Plot Monkeys

The winner of Friday’s JUNGLE MADNESS contest is . . . ZARA!!! Congratulations, Zara! You are the lucky winner of a gift package that includes an autographed copy of Janelle’s most recent release, A LITTLE BIT NAUGHTY, along with a leopard print bookcover, and a fun “book thong” so you can give your book a wedgie! *g* (Plotmonkeys promises the winner was chosen by an unbiased member of one of the monkey’s immediate family with no personal stake in the winner. Winner must email Janelle at janelle@janelledenison.com by Wednesday morning, May 3rd, or a new winner will be posted.)

And now, a funny weekend chuckle!

NEVER MESS WITH A SCORNED WOMAN

A recently divorced woman spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases. One the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished her last meal in their home, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband moved back into the house with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steamed clean. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days. But in the end they even had to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked to take away the stench in the house. Friends stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, the couple couldn’t take the horrendous smell any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had no choice but to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place to live.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back . . . smell and all.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the stench was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had once been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything up to take to their new home . . . including the curtain rods!

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 30th, 2006 at 6:06 am and is filed under Janelle. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.