A laugh at the expense of Men
HAPPY DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS!
It’s a holiday week, so my brain is on vacation. I’m giving you a laugh instead!
THEN I’M ASKING YOU AN IMPORTANT QUESTION …
*****
Men Are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Greying hair adds attraction. Wedding dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
****
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY :present: GIFT :present: THIS YEAR?
Mine was the handbag I’ve been admiring in the store for weeks and weeks and didn’t want to splurge on!
****
Now that you’ve answered, what are you doing on the computer? Go hit those sales!
Geez, men do have it easy, don’t they? Yet we love ‘em anyway. Go figure.
Mine’s the ipod I bought for myself LOL. And no sales for me - work, work, work. No vay-cay time left. That’s okay, I’m not brave enough for those crowds anyway!
Comment by Stacy ~ — December 26, 2006 @ 7:14 am
Mine was money from hubby
so I can buy what I want
no sales for me either today. I took the day off since my son is on vacation and we are going to the movies to see “We Are Marshall”
Comment by Cherylann — December 26, 2006 @ 8:49 am
This sounds strange … but I’ve always loved Sesame Street … so my 6 yr old couisn got me big bird w/ the vest from Build A Bear … (she’s my little buddy, we do shopping, etc.) but what was cool was I found out from my mom that she actually raided her piggy bank to buy it … I thought that was sweet … after that it is a toss up between the boots or the clothes
No sales today … hopefully sometime this week. Happy shopping to those who are out there!
Comment by Yolanda — December 26, 2006 @ 9:28 am
My dad got my brother and sister and I each a copy of my mom and dad’s wedding picture plus an older picture of my mom made for us and an new picture of him and his dog(his 4th child). They are awesome pictures and mean even more since my mom died many years ago. Other than those, the money to shop with is great. No sales for me today…have to work. Hope to hit a few sales this weekend.
Comment by Liza — December 26, 2006 @ 9:55 am
The smiles on my boys’ faces.
Hubby bought me a nice outfit IN THE RIGHT SIZE!
Years ago he would buy clothes in the size he wanted me to be. They would hang in the closet until they eventually were given away. Maybe the best present is knowing that he’s grown to accept reality.
Comment by Patricia W — December 26, 2006 @ 10:39 am
Altough I am usually the one up at the crack of dawn to shop, I was just too tired this year.
My favorite gift came from my step-daughter’s two step-children. (I should set this up by saying 1- my step-daughter is 1 year older than me. 2- hubby is much older than me, and his first wife died unexpectedly. So no, I am not a trophy wife- lol) They gave me a sweatshirt that says “Grandmother of the coolest Grandkids”. That made my day. Step daughter is the oldest of hubby’s kids but we have been friends for years- long before we married. The other kids (3 boys) are all accepting in their own ways, some better than others, but this was definately a turning point this year.
Comment by ev — December 26, 2006 @ 11:06 am
I just don’t have it in me to go hit the big sales!! I have to give hubby and my kids credit this year for the wonderful gifts that they gave me. I loved all the gifts so it’s really hard to pick a favorite. However…about 6 months ago I saw these earrings in a catalog and I told my 17 year old son he could get me them for Christmas. Imagine how surprised I was when I opened my gift and it was the earrings from the catalog!!
Comment by Tina — December 26, 2006 @ 11:54 am
Borders gift card!!!!
Comment by Kris — December 26, 2006 @ 12:13 pm
EV that sure sounds like the makings of a book to me.
I’m starting into a new pile of books. Hmmm wonder which one will win out
over the others. Have a wonderful day everyone.
Comment by jeannie — December 26, 2006 @ 12:22 pm
We did not exchange, beacuse we are going to New Orleans in April-saving that extra cash. So, my favorite gift was seeing my little boys face when he opened his gifts and when he saw what Santa brought–A black guitar (just like Bon Jovi’s-which is what he told Santa)!!
As for hitting the stores–NO WAY!! I hate all the rude people returning gifts and the people killing each other to buy wrapping paper for next year. UGH!!
I would much rather stay home, turn my tree on, and read a good romance novel!!
Comment by Renee — December 26, 2006 @ 12:27 pm
It looks like everyone had a good christmas. I would have to say my favorite gift is the Sauder Project Organizer that my hunny gave me to store my scrapbooking things in. It is 100% Awesome. I love everything that everyone gave me as well. Have fun shopping if you go. I would rather sit at home and watch a good movie.
Comment by Mary — December 26, 2006 @ 12:40 pm
I’ve got TWO favorites! A Barnes & Noble gift card (yea!) and a digital photo frame! The coolest thing ever!!!
Happy shopping you brave souls… I did all my shopping online before Christmas - I would NEVER brave the malls after Christmas!
Lara
Comment by Lara — December 26, 2006 @ 1:14 pm
be sure to add to that list of things that men DON”T have to worry about is packing (I had to pack for my three boys….the oldest is only 6, so they can’t do it themselves)…even when I assign hubby to pack the boys’ ‘personal items”, he doesn’t do it until the last minute, so I end up doing it….I didn’t yesterday, out of frustration (long story). Anyway….
My favorite gift was seeing my boys’ faces at the wonderful things Santa left (did you know that they have “Star Wars Christmas wrapping paper”…my 4 year old was determined that they made it, and Santa found it after many searches on ebay and then left the extras for me!). Nice huh? I also got both “Grey’s” dvds sets (now I have something to watch and catch up on during all of my show’s hiatus). I also got a couple of books and Santa left me some lovely girly lotion, and a Starbucks gift card. I also got a Sesame Street board game (I collect them amongst other stuff), and a doll. None of my gifts were ‘returnable’ (ie the wrong gift, wrong size, etc). That’s the best gift of all…..(I do have to do some for my boys, but that’s okay).
I am doing my ‘after Christmas’ shopping online. No stress involved!
Comment by katie — December 26, 2006 @ 2:27 pm
My favorite gift was spending time with my daughter & oldest grandson & talking on the phone to the other daughter & her oldest! The phone call was from the daughter out of state! I also talked to my Mom. It was a pretty quiet day but very enjoyable. :love2:
There is no way I’m hitting those sales! I used to do that but now I hate the crowds before, during & after Christmas shopping. I either do my shopping on-line or before it gets to crazy!!
It is rainy here today where I am so it is a good day to curl up with a good book! Of course, I should be cleaning etc. but the weather doesn’t make me very ambitious!!
Comment by Donna M — December 26, 2006 @ 2:45 pm
My oldest son gave me a B&N gift card and Carly, your books were lit up like Neon signs! I’m not kidding. The white cover with red letters: Simply Sexy…Scandalous…Sinful were turned so that the covers faced the isle and in my store you are right at the end of the isle. They practically jumped into my arms!
My youngest son gave me a book and since we’re leaving tomorrow for a family ski vacation I’m all set - the guys will be skiing, I will be reading!
I had to go to Best Buy to get my son’s iPod for the trip and the lines were crazy long. But…I found a very nice salesman and he checked me out at his little staion and I was in and out in 10 minutes. Sheewww, that was a close one. No more stores for me.
Comment by Jodie — December 26, 2006 @ 3:33 pm
When you read it like that men are the lucky ones, and we love them just the way they are.
Since we do not buy gifts for the adults, the nicest thing I got was after having prepared the Christmas dinner and having my parents and sister over, when doing the clean-up I found a $50 bill under my plate. My Dad decided that I should be able to go out and buy myself something for all the times I have helped them out and taken care of things. For me that was the greatest, and so totally unexpected………but I am waiting for the crowds to calm down before I go to my favourite clothing store for a couple of sweaters……….:thumbsup2: or my favourite bookstore for the books I want…….maybe some of each……….LOL because I will have birthday money as well, so shops beware………….
Comment by Cryna — December 26, 2006 @ 3:54 pm
My favorite gift of all is a wooden box my children decorated in me. The inside would hold a softball, so it’s not very big. I opened it up & it was empty. My kids (11 & 5) told me it was filled with hugs & ksises. When I’m having a bad day & they’re not around, I can open it and grab one out. I definitely needed the kleenex for that one!
Comment by Melissa — December 26, 2006 @ 4:09 pm
You could not pay me to brave those sales today!
Comment by Estella — December 26, 2006 @ 4:23 pm
well, we did end up going out, but not until lunch time. We all met for lunch and then walked the mall. It’s not a very big one anymore, so not too busy.
But I did find out the Waldenbooks I used to work at is going out of business.
Corporate decided that the mall is just too dead to justify keeping it open, even though it is the busiest store in the mall and the seniors have a bus that brings them in every week. On the other hand, I did use my new border’s g/cs to shop since everything is on sale. 
Comment by ev — December 26, 2006 @ 5:47 pm
Carly, thank you. My goodness I always love your funnies and stuff. Every word in the explantion of men was the truth.
I guess my favorite gift would be the pair of Aigner boots my mother gave me. :doggie:
Comment by Gigi — December 26, 2006 @ 6:21 pm
Twas’ Christmas night and tired were we 12.25.06
All the presents gone from under our tree
From Santa certificates to my favorite book store
I got romance novels, a book light and more
Come tomorrow morning it won’t be a surprise
To find me at the mall shopping at first sunrise
A few days off for me to relax, read and rest
These special quiet days are some of the best
I plan to enjoy them for next week I fear
It’ll be time to celebrate the Happy New Year”
Twas the Day after Christmas all our company’s gone 12.26.06
My husband’s outside removing reindeer from the lawn
While he’s out in the yard I’m reading a brand new book
Because when he is finished then I’ll have to play cook
At the expense of a man we can all have a good laugh
But I don’t know what I would do without my other half
Thank God he needs less money for shoes or a suit
If he spent more than me I’d give him a good boot
No he can’t bare our children as Carly has just said
Can you imagine 9 months with him whining from bed
So give that man the remote let him lay on the couch
As long as his simple life means not living with a grouch.
Comment by jeannie — December 26, 2006 @ 6:29 pm
Since my hubby had to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, we are opening presents tonight. Don’t expect any suprises, that’s not the way the men in my life operate. Hey, if I want it, I buy it, and sometimes, I even wrap it. Bought myself this beautiful pasta bowl this year that is under the tree, and waiting patiently to be unwrapped.
Comment by cathy — December 26, 2006 @ 7:11 pm
Jeanine…love the poem.
Comment by katie — December 26, 2006 @ 7:47 pm
Thanks Katie I am out of work until Thursday. Bored is a understatement.
I am reading and enjoying the humor of Erin McCarthy. Reading “Bit the
jackpot.” (The second in the vegas vampire tales.) I am seriously putting a dent in my, to read pile, now that I am waiting on the plotmonkeys. I am however buying the older ones that I haven’t read that I can find.
Comment by jeannie — December 26, 2006 @ 8:34 pm
You’re welcome, Jeanine…..come to my house….it’s lively! I still have the ‘holiday hangover’. I, too, try to catch up on the older plotmonkeys’ books…..haven’t had a chance this week with a sick little guy :thumbsdown:
Comment by katie — December 26, 2006 @ 8:38 pm
My favorite gift was the giving that we did to two family’s who would not have had much of a Christmas. For me it was the gift from my guy, a beautiful opal and diamond necklace and earrings. He did good
But still all in all being able to help others enjoy this season was still the very best gift.
Comment by Vicki — December 27, 2006 @ 5:54 am
My favorite gift?! Ooooh…the Hershey Kiss Fondue pot from my mom. Also got a box of truffles and a bag of Dove chocolates from my college buddy.
Comment by SHERRY — December 27, 2006 @ 12:47 pm
I liked your funny…BECAUSE IT’S SO TRUE! And so unfair. My fav gift this year was the Peony Blossom scented incense I got from my older niece. You can read why over at my blog.
Comment by Celise — December 27, 2006 @ 9:58 pm
Womens Plus Size Clothes…
I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you….
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