The winner of the $25 Amazon Gift Card is:
# 118 Karin
Congratulations! Email me at carly phillips @ mac . com (no spaces) to confirm you email address and I’ll send your prize via email!
UPDATED TO ADD: The winner of Saturday’s contest is #13 Susanna Carr! Please contact Julie (at julieleto dot com) for this one!
And now for the Sunday Funny:
When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it’s your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors.
Every cubicle is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle.
You get in to find the door won’t latch.
It doesn’t matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern ’seat covers’ (invented by someone’s Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly, drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!) down with your pants and assume
“the stance”.
In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You’d love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or to lay toilet paper on it, you hold “the stance”.
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.
In your mind, you can hear your mother’s voice saying, “Dear, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!” Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday – the one that’s still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).
That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It’s still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn’t work.
The door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
“Occupied!” you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it’s too late.
Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper – not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you’re certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear,
“You just don’t KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.”
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force and you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in, too.
At this point, you give up. You’re soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You’re exhausted.
You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can’t figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?)
You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman’s hand and tell her warmly, “Here, you just might need this.”
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men’s toilet.
Annoyed, he asks, “What took you so long and why is your bag hanging around your neck?”
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any public restrooms/toilets (rest???… you’ve GOT to be kidding!!).
It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers that other commonly asked question about why women go to the toilets in pairs.
It’s so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your bag and hand you Kleenex under the door.
This HAD to be written by a woman!
No one else could describe it so accurately.
HAPPY SUNDAY!
Carly Phillips would like to take 100% credit for all her stories but the truth is, Carly’s strength is writing family, emotion, funky elderly people and animals. She couldn’t plot her way out of a paper bag, which is why she smartly found her plotmonkey pals early on in her writing career. Thanks to their support, Carly is now a NYT Bestselling author of 23 plus novels. Because writing doesn’t keep her busy enough, Carly is also a wife, a mother of one preteen and one teenage daughter, the primary care giver of her soft coated Wheaten terrier and an expert carpool mom.
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yey, Karin
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Congrats, Karin!!!
I had to laugh all the way through that because, as it said, it had to be written by a woman who’s been there. As someone who spends a fair amount of time at racetracks – with Port-a-potties in the parking lot and camping areas – I now carry a small roll of “camping paper” with me!
At least it partially solves some of the problems!
Have a great Sunday everyone!
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Congrats, Karin!
The public toilet story is so true! Don’t you just hate them? Yuck!
Have a great Sunday all,
Cher
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Happy Sunday Everyone!
And as for them men who wait outside the women’s restroom huffing and puffing about how long their girl took…
<3 J
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I am the lady in the line when the door does not latch that asks the next one to hold the dooor for me.- of course I also promise to return the favor if she helps me out. I have not had any one refuse yet.
I don’t know what I would do if someone refused.
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Congrats to the winners!
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Public restrooms are sometimes a pain in the…you know!!
Great joke, but all to true! 
Everyone enjoy the rest of your Sunday. :happyeaster: Coming soon!
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Congrats to the winners!
I totally agree that this story was written by a woman. Thanks for the laugh!
Hope everyone has a great Sunday afternoon. I’m off to see Jersey Boys for the second time tonight and can’t wait.
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wtg winenrs and susann yea :aprilfools:
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LOL! And congrats, ladies! May all your public restroom experiences be dry and germ-free!
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Yay! Thank you so much! Now I have to figure out what to get with the gift card.
Congratulations, Susanna!
Carly, that story was hilarious and so true!
I try to avoid public restrooms when at all possible.