Isn’t it Romantic
Since Valentine’s Day is next week — the most romantic day of the year — I thought it would be interesting to see what some of you out there think is romantic. What do you expect from your significant other on this special day? Roses? Candy? Jewelry? And if it’s something tangible you’re seeking, what makes that gesture so romantic?
I know there are plenty of women out there who expect elaborate gestures from their significant other on Valentines Day (and birthdays, anniversaries, etc) — and if they don’t receive candy, flowers, or something “romantic” they’re devastated (and more than a little pissed, LOL!). It made me wonder – are we truly expecting too much from our significant others? And what, truly, is the definition of romance and being romantic?
As a rule, most men are NOT romantic (Okay, Leslie’s husband is the exception). They are practical, straight-thinking creatures, as is my husband. However, I’ve learned over the years to see certain things in our relationship as romantic, though those romantic gestures are rarely in the traditional sense of the word. I’ve learned that I don’t need candy, roses, or even a five dollar Hallmark card to know that he loves me. It’s not about candlelight, a cute or expensive trinket, or drawing me a bubble bath with rose petals (as if, LOL!). For me, it’s the little things that he does for me on a regular basis that count the most. And those are the things that are “romantic” in our relationship.
Romance, for me, is the way that he shows me that he cares. It’s the thoughtful, little things that make a difference to me. Like him making dinner when I’m too tired to do it. Or him bringing a hot cup of coffee to me in the morning while I’m working in my office. It’s the way he kisses me each morning before he leaves for work and tells me that he loves me. It’s the way he takes care of me by making sure the oil is changed in my car (because if not for him, I’d never remember!), and the way he’s learned to accept that the house is a disaster most of the time because I’m always on deadline – instead of nagging me to clean it up. He’s kind and considerate and has a big heart, and THOSE are the things that make me love him. And flowers, jewelry, or candy aren’t going to make me love him any more than I already do.
Now, that’s not to say that my husband hasn’t gone the traditional route before and surprised the heck out of me with flowers, a piece of jewelry, or something else he knows I’ve been wanting. But overall, and especially when it comes to Valentine’s Day, our anniversary, or my birthday, I don’t put those outlandish expectations on him. He doesn’t need the pressure and stress and I don’t need those grand gestures. I only have to look into his eyes to know that he loves me and would do anything in the world for me. Cheesy, but true. 
I recently found a quote that sums up what romance is to me: Romance is a state of being. It’s about taking actions on your feelings. It’s a recognition that Love in the abstract has no real meaning at all. Romance/love in action is a daily, living, growing activity.
So, what are you expecting from your significant other this Valentine’s Day? Hearts & flowers kind of romance or practical romance?
Janelle, I am right there with ya. If I had a sweetie, that is LOL. But I don’t like a guy buying flowers, etc just because it’s expected, especially on V-Day. It is the little things, and those are the gestures that come from HIS heart.
I think Hallmark and other companies have turned Valentine’s Day into such a commercial event and it seems that every year the expectations get higher. This year it’s $60 in roses, a $25 box of candy, and at least $100 dinner. Next year, you need all that plus a plush teddy bear and a piece of jewelry. A lot of restaurants (even White Castle!) take reservations - but who wants to spend their evening in a packed restaurant with 50 other couples doing the exact same thing? Not very romantic to me.
Of course if he decides to surprise me with a vacation to Hawaii, I won’t say no *g*
Comment by Stacy ~ — February 8, 2007 @ 7:17 am
My husband is so NOT romantic. He’s a hunky guy, but totally clueless when it comes to stuff like that. Last year he bought me a fishing rod for Valentine’s Day (which would be romantic except that I DON’T like to fish. He does and so he bought what he wished I would buy for him. I gave him mine and so he was happy). He’s also not particularly good about changing the oil or keeping my inspection stickers current. He’s one of those “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” types. When things do break down, he can and will fix anything, but until then. Since I know he’s this way, I realize it plays over into our love life, as well. He tells me he loves me, he’s affectionate, and so he thinks I know it. No need to do anything. This used to upset me (not because I like expensive things, but I tend to be a bit of a starry-eyed romantic who likes all the traditional stuff–candy, flowers, rose-petal baths). It doesn’t bother me anymore because I now know how he thinks (and it ain’t like me). Now if he buys me a bag of Sugar Babies I’m thrilled. Or if he learns some new web thing to trick out my site, I go ga-ga. It’s not Russel Stover’s, but it’ll do.
Comment by Kimberly Raye — February 8, 2007 @ 9:44 am
We never do Valentine’s Day up big because our anniversary is two weeks later, but I have to admit that I do get a bit disappointed if I don’t get TULIPS on Valentine’s Day. I love tulips!
Also, my father always brings me a card on Valentine’s Day. Even when I lived in Georgia, he sent the card to my husband, who then drove to my work (an hour from his work in Atlanta traffic) and put it on my car windshield just like my dad had done when we lived at home. THAT knocked me out, from both my dad and my hubby.
But Janelle, I’m totally with you–it’s the little things that count. The big stuff is nice, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not what’s important.
And yeah, Stacy…Valentine’s Day is commercial…I believe it is a holiday literally invented by the greeting card industry. Anyone know the history?
Comment by Julie Leto — February 8, 2007 @ 9:47 am
Valentine’s Day is a big day for my husband and I…we were married on that day (so he would never forget our anniversary…ha,ha…and so far it has worked perfectly). We get mushy cards for each other and celebrate by doing things together…whatever comes to mind from a nice long walk to a cute movie or a drive to somewhere we want to see, etc. and later go out for a nice romantic dinner which is followed by a (hopefully) even more romantic evening at home….hmmm. We don’t do anything ‘big’ such as fancy gifts or that, but do little things that we know each other likes and enjoys.
Comment by Shari C — February 8, 2007 @ 9:57 am
I am the one who keeps track of the car maintenance and anything else that needs fixing. If I can’t do it, I call someone who can. Hubby just pays the bill without questions or getting upset. Someone has to be practical around here. He waits until it is truly dead to fix anything.
We don’t do V’day per se. My b”day is only 3 days later, and the policy is that you can’t combine the two, unless he is getting me an expensive present for my b’day. His nephew runs a very, very nice jewerlly store.
(This year I gave him a 50″ Plasma for his birthday in January. Let’s see what I get. I love sparkly things, but then I also like wandering in Home Depot or Lowe’s for hours.) 
On the other hand, I think the most romantic gift he ever got me, was an electric blanket. Yeah, I can hear the heads banging on the wall now. BUT, I like to sleep with the window open, even in the winter. He freezes. This was his way of saying go for it. :kiss:
He brings me flowers just for the hell of it throughout the year. He never complains that the place is a mess, laundry needs doing (but when he puts on THAT pair of shorts in the morning, I know he is sending me a silent message to go do it), and he took on the responsibilty of my daughter when we married, with no question. That is the best present he ever gave me.
Comment by ev — February 8, 2007 @ 10:00 am
Yeah, my hubby is a wonderful romantic….waaaay more thoughtful about that stuff than me! But honestly, Val Day is not a huge presents/go out day for us, because, in his opinion, Valentine’s Day is the *easy* day to do it. He’d rather surprise me throughout the year with sweet, thoughtful gestures like Janelle mentioned. Like bringing me flowers out of the blue for no reason…I’d much rather have that happen ten times a year than get a dozen overpriced roses on Valentine’s Day!
Comment by Leslie — February 8, 2007 @ 10:06 am
Stacy — I agree that Valentine’s Day has become WAY too commercialized. It’s just another day, for crying out loud — but it’s undoubtedly a very stressful day for MEN, who think/believe they need to do the “traditional” thing with roses, candy, etc. :|
Kim — I think it’s key that we learn to accept our significant others the way they are, and not try to change them, like you have with your hubby. Too funny about the fishing rod, though!
Julie — I love your father’s tradition of giving you a Valentine’s card every year. That is SO incredibly sweet, and something that means a lot.
Ev — Believe it or not, I would have found an electric heating blanket romantic, too! To me, that means that your hubby is thinking about YOUR needs. And buying you (and surprising you with) an electric blanket too way more thought than a card, flowers, candy, etc. He gets a big
from me!
Shari — A Valentine’s wedding — how romantic! :love2:
Leslie — we’ve already decided that your husband is Mr. Romantic — 365 days a year. Lucky you!
Comment by Janelle — February 8, 2007 @ 10:45 am
lol Leslie, I think we married the same guy, too. We don’t “do” Valentine’s Day anymore for the same reason. Oh, we give each other cards, but over time, we just found it more stressful to fit in a celebration when there’s homework and basketball practice, etc., and I hate getting flowers at work because I park in Syberia and driving them home is a pain. (Yes, I pretty much squash all his good efforts). But in lieu of all that, we at least try to show appreciation for each other every day instead of once a year.
Janelle, your post was so beautifully written, and I’m supposed to be a writer, right? You’ve convinced me that sometime between now and next week, I should write him a love letter from the heart. That will be his gift. And it’ll make him cry, cuz he’s like that.
Thanks!!
Lori
Comment by Lori Borrill — February 8, 2007 @ 11:16 am
Well, I am quite sure my hubby will do or give me something sweet and special and romantic on Valentine’s Day, but it won’t be pricy jewelry or candy or roses.
Which will make it more special, honestly.
Ev–I love your electric blanket story!
Janelle–Bruce says thanks.
Comment by Leslie — February 8, 2007 @ 11:20 am
I’m with Janelle–it’s the little things that are romantic to me.
Also, if you’ve never read The Five Love Languages–can’t remember who wrote it–it’s a *great* book. There’s a little quiz at the back which tells you what your primary love language is–what makes *you* feel loved. Mine was Acts of Service, with a secondary in Quality Time. I didn’t want Gifts or Words of Affirmation or Physical Touch. Strangely enough, hubby’s were the lattter two, something you would have thought I would have known after 14 years of marriage, but didn’t. Now I sing his praises and don’t automatically assume that just because he’s touching me he’s nagging me for sex, and he helps with the dishes and we take a drive. It’s been nice. :-)
Comment by Rhonda Nelson — February 8, 2007 @ 12:14 pm
So right now I hate V-Day. Of course, boys are all bad (not in that good way
) which is probably why I haven’t written much. I think my favorite V-day present was the 1k plus songs put on my IPod by my former Long Distance boyfriend to help pass the time while flying back and forth from NJ to FL. And bonus, he’s not around but I still have the songs.
BUT, on a postive note, I have plot monkey books 
to help restore my faith. And I finished Lori’s book and it was a great read! 
Comment by Yolanda — February 8, 2007 @ 12:18 pm
We don’t usually make too big a fuss over VDay, but I have to say I think one of the most romantic things he ever did, was when our teenage daughter was going through her first
he sent her flowers witha a card telling her that she will always be his Valentine….my heart just melted.
Comment by Tina Martinesi — February 8, 2007 @ 12:49 pm
Kimberly - I got a boat compass one year for my birthday! Same situation, hubby needed one and I happened to have the birthday coming up.
But, for the most part, we’re like a lot of you. We don’t really do the V-Day thing because we think its become too commercialized and we’d rather do sweet things through out the year.
One example: If he decides to send me flowers (usually if he’s already at the florist) he’ll send an arrangement that looks like my bouquet from our wedding, same flowers and same style. That never fails to make me smile - and usually gets him whatever he wants, too!!
Comment by Jodie — February 8, 2007 @ 1:08 pm
:love2:I love Valentine’s Day. It’s also my half birthday (so, just to remind my husband that my birthday is only 6 months away!). I love the mushy stuff, probably because he’s not a really mushy guy. What’s cool is that I have four valentines…..hubby and our three boys. I know that they will always be my valentines! Right now, the two older ones are in that ‘perfect’ age where they love to send valentines and all that jazz. My husband had m and ms made that said: on half of them: two of my boys’ names and on the other half “I WUV U” and our third son. They still are getting a kick out of that!
Comment by katie — February 8, 2007 @ 1:09 pm
Julie I am with you on the tulips, they are my favorite flower and since this is the best time of year to get them, my husband always gives me a dozen on Valentine’s Day. But the one true romantic thing that my husband will do is send our daughter flowers. He has done this every year and she adores it. She is also a romantic. He also brings her flowers on the first day of school and on her birthday (which usually falls on the last day of school). But as for the romance my husband shows me it comes in the every day things. Like when my back went out and he took care of everything with the kids, and cleaned the house and did laundry. I am truly the luckiest person alive and I count my blessings everyday that I have him.
Comment by Patty L. — February 8, 2007 @ 1:17 pm
i think i will be hunting for a man this valentine .:kiss::love2:
Comment by kim h — February 8, 2007 @ 1:26 pm
Hi Janelle
Comment by kim h — February 8, 2007 @ 1:31 pm
Hi Janelle Sorry
Comment by kim h — February 8, 2007 @ 1:31 pm
DID YOU PICK A WINNER FROM ROMANCE THE BLOG, BLOG?
Comment by kim h — February 8, 2007 @ 1:32 pm
Personally, I love ALL the romantic stuff. But it just never seems to happen. My hubby was better in the beginning, but now–well….his philosophy is that he was wooing me, now that he’s got me why bother?
He doesn’t change the oil, but he does buy me books…so ya gotta :love2: that.
Comment by Debbie — February 8, 2007 @ 2:45 pm
Hubby always brings my favorite wine home a bottle of RELAX ( riesling ) and BBQ ’s.
He started that a few years ago.. I just Love it. :love2:
Comment by Karen K — February 8, 2007 @ 2:57 pm
Karen, I love that wine!
Comment by Julie Leto — February 8, 2007 @ 2:59 pm
I’m with you Janelle! I love all the little thoughtful things that happen on regular days that remind me of why I love my hubby.
We ususally both take the day off from work on Valentine’s Day plus our birthdays and our anniversary to go to lunch today and just do errands together. We’ve been doing it for over 18 years now. I look forward to skipping out on a workday and enjoying his company for the day (well until our son comes home from school).
This year he has to travel for work. He leaves this Sunday and doesn’t come home until Friday night. I’ll miss him as I always do when he travels (which is fortunately not that often), but especially since this will be the first Valentine’s Day in 18 years we’ve spent apart. I know he’ll be thinking of me and he’ll call that night, but I’ll still miss him.
I guess this means I get to take my 17 year old son out for dinner (I’m sure he’ll just looooove that)!!!
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. Give someone you love a big hug and a kiss and tell ‘em you love them.
Comment by Carolyn A. — February 8, 2007 @ 3:38 pm
OK, I’m home from Mohegan Sun with friends. Will blog on it next week. My hubby isn’t romantic. I look for the signs of his love in gestures and the tone of his voice and I find it. I know he loves me b/c he comes home every night and we have such a great understanding of each other and it shows. Now to teach my daughters that you don’t have to SEE it to FEEL or KNOW it. :love2:
Comment by Carly — February 8, 2007 @ 3:41 pm
**Now to teach my daughters that you don’t have to SEE it to FEEL or KNOW it.**
I hadn’t thought of this, but it’s *so* important.
Hope you had a good time!
Comment by Rhonda Nelson — February 8, 2007 @ 4:09 pm
I guess I am sort of in the minority. I know that hubby loves me (he doesn’t mind when I buy a TON of books or when I look scary). He just sort of needs a ‘kick in the pants’ as they say to remind him to bring me flowers or chocolates (he’s in busy season, so I can’t really complain, he’s super busy).
Comment by katie — February 8, 2007 @ 4:12 pm
Carolyn, your post reminded me that three years into our marriage, my husband moved to Georgia without me on Valentine’s Day. Funny how I blocked that out. That pretty much set the standard for the holiday. I moved up six months later…had to finish out the school year with my students.
Comment by Julie Leto — February 8, 2007 @ 4:28 pm
My guy is the do things all through the year person. It can be anything from starting a bubble bath to taking a walk on the beach. He does buy the jewelry and other stuff but as much as I love those (and I do) I really love the little things he does so much.
Comment by Vicki — February 8, 2007 @ 4:55 pm
My guy after all these years has done the chocolates and flowers thing over the years.
I always get a Valentine’s Day Card. :love2:We have been married so long that I have to be careful and not buy a card I have already given.
But, my guy shows me all the time that he cares.
He takes care of the car maintenance. He builds me bird and squirrl feeders for the yard, because he knows I love the wildlife.:love2:
I remember him watching me in the laundry room and out of the blue asked if I wanted a cabinet in there. So he built me a beautiful birch veneer cabinet for my laundry room.:love2:
He makes everyday Valentines day from the shoulder rubs when I have a bad headache to bring me hot chocolate in the morning.:doggie:
Comment by Gigi — February 8, 2007 @ 6:08 pm
If there was a special guy in my life it would be the thoughtful things all year long that were special. Showing that you care, that you listen, that your partner is very important to you that is what counts. I especially like getting flowers for no reason, that is when they mean the most. One of the most romantic things that ever happened to me was a guy I dated that was a good friend long before we dated took me to dinner when it was raining. When we walked up to the restaurant there was a big mud puddle & he just picked me up carried me over it & did not put me down until we were inside. We arrived laughing & it was so sweet. We are still friends & he is a very special person. These days it is Valentines from the grandkids that make it special! :love2:
Comment by Donna M — February 8, 2007 @ 8:01 pm
Hey Kim H — Yes, we already picked our winners at Buy The Blog. My winner was Nicole from Canada.
Comment by Janelle — February 8, 2007 @ 11:47 pm
thanks janelle
Comment by kim h — February 9, 2007 @ 1:46 pm