“Something Just Broke”
Yesterday, we celebrated my daughter’s 12th birthday. Which means that six years ago yesterday, we celebrated her 6th birthday. And while I rejoice and celebrate that my littlest one joined us on September 10, every year I find myself mourning all the things that she will or will not ever experience because of what happened on the day after she turned six.
On her sixth birthday, this world was a very different place. That previous weekend, we’d gone to Disney World…and we didn’t have to stand in line to have our bags searched. Who, after all, would ever conceive of innocent families being targeted at an all-American theme park? The previous summer, we’d flown to DC…and we didn’t have to take off our shoes or give up our water bottles or open our laptops at the security checkpoint. When I flew to Atlanta earlier that year, she and Bruce and her sisters went with me to the gate, and were waiting for me with flowers as I stepped off the plane.
She’ll never know what it’s like to decide on an impromptu trip across the border to Canada or Mexico, knowing your driver’s license is all you need. She won’t have any clue that you used to be able to drive right past the White House on Pennsylvania Avenue, or that you could actually get up to use the bathroom when within a half-hour of landing at Reagan National. She’ll never live in a place where you could hand your mailman a stamped package that weighed more than a few ounces. She’ll never be able to carry a regular bottle of shampoo in her carry-on bag. And, of course, she’ll never see the twin towers.
There are things that I hope will change with time. I hope she’ll eventually live in an age when, once again, we are at peace. When the biggest focus of our presidential elections is who can give the middle class the best tax breaks. When anthrax is a rare disease that can’t be contracted by opening your mail. When a group of dark-haired men praying isn’t cause for panic and alerting security. When you can ride a subway and not flinch at a loud sound. When a plane’s delay does not immediately cause a flash of “what if?”
When the rest of the world once again believes America is the good guy.
I’m not saying these changes haven’t made us safer–I suspect they have. But I still resent them. Because every little change in our lifestyle–each small restriction of our freedoms, each minute assault on our Constitution–is another tiny wound inflicted on us as a nation. They are like tiny bites from a mosquito when you’re trying to enjoy a warm summer evening…not enough to send us running for shelter, but still a constant reminder that there are creatures out there in the dark who truly want to do us harm.
I repeat: I resent the hell out of that. For her sake…for mine…for all of ours.
There’s a song I love from Stephen Sondheim’s brilliant show Assassins. It’s about everyday people reacting to the assassination of John F. Kennedy. But the lyrics, to me, describe perfectly how I felt on that morning, how I feel now when I think back and remember every moment like I’m watching a slow motion movie scene in my mind. How our world changed. How…it just broke.
Something just broke.
Something just made a little dent.
Something just broke.
Only for a moment,
Something got bent.
Something just left a little mark.
Something just went a little dark.
Something just…went.
Something to be mended.
Something we’ll have to weather.
Bringing us all together,
If only for a moment.
I’ll remember it forever.
Nothing has really ended,
Only just been suspended.
Cause something just stirred.
And I thought…
Something just woke.
Something just spoke.
Something I wish I hadn’t heard.
Something bewildering occurred.
Fix it up fast, please!
Till its just smoke.
Till its only something just passed,
Nothing that will last,
Nothing but the moment,
Just an awful moment.
But something just…
Oh, I hope it someday will be mended.
Please join me today in remembering…wishing…hoping for tomorrow.
(Note: If your message doesn’t show up right away, don’t give up. A lot of comments are going into “moderation” lately but we are clearing them as quickly as possible.)
Awesome, Les. And so very true. And all those things we resent gives THEM exactly what they want - changing our lives. Restricting our freedoms. Here’s to remembering all who died that day … and hope the future holds more hope.
Comment by Carly — September 11, 2007 @ 6:17 am
You’re right Leslie, there are things, wonderful things, that we will never experience again because of what happened 6 years ago. It’s hard not to resent that.
But I think we can’t let that resentment overtake us. It’s okay to feel it, acknowledge it, revel in it for a while even, but if we don’t let it go, it festers, and becomes close to the hate that the monsters who are responsible for 9/11 have inside of them. We will never forget that day, those of us who were old enough to remember, but I think we have to keep hope alive, and believe in a better future. Maybe not the one we knew 6 years and 1 day ago, but something we can still be proud to share with our loved ones. God bless the heroes of that day, and the people, like the troops, who continue to serve and protect.
Belated happy birthday to your little girl.
Comment by Stacy ~ — September 11, 2007 @ 6:51 am
Awesome Leslie…..I have redone my post many times and I don’t know what else to say. I just hope that my boys will grow up in a different world than today. I hope that they grow up with a sense of hope, like I have, for a better world.
Comment by katie — September 11, 2007 @ 8:09 am
Can I post something light too? I was doing my makeup … and I was putting a light powder under my eyes which are prone to very dark circles, and I ended up looking like I had a BLACK EYE … my kids must have borrowed my makeup brush that I use for the white powder and used it on BLUE EYESHADOW. Gotta love ‘em.
Comment by Carly — September 11, 2007 @ 8:13 am
Leslie i want to thank you for your post today. As the wife of an Army career soldier today is a day that changed our lives forever.. for a long time i couldnt just go to my husbands office and say hi. The barracades the guards the searches, locked doors and preapproval before i ever made it past the doors. I gave up taking him surprise snacks etc when i was in town. That has eased up but i still dont stop much. He was deployed to Iraq for 16 months and i cannot begin to tell you the changes that made in our lives. The losses of friends weve known for years, I stopped going to military funerals for a while i just couldnt do it anymore. Now my husbands been home a few years we live with the constant threat of redeployment, which is probable in the next year again. I cant tell you the sleepless nights and the upset stomachs that one has given me.
The world changed six years ago today, everywhere. I hope someday my kids too will know that there is a peaceful world..
someday, i can dream i guess.. today is a very emotional day for me, as it is for all of us…
Comment by Jolene — September 11, 2007 @ 8:52 am
Leslie, I read what you wrote, but I had to stop…whenever I think about that day, I just start crying and it depresses the heck out of me…several months prior to this tragedy I had written a poem called today the stars fell…it was very wierd…I was sitting in my computer class and something compelled me to write it….when I glanced at it again after the fact, it made me feel quite eerie…I am going to post it below this post along with another poem that I wrote in March 2002 entitle 09-11-01…I remember that it was a very surreal time for me…I couldn’t believe it was happening and I think about it every time I drive in NYC and look at the skyline from the Kosciosko Bridge leaving Brooklyn…I just imagine what people saw and felt when they could see the planes coming in…I am gonna stop now…I will look at this again later, when I know that I don’t have to function well…that way I can have a good cry and go to sleep or try to get lost in the world of romance…the poems follow this:
Today the Stars Fell
Dedicated to those who fell on 11SEPT01 (written 17APR01)
today the stars fell
loudly crashing into the earth
shattering it’s core
wreaking havoc all over the world
the fires of hope diminished
vanquished by the backdraft of heat
perforating souls
engulfing the warmth of life
the beauty of the night’s sky
now marred by the loss of light
lays barren and ugly
spoiled by death and unhappiness
today the stars fell
Paula Marie Robinson
Copyright ©2007 Paula Robinson
09-11-01
For those who fell and those who were affected by this tragedy.
0900hr:
Many lie abed
While others take a journey
Jobs await workers
But the few early risers beginning their day at 0800
1100hr:
The world looks on in despair
The wailing of mothers, fathers, sons and daughters
Rise up in a storm
For the loss of their loved ones; bonded by terror
0100hr:
Two emblems of success
Demolished and in pieces
Dust to dust and ashes to ashes
As citizens of peace dig through debris
09-11-01:
Unifying forces of goodwill labor and toil
To find those who were stolen from us
Waving the flag, “Old Glory”
Chanting, “THESE COLORS DON’T RUN.”
Paula Marie Robinson
Copyright ©2007 Paula Robinson
I hope that everyone has a great day despite the tragedy that occurred…
Peace and love,
Comment by Paula R. — September 11, 2007 @ 9:11 am
Jolene, tell you husband thank you…I too was a soldier a soldier…I am still one at heart, but I got out after 10 years in February this year…I was lucky enough to not get be deployed to Iraq, but I understand the uncertainty and the upset stomachs that can occur…God bless the USA for we have better than most…some of us don’t realize it, but after the tragedy that occurred on this day 6 years ago, many eyes were opened…
Peace and love,
Comment by Paula R. — September 11, 2007 @ 9:16 am
Les, what a great post for today. I don’t think any of us can forget how 911 changed all of our lives, our present, and our future. I’m so grateful for all of those in the military who are sacrificing their own lives to protect our country.
Comment by Janelle — September 11, 2007 @ 10:48 am
Carly — That’s too funny!!!
Comment by Janelle — September 11, 2007 @ 10:49 am
Thank you, Leslie, for that excellent post. And a huge thank to you and your husband, Jolene (and other military families) who continue to sacrifice for the rest of us. We are SO grateful.
Comment by Fedora — September 11, 2007 @ 11:00 am
Thank you, Leslie for that great post. Being from a military family plus living next to a military base I can tell you that life as we knew it no longer exsists. And that makes me extremely sad. But, we as Americans, are very lucky in the fact that we tend to stick together and to take up for each other. We are so lucky to be able to still enjoy the freedom to do things that people from other countries only dream about. I’ve lived all over the world and I can honestly say that there is nowhere else I would rather be. As Lee Greenwood sang, “GOD BLESS THE USA!”
Comment by Carol R — September 11, 2007 @ 11:26 am
Lovely work, Paula, thanks for sharing them.
I didn’t mean for today to be entirely maudlin and I also want to say thanks to Jolene and to Paula. Our military is the best in the world and I so hope they’re all home with their families soon!
Comment by Leslie — September 11, 2007 @ 11:41 am
Comment by katie — September 11, 2007 @ 11:48 am
thanks for your post Leslie. That day was my first day of class at NYU, an experience i will never forget. Sounds like that are not what you ever want to wake up to
Comment by Cail — September 11, 2007 @ 12:29 pm
:pray: For all those gone, all those left behind
and all those who still battle for our freedom :pray:
Wonderful post Leslie. Paula that was a moving poem.
Carly
but your girls are :angel7:s right?
It is pouring
and 
my 12 mile drive to work was an interesting adventure.
Brakes, what brakes? The streets looked like oceans,
the waves actually rocking the car. I finally made it.
Now I think I can just
Comment by jeannie & zoey — September 11, 2007 @ 1:02 pm
My office is across the street from Rescue 5, which is a firehouse hear on Staten Island that lost 11 firefighters that day.
I’ve been watching all day, as firefighters dressed in uniform have arrived to stand in the rain to honor those lost. Listening to the mournful sound of the bagpipes brings tears to my eyes. I’ve thought of three firemen I knew, who made the sacrifice that day, and wonder how their wives and children are today…ugggh its been a very long day
Comment by Tina Martinesi — September 11, 2007 @ 1:39 pm
What a great post and comments. The poems are beautiful. Those with family still in the military my prayers are with you daily.
Tina, your post brought tears to my eyes. To see those men honoring their fellow fallen members would be hard and an honor at the same time.
I, too, hope for the day that we will have peace.
Comment by Vicki — September 11, 2007 @ 2:22 pm
Altho things are very different today—every American household should fly the American flag today!
Comment by Estella — September 11, 2007 @ 4:29 pm
Thanks for this awesome post Leslie. I still remember 6 years ago, one of my best friends was in Denver and had asked all of us to call her husband to wish him happy birthday on 9/11…he got 6 different messages and without any of us talking to each other we left the exact same message for him. They just had a new baby last year and picked today to be his birthday so they would always have two things to celebrate. My prayers go out to all the families of the victims and our military.
Comment by Liza — September 11, 2007 @ 4:51 pm
Well I just got my tears in for the day. I really hope one day the world will be at peace.
Comment by Jen — September 11, 2007 @ 5:41 pm
I totally agree with you Leslie. My nephew just turned 6 last Friday, he was only 4 days old when the attacks happened.
It would be nice to be in a world once again where Americans are not looked like an evil entity.
Comment by BadBarb — September 11, 2007 @ 6:07 pm
On September 11, 2001, one of my patient’s brought me a beautiful picture of an American Eagle with the American Flag on the side of his face. The picture is titled, War Paint.” Everyday, I look at the picture and thank all of the men and women of the armed services who protect us and who give us the freedom to be free.
Comment by Ardie — September 11, 2007 @ 6:09 pm
I know my husbands oldest son spent the day looking out of his corner office window in the Financial Center at the big hole in the ground- the same direction he was looking when the first plane hit that morning.
Yes, I mourn. I also rejoice- because after the bombing of 93, his company moved from the Towers, across the street. Unfortunately, Cantor-Fitzgerald moved in. It is a bitter sweet day.
: Double edged sword. Survivor guilt. Whatever tag anyone wants to put on it.
My hubby is retired Army. He spent 92 days working in that hell. We spent our wedding anniversay that year there- one month to the day. I walked in the debris. That is a sight I will never forget.
Thank you Leslie for a beautiful post.
Thank you too, Jolene and Paula.
Comment by ev — September 11, 2007 @ 6:15 pm
Thank you Leslie, a wonderful post for a day of rememberance.
I have the Oprah show on, today she is remembering the children left behind after 9/11. These kids a very special trying to move forward in their lives but it has been hard watching them. They said they live with this everyday and that it is harder today because of all the attention the media gives it. We all need to remember all those that didn’t get to go home that day from the World Trade Center, from the Pentagon and from Flight 93. The show is almost over, it has been an wonderful tribute.
I would like to see the people here in the US be more united like we all were right after 9/11, people were more caring & kind to each other, to many have forgotten to continue that.
Paula R. & Jolene, thanks for your service. Paula thanks for sharing your poems with us.
Take care, be kind to each other,
Donna M
Comment by Donna M — September 11, 2007 @ 7:57 pm
What great tributes for today. Enough, thanks can’t be expressed to those who serve and their famlies. I actually lived in DC at the time grew up in NYC area the changes are still an adjustment but hopefully, in time we’ll discover new creative experiences to enjoy and, well things that can’t be taken away from us.
Comment by Yolanda — September 11, 2007 @ 9:27 pm