Well, I’m counting down the hours now. On Thursday morning, we take middle daughter down to her new school and leave her there. I have been dreading this for months and still can’t quite believe the time has almost come.
You’d think this would be easier since I’ve already gone through it once. But it just isn’t. There’s something so daunting about letting your kids go, knowing they’re going to be with new people in a whole new environment. Hoping they make good choices, that they make good friends. Praying they stay safe and no psychotic rat bastard like the ones I write about ever crosses their path.
I have all those fears and anxieties. And of course I have hopes. I hope she takes care of herself and eats right and really enjoys her classes. I hope her horizons aren’t just broadened but blown out of the stratosphere. I hope people are nice to her. I hope she meets the kinds of college professors who transcend the profession and whose lessons stick with you all your life. I hope she finds something she loves doing that will steer her in a whole new direction.
Mostly, I hope she’s genuinely happy.
There’s no denying teenage girls have a bad rep. But I can honestly say mine have been an utter joy. We’ve had no ugliness, no mean girl bullshit, no emotional angst (well, not much.) None of them have ever gotten so much as a phone call home from school for bad behavior. No pregnancies, drunk revelries, parties, drugs, fits, shouting, name-calling, car wrecks…My God, they have been SO much better than I was as a teenager. 
They’re funny and friendly and strangely enough, they love to be with us. Bruce and I have often talked about the fact that we might not be lucky when it comes to finances, but in terms of our marriage and our family, we absolutely hit the Mega Millions jackpot.
That’s why this is going to be so hard. I LOVE having her here. She’s funny and sarcastic and so quick-witted she makes every dinner hour into an hour of stand-up comedy. She’s also her younger sister’s best friend and closest confidante, and I am so sad for my youngest, who’s going to miss her terribly.
I’ll miss our Supernatural nights and our Lost nights and our Veronica Mars marathons. I’ll miss the top-of-her-lungs singing as she cleans the kitchen. (Dang. I’ll miss her cleaning the kitchen! Guess I’m gonna have to start washing dishes again!)
I’ll miss her butterscotch-oatmeal cookies and her chocolate-peanut-butter brownies–she’s a great baker! I’ll miss the dinosaur voice and the way she plays hide-and-seek with the dogs. I’ll miss going through marathons where we obsess over the same musical for weeks or when we compare books we loved. I’ll miss sitting beside her on the couch sending each other messages via Facebook.
And I will so miss seeing that smile every day.
I know this is part of life and I’m thrilled that my girls have grown up to be such marvelous woman. But damn, times like this are really hard.
Anybody else out there sending one of the chickies out of the nest this year? Tell me…does this ever get any easier? 2 down and 1 to go (whimper!) and I’m just a wreck.
By the way, I don’t usually share many details about my kids on here, for obvious reasons. I would not share a picture of her going off to college or anything that recent. But here’s one of my little Scooter from her preschool days:
I have only one question: Where on earth did all those years go?
PS: If you’re out and about in Blogland today, please be sure to stop by the new Borders True Romance blog. I’m today’s guest and am giving away some goodies!
Leslie Kelly used to say she wanted to be a doctor when she grew up, but then she discovered Nancy Drew books. Being a flashlight-under-the-covers-nose-in-book reader throughout her childhood, she couldn’t think of anything else she’d rather do as an adult than continue to lose herself in fictional stories. Her real life marriage of 20 years to the man of her dreams is a constant reinforcement that happily-ever-afters really can happen…and that they’re worth writing about. Living in Maryland, Leslie spends her non-writing time laughing a lot with the above-mentioned romance hero and their three daughters. Though an author of more than thirty sexy, contemporary comedies, she has recently branched out to write dark romantic suspense under the pseudonym Leslie Parrish.
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I wish your daughter the best. That photo is sooo cute!
And good luck to mom and dad too. It is a bittersweet experience as you well know.
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Hey Les, she is a soooo cute in that pic. I have no frame of reference to even try and help you with this. No kids…it sounds like you guys really did hit the mega millions with your kids and the family you guys created together. Depending on how far she goes, you will probably see her on most weekends. Based on what you said about her, I think that she will be fine. She will probably miss those precious moments too, and you could still have those fb moments, you could still talk about your fav shows and musicals, because the wonders of technology will keep you guys close. I hope that helped a little. I will drop by and say hello on the True Romance Blog before I leave for NYC. See you in the Cyber Lair.
Peace and love,
Paula R.
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Well I’m sitting in my office this morning, crying after just reading Leslie’s post and of course my boss walks in at that moment. He says, are you alright, is something wrong with your girls, and I told him I was just crying over Leslie’s post. He says, “well who is Leslie”, so then I have to explain to him this blog I go to daily.
Anway, you are in my thoughts. It sounds like you raised wonderful girls and with that kind of raising they will make those right decisions being out from under your wing. Having that kind of an upbringing is one of the most important things you can ever give your child.
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I can’t even imagine what that’s like! It’s hard to picture that adorable pre-schooler as a college age young woman, but I bet she’s still got the same beautiful smile.
And btw, I was a total idiot on Twitter this morning, got all confused and forgot you’re Leslie Kelly AND Leslie Parrish. Sorry! Only excuse is that the coffee was weak today.
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Oh my. Yeah. What she said…
I’m with you Tracy. I’m completely worthless at work now. Can we please just skip the rest of this week?
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The photo is darling!
Bless your heart. It sounds like you and Bruce have two wonderful girls. I know you will miss her but no doubt she will make you even prouder as she navigates college life.
Our daughter will turn 19 in October and is a senior this year. She has mild to moderate mental retardation and won’t be going off to college in the same way as your daughter. There are programs out there for special needs people and we may find one but Lilly is so closely bonded with us we don’t know if that is the right thing for her or not. We’re like the 3 musketeers.
We have often been asked if we could change things would we. For Lilly’s sake we would because her life would be a heck of a lot easier for sure. But for our sakes, no. She is a beautiful, sweet, loving daughter who has never given us one moment of grief–except when she had colic.
But no back talk, no yelling or stomping off to her room. Certainly no drug or alcohol problems. In fact we’ve never even seen her angry. It’s just not in her nature.
There is nothing like hearing her sweet voice say, I love you.
What her future holds after high school we don’t know. She will likely do the bridge program then after that it’s sort of gray. But it has always been like that. We take things a day at a time and have never been able to see too far into her future.
At least you can see where your daughter is going and know that she will be able to choose the right path. I wish her a bright and happy future.
There are some pics of her skating in the DU ice show on my web site. If you get a chance, take a look. She is the gorgeous, tall blonde.
Cher
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I packed My One and Only off to film school in LA, Jan 1. 3000 miles away. It wasn’t easy, but she is so danged happy and finally, at 24, doing what she wants and where she wants to be, and flourishing. How can I be unhappy?
Not that it hasn’t been hard. I started a blog for that reason, and for me it helped.
I was lucky, no drugs, no pregnancies, no drinking (ok, only at home, but I will not defend/argue with anyone about it) and the only problems in school were all part of her learning disabilities, which she has overcome on her own or learned to deal with. I can’t believe how she matured in a matter of days when I left her there alone. And cried all the way on the plane. I keep asking someone to check the basement for pods but she keeps telling me there are no basements.
I am heading back out to see her next weekend. I can’t wait. I drove her car out to her in March and had a blast alone on the road for 12 days. Hubby and I are learning what it’s like to be empty nesters- for him the first time in his 75 years basically. We are enjoying ourselves but always there for any of our kids.
You’ll be fine Leslie. How’s Bruce handling it?
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My parents were the same way about drinking in the house. I guess they’d rather my brother and I drink there than get in trouble somewhere else. Honestly it also taught be responsible drinking, so I wasn’t one of those college students who abused alcohol just because I could.
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Awwww, that pic is sooo precious. We’re just starting to look at colleges. ACK! I’m in shock over that, cause I’m far too young, and my baby was just born.
It’s so wonderful that you have such a fantastic relationship with your girls. It means that you’ve done a terrific job with them and they will do beautifully as they go off into the big world of college away. And they know they always have you as a backup.
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Damn, Cher, now you made ME cry! Lilly sounds like an utter blessing.
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She is a blessing, Leslie. I think God gave her to us for a reason.
Cher
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Cher…she sounds wonderful….a lot like my son with autism……the first few years before his diagnosis were tough, but he has been really easy since then. Crazy, huh? We are really lucky in that regards (so many families are not so easy).
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You’re so right, Katie. There are families with children who have disabilities that I can’t imagine dealing with on a daily basis. Lilly’s toddler years were hard. She was so frustrated in her ability to communicate plus she had a lot of proprioceptive issues among others. We couldn’t take her to the grocery story or to a restaurant because with all of the different sounds and shapes and colors she couldn’t process it all. We’d end up leaving.
But still she has no health problems. We are so, so lucky.
Cher
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Pat–yes, bittersweet, it’s the ultimate definition, isn’t it? Being so very proud of her and excited for her, but also so incredibly sad knowing how much I’ll miss her!
Paula, we definitely used technology to stay close to oldest…that one was SO tough, too, as we dropped her off at school in Florida when we moved up here 3 summers ago. Felt like I was abandoning her. I keep reminding myself how remarkable the experience has been for her and how much she’s enjoyed it. Down to her last year then hopefully grad school up in DC so she’ll be close again.
Tracy–so sorry but lol on your boss walking in ono you! And Louisa–no worries! I sometimes forget who I am these days.
Bruce…sorry love.
Ev, I have really enjoyed watching you over the past couple of years as you’ve shared a little of what’s gone on with Heather. I know she’s going to be a huge success!
And Lori, thank you very much, I think we did do pretty well. We were very fortunate to have such great material to work with.
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LESLIE it is going to be really ruff and sometime it seems harder. I had my first one move out in 07 and she is still in Omaha for now but next August she will be moving east. I cried and cried all the way home after I knew we had her moved out , I was not a happy camper and then a few months later her sister moved out because she was going to have a baby so she wanted to be with the father.
07 was a very hard year and I never want to go through that again mother had cancer dad got cancer and didn’t make it then I lost my job after 14 years they moved to home office in Salt Lake City, Utah. And then that boss I had there got cancer and passed away and then a couple months later daughter moved out. It was so hard I was up and down for a very long time. It helps to keep busy but I know when i get sick and was home by myself this year was very hard, and when I had surgery in May and neither of my girls where here it was hard on me and some depression set in so try and keep busy and talk enough on cell phone or text or IM each other often.
I will be thinking about you and we will want to hear how you are doing with it all. Good luck and the younger daughter is going to need your help since her best friend is moving away.
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Daughters. They are the source of much hand wringing even as they fill our hearts with pride. We are torn between teaching them to fly and wanting to keep them swaddled in cotton, safe from all the hurt that goes with growing up. They remind us of the eagerness of youth and they give us hope for the future. They are a reflection of us as women, but not a mirror image. And they are the joy in their father’s hearts. I’d go hug The Only but she’s already headed off to class.
(See, Leslie? They never ever really leave! And they do return with boyfriends in tow… Just sayin’!
)
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Linda Henderson
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On behalf of the chickies who are leaving the nest…it’s hard on us too!!!! Every year when my parents drop me off it takes me at least a week to get over it and find normal again. So far it’s only been two days since I watched that big RV pull off campus
And when I walked up to my room I saw the notes my mom secretly wrote all over my white boards. My mom is my best friend; we have a great relationship and I talk to her everyday on the phone when we’re apart (and that’s not counting the continuous texts).
It’s definitely hard to be on your own, and despite this being my fourth year and knowing what to expect…it doesn’t get easier! I miss my parents terribly and am counting down the days until all my breaks…and when I finally graduate so I can find an apartment close by home!
<3 J
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Oh wow. It sounds like she’s the right kind of woman to handle the new school experience well! Best of luck to her, and to you & Bruce in your adjustment!
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I’m gonna cry
seriously, my eldest is 6 and just imagining sending her off to college is breaking my heart !
The good thing is, now-a-days they have things like facebook, which lets you stay in touch and share pics etc. Think of how much harder it would be if you had to wait by the mailbox for a letter !
ps: she looks so much like you in that pic !
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Omg! You made me cry!! I was feeling moody today anyway, because I too am missing my daughter. I had to let her go two weeks ago. My situation is a little different as I am a single mom and she is an only. However, all of your details about your daughter could be about mine . We are each other ‘s best friends, and she is the joy of my life. That is what I miss the most; our times together are so much fun. She is such an unique individual and so much fun to be around.
I don’t know that I can give you any advice because the truth is that it hurts alot. However, staying busy and talking to her daily helps. I am spending more time with my elderly mother, tutoring teenagers, seeing my daughter’s friends occasionally, and spending more time with my best girlfriend. I communicate with my daughter daily via cellphone, texting, and e-mails. I am eagerly anticipating her visit home.
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When my girls left home I did not have a problem with it as it was just a natural progression and time for that to happen. One of my daughters has stayed in the area and the other has lived in several different states. They have each given me wonderful grandchildren, lead good productive lives and are adults I enjoy. I guess I did something right! Did I miss them, oh yea but they needed to live their life doing what was & is best for them.
Two in college! Wow! I don’t envy you that. Take care, enjoy her transition into becoming an adult. Yes, you may miss her but you will appreciate her even more when she is with you.
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Big hugs to all of you!!! As for the answer to your question. No, I don’t think it gets any easier. I have boys – my oldest is 22. He moved out when he was 18 but for medical reasons he’s had to move back in with us this summer. He and his 14 year-old brother are roomies for the first time ever and our 1000 sq. ft. house seems to shrink every week. But he’ll be moving away again the middle of September and we’re all starting to dread it already.
He’s ready to go back to work and school but he tells me repeatedly that he’s really going to miss his little brother. An 8 year gap is a lot and when he left at 18, his brother was only 10. They weren’t exactly friends. Now they are and I think this time when he leaves it might be harder than the first time. In a lot of ways.
My heart goes out to all of you. I’ll, literally, be feeling your pain!
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Awe leslie and bruce. Girls always come home.
A little pick me up for u… I got Black at Heart today at Borders.
Hugs.
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I just went through the same thing, except it was to send my son to middle school. In my opinion there is no worse hell than going to middle school. After home schooling him since birth, putting my brilliant, creative baby in the hands of a stranger made me a nervous reck last week.
I have to say this isn’t a traditional middle school, it’s tiny and parents have tons of input. It was my first baby step . . . don’t even want to thnk about college.