My Vegetarian Daughter
A year and a half ago, during a phone call home while I’m attending a Romance Writers of America conference, my husband informs me that our youngest daughter, Kellie, has decided to become a vegetarian. Of course I ask what has brought about this decision, and I’m told that it happened as a result of an argument between Kellie and her older sister, Danielle, over the crushing death of a BUG. Yes, you read that right . . . a bug.
It seems that Kellie (12 at the time) and Danielle (14 at the time) were outside when some kind of flying bug dive bombed Danielle. Danielle HATES all kinds of bugs - - from spiders to flies to ants - - they creep her out. (Hey, she’s her mother’s daughter, for sure!) So, she swatted at the thing, knocked it down to the concrete, and promptly squished it with her shoe. (Just as I would have). Kellie, a lover of all animals and bugs, gets hysterical over the death of this bug, and her sister’s part it in. She’s so upset that she runs inside to tell her father what happened, in hopes of getting her sister in trouble.
After listening to Kellie’s tale and accusations against her sister, Don tells Kellie “It’s just a bug!”, of which Kellie replies back, “It’s a living, breathing insect and Danielle just killed it!”. Don isn’t one for theatrics, and goes on to tell her that animals and insects are killed every day. In fact, she eats animals all the time: chicken, beef, pork, etc. After a moment’s thought, Kellie announces, “Fine! Then I’m becoming a vegetarian!”. This from a kid who loves hamburgers, chicken nuggets, pork roast, and her very favorite - - Steak! Her dad’s reply is, “Okay. Whatever,” because he honestly believes that this “heat-of-the-moment” decision of Kellie’s will last all of one day.
I hang up the phone and tell Carly (who is my roommate) about Kellie’s decision to become a vegetarian. We both have a good laugh about it, and since she has a daughter the same age as Kellie, we both know that this will blow over within a few days, because Kellie won’t be able to stop eating meat.
So, I come home from my conference and Kellie informs me of her decision to become a 
vegetarian. I play along and tell her that’s fine, but it’s okay if she decides to eat meat again. She insists that she won’t, because she doesn’t want to contribute to the slaughter of animals. I’m thinking that’s a bit dramatic, but I’m still thinking that she’s going to miss meat, and this “meat strike” of hers will eventually end.
A month later, and she still hasn’t touched meat, and we’re no longer laughing. This kid is serious, and because I’m now concerned about her getting enough protein and iron in her diet, I make a deal with her. She can cut meat out of her diet, so long as she at least eats FISH. Yeah, that’s technically meat, and an “animal”, but she feels it’s the lesser of all those other evils and agrees. Still, at this point, I’m thinking this is all going to end, and I’m hoping SOON, because it’s a pain to have to cook different stuff for her to eat on the nights that we have chicken, beef, or pork.
Fast forward a year later, and she STILL isn’t eating meat, except for fish. Honestly, I’m amazed that she truly gave it up and lasted this long! Now it’s to the point that she checks boxed items and frozen foods to make sure that there is no meat product in the mix. And if there is, she won’t eat it.
It’s impressive, and frustrating as hell (for me), LOL! Especially when we go out to a 
restaurant. Like the time we went to Mimi’s Café for dinner, and Kellie saw “chicken caesar salad” on the menu. She asked me why they didn’t have just a plain “caesar salad” listed, and I told her that even though it wasn’t on the menu, she could order it without the chicken. She asked me if they were going to pick the chicken out of a chicken caesar salad already made, and I assured her that hers would be made fresh, from scratch. (Because if any kind of meat has even TOUCHED something in a meal, then has been picked out, she won’t eat whatever the meal is. Urgh!).
Anyway, our orders arrive, as does Kellie’s plain caesar salad. We’re talking and eating when all of a sudden I see Kellie, who is sitting across from me, spit a huge mouthful of salad back onto her plate - - and not very inconspicuously, either, but complete with gagging, hacking, and spitting sounds. I’m absolutely mortified and ask her what’s wrong. She tells me that she tasted chicken, and I’m so annoyed at this point and I tell her that there is no chicken in her salad, that it was made FRESH. So, she digs around the spit-up salad with her fork and what does she find . . . a damn piece of chicken! No joke! Needless to say, she refuses to EVER eat at Mimi’s again, and this has only made her more distrustful of restaurants in general. Sigh.
Fast forward again to the present. Now Kellie (who is now 14) has decided that she wants to cut ALL meat out of her diet, including fish. I tell her no, that it’s really her only good source of protein, and eating it 3-5 times a week isn’t a big deal. But all of a sudden it’s a big deal to her, and knowing how stubborn she can be, I figure it’s time to consult with a nutritionist to make sure that if she cuts out ALL meat out of her diet that she’s eating the proper things so that her body will get all the nutrients that she needs. It’s an enlightening visit, and the nutritionist assures me that she CAN cut out all meat and be okay. But it’s going to take some creative cooking and changes (oh, joy).
Luckily, Kellie likes soy products. She drinks soy milk and eats soybeans and tofu – and those are the things that she’s going to need to incorporate into her diet on a regular basis to get that protein that her body has to have. On the drive home, Kellie asks me to look up tofu recipes on the internet, and I’m surprised to find just how widely used tofu is in recipes! I’m finding recipes for tofu lasagna, potato tofu salad, tofu non-meatloaf, tofu pot pie, tofu taquitos, tofu banana bread, tofu pancakes, and even tofu brownies and tofu fudge chews! Wow! Who would have thought that Tofu could be so versatile? Certainly not I! And, as a bonus, tofu is super-low in fat and calories so it works right in with my healthier way of eating, too.
BUT, tofu does not take the place of real meat. At least not for me, Don, and Danielle. I’ll definitely give the tofu recipes a try for Kellie’s sake, but there’s no way I’m giving up beef, chicken, and pork.
So, is anyone out there a vegetarian that can offer me some sage advice? And for you meat-eaters out there, could you give up beef, pork and chicken?
I am not a vegetarian, so I can’t give you any advice. Though I did recently find out that gelatin froms from animals, and was a bit dismayed to hear that, (don’t tell your daughter!) even though, like I said, I’m not a vegetarian. I love steak, and chicken. I don’t eat a lot of it, sometimes even go weeks without eating more than fish, but I do crave it and could never give it up completely.
It’s a lifestyle, and one I can understand if I give it enough thought, though I try not to. It’s not just about the killing of animals, which does bother me from time to time, I’ll admit, but it’s also about what animals are fed and the worries of what could be injected into them, and things like e-coli, etc. Mad cow disease I think about. I saw a creepy episode of the X-Files involving chicken and it’s hard to get those images out of your head. But like I said, I love steak too much to give it up 100%.
Oh if only we could live off chocolate and coffee LOL.
Comment by Stacy ~ — February 22, 2007 @ 7:29 am
Never! I’m a die-hard carnivore. (Technically, omnivore…I know, I know.) Is there such a thing as a pastavore?
I respect Kellie’s decision, but what an added burden for you to have to cook like that. I can’t stand tofu. The only time I can tolerate it is in pad thai. Probably because of the pasta!
Maybe it’s time to sign her up for a cooking course?
Comment by Julie Leto — February 22, 2007 @ 8:21 am
I was a vegetarian for 3 years in my early 20s. I finally had to start eating meat again for the iron. Iron pills make me sick, but a little meat every now and then helps. I’m pretty good with only eating veggies at any one meal to this day and still will not touch raw meat. I eat either fish and chicken and only eat beef if I’m out or someone else had cooked it. I didn’t stop eating meat for the sake of animals(I hate bugs with a passion…can’t sleep at night if I even see a bug until it’s dead), but because heart disease runs in my family. I still eat hamburgers or steak, but try and reduce the number of times I eat either each week.
Comment by Liza — February 22, 2007 @ 9:02 am
I’m with Julie. It is time, at 14, for her to learn to cook, especially if she insists on eating differently.
Being a farm girl, I am definately an omnivore. I can go for a few days without meat, but not long. Fish I can live without forever. they were put on this earth for a reason.
Don’t let her get into the milking cows is bad thing though. Everytime I see PETA try that one, i want to give them a cow and tell them to take care of it- if it’s not milked, it will die. Very painfully too. Somehow I don’t think that is what god inteneded when he created cows. Or they can contribute to the extinction of cows, because they can only give milk once they have given birth.
Comment by ev — February 22, 2007 @ 9:19 am
I think it’s great that you’re trying to be supportive of her vegetarian decision. While I’m not for just killing animals to kill them … I could never give up the beef, pork, fish, leather boots, etc.
But, there are some good cookbooks out there/on-line sites and I think the suggestion of a cooking class (maybe a culinary school, some high schools and food stores host them) maybe a great way to get ideas and have her learn how to eat a healthy meat free lifestyle, especially once she’s on her own and has to cook for herself.
Comment by Yolanda — February 22, 2007 @ 9:20 am
We eat meat now, but for about seven years we were die-hard vegetarians. We loved it. Even now we don’t eat tons of meat and usually only organic, though ironically I gained a lot of weight as a vegetarian because we ate lots of carbs.
If I were to go vegetarian again, I’d probably do a vegan or low carb version for that reason. My friend has three vegan children, and it changed their entire family eating style, but for the better.
Beans are great, of course, and there are wonderful natural nut butters that are good sources of protein — nut butter on crackers can be a great snack. Check the specialty foods at the grocery store, or Whole Foods — lots of prepared vegetarian alternatives that you only have to nuke or throw in the over, and also there are Boca Burgers, which are great, and crumbled Tofu meat which in chili, etc are very good. Will she eat eggs? That’s another one — many vegetarians make exceptions for eggs and fish, or just include one or the other of those.
Good for you in supporting her decision! And good for her for sticking to it. I like Julie’s idea of the cooking course…
Sam
Comment by Sam Hunter — February 22, 2007 @ 9:40 am
Janelle, all I have to say is WOW. I’m in awe of your daughter’s dedication. I have a 12 year old and I would kill to see him commit to something with such conviction (then again, maybe not because we are a die-hard meat household). But it’s so admirable. My son does have a friend who’s a vegetarian. She was actually his girlfriend until she found out that he went hunting over Thanksgiving break. Being a bunny hugger (my son’s term for an animal lover), she promptly broke up with him because of it. He thought it was funny (ah, young love). Anyhow, it just amazes me how children can feel such passion about things. To be young again . . .
Comment by Kimberly Raye — February 22, 2007 @ 10:02 am
Thanks for the advice, everyone! Kellie definitely loves to cook, and does prepare a lot of her meals herself. But it would just be easier overall to make ONE dinner, and have her be able to eat it, too, LOL. The nutritionist I took her to was very helpful in things she can eat — and I honestly had no idea how much protein was packed in milk, cheese, and yogurt!
Stacy — I like your idea the best. I, too, wish we could live on chocolate and coffee!
Comment by Janelle — February 22, 2007 @ 10:37 am
I was a vegetarian once, until I found out that a vegetarian wasn’t someone who didn’t eat vegetables, actually someone who didn’t eat meat! LOL I was about 8 at the time.
Comment by SHERRY — February 22, 2007 @ 10:42 am
Seven years ago I worked at a High School in Tampa and was truly amazed at the students who were/are died hard vegetarians. I have to say that while they were your normal teenager doing normal teenage stuff they were/are really great kids. They had beliefs and they had purpose for those beliefs. They learned very rapidly that not everyone agreed with them and that was okay. However, they could just as quickly tell you why they were vegetarians and it was more than just I don’t want animals to die.
There were several in the drama department and when we had closing night shows (I did a lot of acting with them) the other kids always made sure that there would be stuff for the ones who did not eat meet. I was always amazed at this because through this process I realized that the kids on both sides of the “to eat or not to eat” meat had learned to believe in themselves and their convictions, to know why they did so, and to also respect others who did not believe the same way. So…all that to say that even in the pain in the a** to fix more than one meal she is also learning so much about the person that she is…and why not look at her mother, she has a great role model.
I agree with Julie on the cooking classes.
Comment by Vicki — February 22, 2007 @ 11:07 am
Janelle, go you on supporting your daughter in this and go her for being such a committed, determined girl! I know it must be a pain to double-cook meals for the family, so I do agree on the cooking course idea. In the meantime, are protein shakes an option?
Comment by Leslie — February 22, 2007 @ 11:17 am
Wow, you’re a WAY better mother than me. Cooking a separate meal for my kid? He’d be SO on his own. Okay, okay, so I realize the nutritional fears and that the maternal instinct to protect and thrive causes us to do all kinds of things. But seriously, pat yourself on the back for that one!
I can’t do vegetarian, partially because vegetarians annoy me. Don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are vegetarians, I just hate that they must continually ANNOUNCE it to everyone! Sheesh! Have you ever tried arranging a company picnic with a vegetarian in the room? “WE CAN’T DO HAMBURGERS!! IDONTEATMEAT!!” Three minutes later, “NOT THE PASTA SALAD WITH SALAMI!! IDONTEATMEAT!!” After about a half hour of that, I’m ready to start serving knuckle sandwiches.
So, I’m afraid no advice from here, just lots of kudos. You are most definitely a good mom!
Comment by Lori Borrill — February 22, 2007 @ 11:37 am
Janelle, have no fear! I’m a vegan (no meat, dairy, eggs, etc.) and I’m the most well nourished person I know (and I don’t even take supplements)! The trick to a successful veggie lifestyle of any kind if ensuring your diet is actually vegetable-based, not carb based. This means *at least* seven veggie servings per day.
As for protein, soy and tofu are good, but IMO it’s important to not overdo or get too hung up on any one thing, and soy products are easy for a beginner veggie to cling to. Variety is key. Beans, nuts and whole grains (e.g., quinoa, brown rice) are great protein sources. And flax seeds or ground flax should be eaten EVERY day for omega-3s.
Your daughter is lucky to have a supportive family!!!
Comment by Julie S — February 22, 2007 @ 11:50 am
Janelle: Be thankful that she is not vegan. I have several friends who are vegan and it is so tough to cook for them (and then the meat eaters like us). It’s the whole cheese thing. I can’t find a soy cheese that is decent.
I had to give up milk after the birth of my third and it is tough! Fortunately, it was just a tummy issue, but still! If anyone knows of a decent soy cheese, let me know! I have not added a lot of dairy back, but I am not so strict.
Comment by katie — February 22, 2007 @ 12:37 pm
Wow! Like so many others have said, what a great thing to have a child that believes so strongly in something and is willing to dedicate herself to it like that. My oldest son and I both agree that we would love to be vegetarians, we can’t stand the thought of killing something (opposite end of the spectrum from my youngest who lives to hunt!) but we love meat too much to give it up. Definitely not dedicated like Kellie!!
My mother doesn’t eat meat because she just doesn’t digest it well. She hasn’t had meat in over 20 years but now the doctor is forcing her to eat fish because of the nutrients. Because it has been so long she is really having a hard time dealing with it. She can’t touch raw meat or fish and she has to just force herself to get it down. From what I understand, Kellie’s reaction to finding the chicken in her salad was probably perfectly natural for someone with her mindset and who hasn’t eaten it in such a long time.
Good for you in consulting a nutritionist, and for being so supportive of her decision, especially when it certainly isn’t convenient for you to be. I hope she recognizes how lucky she is to have such a supportive family.
Comment by Jodie — February 22, 2007 @ 1:08 pm
Another thing about vegans…no chocolate (or at least the good stuff) because it contains milk! I think it is great that you are supporting your daughter. Vegetarianism would be pretty easy for me, veganism is a different story. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is great to have that kind of beliefs, but you know……I get worried about their health (most of my friends are vegans). I don’t mind it that they have those beliefs, but I went to a wedding where they were vegans (the bride and groom) and they stood up and instead of touting their marriage, touted veganism (to a bunch of meaties) and had brochures around the reception. That’s a little extreme.
Comment by katie — February 22, 2007 @ 1:13 pm
Janelle,
there is no room for compromise.
Welcome to my world!! My daughter made the decision to become a vegetarian at the age of 4!! I’m not kidding. We had gone pumpkin picking in New Jersey followed by a trip to a turkey farm, which has a restaurant that serves THE BEST TURKEY dinner you will ever eat, needless to say my daughter was horrified. She had the worst hissy fit I’ve ever seen and I really just wanted to crawl under the table
Like you I was concerned about what to feed her. I know most people are thinking she was a baby and I being the “adult” should have been able to force her to eat meat, but anyone who has a child like mine knows that when they make up their mind about something
So we visited our Pediatrician who said meat was not necessary to maintain a healthy diet. He recommended soy products (morning star has a great selection) and a daily multi vitamin. In the beginning it was tough, as the years passed its gotten easier, more and more places offer vegetarian choices, even Burger King offers a veggie burger.
My daughter is now 19 years old, healthy (thank God), and still extremely stubborn…and the joy of my life!
Comment by Tina Martinesi — February 22, 2007 @ 1:18 pm
Janelle, your daughter is lucky that her family is so supportive of her. My youngest was so picky ( a different matter altogether) so I sympathize with you on having to cook differently for her. As long as she is getting the nutrients her growing body needs it is okay. I grew up with a dad that hunted, my brother hunts I’m never giving up meat!!!
No way! I admire anyone that can commit to the a veggie lifestyle but it is not for me.
Comment by Donna M — February 22, 2007 @ 3:48 pm
If she will eat peanut butter, Peter Pan Plus includes minerals/vitamins/and IRON. It is what I fed my kids until the recent salmonella scare. Once it’s back on the shelves, I’ll buy them some more. Also, I make sure my kids have a multi-vitamin every day that has extra iron.
Honestly, there are some veggies that are high in iron. A vegetarian can get enough of what they need if they are selective, plus, she isn’t ingesting hormones from the meat.
I’m from the South, so becoming vegetarian in my family would be a major stretch. But I would consider it. I’m not big on tofu, but I LOVE the green soy beans in the McDonald’s Asian salad. I could eat those all day long.
Comment by Heather Harper — February 22, 2007 @ 4:47 pm
I became a vegetarian when I was 15 and have now been one for about nine years. I was one of those people who thought I could never give up meat, but I did and it was much easier than one might think. I do think it helped that my mom became a vegetarian many years before I did (we had different reasons), and that was before all this new veggie food came out! I cannot imagine how hard it was to find good food to eat before the 90s.
Although I have one big peeve about meat-eaters (not all of them!): when they make fun of vegetarians and demean them. While I’d rather everyone didn’t eat meat, I don’t judge them, tell them they’re wrong, or try to change their minds about eating meat. Not that I’m saying anyone here is that way.
I hope that you live in or around a big city because that is where there is a bigger selection of vegetarian food. Some brands in the frozen section to look for are: Morningstar Farms, Boca, GardenBurger, Amy’s who have whole dinners, Quorn, and those are just the major names. In the refrigerated section there is Lightlife (or LiteLife, I forget how it’s spelled) and Yves. They have faux chicken, sausage, bacon, veggie dogs, chili, pepperoni, “meatballs”, “meatloaf”, and that’s just a small smattering.
Here are some (hopefully!) helpful websites:
http://www.happycow.net/
http://vegetarian.about.com/od/vegetarianlifestyle/tp/freethings.htm
http://www.vrg.org/index.htm
http://www.vrg.org/press/95decproduct.htm
http://www.thevegetariansite.com/recipes_subs.htm
http://allrecipes.com/Recipes/Vegetarian/Main.aspx
I hope some of this helps you with your daughter! If you have any specific questions, I’ll be happy to answer to the best of my abilities.
Comment by Nicole — February 22, 2007 @ 5:22 pm
My daughter, 25, became a vegetarian at 13 after seeing the movie Babe. She does eat fish, but for a long time did not, relying on soy, nuts & beans. She hates tofu. We would go to Taco Bell and make special orders, replacing the ground beef with beans, etc. She’s not vegan, so eats eggs and cheese and milk, but to this day the girl who LOVED Chicken McNuggets has not eaten beef, chicken, or pork in 12 years. All because of a movie about a pig. Oh, and yes to Morningstar farms and Boca. She brings her own soy (faux) chicken from Boca (I think) to Thanksgiving!
Comment by Alison — February 22, 2007 @ 6:00 pm
I grew up on tofu and love it. Yum yum yum. My mother makes the best tofu dishes. That’s probably why I love it so much. I used to be vegetarian. In college I decided to give up meat just to see if I could do it, and after realizing that it wasn’t so difficult, I continued with my vegetarianism. However, I started to miss seafood and poultry after a while, so I gave up my vegetarianism. I still don’t eat beef or pork, and honestly, I don’t miss them all that much. When my sister and I became vegetarian in college, I think my parents were also concerned that we wouldn’t get enough nutrients, etc., but Janelle, like you’ve discovered, one can get enough nutrients with a meat-free diet. Also, my mom started eating less meat as a result. I have a friend who’s been vegan for many years, and I could never do that. I love cheese too much.
Comment by Diana — February 22, 2007 @ 8:29 pm
You all have been so helpful — Thank you!!!
Comment by Janelle — February 22, 2007 @ 9:58 pm
let’s see if it lets me change my email addy
Comment by ev — February 23, 2007 @ 4:03 am
Wow I tried to become a vegetarian but was unsuccessful in my attempts
I did give up beef for about a month until recently when my mom cooked chilli and that’s all we had to eat
Hopefully you get some insight into the world of vegetarianism
Comment by Qua — February 23, 2007 @ 10:17 am