A Personal Rant
I don’t think I’ve ever ranted about anything on our blog, but I’m so irked by something that I figure the best way to get it off my chest is to air my annoyance here, among friends. 
Two weeks ago my husband, Don, had major foot surgery on his left foot, which included breaking and repositioning his big toe, shaving off bone, and about 17 stitches once all the work was done. Right now, he’s in a resin cast, from his toes all the way up to just below his knee! He’s been in a lot of pain (yes, he’s on pain killers, but the pain is still there), and he absolutely cannot put any pressure on his left foot at all. It’s been extremely difficult for him to get around since he can’t use his left foot at all (though when he has to get somewhere in the house he uses crutches or a walker), and as a result we keep our “outings” to a minimum because it’s so much work for him. But a few days ago I decided I needed to get him out of the house and we went out for lunch, just the two of us, with him hobbling along on his crutches. 
Lunch was great, but here comes my “rant”. As we were leaving the restaurant, Don was ahead of me and making his way toward the entrance doors. Before I had a chance to open the door for him (He’s on crutches – he can’t open the door by himself, obviously!), about six high school teenagers came bursting through the door, pushing and shoving their way in. They saw Don standing there, balancing on crutches and one leg, and LET THE DOOR CLOSE ON HIM. 
No one stepped aside. No one offered to hold the door open for him. I was still behind him at this point and I was dumbfounded that not one of these kids had the manners or courtesy to hold the door open for him. 
Keeping my annoyance to myself, I stepped around him, and opened the door for him myself. He went through, and I was once again walking behind him toward the parking lot. We were on a sidewalk, and coming toward us was an even LARGER group of teenagers, at least a dozen of them, heading toward the restaurant – without any adults accompanying them. 
They were laughing and pushing and shoving, and though they CLEARLY saw Don coming toward them on his crutches, not ONE of them stepped out of the way for him. 
They continued to walk three across on the sidewalk, and when they passed Don they literally jostled him off the sidewalk! He almost lost his balance and fell. 
At that point I was so angry and I’d had enough. I stepped in front of the teenagers, made eye contact, and said quiet loudly so there was no doubt they’d hear me, “Excuse me, just in case you didn’t notice, there’s a man on crutches trying to get by. Can you please have some courtesy and step out of the way?”
I thought for sure I would have startled a few of the kids to the point that they’d realize how rude they were being, apologize, and step out of the way for him to pass, or they’d at least look contrite. Nope. Instead, they GLARED AT ME. So, of course, I glared right back, in a way that dared one of them to say something, anything, so I could rip into them. :biteme: They were smart enough not to say a word, but their behavior was something that left me steamed.
I cannot even begin to tell you how pissed off I was :evil: – as well as shocked at their lack of manners and common courtesy. Both of my girls have been taught from an early age basic manners, being polite, and respect for someone who might need a bit of help. I can say with 100% confidence that they would have stepped out of the way for a handicapped person. I also believe that they would have said something to their friends, so they’d move out of the way, too. It’s the way I raised them, and I’ve seen them in action when we’re out together – they ARE courteous, and polite, and kind. I’d accept nothing less from them, and they know it.
It seems I’ve been noticing this trend more and more with teenagers – the lack of respect when it comes to adults, the overall lack of consideration when it comes to treating other people with kindness, and teenagers being so self-absorbed that they just don’t care about anything other than themselves. I know there are a lot of really good kids out there, raised by good, kind, caring parents who’ve taught them well, but it just astounds me that so many kids today aren’t being taught all those basic manners that we learned as kids (and have hopefully passed on to our own children). The big question is, WHY NOT? 
Okay, deep breath. My rant is over and I do feel better. I’d love to hear your comments and point of view on my topic. How would you have reacted to the situation? And do you think that many kids lack respect these days?
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And now, on a more uplifting note, here are the winners from Julie’s contest yesterday:
Congratulations to Robin, comment #10, who has won the two mass market paperbacks of Julie Kenner’s first two Demon-hunting Soccer Mom books and to Donna M. #40 who has won the copy of Diana Peterfreund’s Secret Society Girl. Please email Julie at Julie at JulieLeto dot com (no spaces…you know the drill!) with your snail mail addy so she can get the orders rolling!
Oh boy Janelle, you’ve hit on one of my biggest pet peeves, but I’m not going to limit it to teenagers - I see plenty of adults display the same careless behavior, and me, who is not one bit confrontational (I’m a Libra after all) will say in a very loud, sarcastic voice if someone shuts the door on me “thank you sooo much” or if someone doesn’t say thank you when I hold the door open for them “you’re welcome” (I know, I’m terrible!).
I do this to adults or to adults with their kids - hello???? What kind of message are you teaching your kids if you shut the door on someone’s face or don’t bother to say the simplest of courtesies. It may seem petty, even I think that, but it starts with the small things and goes from there.
Simple human kindness should never be taken for granted.
On the flip side, there are also plenty of people out there who could charm you with their manners and their consideration of others. And they genuinely care about people. They get that doing a small yet nice thing for someone such as opening a door or stepping aside to let someone pass can make yourself feel good and usually put a smile on someone else’s face.
I hope your dh is healed soon and can enjoy summer
Comment by Stacy ~ — June 21, 2007 @ 6:22 am
Congrats to the winners! Now onto the rant…
is exactly right. You sound like you did an excellent job handling it, I probably would have gone off on them the first time around. I live in a small city and we don’t have much in the way of things for the kids around here to do so the local Hastings is something of a hang out. I’ll go in there to relax and look for some books (one of my fav ways to relax) and the novels are at the back. Of course there is a table in the back corner and they congrate there. Romance is the next row up so they are constantly giggling over the covers and getting pretty crude with the language and noise. Depending on my mood sometimes I will tell them to watch their mouth or I will just go straight to store employees and complain and then they will get kicked out.
My husband is one of the old school that will hold the door open even for anyone that comes up while he’s holding the door for me. I son (20) does the same. Hes very respectful with adults, makes me very proud to watch him in action.
Comment by Darla — June 21, 2007 @ 7:57 am
Julie, I hear you. I feel the same way. Many of today’s youngsters have no manners, lack respect, not only for others but also in themselves. If I was in your position, I probably would have said something to them in the restaurant the first time it happened. I remember growing up, how good manners and courtesy was drilled into me. I try to teach my students these basic tenets of being a good citizen everyday, but I know that some of them are just like the bunch of kids you faced down on the sidewalk. I commend you on standing up to them.
is right!
Comment by Paula Robinson — June 21, 2007 @ 8:01 am
Hi Janelle
I hope Don feels better soon.
I agree with you that there is so many kids that do no have any manners
I can’t believe they didn’t move when they saw hubby coming HOW RUDE is right.
I would have done the same thing said something.
I do it to my own son if he walks in front of someone I will say please say excuse me.
Comment by Cherylann — June 21, 2007 @ 8:01 am
Oh, I forgot to add something
I think that a lot of today’s young people lack the respect and manners they need because some of them have parents who didn’t learn those things while growing up. Many of these said parents were kids themselves when they had their children, so they weren’t able to fully internalize all the lessons they were taught about being respectful. Also, many of them failed to grow up and be the adults they needed to be then, but rather, they continued their lifes as if they didn’t have one of their own. Nope, I am not defending them by any means…but it saddens me to see the number of young people, who have kids, and don’t know what to do with them. I am a product of such a family, but my family (extended) taught me all I needed to know to be respectful. Also, I vowed for as long as I could remember that I would never be anything like my mother, so I did the opposite of everything she did. We are on better terms now since I am an adult, but that is for another discussion.
Comment by Paula Robinson — June 21, 2007 @ 8:07 am
Janelle, sorry I wrote Julie in my initial response…wasn’t thinking, please forgive me.
I just got to the plotmonkeys page through Julie’s site and didn’t think.
Comment by Paula — June 21, 2007 @ 8:10 am
Here’s hoping Don’s pain goes away soon. As for teenagers lacking respect, I honestly believe that so much of that is due to parents lacking in the discipline department with their children. It irks me to no end when I constantly hear about how horrible it is for parents to discipline children - we’re now living in a world where children & teenagers think they rule the world & that is just not so. My parents disciplined me & I thank god everyday that they did. I don’t go around expecting everything to be handed to me on a golden platter & realize that to earn respect, you must first show respect.
OK - I’m stepping down now - LOL!
Comment by Stacia Helpman — June 21, 2007 @ 8:29 am
Janelle, I hope Don gets to feeling better soon. Sounds a bit like the surgery I will one day have to have on my left foot…but I’m putting it off as long as possible.
As for the teenagers, I want to say I can’t believe no one got out of the way, but I can’t walk in the mall without getting almost knocked down by a pack of kids. I was always taught to hold doors open for others growing up and still do to this day. I doesn’t matter if they are able to hold the door open or not, but especially someone that you can clearly see can’t hold the door for themselves. I think some of the problem is a lack of discipline from the parents. You also have to show your kids how to act. I’m very grateful that my parents taught my brother and sister and I how to act and to help others. I admit I don’t have kids yet, but I always try to be an example to my sister’s kids when they are with me. The older two are pretty good about holding doors and saying excuse me and thank you to people(her youngest is only 3, but even she knows to say please and thank you). Still they are kids, so every once in a while you have to remind them.
Comment by Liza — June 21, 2007 @ 8:59 am
Hope your husband feels better soon. A lot of kids today are like that. Makes you want to just smack them. My sons only 10, but he behaves way better than that. Atleast with other people.
Comment by Stacy S — June 21, 2007 @ 9:09 am
You were right to say something Janelle. Maybe it didn’t sink in when you said it, but I bet at least one of them went home thinking “Gee, we really should have held the door for him.” And maybe they will think twice before acting like that again.
PS: Julie, going out today to Target…wish me luck.
Comment by Kelly F. — June 21, 2007 @ 9:32 am
I decided long ago that my children when I had them would have wonderful manners even if it killed me.
I was a waitress at the time and had to serve more rude children then I’d like to admit. The common thread, other then a lack of manners …. Rude children have rude parents. I always made a point of complimenting parents that had polite children and tell the kids how much I appreciated their hard work.
I have two children now and while they slip up on their manner occasionally, which is to be expected, if reminded they correct themselves.
In a way I feel bad for this generation of kids that are growing up this way, because the lack of manners will hold them back in life.
Comment by FeyRhi — June 21, 2007 @ 9:33 am
And after all that I let mine slip.
I hope your hubby heals quickly and is feeling better.
Comment by FeyRhi — June 21, 2007 @ 9:34 am
Oh, Janelle…that’s the worst. I’m glad you glared at them!
FeyRhi, one thing I’ve noticed is that sometimes, people don’t have TIME for manners. I try really hard with my daughter…who usually has her head in the clouds. It’s not that she has no manners…but she forgets to use them sometimes, just like any child. When I correct her, other people around us will often say, “It’s okay.” And it’s NOT okay. So that’s what I say. “No, it’s not. She knows how to use her manners” and then I make her show them. It’s not a big deal…but sometimes, it takes time and everyone is always in such a rush to make everyone else feel better, they forget that sometimes, feeling badly is a good thing. Conscience is there for a reason!
Comment by Julie Leto — June 21, 2007 @ 9:46 am
I am a firm believer in manners. My husband and I decided that even though our oldest has autism, he is going to have manners if it kills us (I am talking basic manners such as please and thank you for now). That’s continued through my youngest who didn’t talk a lot, but says, “tank you” and ‘peas’. We do prompt them when needed, but they are still young. You wouldn’t believe the suprised looks we get (good suprised looks).
Janelle, hope Don feels better. That sounds painful. My mom had ankle surgery in January and she is still not doing well. That’s sweet that you took him out.
Congrats to Julie’s winners!
ev, I am enjoying my book (GOOD IN BED). I finally got a chance to read it last night (hubby is out of town). Tonight, I am going to see George, Brad, etc while he is still out of town….the boys get a sitter
Comment by katie — June 21, 2007 @ 10:03 am
I meant my little boys get a sitter as my husband is out of town. George and Brad don’t NEED sitters. Boy, I am still asleep.
Comment by katie — June 21, 2007 @ 10:14 am
Janelle-I’m so glad that you said something to those kids. There really is no excuse for bad manners. I believe that it all begins in the home and at an early age. But you’re never to old to learn. I believe that what goes around comes around (karma) and one day these kids will be in a situation where they may need consideration and or help. Maybe they will be fortunate and someone will help them when they are down. And if not, and they wonder why no one was there to help them I hope your words come to them like a lightening bolt.:!:
Comment by Carol R — June 21, 2007 @ 10:38 am
Poor Don!
Janelle, I have some unfortunate news for you — it ain’t just kids.
I live across the street from a big shopping plaza which is the main hang out for kids in my town, and for the most part, I’ve found them to be unfailingly polite and considerate. Even when they are being really rowdy with each other, if they see someone handicapped they’ll tone it down and get out of the way for the person to past, and if they accidentally bump into someone, they’ll apologize profusely. There are a bunch of skateboarders that like ot use this ramp right outside the subway station, but they always stop if there are people walking by. I don’t even know these guys and I’m proud of them.
Meanwhile, the 20 somethings all roll their eyes at the kids and then proceed to swipe subway seats from old ladies.
Comment by Diana — June 21, 2007 @ 10:49 am
I see that sort of stuff everyday. People are just plain rude, whether it is teenagers, adults, they just don’t care.
Comment by BadBarb — June 21, 2007 @ 10:59 am
Hi Janelle~ I hope Don is feeling better soon! I think your reaction to the situation was right on and it’s true, kids nowadays don’t always have good manners. I try really hard with my two boys and agree with Julie that sometimes they forget and need to be reminded (immediately). There is no excuse not to be kind and considerate of others and every day I try and teach my kids how important it is to be respectful and courteous.
Julie~ Thanks so much! I’m so excited to receive Julie Kenner’s books and am going to email you right now! Woo Hoo!
Comment by Robin — June 21, 2007 @ 11:08 am
Foot surgery is the worst. Been there! HUGS to Don. Hope he’s better soon because you’ll lose it, although I know he’s a great patient. Janelle’s got a good hubby!
I teach my kids manners too … and you hope when they walk out the door they use what I teach them!
Comment by Carly — June 21, 2007 @ 11:15 am
“The common thread, other then a lack of manners …. Rude children have rude parents” - FeyRhi, I agree. One of the favorite sayings of Mary Kay Ash was, “It’s not what’s taught, it’s what’s caught” and I think that is so true. Just like the post last Thursday, they learn to be polite, considerate and thoughtful by watching how the adults around them act as much as anything.
It’s also a “Birds of a feather” type of thing. My oldest went to a private school for junior high. The majority of the students felt priveledged and like rules didn’t apply to them, because the parents felt that way. They would park in “no parking” zones because they didn’t want to walk. They would park in the middle of the street, regardless of a line of cars behind them, if there was someone they wanted to talk to! And a lot of those kids hung out together…you saw them at lunch!
Rudeness and inconsiderate behavior is also a pet peeve of mine and I’m sorry Don (and you) had to be the recipient of such behavior. But remember your post from last week….they will get their’s!!!!
Comment by Jodie — June 21, 2007 @ 11:22 am
I take the bus to work everyday and you would be surprised at how many adults ignore the older woman struggling to stand while they sit, or the pregnant woman, or the mom with the young children…It’s not just the teens, a lot of people are just rude. On the flip side I’ve had high school boys offer me their seat, which of course makes me feel old but grateful!
Now I’d like to brag for a minute…my son just graduated from 8th grade and after the ceremony as we waited for the graduates to come out a mom came up to me and started talking and said to me that one of the things she would miss most was my son. Ok now she had my attention..she said that every morning she would stand outside school to watch her younger children go inside and every morning my son would walk by and smile and say good morning Mrs. Goodman. She said that he was like a little ray of sunshine in her otherwise hectic morning. Well I have to tell you it brought tears to my eyes. I know it’s a simple jesture but I don’t think I’ve ever felt more proud!
Comment by Tina Martinesi — June 21, 2007 @ 11:23 am
I agree with you Janelle. I would have reacted the same way. But I have noticed that the teens are different than when I was a teen. We used to respect our elders and frankly be afraid of them. Now the adults can be intimidated by the teens and I think they know that. Good for you for standing up to them.
Comment by Michelle — June 21, 2007 @ 11:46 am
Tina, you brought tears to my eyes, too! Give him an extra hug for me today, won’t you?
Jodie, it’s not just private school. The parking lot at my daughter’s public school, which admittedly is in a very nice area, is overwhelming with rudeness. I’ve seen the same thing you have–parents stopping to chit-chat in the middle of the road, blocking everyone else, oblivious. I’ve left more than one “polite” note on illegally parked cars, asking them to please be more considerate of the other parents who are in just as much a rush as they are.
The trouble is…in my opinion…the administration is afraid of the parents. They don’t put their foot down. They don’t come right out and say, “Look, this is against the rules and you’re giving your children a horrible example.” A few years ago, there was this one father who would pick up his TWO children on a motorcycle. TWO. He’d be in front, the little one in the middle behind him and the slightly bigger child on the back, holding on around her little brother. I went in to complain to the principal and she said there was nothing she could do. Bull. I would have called the cops and had him waiting there after school to give that doofus a ticket or at least, a very stern warning. I might, had I been the principal, also called child welfare. That’s just dangerous.
I’m not a big rule follower by nature, but you can bet I try to set an example in front of my daughter, especially when rules are about safety. Parents today should have to get a license to parent or something. So many are insane.
Comment by Julie Leto — June 21, 2007 @ 11:47 am
This is one of my pet peeves too. It is this way at one of the wal-marts that I use. There are kids of all ages running around without parent supervison. Some of them are fairly young so you have to try to keep from running them over with the buggy. But in this wal-mart, it’s not just kids but adults that have no manners. You will be trying to get down an aisle and there will be people just standing in the way talking and they don’t even try to get out of the way. And they like to walk beside each other but when they see you coming, they don’t bother to move to the side so you can get by. I try not to go in this wal-mart unless I have no choice.
I am 25 so it hasn’t been that long since I was a teenager but I know I never acted like this. My sister has a 2 yr. old daughter that already has more manners than most teenagers. She already says thanks when you give her something and people comment on how good she is when we are at restaurants. The one time I heard her start to pitch a fit, my sister took her outside and when they came back my niece didn’t try to act up again. I hope that whenever I have kids, that I am able to do as good a job as my sister is doing so my kids will grow up to have manners and to respect adults.
Comment by Claudia — June 21, 2007 @ 12:43 pm
Janelle,
Ouch! First off–I had foot surgery last summer and boy–I feel for ya. I don’t know how my dh and mom put up with me.
Second–Kudo’s for standing up to those bullies. That’s all they were was little bullies and criminals in the making.
Tina–I am so proud for you. What a wonderful compliment to you and your son.
I, as you know, woek in Middle School in the dean’s office, in the inner-city–and I can guarantee you one thing most of my parents I see are 110 times worse than the kids.
That’s right. Some of the kids are actually more polite than the parents–must be the good influence of the adults around them.
Comment by Debbie — June 21, 2007 @ 12:50 pm
Thanks, everyone, for your commiserating! I’m glad I’m not the only one who found this so annoying. And it’s true that rudeness is not just limited to teenagers — adults can be the same way. And it’s usually the rude adults who have equally rude children/teenagers.
But I also know that there are a lot of polite and courteous adults and children out there, as well. My husband is one to open doors for me, even after twenty years of marriage. And he’s already told my girls that any boy they bring home for us to meet better have great manners, be polite, and respectful, or it’s a NO-GO, LOL! But those are the qualities that my daughters already look for in a guy, especially my oldest. She’s going to be a senior next year, and is deliberately graduating early (January instead of June), because she can’t stand how rude and immature and petty the kids are at school. She’s so ready to move on, and I truly can’t blame her!
Tina — You have obviously raised a sweet son who isn’t afraid to smile and wish someone a good day, and even at such a young age. You should be very proud!
Comment by Janelle — June 21, 2007 @ 1:02 pm
Debbie — I really do feel sorry for teachers (or anyone working in school administration!) these days. Not only do you have to deal with rude kids, but I’ve seen how awful some parents can be, too. Oy!
Comment by Janelle — June 21, 2007 @ 1:03 pm
By the way, I just have to add this cute story, which is just the opposite of those RUDE KIDS we encountered.
Yesterday, I had to take Don to the doctors to get his stitches out, and get his leg recasted for another two weeks. I took him out to lunch again, and thank God there were no unruly kids to contend with. Anyway, when we left, I told him to stand by the curb and that I’d go get the car and pick him up, so he wouldn’t have to walk so far on his crutches (in 100 degree heat, no less!!!). So, it took me a few minutes to get the car and swing around and pick him up. When he got into the car he was grinning and I asked him what was up. He said that his cast is a total chick-magnet — apparently, while I was getting the car, and he was standing outside of the restaurant, three separate women (who were either going into the restaurant or passing by it) were more than willing to give him some assistance. One asked him if he needed help to his car, another opened the restaurant door for him (but he declined with a thank you and explained he was waiting for me), and a third asked if he needed help with anything (since he was just standing there, LOL).
So, that totally made up for those rude teenagers the other day.
Comment by Janelle — June 21, 2007 @ 1:09 pm
Tina - I know that feeling you had and it is soooo wonderful!! I’m sure you do/will hear wonderful things about your son for the rest of his life and you can be proud of the job you’ve done. And if you’re like me, and you have another at home that is the opposite, you need as much reinforcement that you’ve done something right as you can get!
Julie - you cracked me up because you sound like me. There’s this little e-mail questionnaire going around where your friends fill out the answers as to how they see you. Under the question of “rule follower or rebel” all of mine said, “Rebel to the max.”
So I have to balance that with my kids. I have to teach them to follow rules, unless there’s a really good reason not to and then, how to break the rules respectfully. Does that make sense? My oldest is a rebel to the max too and he challenges authority, but he does it in such a charming way most of the time they don’t mind. I know how challenging he can be, but I’ve only heard nice things from his teachers so I know he’s done right!
But…he has great manners, is extremely courteous and respectful and like you said, safety isn’t negotiable.
Comment by Jodie — June 21, 2007 @ 1:25 pm
Janelle - is that a good thing he’s found such a great chick magnet?
He might just get the bright idea of having a velcro cast made up for when he wants some extra attention and sympathy.
Comment by Jodie — June 21, 2007 @ 1:28 pm
Awe you go Don.
Chick magnet huh?
Sorry about the rude kids.
I sell cellphones and you want to see some spoiled kids
spend a day in a cellphone store. I think kids are spoiled and fresh cause
mom amd dad are trying to compensate for not being home using money.
It’s unfortunate ’cause I think they struggle later in life when raised this
way. There are some really good kids out there and it is real easy to spot
them these days. They are few and far between so they stand out in a
Hugs
Comment by jeannie — June 21, 2007 @ 1:28 pm
It’s funny…as I was reading these comments, I realized how funny my life is. I am one of those ‘responsible, rule following people’, whereas my husband’s family believes that the rules aren’t really made for them….him included. I asked him the other day, “why he felt that he didn’t need to follow the rules’ (we aren’t talking laws, but just rules)….he didn’t know why…..it just was. My kids are taught that rules are rules (politeness is politeness and that’s just that). It’s not even about questioning authority, it’s about just disregarding it, in today’s society. I don’t know why our society is that way, now. My kids KNOW better (their teachers have told me so). Break a rule and you have to deal with ME! They also tell me how polite they are, which is good to know.
Sorry a little off topic..
Comment by katie — June 21, 2007 @ 1:52 pm
Damn kids. :evil: Frankly I would have been far less patient and polite, and probably would have said: “Don’t like *MOVE* or anything children.” But I tend to have low tolerance for rude behavior.
Comment by catherine — June 21, 2007 @ 1:59 pm
Well wishes to Don for a smooth recovery.
I am laughing about his cast being a chick magnet!
I do see a lot of teenagers that are very rude, what kind of parents do they have?
: There are also a lot of really good kids out there so I try not to lump them all together. Society as a whole seems to be rude & much to “me” oriented! How did that happen?! It seems to me that since the Vatican felt it had to issue a list of road rules that it says there are many rude people in this world.
A couple of years ago my daughter, grandson & I went to dinner at a steak house. I picked Dustin up & we met his Mom at the restuarant. When we got to the door he held it open for me & it made me feel so good. He has very good manners & I applaud my daughter for the great job she has done with him as a single mom. He is 18 now & trying to find a job & finish school. He is a neat kid! I might be a little biased!!
Janelle, you can rant with us anytime. Sometimes you just need to get it out of your system!
Have a great day everyone!
Donna M
Comment by Donna M — June 21, 2007 @ 2:24 pm
Thanks everyone, the funny thing is, when we got home and I relayed the story to my son, he shrugged and said its no big deal I see her every morning why wouldn’t I say hello? I just hugged him because he’s right why wouldn’t he? He really is just one of those people who has a heart of gold!
Comment by Tina Martinesi — June 21, 2007 @ 2:37 pm
Tina, you’re right. At dinner the other night with the whole family (12 of us) I was talking about Janelle’s post from last Thursday. My oldest (he’s 20) was there and I was telling him that I had been bragging about him and relayed the story of the teachers talking about how polite and nice he was.
His reaction was the exact same as your sons. He just shrugged. Being nice, polite, considerate really shouldn’t be a big deal. It should just be the way it is.
He and I had a long talk a couple of weeks ago about how upset he was with his friends. He said, “Every one of my friends has let me down in one way or another. They don’t do what they say they will. They only think about themselves and it pisses me off.” I tried to tell him that I thought, for the most part, people his age are very self-absorbed and that they do just tend to think about themselves and hopefully they’d grow out of it.
I could tell he spent a really long time thinking about it and he finally came back to me and asked, “Am I like that?” It was nice to see him so concerned. My turn to shrug!
I told him I can only speak for the time he’s with us, but that I don’t see him like that, but it might be a good idea just to check himself out and make sure.
But I can say, even though they may let each other down, all of his friends are extremely polite and courteous when they’re around each other’s parents! And if they weren’t, they’d be hearing about it!
Comment by Jodie — June 21, 2007 @ 2:59 pm
When I see kids act like that I often wonder where are their parents?? Like you, Janelle I beat it into my son’s heads to have some common courtesy for other people. I tell them the way they act is a reflection of me so “act like you know”! I must say that all the talking must have gotten through to them because on a recent trip to Macy’s they held open the door for a lady that was behind us and when we got inside she came up to me and told me what “gentlemen sons” I had. That made me so proud! Like you said though this is the generation of ME ME ME!! Sad to say but they couldn’t care a less and to think this is the future of our country!!
Comment by Tina — June 21, 2007 @ 3:23 pm
Hi Janelle,
It’s been a while since we last chatted! Been thinking about you and wondering what you’ve been up to. When I got your latest e-newsletter today, I checked out your website and blog. Looking good! I really like the more romantic and softer tones.
I’m so sorry to hear about the rudeness that you and your husband encountered. Yes, I’ve noticed that the teenagers and young people today don’t have the politeness and respect that older generations have. My husband and I have talked about this very topic, and commenting on how there seems to be an air of entitlement that permeates the youth of today.
I hope your husband is up and around soon. Good to hear from you!
Your friend,
Jaguar Julie
Comment by Jaguar Julie — June 21, 2007 @ 4:26 pm
If we didn’t show respect when our parents were near, we would have been smacked upside the head and rightly so. Living in a small town, they would have found out about it if they weren’t around either.
My best friend is a parapalegic who walks on crutches (the kind that you hold onto a handle and fit over your arm- Australian is what they are called). I can not believe how many people just brush by her or don’t hold doors and many other things. Crowds are a bitch. I have taken to walking in front of her when we go places and flat out asking/telling people to move. :biteme: if they don’t like it. (you might want to do that with him).
I applaud the fact that you stood up to them.
I hope hubby will be feeling better soon.
Comment by ev — June 21, 2007 @ 5:57 pm
I know exactly what you are saying, so many kids these days have no respect for others. Wouldnt you just love to throttle them when they pull these stunts! They should have classes starting in grade school in manners and treating others with simple respect and kindness. Most of them dont seem to learn it at home so maybe it should become part of what is taught in school
Thanks!
Julie
Comment by Julie Parrish — June 21, 2007 @ 6:48 pm
I hope Don is feeling better soon - But I understand completely what your talking about - in the past year I have gone from walking on my own to with a cane to with a walker and now I am in a wheelchair. I go out with my parents and look quite young for my age -I’m 34 - but the teenagers have no respect - although they have big mouths and nasty ones at that. - The comments I get are so mean and hurtful my mom comes home and just cries. we don’t go out anymore except to hospitals and doctors because it was to hard on everyone physically and emotionally and thats mainly due to the reaction of others - but teenagers aren’t the only rude nasty ones - older adults are too - they called me lazy and shameful and said me being in a wheelchair must be God’s revenge for something. - So it isn’t just the one generation.- its all generations that need to learn respect.
Comment by Karen Riddle — June 21, 2007 @ 6:50 pm
Hi everyone,
LESLIE I clicked on the cover of your “She’s no Angel”
cover on this site and was taken to Amazon.
They are already selliing and shipping this book. Yahoo!
Comment by jeannie — June 21, 2007 @ 7:11 pm
Karen, that’s horrendous. I’m ashamed of all able-bodied people on your behalf. That’s not rudeness, that pure, unadulterated evil. What is wrong with people?
Here’s a big hug from me!!! I’d hate to think of you homebound because people can’t keep their mouths shut. I hope you find a way to get out now and again with people who are kind and understanding.
OOooh, that makes me so mad!
Comment by Julie Leto — June 21, 2007 @ 7:21 pm
Jodie, I feel for your son because in addition to my son, I also have a 19 year old daughter. She has distanced herself from a few of her “so called” friends because she felt that they were so self absorbed that it became tiring…all the drama all the time just wasn’t fun. And like your son she asked me, “Am I like that?” My response was, “The fact that your putting thought into the kind of person you want to be/ or better yet, not be, is what’s important because at the end of the day you need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and like the person looking back at you.”
Comment by Tina Martinesi — June 21, 2007 @ 7:33 pm
Janelle, I have experienced the same thing. The worst is that I am on a walker and people just plug away and slam the door in your face. Hey, I don’t like being on a walker! I don’t know what has happened to people today and it is not just teenagers. When I go for walks to strengthen my knees with my walker and here comes a teenager on a bike, I go into the grass and let them go by on the sidewalk. The answer? I have none.
Comment by Margaret Garrison — June 21, 2007 @ 8:18 pm
Karen, I was shocked when I read your post. I was so glad Julie posted because she was able to say all the things I was thinking but quite honestly, couldn’t figure out how to word because I was speechless!
I am so sorry that you feel forced to stay in your house because of the actions and attitudes of others. My youngest has a mood disorder that causes him to sometimes go into rages in public - like yesterday at Waffle House -
. There have only been a few times that I’ve been confronted by people who want to tell me how I should be parenting, or what a horrible child I have, or something equally hurtful. And for the most part I’ve learned to either ignore them, or simply explain he has a mood disorder and leave it at that, but there are other times that I take those comments to heart and they are very hurtful.
Like Julie said, I hope you can somehow find a way to be out and around other people and it not be so horrible for you and your family!
Tina - sounds like you have some great kids!!!
Comment by Jodie — June 21, 2007 @ 9:21 pm
Heathens! (sp?) We’re being over run by heathens! Your poor husband, I hope he is feeling better soon and that you are well rewarded for taking care of him!
Comment by Yolanda — June 21, 2007 @ 10:05 pm
As the mother of a teenager who sometimes has had friends over with absolutely no manners, respect for other people or other people’s property, much less an adult or the authority that adult may have over them (in the adult’s own home, too) I completely understand what you are getting at.
It’s the same at the mall or wherever. I am sometimes even more appalled at their lack of phone etiquette, too. EX -”Yeah, I xxxxx there?” Sorry, she can’t come to the phone right now. “Why not? She can’t be that busy.” (I kid you not! A kid did that to me.) We won’t even talk about the ex-boyfriend who told me my daughter was seventeen and didn’t have to do what I said anymore… 
I am amazed at the lack of any manners - period! I know that there are good kids out there. Mine, too, have been raised to have respect for adults, to open doors for people they see need assistance, etc. My son even remembers every now and again to open the door me. Sometimes he’ll even do it for his sister. But,
I think part of the problem is the incredible amount of freedom some kids appear to have nowadays. Some of my daughter’s friends cannot believe that I make my daughter follow rules, a curfew, and will ground her - and mean it!
Is it that it is just too much trouble for some parents to monitor their kids activities, friends, language usage and social skills? Some parents are more worried about being their kid’s friend than a parent. Kids need a parent to be a parent and BE THERE to do it! :lightbulb: What a concept. It’s how they know there is a sense of structure and rules in their lives.
I know I’m preaching to the choir, but what are these kids going to do when they get into the work place? The first time they treat a customer with the same lack of respect and disdain they do other people they will (or should!!) be out of a job!
A big thank you to those employers that will let them go because they have no sense of propriety.
If my kids acted like that they know there would be hell to pay at home. And God help them if I ever hear from someone else that they behaved in such a manner.
Thanks, Janelle. That rant felt pretty good!
Comment by Lynn Matherly — June 21, 2007 @ 10:11 pm
I noticed that we had some new posters today — Welcome and I hope you all stop by and join us on a regular basis!
I’m so glad I vented — you all are the best for listening and commiserating!
Comment by Janelle — June 21, 2007 @ 10:20 pm
Lynn — Amen to your post! Your my kind of mom!
Comment by Janelle — June 21, 2007 @ 10:59 pm
I blame it all on the parents. my daughters would be curteous because that’s the way they were taught. My eldest is going into the field of working in nursing homes and cares very much about others feelings. My youngest at the moment works in a grocery store but has been told she is their best customer service employee because she is so nice to everyone. parents need to teach their children manners.
Comment by catslady — June 21, 2007 @ 11:01 pm
Lynn, I couldn’t have said it better myself!!:thumbsup2:
Has anyone ever seen my super sweet 16 on MTV? I sometimes cringe when I see these so called SWEET girls screaming at their mothers because they didn’t get the car they wanted delivered to the party so everyone can be jealous!!! It’s unbelievable!! I just can’t imagine my children ever treating me that way?!
Janelle this was a great topic today! And I hope Don is on the road to recovery!!
Comment by Tina Martinesi — June 21, 2007 @ 11:27 pm
Karen, I second what Julie said…..People can be such a$$ holes sometimes!!! Excuse my french but your post really made me angry
Please don’t let these poor excuses for humans get to you! Don’t let them make you a prisoner, you deserve better!
Comment by Tina Martinesi — June 21, 2007 @ 11:32 pm
Tina — yes, that Sweet 16 show makes me SHUDDER. Those girls are so spoiled, bratty, bitchy, and disrespectful! Hard to imagine any guy ever wanting to marry any of them!
Comment by Janelle — June 22, 2007 @ 12:47 am
Janelle, So sorry that you & Don had to endure those self-centered & inconsiderate teens. I can really relate. As you may remember, my daughter is Down’s Syndrome, & my son 2 years younger. When Lisa was around 16 & my son 14, we were walking to our car after a doctor’s appointment. I heard some giggling behind us, & when I turned around, there were 3 girls, around 13 YO, with their tongues out, walking straight-legged, &, obviously, making fun of my daughter. I turned around & said, “Well, your actions must REALLY make you feel good. How proud you must be that you can make fun of someone who has a much harder time in life than you.” They kept looking away & fingering each other as to who was the first one who decided to do this, & that they just followed. Later, my son said, “Why did you do that?” I said, “I’ve always thought one good thing that could happen raising Lisa was that we could teach others to be kinder to handicapped people. They were embarrassing themselves, not us.” I thought those girls would never do something like this again, but, frankly, if they had to be told what was acceptable at 13, I wouldn’t bet on it. There’s no doubt that manners & consideration for others is hard to find these days. Such a shame.
Hope Don is well soon.
Patricia A.
Comment by Patricia — June 22, 2007 @ 12:57 am
Jodie- My daughter was diagnosed at an early age with emotional disabilities, the same as your son. I hated taking her grocery shopping, if she got in one of those rages, everything on the nearest shelf would go flying. I had one woman walk by me and tell me to take a Valium. Thankfully, she has out grown most of it but still has problems controlling her anger at times.
It is a shame that in this society we are supposed to be PC about everything except the handicapped. And there is nothing like being a “norma” person who developes an even temporary disablility like Don has, to bring that whole thing to someones attention.
Comment by ev — June 22, 2007 @ 5:33 am
I definitely feel kids today have very little respect for elders and others who should be treated with kindness and manners. I comes down to not being raised properly,sadly parents aren’t doing their jobs. Not sure why,maybe they think school or television will do it for them.
I am disabled and am astounded at the lack of respect and courtesy I get out in public. I understand stares because children are curious but when teenagers and adults are so obvious it annoys me. Several times I have been treated rudely by teenagers and my daughter has said things. Thankfully my daughter has compassion for others because of my circumstances.
I hope Don is having less pain.take care
Comment by Dena — June 22, 2007 @ 1:23 pm
I feel each and everyone of you! I agree that todays teenagers have gotten much more disrespectful. Its a no brainer that these kids’ parents did not give them the basic skills of a simple, “please, thank you, your welcome” Unfortunately i have also seen kids that have great parents and have been taught better manners but they are so afraid of not fitting in with their peers that they simply follow along. I hate to be those kids when they get into the real world and see that life is not always going to look the other way when they act up. I also hate to say but sometime these are the kids who end up getting trouble(i.e. pregnant, gangs, drugs, etc.) It is a shame what is happening with our youth. But from reading everyones comments, there are still people out there who care about their children and raise them accordingly as best as they can. I salute myself since i am a proud parent of a seven year old and i salute each and everyone one you great parents out there.
Comment by Ingrid — June 22, 2007 @ 2:06 pm
Boy, did I happen across this blog on the right day! This is a major pet peeve of mine and I see it every day and across the board, not just teenagers. Our society as a whole has become rude and self-centered. So many people have the “me” mentality and think nothing of others. Thank goodness, we occasionally come across people who show basic manners to others. They are the bright spot of our days. I think you handled the situation well, you were actually nicer that I would have been! All we can do, is teach our children the right way and when we encounter rude people, let them know what we think (it takes a village)!!
Comment by Becky Cruz — June 23, 2007 @ 1:46 am
Janelle - here’s hoping Don is mobile and well soon.
To those of you experiencing rude behavior just because your handicapped - what a rotten thing to have happen!
Right now I’m experiencing a lot of problems with arthritis in my hips and can’t walk for long periods of time, so I’m “riding” when I go to places like WalMart. Most people are wonderful but like you, I occasionally encounter the rude of society. Want to know where I’ve found the most friendly and helpful people? At our local indoor pool. I’m doing water aerobics to strengthen my legs and build my endurance. The lifeguards there are all young, late teens or early twenties and they are the most friendly, helpful and courteous bunch I have ever run into - it makes you remember that not everyone is like that crowd the tried to knock over Don, or those who have almost made one poster homebound.
My recommendation, keep going out, eventually you’ll run into some people who re-affirm your faith in mankind.
Patty
Comment by Patty — June 23, 2007 @ 1:17 pm
Janelle,
I am just happy your husband wasn’t further hurt by the blatant disregard of those teenagers and the reason they are so self-centered was stated by how you raised your daughters to respect others. Too many parents today want to be friends with their children instead of doing the tough job of actually parenting them which means at times they will not like you. All kids are not the same and some may have empathy as a part of their personality. I’ve seen adults in stores with toddlers standing up in the shopping cart and rather than tell the child to sit down before they hurt themselves and because they are the parent, these pathetic people would try to cajole the child into sitting down by telling them the security person nearby doesn’t like them standing up. Talk about spineless! If all children were raised with loving kind of discipline at all and respect for others, there would be no need for metal detectors in the schools. I’m also happy nothing happened to you when you brought this to their attention that the world does not revolve around them.
Comment by Theodora — June 26, 2007 @ 9:15 am