I’m so excited to welcome fabulous author, Isabel Sharpe, to the jungle today! Isabel is one of the famous Temptresses…those are the authors who wrote for the much-missed Harlequin line, Temptation. She’s now writing for Blaze, as well as for Avon/Harper Collins, where she writes absolutely hilarious and poignant women’s fiction. I know I talked about her book, WOMEN ON THE EDGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKTHROUGH on the blog because frankly, it blew me away.
Today, Isabel is going to talk about pet peeves she’s developed after judging unpublished contests. We’re going to be talking about contests a bit in future months, so this post is PERFECT TIMING. Thanks for posting, Isabel!!! She has a Blaze out this month…and man, is the cover H-O-T.
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Hello, hello. Isabel Sharpe here as your guest. I just finished judging contest entries for an unpubbed contest, and was inspired to write a random list of personal pet peeves.
Unnecessary dialogue tags.
I know many published authors love dialogue tags, so I’m not going to tell you it’s wrong to use them, but they drive me insane.
“Does anybody know what’s on TV tonight?” Ron asked, caressing his remote in one hand and a bag of chips in the other. “I can’t find the TV Guide.”
It’s perfectly clear Ron is asking simply from the dialog, you don’t need to tell us. Much neater and more rhythmically balanced to my ear is the following:
“Does anybody know what’s on TV tonight?” Ron caressed his remote in one hand and a bag of chips in the other. “I can’t find the TV Guide.”
Simple dialog tags, (“I know,” Emma said.) are often either unnecessary, if it’s perfectly obvious Emma is due to speak next, or, if it’s not obvious, then a simple “said” can be plain lazy if action would illustrate more about the scene or her mood. (“I know.” Emma tried not to gag at the mere thought.) If you have several people speaking or need the dialog to rush past, then a “he said” or “she said” can serve you well, but most of the time, blech, they’re filler.
Sometimes authors, when they want to show a character is pausing between bits of dialog, and they use a tag. “I know,” he said. “I’m sorry.” Lazy! Give him something to do or think, so the reader can really picture the pause and understand it. “I know.” He started to reach for her, then let his hand drop. “I’m sorry.”
Alternating dialogue and action
I see this a lot in contest entries:
“What time is it?” Marie looked ruefully at her broken watch. “I can’t tell on this thing.” She looked over her shoulder. “Oh look, here comes Fred with the donkey.” Her nose wrinkled. “I hope he gave it a bath.”
Try not to interrupt dialogue more than once.
“What time is it? I can’t tell on this thing.” Marie looked ruefully at her broken watch, then glanced over her shoulder and wrinkled her nose. “Oh look, here comes Fred with the donkey. I hope he gave it a bath.”
Use of clichés
Whenever a phrase pops quickly into your head, check your subconscious to see if it’s because you’ve read it a thousand times already. (His “steely eyes” and “rugged good looks,” her “silken hair” and “creamy skin.”) Don’t assume that because you read it in published books, it’s The Right Way. Try more interesting words to get your point across, but please stop short of being ridiculous. If you find yourself using phrases like, “her skin crunched with citrussy need” then you have gone too far. Take special care with love scenes, where the language can get so ooky that people don’t even want to imagine what you’re describing.
Sometimes you do want an image or thought to slip by the reader easily, without drawing attention to your literary brilliance. In those cases, a cliché can work. Just don’t fill a page with them or people will feel as if they’ve read your book already.
Prologues that waste space
I often read prologues thinking that the material could have been told or shown later without lessening the emotion or plot impact. Ask yourself what your prologue accomplishes. If it just shows that a long time ago your hero and heroine loved each other, you can weave that in later. What’s more, that prologue is not likely to hook the reader the way the real start to your story would.
Not grounding the reader
I often read entries where I have the feeling the author knew her characters and scene and situation very well, but forgot that we don’t. If you can’t get a critique partner, then brainwash yourself and read the scene slowly and carefully, imagining that you have never encountered it before. Don’t forget to tell us where we are, when, what the POV character wants, and as much in-character detail as you can fit without being boring or slowing your pace.
Describing a movie.
This is when the author has done a great job describing what is going on, but she forgets that writing a book is not like explaining what’s going on in a movie to someone who can’t see. We need the internal life of the POV character and his/her interpretations of what’s going on, not those of an impartial observer. There might be a cuckoo clock on the wall, but you can tell us plenty about your character by showing us the clock the way she sees it. Is it ostentatious? Tacky? Juvenile? Sentimentally evocative? Make sure you are completely immersed in your characters’ heads, never just your own.
Well. I feel so much better now. Happy writing!
By all reports, Julie Leto was a sweet child once, somewhat shy, preferring to play quietly in her room making up stories. However, being raised with three brothers in a loud, primarily Italian household did have its influences and Julie discovered her inner tough girl. That’s probably why most of her heroines kick serious butt. Writing sassy heroines has worked out, as she’s sold over forty books to four publishers featuring strong, confident women. Julie lives in Florida with her daughter, a spoiled dachshund, a haughty lynx-point Siamese and a wide range of relatives all within driving distance.
Destiny
Dirty Little Secrets
Once Upon A Valentine
Through The Night
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Thanks so much, Isabel, for stopping by the jungle today! This is great advice!
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Welcome, Isabel! Great information here. Have fun in the jungle!
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Hi Isabela, welcome to the jungle. :) Great advice for all of us aspiring writers. This is something we all need to remember.
I’m in the middle of revisions and can’t believe how many times I have the words as she…or as he… Ugh!!! I’ve also been taking out many of the tags and adding an action in their place or nothing at all.
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Fantastic stuff, Isabel! Those dialogue tags are something I always try to go through and kill during revisions. They do manage to slip in there.
Thanks so much for hanging out in the jungle today!
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Isabel,
first of all, thanks for dropping by today. That really is a lot of great advice. I remember reading a book back then and everytime the hero/heroine was talking there was an “he said” or “she said” in it. I can tell you. That is so disturbing and I laid down the book after a short while. I’ve always wondered how it could have been done better. But I think it’s disturbing, too if you don’t know who is talking at the moment. So great advice here.
Hope you’re having fun in the jungle.
Enjoy the weekend all.
See you :wave:
Vero
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Good morning jungle denizens! I’m bringing champagne for everyone, though with the weather here in Wisconsin, hot buttered rum is probably more appropriate. Lovely to be a guest today and to further the cause in my War on Dialog Tags. :grin1:
Look forward to popping in periodically.
Isabel
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Fabulous writing tips! My High School English class thought me how to write, not write well. I found your post to be inspiring.
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Hi Isabel ~ thanks for being here! And thanks for the champagne. I’m just going to add a little orange juice to mine this morning (I’m on the west coast).
Your advice on dialogue tags is really helpful and a great reminder to not overdo it. I’m going to think about your post while I write today. Thank you!
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Good morning Plotmonkeys and all. Welcome Ms. Sharpe to the jungle. Thank you for the reminders about those pesky dialogue tags.
Have a great day,
Cher
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Welcome to the jungle, Isabel! Great advice for the unpubbed, and a great reminder for the pubbed! I try to go for action over tags, but sometimes those pesky tags do get by me!
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Good Morning Isabel,
Thank you for visiting the jungle today. I’m not an aspiring writer but I liked reading your thoughts.
Recently I finished reading My Wildest Ride, great job. I enjoyed your book about Lindsay & how you brought the series, The Martini Dares to a conclusion.
Everyone have a great Saturday, enjoy!
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Hi, Isabel. I have a terrible dialogue tag dependency, and an emotional layering (if that’s the term) deficiency. You’ve offered an excellent solution to both problems! Thanks for a great article.
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Hi Isabel,
Thanks for those tips – and I really enjoyed reading what you came up with. “Citrussy need” made me laugh, and also makes me feel icky at the same time. *shudders*
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No matter how hard I try to keep dialogue tags to a minimum when writing, I always find myself deleting a ton of them on my first edit. And more on my second…and my third…
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That is a HOT cover! Thanks for the advice
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Great blog!
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Thanks so much for the wonderful advice. I’m not a writer, but
as a reader I sometimes find myself distracted by “over the top”
explanations. I had to laugh at “citrussy need,” it made me
think of the description of cellulite that I once read!
Pat Cochran
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Hi Isabel! I appreciate columns like this because I always learn something new. This time it was not to break the dialogue with action more than once. Lesson learned.
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Okay, now I’m going back to my WIP to check my dialogue tags (Lori said, sitting sheepishly at her computer.)
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Hi, all! Hope the champagne didn’t produce hangovers. So glad the advice was helpful! Yesterday got nuts, what is it with these kids and their pesky needs?
Pleased to recruit more members for the War on Dialog Tags. Donna M. so glad you enjoyed the Blaze Martini Dares series! We had a lot of fun putting that whole complicated story together.
Cheers!
Isabel