Comments on: Saturday Guest Blogger…KIMBERLY RAYE!

By: Heather (Ev's daughter)

Heather (Ev's daughter) — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 17:14:52 +0000

stupid question *and I’m full of them* but what’s RWA?

By: Julie Leto

Julie Leto — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 10:29:09 +0000

Heather, I wouldn’t post more of it here…but are you near any RWA chapters? Because nothing can beat a good critique group and you might be able to find one through RWA. Good luck!

By: Heather (Ev's daughter)

Heather (Ev's daughter) — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 03:22:04 +0000

I have more of it written, I just wasn’t sure if I could post it on here or not, or where I should.

Now to settle the great Oreo debate… is my black cat going to kill my white cat before the night is over????

By: Julie Leto

Julie Leto — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 02:59:21 +0000

Heather, I once sent in the wrong draft to my publisher, so I totally understand!

Keep going on this…I think the whole situation is really compelling.

By: Heather (Ev's daughter)

Heather (Ev's daughter) — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 02:41:56 +0000

Thanks for the feedback Julie. I didn’t mean to post the first one, I was hoping for a way to delete but there wasn’t lol. I still don’t have everything organized on my laptop, I’m still transfering everything from my pc and my thumb drive on here. That’s from a story I’ve been working on called Alive, it’s been inspired in a way from the song Alive by Meat Loaf off this new album.

By: Julie Leto

Julie Leto — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 02:37:40 +0000

I commented on the first one…and I like that last part. It needed one more line.

By: Julie Leto

Julie Leto — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 02:36:38 +0000

Hi, Heather! I like the voice here…it’s very strong in just a few lines. That’s really awesome!

I think you need to edit just a bit to make things clear…what about…

When the tables were turned and the gun was pointed at his head instead of mine, I didn’t know who was going to live or die. I considered standing here for a while, just enjoying the scent of his fear. Or maybe I’d jab the barrel against his temple just a bit harder so he’d piss his pants. I enjoyed listening to him whimper and beg for his life.

Then you should have a really strong, emotional line. I don’t know what, since I don’t know your character, but the situation is really compelling.

Good luck!

By: Heather (Ev's daughter)

Heather (Ev's daughter) — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 02:33:09 +0000

Buggers. Ignore the first one. I opened the first draft on accident lol. This is the one I ment to post, again, sorry.

When the tables were turned and the gun was pointed at my head, I didn’t know if I was going to live or die, why should he? Maybe I’ll just stand here like this for a while enjoying the scent his sweat was giving off from fear. Maybe I could make him piss his pants. I actually enjoyed listening to him whimper and beg for his life. Was there something wrong with me? I asked myself. No there isn’t I tell myself back.

By: Heather (Ev's daughter)

Heather (Ev's daughter) — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 02:30:04 +0000

I don’t like showing my work to people, but this is the opening to something I’ve been working on for a quite a while now. I’ve actually taken a long break from it and just re-opened it again.
Be nice lol. :pray:

When the tables were turned and the gun was pointed at my head and I didn’t know if I was going to live or die. Maybe I’ll just stand here like this for a while and enjoy the scent his sweat was giving off from fear. Maybe I could make him piss his pants. I actually enjoyed listening to him whimper and beg for his life.

By: kim h

kim h — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 00:39:27 +0000

welcome Kim, love the name lol. I love the way his tonuge was licking my ear