Well, the Monkeys are all en route to San Francisco right now. Hopefully we will run into a lot of you there (I know I will be in the bar for at least a little while after the signing Wednesday night, and Julie will try to pop in, too!)
Please, if you see any of us, don’t be shy! Come up and say hello! If we’re deep in conversation with Oprah about her plans for making our next book into her book club pick, well, maybe we wouldn’t want to be interrupted. But if it’s just us, please feel free.
Please also don’t be offended if I, at least, have met you in the past and don’t remember your name. I am HORRIBLE with names. I still haven’t gotten over meeting Danica from eHarlequin about four times in Atlanta and never remembering her name once. Bad bad bad. Beyond that, I’m really pretty nice. 
Now, for those of you who aren’t going, here’s a super sneak-peek excerpt of my next Blaze release. It’s a novella in a Blaze collection called BLAZING BEDTIME STORIES. My story is called “My What A Big…You Have!” and it’s–well, I’m sure you can tell which bedtime story it’s based upon. It doesn’t come out until next February and hasn’t been read by anybody except my editor.
Hope you enjoy!
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Considering Scarlett Templeton wrote children’s books for a living, she probably shouldn’t have let herself get caught on camera telling someone to kiss her ass. Then again, since it was Cupid she’d told, and that fat, jolly little bastard with the arrows had screwed up her life more than once, she didn’t feel too bad.
Her last breakup, which had been public and ugly, had occurred four months ago, as a smarmy reporter at a recent media event must have known. So when he’d asked whether Cupid had set his sights on her for Valentine’s Day, she’d told him what Cupid could do. The quip had ended up all over the Internet. She’d become a poster child for the anti-romance movement.
Ahh, well, it could be worse. She could be the poster child for the evil-authors-who-are-corrupting-our-children movement.
Oh, wait, she was. At least to some people who didn’t appreciate seriously twisted humor and a dark streak.
That would include her mother. The woman couldn’t decide whether she was proud or horrified at Scarlett’s success. She’d wanted Scarlett–named after her favorite literary heroine–to write romance novels or sweet little girl’s books.
Yeah, right.
Having grown up hearing her too-romantic mother weave tales of gallant knights and damsels fair, Scarlett had hit the world with her head in a cloud and glass slippers on her feet.
Talk about a hard landing. It was a wonder she didn’t still have shards of glass in her toes.
At thirty, after a dozen years of realistic life, love, sex and relationships, she was over the happily-ever-afters. So the kids’ books she wrote weren’t exactly Mother Goose rhymes or sweet fairy tales. More like dark, twisted fables where Mother Goose could end up in a pot, and the Princess finds out Prince Charming is a two-timing scum-bucket. Most important of all, the Princess doesn’t wait for anybody to save her, she gets off her butt and does it herself. Or else gets eaten by the wolf.
Something Scarlett had learned long ago. Save yourself…or get eaten by the wolf.
“My children just love your books Ms. Templeton,” said the next customer in line at the never-ending book signing. The tightness of her mouth indicated she wasn’t finished. “Though I really don’t understand why.”
Being a New York Times bestselling writer…wow, what a great job. “Thank you,” she said, not thrown by the reaction. She focused on the smiling faces of the girls at the woman’s side. “Lady Bethany kicks some serious troll tail in this one!”
Both girls burst into a cacophony of excited chatter, all of which Scarlett genuinely appreciated. She didn’t write for the parents…she did it for the kids. Her reader was the girl who didn’t look like Rapunzel…and who had enough brains to chop her damn hair off and climb down out of that tower herself.
“You doing okay, Ms. Templeton?” asked the owner of the quaint little shop in the French Quarter, where Scarlett always did signings for her new releases.
Scarlett shook her right hand and flexed her fingers. “If my hand can hold out, I guess the rest of me can.”
The book-signing was only scheduled to last until four. It was now almost six. But Scarlett would never get up and leave when her young fans waited patiently to speak to her.
“Well it has to end soon…we’re almost out of books,” said the shop owner, a friendly, middle-aged woman who probably didn’t understand Scarlett’s books, either. But she definitely understood the cha-ching of the cash register and was all smiles today. “We have only two copies of your newest release left and we sold out nearly all of your backlist titles, too.”
“Great, thanks again,” she said as a customer handed her one of those last two hard covers for her signature. She signed it, watched the man leave and waited for the next person.
But there was none. Four hours and almost a hundred books later, she was done.
Rising to her feet, she stretched her back, which ached from sitting in the same position for so long. Glancing at her watch, she quickly re-thought her plans. She was running very late. Having decided to pay a surprise visit to her elderly grandmother for the weekend, she’d hoped to arrive before dark.
Granny lived in the middle of the bayou and swore she wouldn’t leave until she was hauled out in her coffin. The route ran through miles of swamp, with roads only a few yards from gator-and-snake-filled water. Scarlett really didn’t like driving out there at night. She needed to hustle to get the tabloids and junk food Granny always demanded and hit the road.
Before she could hop to it, though, a voice interrupted. “I see I have procured the very last copy.”
Startled, she glanced over and saw a man standing on the opposite side of the table.
It was all she could do not to stare. Because he was such an odd looking man. She’d written a book once that turned the Rumpelstiltsken story upside down. In it, a clever milkmaid and her gnome-like friend conspire to trick an evil king out of his ill-gotten gains by pulling off a straw-into-gold scam. This guy could play her Rumpel in the movie.
Slight and diminutive, he probably stood as high as the base of Scarlett’s throat, and she was five-six. His humped shoulders further reduced his height, and were emphasized by the long, thin gray hair that hung past them.
It got better. His protruding eyes were a murky grayish-green, and a hairy mole dominated one cheek. He boasted the most unusual nose she had ever seen. It curved down like a spotty, flesh-colored banana, the tip almost reaching his upper lip.
The clothes were old-fashioned, a navy worsted-wool three-piece suit, a walking stick, a bowler hat. And he wore on his lapel a small pin–a beautiful, highly-crafted set of wings that almost appeared to be made out of straw-spun gold.
He was, without doubt, the strangest looking person she had ever seen. And she adored him at once. “Fantastic! I don’t have any say in casting, but oh, wow, I will make a recommendation.”
One brow went up over a rheumy eye. “I beg your pardon? I came simply to buy a book.”
She hesitated, wondering if she’d really made a mistake. Leaning over to take the book from his hand, she got close enough to check for cosmetics, spirit gum on the prosthetic nose, or the line of a wig.
There was nothing. Either the man had a makeup artist to rival any in Hollywood, or he wasn’t wearing a costume.
“I, uh…sorry, I thought you were someone else.”
“I sometimes am,” he replied, with a smile so enigmatic, she could only stare in confusion. “I do like your books. They’re oddly shaped and eccentric…like me.”
She couldn’t help but chuckle along with him.
“There is, of course, a definite lack of romance in them.”
“Yes, there is.”
“Not a romantic? You don’t believe in true love?”
She bent over to the book, opening it to the flyleaf. “Romance and true love are for fairy tales. I don’t believe in any of it which is why my books are dark and realistic.”
He tsked and shook his head, as if she’d disappointed him. “Ahh, well, I’m sure you have your reasons. Now, will you please inscribe the book to ‘C’? Just the letter will do.”
Embarrassed to have mistaken him for an actor, she signed the book. “You got here just in time, I was about to leave.”
“Going out of town, are you?”
Surprised that he hadn’t assumed she was going home, since she was a well-known author living right here in New Orleans, she mumbled, “I’m off to visit my grandmother, actually.”
“Ahh. A visit to Granny. Are you bringing her some sweeties?”
Sweeties? Had this guy stepped out of a time machine or what? “She’s a chocoholic,” she admitted, “and a chip junkie. If I dare show up empty-handed, I’ll be in big trouble.”
He laughed softly. “We old ones do like our treats.” He reached for the book, and their fingers brushed. For such a slight and frail-looking old man, his skin gave off a strong, almost electric vibe. As crazy as it seemed, the contact left her hand tingling. Her thoughts snapped and sizzled in her head.
“I suppose Granny told you not to stray from the path.”
She blinked as the man’s words seemed to reverb in the quiet bookstore. “What?”
“I mean, to remain on the main road through the forest.”
“It’s a bayou,” she said, wondering why she felt as though she’d just been injected with a gallon of Mountain Dew.
“Sometimes straying from the path can lead to such interesting adventures.”
Paths and adventures, forests and sweeties. The images jumbled. She suddenly wanted to get out of here, away from the odd man and into the refreshing outside air. “I have to go.”
He smiled and extended his hand. “I so enjoyed our chat.”
She really didn’t want to touch him again, but courtesy demanded it. Slowly reaching out, she braced for more of that strange reaction–not revulsion, in any way, despite his appearance. On the contrary, she expected–and got–more of that strange, sizzling energy.
Then, with a tip of his hat and a tiny smile, he was gone.
Leslie Kelly used to say she wanted to be a doctor when she grew up, but then she discovered Nancy Drew books. Being a flashlight-under-the-covers-nose-in-book reader throughout her childhood, she couldn’t think of anything else she’d rather do as an adult than continue to lose herself in fictional stories. Her real life marriage of 20 years to the man of her dreams is a constant reinforcement that happily-ever-afters really can happen…and that they’re worth writing about. Living in Maryland, Leslie spends her non-writing time laughing a lot with the above-mentioned romance hero and their three daughters. Though an author of more than thirty sexy, contemporary comedies, she has recently branched out to write dark romantic suspense under the pseudonym Leslie Parrish.
3 Seductions and a Wedding
COLD SIGHT
Kiss Me If You Can
Wild For Him
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Sounds very fun. Can’t wait to read it, but February seems so far away. Makes me think of the play Into the Woods, but then again I did just see my brother in the production last month. Hope y’all have a great time in SF! Good luck with the RITA Leslie!
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I love twisted fairy tales! can’t wait to read it.
Have fun in SF!!!
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Ooooohh…. I can’t wait to see where the twists and turns will take us on this tale (tail???)…..
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Oh, Leslie, you have such a fabulous voice! I absolutely love it! Brenda must have done a cartwheel in her office when she read the very first manuscript you sent her.
What a fresh and inventive way you have of taking a fairy tale and twisting it like that. I can’t wait to read this story! I’m reading Slow Hands now and loving it. Your writing just sings! No wonder you’re up for a Rita!
Look forward to meeting you in San Francisco. But if I see you with Oprah, I promise not to disturb. :giggle:
Cher
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FEBRUARY!!!! You post something we can read the rest of for 6 months! You’re a cruel, cruel woman!
Happy and safe travels to everyone!
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Hey all! I’m checking in from the airport in Atlanta. Killing some time waiting for Julie to show up from Florida–we’re on the same flight for the next leg of this trip. (Though she’ll be slurping up champagne in first class and I’ll be getting elbowed by a stinky guy with hair sticking out of his nose in the dregs of coach.)
Anyway, thanks for the feedback, I’m so glad you like the excerpt! I do have some revisions to do on the story, I just didn’t have enough page space to go as deep as I wanted to with this one. Which actually led to my suggestion that we do a follow up, which will be a faity-tale 2-in-1 with JULIE! Wahoo! We’re going to work on plotting our stories this week in San Fran.
And Cher, :flower4you: thank you so much. Brenda liking my voice is exactly what made her buy me…despite me lying in my cover letter and sending the whole 250 page manuscript without querying. lol!
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Have fun, PMs…I just got my copies of Leslie’s two current Blazes AND Carly’s Hot Property….eharlequin is a little slow….
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Lesley, this excerpt is great…I can’t wait to read the rest of the story. My heart was racing already in anticipation of what’s to come…Actually, I think that you guys are probably already in SF. I am so excited to get to meet you guys! I am in Berkeley right now visiting my friend and her son, but I will be coming into the city…I love saying that…it is definitely not NYC, today to scope out the area and find where everything will be taking place tomorrow…I hope that you have copies of this book there…
I will try to swing by here later…
Peace and love,
Paula R.
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Cute excerpt! And Leslie, I am HORRIBLE with names. I literally forget people’s names as I’m shaking their hand :X. Bad bad bad. So jealous of everyone going to the conference!
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If I see any of you talking to Oprah I will be thrilled!! :hug2: It would be great to see her pick some light reading for a change. All her books are to serious!! I’ve only read one of her picks & it was so depressing I haven’t tried another. My younger daughter has read several of her choices and enjoyed them.
Since I don’t tend to be shy I will say “hi” to all of you. Can’t wait.
I hope you all have smooth flights. Leslie maybe you will get next to a nice woman reading one of your books!! Have fun in San Francisco, it is a wonderful city. :wave:
Bye the way Leslie, I love the title you this new story!
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Does anyone think we can plan a raid on her house and steal the story? That way we won’t need to wait until February to read it
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Love Love Love this. I cannot wait to read it. I swear, how you ladies keep these ideas flowing is beyond me.
Safe travels.
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Ilona, I’m with you. *passes face paint for camouflage* I want. To Read. NOW!
Cher, I’ve finally gotten to SLOW HANDS, too. RL has been kicking my
and I don’t have near enough time to properly attack my TBR stack. :sosad:
Safe trip to all who are traveling to San Fran. Wish I was there! Hopefully, I’ll get to see folks next summer at D.C.!
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Too funny, Leslie! I can’t believe you sent the whole story. :giggle: But hey, I guess it worked because she kept reading and that’s what it’s all about.
See you tomorrow,
Cher
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Since I live in SF, I’m pretty sure I’ll be swinging by the signing.
Leslie, will you be selling your Harlequin Blaze book Heated Rush tomorrow?
Looking forward to meeting you.
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Leslie sounds like so much fun, I can’t wait to read it!! Have fun in San Francisco!!!
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What a great excerpt! Can’t wait to pick it up.
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Wow, who is this guy?! Can’t wait to read this.
LindaC
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Sounds juicy! I don’t think I can wait until Feb. I like the part where she says “she doesn’t write for the parents, she writes for the kids.” That’s EXACTLY how I feel about writing for teens.
Off-topic, I’m looking for authors who maintain character blogs (MC’s from novels who have their own corner of the Net like this one–http://1800snitch.wordpress.com). If you know of anyone, please have them contact me through my website, http://www.celisedowns.com.
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Hey all, thanks so much for all the great comments, I am SO glad you all like it! That’ll make doing the revisions a little more pleasant.
To answer a few questions–sorry, I won’t have this book at the signing tomorrow night, it doesn’t come out until February. I *think* I will be signing my newest Blaze, but I’m not sure.
Julie and I are chilling out and zoning out here in our room. What a long day–17 hours and counting. But we keep on talking. So nice to be together again after such a long time.
We had a good evening of plotting–got started on Carly’s final “Lucky” book which is going to be FABULOUS. Am raring to keep on going tomorrow after (hopefully) a good night’s sleep!
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oh gosh ahave a great tiem and come home with a Win!!! great excerpt. cant wiat, love those blazes. Good luck ladies. stay cool. oh gosh Love SLOW HANDS SO DAMN HOTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:heart1: :flower4you: 
:banana: 
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That’s a great excerpt. I’m completely intrigued and wishing February would come a little faster.