I’m battling a yucky winter cold and my head is just too filled with congestion to do much original thinking. So I thought I’d just pass along this amusing email I got, purportedly from a 60 year old former soldier. Hope it makes you laugh like it did me.
I will hopefully be back next week raring to go!
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I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry. We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.
An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I’ve been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.
HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50…in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes?? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They’ll have it secured the first night!
Send this to all of your senior friends. It’s in big type so they can read it.
Leslie Kelly used to say she wanted to be a doctor when she grew up, but then she discovered Nancy Drew books. Being a flashlight-under-the-covers-nose-in-book reader throughout her childhood, she couldn’t think of anything else she’d rather do as an adult than continue to lose herself in fictional stories. Her real life marriage of 20 years to the man of her dreams is a constant reinforcement that happily-ever-afters really can happen…and that they’re worth writing about. Living in Maryland, Leslie spends her non-writing time laughing a lot with the above-mentioned romance hero and their three daughters. Though an author of more than thirty sexy, contemporary comedies, she has recently branched out to write dark romantic suspense under the pseudonym Leslie Parrish.
Destiny
Dirty Little Secrets
Once Upon A Valentine
Through The Night
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Sorry you’re not feeling well, Leslie. Hope it goes away soon!
Thanx for the funny. Amen to that LOL.
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Hope you feel better soon, Leslie!
Love the funny, thanks for the laugh!
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Hope you’re feeling better and back to your creative best soon. I loved the e-mail you shared! Scary as it may seem, it makes sense!
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that’s funny.
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Feel better, Leslie
Thanks for the chuckle this morning.
Cher
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Yes, I have seen this before and my hubby was in total agreement. He can’t understand why the Army won’t take him back (he just turned 76 & still works full time although he can’t hear shit. Must be all that screaming and yelling and Artillery.)
Hope you feel better soon.
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Leslie, a review of your book “Play with Me” is up at the smart bitches site.
Cher
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Sorry you’re not feeling well
It’s really sad when you find yourself nodding along with that type of story. Just sayin.
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Take care, Leslie! Thanks for the laugh!
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Feel Better Soon Leslie!
Thanks for sharing this!!! I enjoyed it!
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I’m sorry that you’re not feeling well and I hope you start feeling better soon. Thank you for sharing that email. It definitely made me laugh.
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Leslie, I’m sorry you don’t feel good. Get well soon.
Love the email. Reminds me of something an uncle said after 9/11. He was a former Marine pilot during WWII & their group just happened to be having a get together when 9/11 happened. He said they were already to go just as soon as they got their walkers & wheelchairs!!
Thanks for the laugh!
:valpres:
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P.S. I forgot to mention I picked up Play With Me over the weekend!
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Hope you feel better soon!
You know, there is some truth to that funny.
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I think I’ve read this before, probably here on this site! But it’s
so worth reading again! It’s hilarious!
Hope you are feeling better soon!!
Pat Cochran
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Les, I hope that you feel well soon! Take care of yourself okay. Drink lots of liquids, stay warm, and rest.
Peace and love,
Paula R.
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I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well but this story sure makes up for it. I’m 62 and ex military and can sure relate to it. Those were never truer words. Thank you for printing that. I really enjoyed and gave me a good laugh.
Hope you will be feeling better.
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Leslie sorry you are not feeling very good hopefully you will be back in shape real soon. I wanted to tell you I picked up Play with Me and it is really good can’t wait to get farther in it. I think Reese is going to have one heck of a time. LOL