Why do snakes love me?
For them I detest.
Yet in my house it seems,
They like me the best.
A snakeskin on the porch,
A hiss in the night,
My daughters just laugh,
I quiver in fright.
I have this obsession,
It runs very deep
They slide through my memory
They stalk me in sleep.
Bugs do not phase me
I find spiders adorable
But a snake in my path
Is abhorrent and horrible
So why did that slithery bastard
Choose my front porch to inhabit?
I can’t walk out my door
Unless someone’s there to grab it.
Yet he lurks and he waits
Won’t appear to Bruce or my daughters
He makes sure I’m alone
Then my peace-of-mind he slaughters.
I’ve demanded his removal,
I’ve screeched and I’ve cried,
I give Bruce some credit,
He’s tried and he’s tried.
But the sneaky reptile
has gone into witness protection.
He’s made himself scarce,
Avoiding capture or detection.
Yet I know he’s still out there,
My fear and frustration are growing.
All I can say is, that snake or me….
One of us is going.
–LK–
Yes. It’s true.
First frogs…now snakes.
Personally, I’d prefer the frogs.
Leslie Kelly used to say she wanted to be a doctor when she grew up, but then she discovered Nancy Drew books. Being a flashlight-under-the-covers-nose-in-book reader throughout her childhood, she couldn’t think of anything else she’d rather do as an adult than continue to lose herself in fictional stories. Her real life marriage of 20 years to the man of her dreams is a constant reinforcement that happily-ever-afters really can happen…and that they’re worth writing about. Living in Maryland, Leslie spends her non-writing time laughing a lot with the above-mentioned romance hero and their three daughters. Though an author of more than thirty sexy, contemporary comedies, she has recently branched out to write dark romantic suspense under the pseudonym Leslie Parrish.
Destiny
Dirty Little Secrets
Once Upon A Valentine
Through The Night
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LOVE the poem Leslie, but not the snake. I hope superhero Bruce foils the evil creature and rescues the fair damsel, though whatever did you do with that sword you had in the video? Sounds like it might come in handy – you can go all She-Ra on the thing. Now that would be something *g*
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Leslie I agree. Snakes are my biggest fear. I really think I would pass out from fright. I’d take the frogs too. Love the poem!
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Yes, me too. I am so afraid of snakes. I would be out of my mind if I were you.
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I awoke to your poem
It gave me a chuckle
A snake on my porch
Would make my knees buckle
I’d send Zoey to the rescue
She’d find your snake
but she prefers chasing deer
In Maine by our lake
Maine ticks the size of bottle caps
Colorful Humingbirds galore
Mosquitos that have saddles
But no snakes outside our door
I hope someone catches
your snake really soon
But until someone does
I’d carry a broom. LOL
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I hate things without legs. Just ick.
On the other hand, I do have a small snake in the garden area- we leave each other alone, as long as he does his job of eating bugs. I have named him Carl after daughter’s sperm donor- another snake. This one with legs.
Good luck and if I hear a scream I will know you found him.
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excellent poem, mirrors my opinion of snakes. and yet I cuddle my son’s Bearded Dragon (large lizard). go figure.
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Love the poem Leslie, and I too don’t like snakes. They sell something called “Snake Away” at the farmer’s co-op. Of course to put it in your yard, you have to make sure the snake is out of the yard. My friend says the snake will not cross the line of the snake away(she had one in her yard and it is now gone).
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Jeannie!!! Another poet–I LOVE IT!!
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Love the poem Leslie! I’m in agreement with you on spiders, but I also an not a big fan of bugs in general.
BTW Leslie, I bought HEATED RUSH when I was out shopping last week. Can’t wait to read it!! I loved SLOW HANDS and am looking forward to this story. It’s next in my pile after I finish Carly’s book.
Carly, I just started HOT PROPERTY yesterday and I’m already sooooo loving it!!
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Hey Jeannie – love your poem too!
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Leslie…I love your poem…I will trade you your snake for my mouse (mouse loves our house around 8 p.m., when the boys are in bed….)…hubby can’t catch Mickey, either…
We’re heading to LA today….is LA ready for us? I doubt it!
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Leslie, what a treat to have a poem to read this morning! So sorry about the snake. I don’t like snakes either but for me its spiders. Yuck!! They give me the absolute creeps!
Good luck getting rid of it. :hug2:
Cher
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I sooooo could have written that, albeit not nearly as poetically. Yikes! Prayers for the immediate capture of the slithering fugitive (and the rescue of a poor, distraught romance author).
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Leslie I completely understand your phobia.
Recently I was on a family vacation in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee when we went river rafting. This is were you sit on a innertube and float down the river and rapids for about 2 hours. I knew going in that snakes could be on the banks, so I made a concious effort to stay in the middle of the river. Unfortunately, the rapids had another idea and on a turn I was pushed into some branches that had fallen recently along the bank. Needless to say I was doing my best to get away from the edge when a women of substantial girth pushed off of my tube and sent me back into the branches. As I turned to push myself out of the branches I noticed that about 10-15 snakes (I wish I was exaggerating) were hanging out on the branches. Needless to say, I panic and caused a scene. I have a busted up knee and bruises that are still haunting me as well as the nightmares.
I have never tried so hard to get out of a situation. When my daughter and neices asked to go down the river again. I not so quietly burst into tears and begged them to go back to our cabin. Not my proudest moment but we all survived and they have a great story to tell. LOL
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Great poem and I have to agree on the snake. Just seeing one on tv is enough to give me nightmares. That is, if I’m lucky enough to sleep after that, that is.
I envy you who can write a rhyming poem. I’ve been writing poetry most my life, and I’ve only ever written ONE that rhymed. I just can’t ever say what I need to say in a rhyme. lol.
My biggest snake horror, is that one day I’ll be in the bathroom doing busines, and one will come up through the plumming. OMG. I just gave myself the chills. Down with snakes!lol
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Ugh snakes- but it was a lovely poem! We have been on vacation (at the in-laws) and saw 3 of the darned critters, along with every bug ever created! I have so had my fill of creepy crawlies!!!
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Snakes?
::shudder::
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Great poem Leslie. And the reply from Jeannie was great too!!!
I am just like that – don’t mind bugs, can tolerate rodents, but snakes scare me to death!! I hyperventilate just thinking about them!!! Hope Bruce can fix it for you. Or find something to spread on the porch that will keep the thing away! Good luck!
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The laughter…it hurts…
I went back and read your froggie blog, Les. Too much. But this snake poem is frickin’ brilliant.
Me, it’s the mosquitos. I cannot sleep if I hear one buzzing around at night. I’m expert at slaughtering them…when I can see them to catch them…and the trouble is, my eyes aren’t getting any better with age. As for gross-outs and fears…well, I’m not big on any creepy crawlies, but Florida cockroaches (the big ones that fly) completely freak me out. I use wasp killer on them because it shoots from twelve feet away. And speaking of wasps…what exactly is their purpose in the circle of life anyway? Bees I understand…but wasps? Ick!!!
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I love your poem, Leslie. You too, Jeannie. They’re both great and made me chuckle.
Of course, I abhor snakes as well. I almost took a fall when I saw one on the path when I was doing a 5K a couple weeks ago. It just slithered across right in front of me and I stumbled a bit. I was determined not to go down, though, and give that little sucker a chance to slither back out when I was on the groud. *shudders*
I can’t deal with spiders either and I’m allergic to mosquitos. It’s not a pretty sight if I’m unlucky enough to get bitten by one. So, Julie, you want to come over and play mosquito hunter for me?
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Leslie words of advice from my mom. A dead snake is a good snake.
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LOL at Ardie’s mom’s comment! So sorry about the snake, Leslie–but clearly it’s not hampering your creativity one bit! I’m not a snake-fan by any means–hope you get rid of it soon!
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Love the poem just the other day my husband told me not to come out side and when I did anyway to see what the problem was there was a pygmy rattle snake on our walk way. i refuse to walk that way now. yuck
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Great poem Leslie. There is no end to your talent!
Like you I am not to fond of snakes but have learned to tolerate them if they are not poisonious! Snakes are actually somewhat fascinating but I don’t want to make friends with them! Bugs, spiders, rodents don’t bother me much but I would rather stay away from snakes. Hope Bruce manages to get rid of it soon.
Jeannie, your poem is also very good. Today’s blog was a fun one to read! This blog is good everyday.
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Awe- snakes in my home/porch would not be ok. Otherwise… snakes don’t bother me. Frogs and bugs, on the other hand, unacceptable.
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>> I noticed that about 10-15 snakes (I wish I was exaggerating) were hanging out on the branches.<<
Oh, my God, they would have had to rescue me from the bottom of the river because I would have passed out and drowned.
Seriously, I wouldn’t have been able to function. ICK.
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Ardie…Your mom = Smart Woman
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Great job Jeannie!
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Love the poem. Agree about the subject matter.
Hope you wrangle that sucker soon. :grin1:
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Great poem, Leslie!
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Funniest poem I’ve read in a while
My husband found two snakes in our yard yesterday, and said we might end up with snake babies. 
So at least you don’t have that! I don’t mind snakes, though. They eat bugs and frogs (of which I only hate the bugs).
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leslie, snakes I don’t mind so much. We had one in our hallway and hubby screamed like a girl and made me catch it. But don’t laugh but I’m scared to death of LIZARDS!!!!!!! Uck
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Leslie love the poem
Jeannie love your poem back
I hope you catch the snake
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Brings back memories of the day I walked across the hall in the upstairs of the house we used to live in and thought, “Oh, someone’s been in my gift wrap in the closet–there’s a black streamer stretched across the floor.”
It wasn’t a black streamer.
After I almost stepped on it, the snake streaked back into the cluttered closet; it took us over an hour to remove everything piece by piece to find the snake and remove it with tongs.
Turns out, it was a COPPERHEAD. I coudn’t sleep for weeks wondering if it had a mate or babies somewhere else in the house.
(We don’t live there anymore.)
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Stephanie, I think my very deep fear of snakes started when I was a kid and was trying to climb into an old abandoned barn via an attached outside ladder. I put my fingertips into a crevice to pull myself up to a slide-open door on the 2nd level, brought my face up eye-level and realized my fingers were inches from a nest of copperheads. I screamed and fell flat back to the ground.
Yeah. Kinda have the feeling that did it.
One inside the house would send me right out of my mind.