or not to purchase a book.
And oh yeah, almost forgot, how can I resist. lol
Comment by Trisha M. — October 13, 2007 @ 6:13 pm
Jodie, this is your opening line:
She shouldn’t do it. She knew she shouldn’t. But sometimes doing what was right and what was fun were just two entirely different things.
Then put in the car stuff. Just my opinion, but the line above really jumped out at me.
I do not write great opening lines. I just don’t. I must work on it.
My best one is from Dirty Little Secrets.
“I remember when you used to stroke me like that.”
Comment by Julie Leto — October 13, 2007 @ 6:25 pm
Julie, you’re absolutely right! Thanks!!!
Whadaya mean you don’t write great opening lines?!
Oh Carly, I hope you feel better very, very soon!!!
Comment by Jodie — October 13, 2007 @ 6:31 pm
I feel for you too Carly. I’ve had such bad headaches lately. It really puts me in a bad mood and stops me from being able to read. I find opening a window to let in cool air, drinking cold water, icepack on head, and Excedrin Migrain, works miracles. Feel better.
Comment by RachaelfromNJ — October 13, 2007 @ 6:59 pm
Carly, hope your feeling better
Comment by Tina Martinesi — October 13, 2007 @ 7:04 pm
Hi Wendy! Thanks for joining us! I agree, MJD writes some really fab first lines.
Pat–I have to agree, that is a dynamite opener from Les. Have I already mentioned how envious I am?
Julie–Definitely a spank-worthy first line!
Trisha–You’re my soulmate! I, too, am a Morelli junkie! I don’t admit that too often because there are so many Ranger fans out there (my bff is one of them.
He’s okay, but Steph and Joe go back too far for him to even compete, IMO.
Ayla–The shorter, the better. To the point and it packs a punch! Thanks for contributing.
Again, I want to thank everyone for having me here! Plotmonkeys . . . What can I say? You’re all wonderful!!! If anyone hasn’t checked out Carly’s new book, RUN to get it. I’m reading it right now and it’s so good!
I’ll check back later and post a winner for today’s best bang-up beginning!
Comment by Kimberly Raye — October 13, 2007 @ 8:21 pm
Oh, thanks–glad you all liked it! It’s actually from my eHarlequin online read, a Christmas story called And A Dead Guy In A Pear Tree, which will be a FREE online read in the month of December. Don’t worry, I’ll remind you guys…
Just remembered my very favorite opening line that I ever wrote…
“Suffocating beneath ten pounds of buttercream icing in a paper, cardboard and wood-framed tomb, Pamela Bradford noticed immediately when her whiskey sour buzz wore off.”
Relentless. Hq Temptation.
Comment by Leslie — October 13, 2007 @ 9:22 pm
“Suffocating beneath ten pounds of buttercream icing in a paper, cardboard and wood-framed tomb, Pamela Bradford noticed immediately when her whiskey sour buzz wore off.”
Christ, I chocked on my drink!
but wow, that was funny!
Comment by Wendy — October 13, 2007 @ 9:32 pm
Leslie that’s a great opener!!
Comment by RachaelfromNJ — October 13, 2007 @ 9:52 pm
Wow Leslie, a free online read? How very cool! And I love the title!
Comment by Tina Martinesi — October 13, 2007 @ 10:20 pm
Welcome, Kimberly.
I think first lines can really make a difference in a book as far as being an attention getter.
One that certainly got my attention is the first line of One Wilde Weekend by Janelle Denison.
“I’m not wearing any panties.” Sure made me want to read a lot more.
Comment by Shari C — October 13, 2007 @ 10:22 pm
Oh wow loved all the first lines everyone listed! Rachel you sure have some winners there! O.k. here are some I love,
“If money couldn’t buy happiness, it sure could buy a kick-ass bottle of champagne.” from BEHIND THE RED DOORS by Vicki Lewis Thompson, Stephanie Bond, and Leslie Kelly
“Ask any woman who has a sister: Are you the smart one or the pretty one?” from SMART vs PRETTY by Valerie Frankel
“I’ve never known anyone who was stood up for her own divorce before.” Tina Savage told her sister. “What’s it feel like?” from GETTING RID OF BRADLEY by Jennifer Crusie
“Planning on jumping? I wouldn’t. Blood’s hell to get out of silk.” from MAN HUNTING by Jennifer Crusie
“Ever since Genevieve Terrence’s mama had inherited a pair of Elvis’s Jockey’s shorts , Genevieve had been a big believer in luck.” from NERD IN SHINING ARMOR by Vicki Lewis Thompson.
My own submission would be,
“How the hell do you get these doors open?” said Victor, Mr. Macho Man, while swinging his swanky rear end in my face as he just knocked me on the ground.
Michele L.
Comment by Michele L. — October 13, 2007 @ 11:06 pm
What a fun day today was — especially reading everyone’s opening lines! :giggle:
<
Shari — and here I was going to say that I suck at openings. But every once in a while I manage to get it right. It’s not an easy thing to do (for me)!
Thanks for spending the day with us today, Kim!
Comment by Janelle — October 13, 2007 @ 11:46 pm
My children aren’t sleeping tonight (or morning rather)
So I figured I would add my all time favorite opening.My hubby and I were in Burger King Drive Thru and I suddenly start laughing he gives me that ‘are you crazy look’ and ask “what are you laughing about?” So I read this to him and he set there a second then replys “Um.Okay Nancy thats gross” 
(Sorry if it’s a long entry)
IN LIFE, there was only one guarantee and that, Jillian Greene hated to say, was that all men were pigs. “Will you repeat your question?” she asked her coworker and friend, Selene Garnett. “I’m positive I misheard.”
“Nope. You didn’t mishear. I asked what you would say to a man who told you to take off your panties so he could smell them.”
Jillian gazed over at Selene, a blond goddess in black leather, who was untouchable in a way that made men want to touch her. And keep touching her. Over and over again. “Is that a trick question?”
“Hardly.” Selene stood in the opening of Jillian’s cubicle, slender arms braced on the blue makeshift walls. Her hands covered the two posters Jillian had pasted up only a short while ago. One said, Where There’s a Man, There’s a Lie. The other read, Behind Every Good Man Is a Gun. “A guy said it to me last night,” Selene added. “I was so shocked, I froze.”
Comment by nancy — October 14, 2007 @ 4:17 am
Kimberly, I’m a first line reader as well. Like you, I pass on the back copy and go right to the first page of the book.
And my first line is from my book Rules for Life. But can you guess the genre without the help of Google?http://www.plotmonkeys.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/whipbanana.gif
http://www.plotmonkeys.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/whipbanana.gif
Comment by Darlene Ryan — October 14, 2007 @ 8:24 am
I have to add a few of my favorites
From Sleeping With the Fishes by MJD:
“The unbelievable horror began when Fred walked in on her parents making love on the living room coffee table.”
The second is from Over Hexed by Vicki Lewis Thompson:
” ‘I’m looking for an old-fashioned screw.’ Sean Madigan knew he was in trouble as soon as the words were out of his mouth.”
And my third is from Leslie Kelly from Killing Time
“DROP YOUR PANTS.”
I love your books Kim and can’t wait for Dead Sexy to come out!
Comment by Laura J — October 14, 2007 @ 9:07 am
Nancy - I just read that book last week and I had to read the opening twice because I was sure somewhere along the line I had misread something!
Comment by Jodie — October 14, 2007 @ 10:18 am
Welcome Kim
I might be too late for this but thought I’d send it just in case. It was a busy day yesterday into the night for me and I couldn’t get on the site yesterday morning.
Okay, here’s the first line from my romantic suspense:
“You won’t get away with this.” Jed Emerson, soon to be a dead CIU agent worked to keep the fear out of his voice.
Comment by Vicki — October 14, 2007 @ 11:06 am
I meant to add this from my paranormal, but I of course hit the send button to quick.
The healers’ small dirt floor cottage reeked of dried herbs and tallow. The far wall, lined with bottles and jars filled with what looked to be the remains of a thousand tiny dead creatures. The only light coming from the small hearth and one burning candle in the middle of a crude table.
Comment by Vicki — October 14, 2007 @ 11:09 am
Thanks so much to everyone who participated!!! The openers were some of the best I’ve read!! I’ve thought about this long and hard, but I personally, am going to go with Jodie for my winner!
The strawberry line had me wondering long after I’d finished reading just what was up, and that’s what a first line is all about!!!!
Again, mucho thanks to the plotmonkeys for having me! And I hope everyone enjoys YOUR COFFIN OR MINE? and DEAD SEXY!
Comment by Kimberly Raye — October 14, 2007 @ 11:28 am
Jodi, now that you’ve won, you HAVE to explain the strawberry!!!
Comment by Janelle — October 14, 2007 @ 11:45 am
Welcome Ms. Raye! Hello Plotmonkeys and everyone!
This is a day late because I couldn’t get on the plotmonkeys web site yesterday. It just wouldn’t connect. Bummer. But what can you do?
Thank you for the terrific info concerning hooks. They are so vitally important when you’re writing commercial fiction. Here’s the first line of chapter one from the BLAZE I’m almost finished with for Brenda.
“Here’s a man you can get down and dirty with.”
Cher
Comment by Cher — October 14, 2007 @ 12:17 pm
I am glad you were here to teach us about hooks Ms. Raye…sorry I missed your lesson, but I love the Dos and Donts that you have listed…I also liked reading about opening lines…some of them were really great…
Julie…I keep wanting to type Jules…would that bother you? Anyway, LOVE that opening line from Dirty Little Secrets…
“I like it when you stroke me like that…” You
That book is on my To Buy list right now…I got “Lies” as one of my choices when I won a Friday contest…maybe if I win another I will ask for Secrets…hmmm…Amazon has it on sale, but it is just too expensive right now…
Ms. Raye, thanks again for swinging with us in the jungle and I will be sure to pick up one of your books the next time I am at Walmart…
Peace and love,
Comment by Paula R. — October 14, 2007 @ 1:35 pm
Congrats Jodie. Darn. I REALLLY wanted those books. I even worked super hard for them too by putting so many first lines up.
Comment by RachaelfromNJ — October 14, 2007 @ 1:38 pm
Paula: Dirty Little Secrets is REALLLLLLLLLLLY good and worth every penny. You’re missing out if you don’t get it!!
Comment by RachaelfromNJ — October 14, 2007 @ 1:47 pm
Yay, thank you!!!
Here’s the first little bit…hope it stands up to the intrigue the first line created.
“Oh man, not the strawberry…not the strawberry….aw, sh*t.”
Erik Monteague was caught hook, line and sinker. He’d never be able to pull his gaze away now. Not when the most luscious set of lips he’d ever seen were about to wrap around a strawberry – a damn lucky strawberry – and he wasn’t going to miss a single lick, nip or suck.
He was so entranced by her presence that everything else at the SMG open house ceased to exist. The laughing guests, the lively jazz band, the overflowing food tables; all of it faded into the woodwork as his field of vision zeroed in on those full lips.
He watched, fascinated, as she licked her lips readying to take a bite. Her pink tongue flicked out and scooped a bead of chocolate off the bottom of the large, plump fruit. Then, she opened her mouth, slowly slid the berry inside and wrapped her lips around it. “Good God Almighty,” he muttered to himself. “I can’t believe I’m jealous of a piece of fruit.”
She is actually a woman he shared a one-night stand with 13 months prior and he’s been looking for her since. A few paragraphs later it explains that he’s so fascinated because he “knows exactly how that mouth feels.”
I’d love some feedback and thoughts on how to make it stand up to the expectations of the first line. Thanks again, Kimberly! For being here as well as picking me!!
Comment by Jodie — October 14, 2007 @ 1:51 pm
Jodi — I think your opening is outstanding. You managed to evoke a sense of place and sexual tension (along with a great hook!) into just a few paragraphs. Very tight writing. Excellent job!
Comment by Janelle — October 14, 2007 @ 2:09 pm
Janelle -
thank you, thank you. Okay, I’m encouraged to go back and finish that book. I’ve revised the first part 3 times but haven’t finished the revisions of the revisions! 
I had to change the confict, which completely changed everything and I’ve just burned out on it. But…I’ll do that during the 70 Days of Sweat Challenge and get it finished.
Comment by Jodie — October 14, 2007 @ 6:05 pm
welcome Kim, love the name lol. I love the way his tonuge was licking my ear
Comment by kim h — October 14, 2007 @ 8:39 pm
I don’t like showing my work to people, but this is the opening to something I’ve been working on for a quite a while now. I’ve actually taken a long break from it and just re-opened it again.
Be nice lol. :pray:
When the tables were turned and the gun was pointed at my head and I didn’t know if I was going to live or die. Maybe I’ll just stand here like this for a while and enjoy the scent his sweat was giving off from fear. Maybe I could make him piss his pants. I actually enjoyed listening to him whimper and beg for his life.
Comment by Heather (Ev's daughter) — October 16, 2007 @ 10:30 pm
Buggers. Ignore the first one. I opened the first draft on accident lol. This is the one I ment to post, again, sorry.
When the tables were turned and the gun was pointed at my head, I didn’t know if I was going to live or die, why should he? Maybe I’ll just stand here like this for a while enjoying the scent his sweat was giving off from fear. Maybe I could make him piss his pants. I actually enjoyed listening to him whimper and beg for his life. Was there something wrong with me? I asked myself. No there isn’t I tell myself back.
Comment by Heather (Ev's daughter) — October 16, 2007 @ 10:33 pm
Hi, Heather! I like the voice here…it’s very strong in just a few lines. That’s really awesome!
I think you need to edit just a bit to make things clear…what about…
When the tables were turned and the gun was pointed at his head instead of mine, I didn’t know who was going to live or die. I considered standing here for a while, just enjoying the scent of his fear. Or maybe I’d jab the barrel against his temple just a bit harder so he’d piss his pants. I enjoyed listening to him whimper and beg for his life.
Then you should have a really strong, emotional line. I don’t know what, since I don’t know your character, but the situation is really compelling.
Good luck!
Comment by Julie Leto — October 16, 2007 @ 10:36 pm
I commented on the first one…and I like that last part. It needed one more line.
Comment by Julie Leto — October 16, 2007 @ 10:37 pm
Thanks for the feedback Julie. I didn’t mean to post the first one, I was hoping for a way to delete but there wasn’t lol. I still don’t have everything organized on my laptop, I’m still transfering everything from my pc and my thumb drive on here. That’s from a story I’ve been working on called Alive, it’s been inspired in a way from the song Alive by Meat Loaf off this new album.
Comment by Heather (Ev's daughter) — October 16, 2007 @ 10:41 pm
Heather, I once sent in the wrong draft to my publisher, so I totally understand!
Keep going on this…I think the whole situation is really compelling.
Comment by Julie Leto — October 16, 2007 @ 10:59 pm
I have more of it written, I just wasn’t sure if I could post it on here or not, or where I should.
Now to settle the great Oreo debate… is my black cat going to kill my white cat before the night is over????
Comment by Heather (Ev's daughter) — October 16, 2007 @ 11:22 pm
Heather, I wouldn’t post more of it here…but are you near any RWA chapters? Because nothing can beat a good critique group and you might be able to find one through RWA. Good luck!
Comment by Julie Leto — October 17, 2007 @ 6:29 am
stupid question *and I’m full of them* but what’s RWA?
Comment by Heather (Ev's daughter) — October 17, 2007 @ 1:14 pm