I am a very lucky person–I have lots and lots of wonderful, amazing, incredible friends who are there for me day in and day out, at the drop of a hat…just 11 digits away on a phone dial. Julie, Janelle and Carly are fan-freaking-tastic people, whom I adore, and I have a few other SUPER close writer friends who I can see once every year and feel like an hour has passed since we last spoke.
I also have utterly amazing siblings. My 4 sisters, and my brother, are not only my relatives, but also very dear friends.
And, of course, my husband, Bruce, is not only my best friend but, honestly, the other half of myself.
But here’s the thing. Since moving to Maryland, uh…I’m lonely. Wah! Sounds pathetic, I’m sure, but it really has been a tough adjustment to me. In Florida, I was very involved with my local RWA chapter, and I had wonderful close friends with whom I could get together for lunch, or cookouts or shopping trips. I adore living so close to two of my sisters up here, but they both have busy jobs and lives, and it’s not like we can just go meet for a wine-y lunch (God I miss you Rocki & Camille!) I have a few high school friends in the area, but our lives have just gone in very different directions. The writer’s life is such a solitary one, and I really miss having someone to “talk shop with.” I am thinking of joining the Maryland Romance Writer’s group, so I guess that’s a start.
I’ve been wondering, though, how do you “make friends”? Where do you go to meet people? My kids aren’t little anymore so the days of “play dates” and stuff are long gone. I’d really like to get something of a social life again and I’m looking for inspiration. Help!
Leslie Kelly used to say she wanted to be a doctor when she grew up, but then she discovered Nancy Drew books. Being a flashlight-under-the-covers-nose-in-book reader throughout her childhood, she couldn’t think of anything else she’d rather do as an adult than continue to lose herself in fictional stories. Her real life marriage of 20 years to the man of her dreams is a constant reinforcement that happily-ever-afters really can happen…and that they’re worth writing about. Living in Maryland, Leslie spends her non-writing time laughing a lot with the above-mentioned romance hero and their three daughters. Though an author of more than thirty sexy, contemporary comedies, she has recently branched out to write dark romantic suspense under the pseudonym Leslie Parrish.
3 Seductions and a Wedding
COLD SIGHT
Kiss Me If You Can
Wild For Him
Subscribe to Posts 
Comment
I’m not the most social person, but I started going to booksignings and met people from online with similar taste in books, and it kinda started slowly from there.
What about taking a class in something? Something you don’t have to commit a lot of time to. I’m thinking about wine-tasting.
Just a thought :)
Comment
A few I met through either my work or my husbands. The majority I met at my jazzercise class. We started meeting twice a month after class for mexican food and margaritas (talk about sabotaging the workout!). And now several of us do all sorts of things together.
:Irish2:
Tami B.
Comment
I was going to say the same thing! Jazzercise! I love those ladies. They’ve become a part of my day. My center arranges a monthly luncheon. We’ve gone to the movies together, too. Sometimes, it’s refreshing to have non-writer friends so I can get out of that part of my head for a while.
Comment
Oh I so know what you mean when we moved to Florida I was lost I went from working in the salon to a stay at home mom. we have been meeting people through our kids but I still didn’t have good friends I considered most these people just people we talked to. Then we met a couple through my son’s school and we clicked but I think that we would of met even if not through the kids. I think we weould of met at the gym latley that is where I’ve met a ton of people. who would of thought the gym?
Comment
Looks like you are getting some good ideas. I think taking a class would be fun with something other then writers maybe, maybe you have another hobbie that you don’t get to do and you could join a group. Book signings are a good way because then you get to meet people in your area but that would mean you would have to do it where you live. LOL
I understand I have a ton of friends on line and old work friends but where I work for the past 3 years NO way. So usually I come home and it is just me and hubby kids are grown and have a couple grand kids but they are to little for Nana to tell them all my thoughts or problems. I do a couple close family members but something I have noticed with them is you tell them something you are having a problem with and they use it against you later.
I quilt also so I have met some really neat people there and now I have signed up for a class doing medical term I am thinking I might be going nuts doing all this but I am sure I will meet lots of people.
I wished you lived close to me it would be nice to have someone to hang out with.
Good luck..
Comment
I understand what you are saying. When I moved here 12 years ago, I had basically no one. My neighbors on either side are seniors, although I hang with both of them in different ways. I take care of one- his daughter lives out of state and he won’t move. She and I have become very good friends.
I have to add though, that like my dad, I have never met a stranger. My husband will say that even though he has lived here all his life, I know more people. We can’t go anywhere that I don’t run into someone I have met- whether it is from my time working at the bookstore, the Elks (where we are both members), when I went back to college, The Y, or any number of places.
I do miss having my BFF who is over 2 hours away. You would think I could get there more, but life does intrude.
And then there is the online friends I have made and old friends I have reconnected with.
All this without hanging out in bars- anymore. :Irish1: Some of my friends wouldn’t recognize me anymore!!
It’s a matter of getting out there, finding things you like to do and the rest will come. They aren’t going to come knocking on your door. Well, usually not. there is this one friend of mine…
Comment
I’m very lucky that all of my best friends live within a 20-30 minute drive from me. Of course, we did all decide to move to the Nashville area so we would all be close to one another 15 years ago. As for making new friends, I have lots of on-line friends. I’ve only met Stacy so far, but am really looking forward to meeting many more at RWA in Nashville this summer.
Comment
The majority of my friends are on line. My other writer friends I see at chapter meetings. Everybody has such busy lives. Nobody has time anymore. Me and my husband just work all the time trying to keep our heads above water. I must say that Mike is much more outgoing than me. He talks to everybody. I tend to stay at home in my nest, hold up in my office and work. I had been on the fence about going to national but I registered yesterday so it will force me to get out there. I’m volunteering as well so I can meet people that way. I’m even going to get an editor appointment.
Unless I chicken out and cancel everything.
Cher
Comment
Don’t chicken out Cher. I will be there, and we can catch up.
Peace and love,
Paula R.
Comment
Oh, you’re going! Great! E-mail me and we’ll exchange cell phone numbers.
romancegirl80126@yahoo.com
Cher
Comment
Done Cher! My email addy is pauls_02912@yahoo.com.
Peace and love,
Paula R.
Comment
Big OOOPPPSSS! Happy fingers…paula_02912@yahoo.com.
Comment
I understand completely. I’m not a very social person and my husband is anti social. My life was tied up raising four kids and working outside the home. I just started trying to branch out through church and thinking about other places to get involved. Then my job of seven years ended and I started over with a new company. I work long hours now and between work and family demands, I want my weekends to myself. Maybe later I can start over and push myself to get out there again.
Comment
I would suggest the Maryland RWA….I take yoga, and there I have some friends. I also have friends through a MOMS club. I also have friends who are parents of my sons. It’s hard making friends…I understand.
Comment
I was thinking more about this…it’s like you are dating….you want someone who you can go have wine luncheons with, take a wine-tasting class (they are in the most unusual places, like Whole Foods, for example), you want someone who is religious, join a class or get involved in your church. Hopefully, that makes sense. Be sure to get free business cards (like from Vistaprint) and pass them out if you ‘click’.
Comment
Hey Les, we are like peas in a pod, you and I. It is a struggle going out and finding friends when you pick up your life and relocate. My saving grace has been the online community. I met some wonderful friends, here, especially, and I have connected with many people I had forgotten about. It is great to have that closeness though. Sometimes you do feel so lonely, but my online friends are always there. I have a writer friend, who is in a similar sitch as you…we go out to eat and talk for a couple of hours, at least once a month. Those are some of the best moments. We text a lot too. I think you should join the MRWA, just so you can have those friends you need to let off steam with when it comes to writing. However, that only provides you with one outlet. I am liking the jazzercise idea for making non-writer friends. Maybe you could try your hand at something new. How about community theater? a choir? Just throwing thoughts out there. I will see what esle I can come up with, and get back to you.
Peace and love,
Paula R.
Comment
Community theater sounds like fun.
Cher
Comment
Leslie — I am SO there with you! I’ve been in Oregon for two years come June, and I feel the same way a lot of times. Lonely. I LOVE it here, but I miss those close “face-to-face” friendships SO much. Especiallly when I don’t make close friends easily, so the ones I do/did have in California were very special.
I, too, have thought about going to the Rose City Romance Writers meeting in Portland to make new friends. But thinking and doing are two different things, LOL. I need to just DO IT already!
Comment
Lonely seems to be the word of the day.
Me too! I got my first cancer in 1990 and closed my storefront business almost overnight. Since then I have had children marry and get busy. Opened and closed an internet business and has some very close friends pass away. Without kids in school and neighbors my own age (they are all so young now) and with the internet, cellphones, mp3 players and gameboys, do people actually interact eye to eye much anymore? I have been alone (except for family and out of state friends) for 20 years now. Gee I didn’t even realize it had been that long, geech. Hugs to Janelle too!
Life moves so quickly these days I don’t even know how young people keep going. On days I babysit I realize I must have been a superwoman when I was young.
Leslie why don’t you start your own book club? Maybe at a local library?
Give a class on writing at the local college? I find I have become the gabby lady that talks to strangers at the walmart book sections. I also knit and read and cook alot.
Truth is I don’t get out much anymore so as pathetic as it may sound Plotmonkeys.com is about it outside the family. So look at Zoey and I as friends.(I’m sure others here are in a similar or the same boat as I am. We are trustworthy, loyal and don’t require too much of your time. We check in once a day and care when you are happy or sad. For what it’s worth
my Grandpa told me, “If you can count your true friends on one hand you are very blessed.” How about a garden club? A college course? Volunteer 4 hours a week at a hospital? Gotta scoot Grandbaby on her way. Hugs to ya!
Comment
Yea Janelle, “Just Do It!” You know, if you guys lived closer to me, I would totally stalk you. I love you guys that much. So, I feel for you and Les. Maybe it is time for you guys to meet up again, so that you can refuel.
Peace and love,
Paula R.
Comment
I have friends, a couple really. But none that I do things with regularly. I spend most of my time by myself. I go to movies by myself, the stores. College is a great place to meet people, but I seem to be the unlucky type who doesn’t find people easily. Friends in the past ditched me when they began a relationship with someone or I just have a horrible time with people since the other half have screwed me not in a good way. (I know I sound a bit whiney, but it is kind of a downer to not have real good friends)
Comment
Hi Jess, those guys weren’t your true friends, especially since htey let a new relationship get in the way of yours. Friends will come to you. College is a tough place to find real ones, but it is possible to find them there. I was lucky enough to. It took about a year, but they were there.
Hey I tried to comment on your site, but was unsuccessful. This is the message I tried to post on your blog:
Hey Jess, swinging over from the jungle to say hello. Love what you did with these shortbreads. I am getting very hungry, I could just lick the bowl.
Peace and love,
Paula R.
Comment
Thanks for the reply. I will check into my stupid blog for the comments not working!
Comment
Ok, I tested it. got an error but it let me post a second time. Your comment was there for me to approve. Very strange! Thanks for the visit!
Comment
No worries, maybe you have it set for moderator approval before people can post.
Peace and love,
Paula R.
Comment
Being a military spouse means I move all the time and making friends is not always an easy thing to do. I usually meet one person from each duty station that I actually keep up with even when we are stationed far apart. We just moved to Alexandria, VA a few months ago and I’ve yet to really put myself out there. It might be because this is a short tour and I’ll be moving again at the end of summer. My kids actually have the same trouble this time because they don’t want to get attached to anyone, but they also don’t want to miss out on the friends they could make- a catch-22 for sure. I like the area that we live but the days can get tedious- only so much house work you want to do before you scream:)
My solution has always been to volunteer within the community. Usually I choose an interest and search for opportunities that way- I love reading so maybe I could read to kids at the hospital, or I enjoy the museums so I might try being a docent. You get the idea. I’m thinking that here I might try the USO because they always need help and they have been great to all of us military families.
Comment
I miss you, too, Leslie!!! You and Camille were my very first writer friends, and I’ll never forget the fun we had a birthday lunches and Friday’s post-RWA meeting dinners. With the kids too old for play dates, my friends are all writers now, or other dog walkers around my neighborhood! Wish you’d come back to Florida, girl. xoxo
Comment
Wait…I am supposed to have friends? No one told me that
We moved from VA to GA 5 years ago and it has been very difficult to make friends. We are often 10 years younger than other couples with kids our ages. Therefore they, as a couple, are often more settled in their life with friends and so it is hard to connect. A lot of times they also have a MIL or other family member that lives with them or is close by and can babysit the kids. We don’t have that
Most of my friends live in my computer! LOL! It helps with Skype and things to be able to connect but I don’t really have 1 person here that I could call to go shopping with or something like that.
So I guess that I am not much help! LOL!
Comment
Those who know me may not believe this, but I’m actually quite shy. I have this other persona I wear in public when I have to “perform.” My oldest friend, from college, lives four hours away, works full time, and takes care of her family. It’s tough to get together. My best friend lives in Florida and while I try to get there a couple of times a year, and he and his wife come here to visit, we manage to stay in touch by chatting on line every day.
Most of my friends are on-line these days. You, Julie, Rocki, Jen Lyons, Paula, Ev. We all share writing and reading as common ground but I’m coming to know their/your families through blogs and the occasional face-to-face visit.
In the military, you made friends with your post housing neighbors and the “wives’ club.” Post-military, it was the wives’ of Lawyer Guy’s associates. I have to admit, I didn’t have much in common with them and we didn’t socialize aside from office functions. Now, I have my RWA Chapter. There are some lovely ladies there but I’m only really close to my CP. We meet for coffee whenever RL lets us and trade emails when it doesn’t.
I think Julie’s idea of Jazzercise is a good, as well as maybe community events centered around activities you enjoy. (Says the one who is sitting her her jammies at 2 in the afternoon visiting blogs and on-line chatting LOL!) Now I’m wondering if I need to get out and make some friends….
:Irish1:
Comment
Thanks Silver! You are one of my best buds too.
Les, here
and one from me 
. I hope that you do find something that can get you out of the house and make new friends. I really think community theater might be the way to go for you…I’m just sayin’!
Peace and love,
Paula R.
Comment
Once my daughters were in school (there was girl scouts, pta etc.) but I joined a woman’s group and met a lot of nice people and I joined a bowling league. We also joined our local American Legion and I did a card club for years. Basically find things you like to do and you usually meet up with some great folks.
Comment
Hmmmm! Leslie, I can relate. For some reason at this point in my life I don’t have anyone to hang out with regularly. Most of my friends are either at another place in their life or they have moved away. My friend of almost 50 years lives about 5 hours away so I only see her once or twice a year but we talk on the phone often. It is not the same as getting together. She doesn’t like to drive either so that makes it rare that she comes my way—really almost never!
Anyway, I would love to have a good friend that likes to do at least some of the things I want to do such a lunch sometimes, a drive to the coast or a hike. This is an area where there is an endless choice of something to do. Most of the people I meet these days seem to have health problems that keep them from being active or they are content to just stay home. I may be getting older but I am still active & very determined to stay that way. 
I hope a suggestion here will give you an idea of how to meet some new friends. Forming a good female friendship is something like dating, there has to be a connection that says this is someone I can enjoy spending time with, laugh with, cry with, whine or wine with, etc.
:Irish2: :Irish1: :Irish2:
Comment
I completely understand! I just moved to the Chicago suburbs 8 months ago and I only know 2 people in the area besides the ladies I work with (who are older than my parents). It’s been hard adjusting, especially since this is also my first “real” job (I just finished my Master’s, which I did immediately after my Bachelor’s). A lot of changes in a short period of time. My job and my apartment both fell into place and I’m settled in both now, but I realized the other day that I haven’t really met any people to hang out with here. The suburbs are mostly families and aren’t really geared towards someone in their mid-twenties. I tried a yoga class, but it was all people my parents’ age. My next step is signing up to be a Friend of the Library, which probably won’t let me meet people my age, but I love the library, so it’s something I want to do. I looked into joining a bowling league, but unfortunately I missed the sign-up deadline. I’m actually going to check in to that again to see when the next league starts up. Hopefully, I’ll meet some people closer to my own age this time.
Comment
I think you are NW of me here in MD. So, I’m sorry if some of my ideas are a bit far for you.
How about belly dancing? Really! http://bodyandsoulhealingarts.com/ She teaching a class at a local (Darnestown) yoga studio. http://www.followyourheartyoga.com/
Whole Foods has cooking classes. Some craft stores have demos or classes. Look for groups with a common interest.
I need new friends, too. I’m starting to make a few through my son’s school but, I would like some non-kid-related ones, too.
Comment
Do you like to garden? ( I used to make fun of my sister and her gardening, but then I started it and fell in love) LOL…
Anyway…I’d have to say most of my friends that I have made in the past 5 years I’ve made from gardening…. Some I’ve met at the local Garden Stores, the rest….I’ve met at the Plant Swap the next town over. They meet every other Wednesday from Apr. thru Sept. We have anywhere from 50 to over 100 people show. (my neighbor and I have never missed a one since we started going….so we hold the record…lmao) . My mom, sister and my daughters all go with us too. You’d be amazed the friends I’ve made. And if one of us brings something that someone wanted but someone else picked before them….we always try to remember and bring more for them if we have it the next time. We go tour each others gardens even. And some of us even go on the Garden Tours in a town two towns over.
Just a thought…and it’s free to do for the most part.
Comment
oh…and in your case it will help you to beautify the new house.
Comment
Leslie, My feelings were similar to yours when I retired 7 YO, because, when you retire, it appears your “good friends at work” are no longer that when you aren’t there every day.
Strange that I just read a similar letter in “Annie’s Mailbox” to yours. Someone answered that she had used meetup.com, a website that gives one all the different groups located in one’s area. I can’t recommend the site, as I haven’t delved into it, but, wanted to pass it on.
Patricia
Comment
Word!
6 months in this city and I have 1 new friend who I rarely see.
And 1 old friend, who lives here half the time and I see even less.
I don’t even know how to be friendly any more.
Comment
Wow I really feel for you. I don’t know what I’d do w/o my best friend. I haven’t met friends or new friends since I was a teenager. I have all the same friends since high school. I’m sure people here have great idea’s for you I hope you find atleast one really great friend, every one needs a best friend close by. :) Good Luck!
Comment
I just found you guys yesterday- the Braiding Plot post brought me from somewhere….that I don’t remember. Sorry. We’re in the epic process of writing our first novel, which is a YA fantasy series of 9 books because if you’re going to drive yourself insane, do it BIG. The post helped A LOT btw. Love all of your books too, knew your names just not your blog.
I’m not sure where you are in MD but the DC area is weird. I grew up here, just moved back from 3 years of living on the Outer Banks, which was weird too but in a different way.(I made some GREAT friends there but that’s mostly because we were the only ones in our age group living there year round.) Almost everyone here is a transplant. Here to work for the current administration and then they leave. It’s hard to break in since almost everyone is also a major workaholic so “friends” are people that you get along with at work.
To be honest, Starbucks is possibly your best bet. Each store has it’s regulars and micro-community. I’ve worked there many times for the insurance -OH! Genreality is who linked to you guys- and simple human interaction. (I’ve been a dog behaviorist for 12 years specializing in working with aggressive dogs. I’ve never had to use it but having health insurance as back up is a nice bennie.) I’ve seen great friendships bloom there. You get to know the baristas and all of their dramas, the cops stop by for their freebies, teachers, lawyers, Supreme Court Justices, Redskin’s Players-who are shockingly HUGE-Congresspeople and Senators and all of their lackeys, CIA, FBI, and the rest of the acronyms. It’s fascinating once you pick a store to hang out in. After 1 week you’ll know someone and while they might not be The One, they will lead you to others. My pick up line is commenting on the book their reading and giving suggestions on similar reads. That’s usually all it takes to open the dialogue and shameless self promoting is totally acceptable here so feel free to suggest some of your own.
If you’re in Baltimore, pick a bar to hang out in. I lived there for a while too. Wait until the Orioles start playing and then wear a non-Orioles baseball cap, go in and have a beer during a game and you’ll meet Everyone in there. But pick your team carefully because it’s going to be your nickname until the day you die.
I’ve heard Great things about the MDRWA group, I haven’t joined it but I hear great things about it. Hmmm, volunteering at the Smithsonian is like trying to get into Grad school, there’s usually a 3 or 4 year waiting list. Starting a teen writing group at your local library will get you going, you can’t drink wine with them but they are always entertaining and they do have parents. Fund Raising and Volunteering can be a competition sport in this area and it will suck all of your time away. Most of the volunteers are scary fierce and Intense. But then again Everything is Intense here. Heck, I’d be your friend but I’d just pepper you with questions. But, basically, you just need to pick a place to hang out in and then look up occasionally and make eye contact.
Good Luck!
Wags- Julia and Corduroy