It’s the President’s week break and my kids are off from school and we’re in Florida. They each brought a friend. I have a college age daughter and a sophomore in H.S. This means I’m now used to living with three people in my house – me, hubby and daughter. Said daughter is extremely social and rarely around and when she is home, she’s on the computer yapping with her friends. In other words, I’m not used to having 6 under one roof. I’m not used to constant “Mom”, “Mom” – and noise. It’s a SHOCK I tell you! I’m SO happy to have my family all together, and the girls’ friends who I really do enjoy, and we’re having a really good time. But yesterday I had a mini meltdown. I don’t know why. I just know suddenly I was anxious and crazy and didn’t want anyone asking me anything. Which of course meant everyone did. Which led to a huge old round of GUILT (we Jewish girls EXCEL in Guilt 101) because I’m so LUCKY to be with my whole family on vacation, how dare wish I was alone and need a corner to myself to go into meltdown mode. I needed a vacation from my vacation. I guess that’s why when the kids were younger and people said what’s your favorite day of the week I always said Monday, because everyone left the house, went to school and work, and I had peace. The irony of THAT is, if everyone I love, including hubby, said “I’m going out tonight without you,” instead of celebrating I’d have an anxiety, “how dare you not want to be with me” attack. I AM SO NOT RATIONAL and clearly INSANE. It’s the crazy mix of feelings. Gotta tell you, it’s not fun to be me sometimes.
Comments on Carly Craziness?
(Oh let me add it’s 6:43 AM and I just realized I panicked, thought I forgot to blog, jumped up to write this and realized NOW it’s only Wed. not Thurs. And THIS is a vacation? Clearly I am not relaxed. What’s wrong w/me?)
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CARLY LIVE in West Palm Beach, FL
Oh and if you live near West Palm Beach, Florida, PLEASE take pity on me and show up at my signing/talk tomorrow night at the WPB Library. I’m truly afraid it’s gonna be just me and my parents. It’s FREE but they’d like you to register so they know how many to expect:
Date: Thursday, Feb. 23
Time: 3:00 PM
Place: Main Library, West Palm Beach – 3650 Summit Boulevard, West Palm Beach, FL 33406.
REGISTER: CLICK HERE
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Remembering I now have longer, curlier, brunette/reddish hair – check out the video interview I did with Romantic Times last August about SERENDIPITY series!
Carly Phillips would like to take 100% credit for all her stories but the truth is, Carly’s strength is writing family, emotion, funky elderly people and animals. She couldn’t plot her way out of a paper bag, which is why she smartly found her plotmonkey pals early on in her writing career. Thanks to their support, Carly is now a NYT Bestselling author of 23 plus novels. Because writing doesn’t keep her busy enough, Carly is also a wife, a mother of one preteen and one teenage daughter, the primary care giver of her soft coated Wheaten terrier and an expert carpool mom.
Blazing Midsummer Nights
Dirty Little Secrets
Karma
Through The Night
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Carly,
I would love to take vacations w/out my family sometimes! I am an only child and feel like there is never enough “quiet time.” We moved a lot and it was always just my parents and me for vacations.
My husband grew up in a family of 3 kids with extended family all taking vacations together every year, in the same house. And they love to do things together all the time. Eek!
I had a meltdown the first year and my husband and I have now come to an understanding that at least one day of vacation has to be just him and me. I still wouldn’t mind a totally alone vacation or just long weekend.
Maybe someday ;-)
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I’m single and live alone. My brother stays with me sometimes between acting gigs. Last time he was at my house for almost a month and when I walked back in my house the first time after he left, I was so happy to have my house back. I love my brother and never mind him staying with me, but my schedule gets so messed up when he is at my house. I’m always afraid I’m too loud in the mornings when he is still asleep, and he stays up way past the time I go to bed, so I don’t sleep well until all the lights are out. He does fix most of the meals when he is at my house since he lives there rent free, but doesn’t always concider my diet restrictions when cooking. He will be back at my house in about 3 weeks and I’m already planning to take a few days off after he leaves just for me. (BTW, I feel a little guilty for having these feelings too).
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I am weird in that I enjoy the quiet, but I miss my dudes when they are at school. I always try to get away for a night away once every six months, just to recharge my batteries. I know my husband doesn’t get it, but I also have to get away from everyone! It’s less of a problem now that everyone is in school full time, but I still enjoy food being brought to me, not having to cook it. I am sort of like Ferris Bueller….”Life moves pretty fast, sometimes you gotta slow down”. Yep.
I don’t find family vacations relaxing at all. I took a trip with my folks a couple of years ago and found that even though I was busy constantly, I really had a ‘vacation’. It was nice to go to art museums (not worrying if the boys would enjoy it) and do ‘grown up’ stuff. I need to do that again.
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I know the feeling; I have a 29 and 27 years old still living at home and I love them, but sometimes I just wish they would find their own places so I could have alone time, just hubby and me. It is hard I know in these times for them to afford anything and we want to help them as much as we can but it does get to me and I have those meltdowns too.
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Hugs Carly! You are definitely not alone. I think everybody needs a little mental quiet time, but writers, especially, since we are so in our heads most of the time, feel the “frenzy” a little more than other people. Doesn’t make you a bad mommy, or selfish, it’s 100% normal!
Hope you have a great time the rest of the trip!
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Oh does this bring back memories! When I was married we went camping my husband (now ex) could never understand why as time went by I became less than thrilled with camping vacations. He had no idea how much work I did before, during & after. Now my idea of camping would be a motel/hotel with room service.
I stole that line from a friend!! I haven’t been camping since we split up but I do love the great outdoors.
I think women need time alone because we have such busy lives taking care of everyone else. You just have to recharge your batteries at times & that often means alone time. I can totally relate. Last summer after spending a week at my daughter’s with my 2 youngest grandkids I heaved a huge sigh when I got about a mile or two down the road. I’ve lived alone a good many years & I am just not use to all the activity, sibling arguing, phones, TV, texting, Tweeting, computers always on etc. My daughter was at work all day & son in law working out of town so it was just myself & the grandkids all day. I did enjoy spending the time with them but I was ready for alone time again. I’m very spoiled in doing what I want, when I want since it is just little ole me!!!
Carly, I hope you can relax & enjoy the rest of your time in Florida.
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You’re a mom so you deserve a meltdown every so often. You are on 24/7 and others forget that you do ned time to be you and not cater to everyone else’s whims and fancy! Can you tell I’ve been there, done that. SO I know where you are coming from.
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I know what you mean. I’m rarely alone in the house these days with one child still at home. Meltdowns are very common in this house especially in winter when everyone is still in the house. Hang in there. I hope you have lots of fans at the library tomorrow night.
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And welcome to the world of Menopause. There is no rational reason for any of it, other than our systems have an overload and we need to deal. Then it leaves you with feelings of why doesn’t anyone love me? Ugh!
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Carly, I feel for you. I strongly identify with the vacation scenario and don’t think you are crazy. I’m sending you a virtual hug and a reminder that you are not alone.
BTW: If you find any specific ways to cope with the conundrum please share. I can see the writing on the wall as I look ahead to the summer and beyond when I’ll have both daughters – one finishing her junior year in high school, the other graduating from the university and taking a year off before medical school – living at home.
Dynamics change when the oldest is home, not bad, just different.
I see many breakdowns in my future.
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ROFL! Hugs to you, Carly! I get it–my three are younger than yours, so often the house is full of them and their friends… I do so enjoy “alone time,” but because they’re younger, haven’t yet gotten weirded out if they take off without me, usually because that only happens if DH drags them off somewhere :)
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Feel for ya. Hope things are quieting down.
I have a 13-year-old son and his “sister,” our 8-year-old cat who rules the house. I work in a very people-oriented business, so when I go home I need time to de-stress. However, because my job often means late evening hours and all day, when I get home the 13-year-old is ready for human contact and the cat complains about the kid tormenting him all day and not attending her demands (refilling her bowl because she’s obviously starving since he ate 2 whole bits out of it and slumped a big gulp of water; hasn’t had her quota of medicinal nip treats which help elevate her to a a level of chill sufficient to ignore the boy; is tired of snarling obscenities through the patio glass to birds, other cats, dogs, the occasional rabbit and armadillo, and any human who dares to be in her line of site tormenting her by being outside when she is not, thus she wants out, etc….).
A single mom, that mean’s I’m on. It’s time to assume my other hat and suit of armor to become chef, maid, referee, homework patrol, electronics monitor and attentive, supportive, interested mom.
When the cat has reached her ultimate limit, she climbs under my bed and hides (not the safest place in the world … no telling what dust bunnies and spiders live under there among all the other small things I can never seem to find…) Unfortunately, I’m not a thin as I used to be, so I can’t climb under to hide with her. (LOL!)
So, like most moms, the bathroom is my vault… which the cat must first inspect in all her OCDness for spiders before I’m allowed to enter. And, if I don’t return soon enough, the kid tries to breach security to hold a conversation from the other side.
Peace… what bliss … when you can get it at 3 a.m. (except on weekends when the other night owl in the house doesn’t have to go to school and has no reason to go to bed before dawn).
But, then he goes off to his dad’s for a month or more in the summer and it’s SO quiet and lonely, even the cat mopes. Just when we’re getting used to it, and learning to enjoy our own schedule, and the cat has fully lined the phone with her fur, talking to her boy, it’s time to pick him up from the airport.
Last time had real vaca with kid and boyfriend of # (8 maybe? He’d know for sure) decided could do small outings and getaways with either, but not both. I was insane before the week was up!