My oldest daughter, Danielle, is only three weeks away from turning sixteen. For most sixteen year olds, that big day is marked for going to the DMV to take your driver’s test, and hopefully leave with your driver’s license. Not for my daughter. For the past six months I’ve tried to get her enthused about going to driver’s education classes, all to no avail. She simply wasn’t interested in driving, or getting her license. On one hand, it was kind of a relief because she’s still my BABY, but on the other hand, she really should learn to drive – or at least get her driver’s license so she has it in case of any kind of emergency. Southern California doesn’t have subway systems, and taking a taxi cab everywhere wouldn’t be cost effective. If you take the bus – well, who knows where you’ll end up, or what kind of bus-mates you’ll have.
So, after gently coaxing and cajoling her into signing up for a driver’s education course, I came to the conclusion that she just wasn’t going to do it on her own. So, I signed her up and drove her every day after school for two and a half weeks until the course was over. The day after she finished her classes, she went to DMV to take her driver’s permit test – again, very reluctantly. She was nervous about taking the “big test”, but she passed and walked out of DMV with a permit to drive with an adult.
Most kids would have been excited and thrilled. Not Danielle. In fact, this past weekend when I told her we were going to the high school parking lot so I can teach her the basics of driving, she balked and tried to make excuses. 
When I asked why she was so hesitant and reluctant to get behind the wheel and drive, she admitted she was scared. Ahhh, that I can understand. Over the years, she’s seen just how aggressive and impatient California driver’s can be. They are always in a hurry to get wherever they are going – and some are just plain rude about getting there. :cursing: Cutting people off, tailgating, and rude gestures are a daily occurrence on the freeways, and it’s unnerving to have to navigate your way through that kind of reckless driving.
So, I understood her fear, because I feel it at times, too. I especially hate driving on the freeway because of how bad it’s gotten over the years. I told her that I was scared of her getting behind the wheel and driving, too, because there are so many idiots out there that don’t take into account that a sixteen year old is trying to learn how to drive safely and defensively. But driving is a way of life in California, and despite those fears, this was something she needed to try and do. I also promised her that once she had her actual driver’s license (which she won’t be able to apply for until after she’s driven with me for the next six months) if she decided that she still didn’t want to drive on her own, it wasn’t something I would force her to do. I just feel that it’s important for her to have her driver’s license, because in two years she’ll be eighteen and on her own. Working a job and going to college. And the fact is, I just can’t be her chauffeur forever.
That said, this Saturday we did venture over to the huge high school parking lot – which was completely empty – with a sullen Danielle sitting in the passenger seat. Once we were there, I put her behind the wheel and got her familiar with all the working parts of driving a car. I also drilled in to her head SMOG, which stands for “Signal, Mirrors, Over the Shoulder, Go”. Those are the key things that will hopefully keep her from making a stupid mistake. After she was completely familiarized with everything in the car, and she was feeling as comfortable with everything as her I-don’t-want-to-do-this attitude would allow, I taught her how to actually drive the car. After hitting the gas pedal way too fast and slamming on the brakes way too hard a few times, she finally learned how to use both pedals properly, without giving me whiplash. :happy2:
We spent the next hour driving straight, making right turns, left turns, and U-turns. We practiced her parking the car, and backing up. By the time we were done, she was doing quite well. Better than I’d anticipated. As she brought the car to a stop and put it into park, she looked over at me.
Smiling sheepishly, she said, “That was kind of fun. Can we do it again tomorrow?”.
I laughed. I think she’s going to be just fine after all. 
So, do any of you remember your first driving experience? Are there any parents out there who have driving teenagers have any words of wisdom to impart? Anything that might help make the initial driving process easier for Danielle?
Janelle Denison finds it hard to believe that it’s been nearly 25 years since she first started writing romance novels. At first, it was a way to pass idle time while her husband worked swing shift, but before long it became an obsession to get published. Luckily, she kept at it (it took her over 5 years to get that first book published!) and is now a Waldenbooks, Barnes & Noble, and USA Today Bestselling author! Now, after selling over 45 plus novels, she finds that her Plotmonkey pals help to keep her stories fresh and unique, and she can’t imagine writing a story without their input. Janelle lives in Oregon with her husband, Don, along with two teenage daughters that keep life interesting.
Destiny
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Our dauther has her license and soon it will be time for our son to get his permit. I am not looking forward to this but, like you said, not driving is not an option. Our daughter has a friend who is a senior and will not get her license. She claims she can ride her bike wherever she needs to go.
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Driving is scary. I learned to drive in the country, so it was a lot less intimidating, but definitely a way of life. Then I moved to the Chicago ‘burbs, occasionally venturing into the city. But everyday can be a test, a lesson in watching your back, and that of the drivers around you. It’s one reason I never drive while on the phone or even while eating. Those few seconds can be such a huge difference.
Good luck with your daughter, and I hope Danielle really learns to enjoy driving.
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Janelle, my oldest was exactly the same as Danielle. She had NO interest whatsoever. I dragged her in to get her permit when she was 16 1/2. And she didn’t even try to take her test for her license until a year later. (Didn’t pass it until after she’d turned 18!)
I honestly don’t know what her reluctance was, I just know that, like you, I wanted to make sure she had the ability if she needed it! Now she’s in college and her roomies drive & have cars, so it’s not a big deal. But it will be some day!
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Oh boy. I lived in the middle of no-where so my dad taught me to drive on the farm when I was 10, very much against my mother’s wishes. :cursing: By the time I was 13 I was driving dumptrucks for him, and not just on the farm! That was a long time ago and truly in the middle of no-where, where driving farm equipment was a way of life no matter what the age. But it did help me tremendously when I took driver’s ed and got my license. I felt like I’d been driving all my life, and practically had! :happy2:
But….when my oldest turned 16 and got his license, I knew that terror my mother had felt when Dad taught me to drive and turned me loose. He never left the driveway that I didn’t say a prayer and send angels to follow. Then….he got a job as a pizza delivery boy and drove ALL THE TIME! I had to be the one to get over my fear and just have faith that he would be fine. He’s 19, still has that same job, lives on his own and sometimes, at the strangest moments and strangest times, I still get a little freaked out and call him just to make sure he’s fine. Gosh, I hate to admit that!:oops:
I think the biggest and most important thing is to always be aware of what’s going on around you and watch the other guy. My husband makes fun of me for this, but also appreciates it and realizes how important it is. I’ll see accidents about to happen and yell long before the people involved in it realize its about to happen. Of course, never does any good unless its hubby about to have it!
I’m sure she’ll do fine and it sounds like she’s got a great coach and cheerleader. Having your support and confidence in her will make her believe in herself. Oh, Valium helps too! (for you, not her):happy2:
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I’m loathe to admit this, but my 13 year old brother taught me how to drive a stick shift when I was 16.
Of course, I’ve never looked back…
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Janelle,
In Ohio you can get your permit when you’re 15-1/2, then start driving on your own at 16. My daughter was hot to trot, but it took quite a while to get her driver’s ed classes in because she’s so involved in sports. As it was, she drove with a permit for nearly a year with either me or her dad, and that made me feel so much more comfortable when she did finally get her license. After that much driving, I felt that she had experienced most driving situations and I was able to point out a lot of things to look for that you gain simply from experience. So, spend a lot of time with her on the road – go out at night on a regular basis, and give her plenty of time with you in the car and when the time comes to go on her own, you’ll feel much better about it. ps my family lives in San Diego, so I know what you mean about those crazy drivers:cursing: especially on the freeway!
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I remember learning how to drive and just taking the test, without going to any drivers Ed classes. Then I had a boyfriend who lived in Boston and that is where I learned how to drive. It sounds VERY similar to how people drive in California.
The funniest thing I rememberis my first brand new car. I couldn’t afford a huge car payment so my Aunt and I went shopping and found a Standard – Ford Escort Hatchback. Well I had no clue how to drive a stick shift. So she drove my new car home and I drove her car behind her. We pulled into the High School parking lot and she showed me the basics really quick. Then she got out, handed me the keys and said “Now drive yourself home. Bye!” and she got in her car and left. Now my aunt is only 9 years older than me. So she wasn’t this much older responsible adult. LOL!! Needless to say, I did pretty well, except when I tried to get up a hill leading to my house. She never told me about the car rolling back if it wasn’t in a gear. So I sat there with my foot on the brake waving people past me until EVERYONE was gone. Then attempted it again. :happy2:
I will never forget that, and I NEVER let her forget what she did to me either.
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I had to drag my youngest daughter, kicking and screaming, to the DMV to get her drivers license(she already had her permit). She finally told me she was afraid of failing since all the girls in her class had failed the first time they tried. I told her she had to be the first one not to fail, and she passed with just 5 points knocked off!
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My daughter didn’t want to get her permit either, and didn’t until she was 17. Surprising since she had been driving with her grandfather on the farm for a long time. But we live in a city now. Her high school friends who did get theirs early have all had tickets or serious accidents. She has been rear ended but not her fault.
We started out driving in mall parking lots first after hours, and then with shoppers driving around. I also took her to a cemetary (which is where Uncle Sam is buried)- if she hit something/one it didn’t matter, they weren’t going to feel it. It was a great place to learn to make 3 point turns, and staying on “your side” of the road. Then we finally ventured out onto the roads. I also made her go thru an entire winter before she was allowed to get her license. Around here that is so important. too many accidents happen to too many kids. also, no radio changing or phones while she was driving. I got to choose, for a while at least, what we listened to.
Now, she is 21, in college and working full time and I never see her- or my car!!!
My husband’s oldest son, 46, still doesn’t have his license. His wife does whatever driving in NYC they have to do and he is just as happy to take public transpo or a cab or walk. We have a pool going as to when he will get his license.:happy2:
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I got my license when I was exactly 16 and the examiner freaked me out. I think he was just trying to scare me, but it freaked me out for weeks (I wouldn’t drive even though I had a license). Not a happy memory
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Hi Janelle:
I got my license when I was sixteen, the first time my Dad took me out, he fell asleep. Thankfully, we lived in a small rural area, and there really wasn’t anybody on the back roads that I was on. But now I am a great driver, and because of my Dad’d confidence in me, I am helping my niece and nephew both with their driving. My kids thankfully are still aways off from getting thier licenses.
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I went out with my Dad, a man fifty years older than me. He never showed any sign of nervousness but he had to. Then again, he’d done it before with three other children.
I drove figure 8s up and down the street. I thought I had to stay as close to the curb as possible so I literally drove in and out of the spaces between every parked car I saw. Never occured to me to just head straight down the middle, slightly to the right. (Residential area with no lines). When I later realized how crazy that had been, I was mortified. It still makes me chuckle, cause Dad never said a word. Just did his best to encourage me. I got better and passed my DMV test on the 2nd try (for those who live up North, do NOT let your child take their first test on a snowy day!)
About fear, I read a passage this morning in a suspense novel that I thought was great:
“The thing about fear is that you don’t get rid of it by will. And you can’t sit around and wait for it to leave. It won’t. What you do is act. Right in the face of it. And then it slowly loses its power.”
(as spoken by Judge Greene in “Sins of the Father” by James Scott Bell)
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Patricia W, I love that post. I’ve copied and pasted the quote into a list of inspirational sayings I have. My son is skating in a skateboard competition again this Saturday and if it goes like last Saturday, I’ll be needing that quote! Thanks!
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I have had my license since I was 16. It was something my Mom didn’t want me to get, because she was scared for me to drive, but something my Dad insisted on as he said I would need to know how to drive. He was oh so right. You just need to drive to get around anywhere here.
Reading the posts, I remember the first time I got behind the wheel of the car. My Dad told me to let out the clutch and step on the gas. What he didn’t say was that it should be done together. I let the clutch out with a bang, stepped on the gas, and we sat there for a minute while the car tried to decide whether to go, stop or what. Well it went forward nearly putting my Dad into the back seat……….:oops: But he took it calmly and said I am sure that the next time will be better…………:happy2:
When my kids learned to drive, I was like you all terrified for them, and could then understand my Mom’s feelings. But they learned and did just fine, I still worry about them and they are good drivers.
Janelle, you are doing so great to give your daughter the confidence she needs to drive, and I hope that Danielle will find that she enjoys driving. Kudos to you both.:thumbsup2:
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I shouldn’t admit this but I started driving when I was when I was 14. My parents still don’t know that and I doubt I’ll ever get up the nerve to tell them!:hide:
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I’m glad to hear that Danielle isn’t alone in her reluctance. It’s such a scarey world out there, and as much as I would love to shelter her until she gets married, that’s just not realistic! :happy2:
Patricia W: I love your quote about fear!
Kelly: I can so relate to your “driving a stick shift” story. After I learned how to drive a standard car, my dad took me out in his truck to teach me how to drive a stick shift — I did fine until I came to a stop on a steep hill! I was so afraid of rolling back and hitting the car behind me, who was HONKING at me to GO, and I just panicked. I had to shut off the truck and switch places with my dad because I just couldn’t do it. But after that we kept practicing, and now I’m a pro!
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I did not get my license until I was 18, and I live in Vegas, so I can totally relate to the traffic issues. I did get my permit at 15 1/2 but I (and my parents) were not comfortable with my learning to drive.
My dad had taught the 3 older girls to drive, but by the time it was my turn, well we just did not do so well together. I actually made his van jump down the street because I could not get it in gear, and well that was the end of the lessons untill 2 years later when I actual paid for someone else to teach me to drive. (Way better that way.)
Good Luck and be patient it will happen in its’ own time.
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oh yes i do. nightmares sometimes but when i fineshed i was very happy lol.:party:
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Janelle, you sound like such a nice, patient mom. I remember my crazy mother “teaching” me how to drive. What a disaster. She wouldn’t let me go over 20 MPH on the actual road. She’s a very nervous driver, to this day. Won’t even drive on the Interstate. Ever.
Consequently, I bombed my first road test. I had to take private driving lessons and didn’t get my license until after I started my freshman year of college. I had to take the bus to college for the first few months! Luckily, I grew up in the northeast and taking the bus was easy. But it sucked because the mustang I had purchased that summer just sat in my driveway, waiting.
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Janelle,
You must have an unusual child, or, perhaps, it is different with girls than boys. My son couldn’t get his license quickly enough, but, I insisted on driving lessons, which I think is an intelligent way to have kids learn. In spite of that, in almost every instance that I’ve encountered, within the first year, there’s almost always an accident (they have not developed instincts). One classmate of my son even drove his car through the back of his own garage–LOL.
My best advice to my son (& your daughter) was/is, when you decide to make a move, i.e., when you are making a lefthand turn (having already checked traffic in the upcoming lanes for clearance), do it decisively. In driving, being hesitant will increase your chances of dangerous actions.
Bottom line, while it’s convenient &, maybe, necessary to have teens driving, your peace of mind will be history–LOL.
Patricia A.
Like you, living in the L.A. area, it’s necessary to drive.
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Heck, I’m 29, fairly soon to be 30 and I still haven’t done it. I’ve been lucky and haven’t needed to learn to drive, but once we move to wherever that will be, I’m afraid I will have to go for it. Ugh. Tooooo scary. LOL :)
Lois
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Everyone always thought I was weird because I didn’t care whether I had my license or not. Momma had to make me go get my permit and even after I got it, I never wanted to drive. I started driving just a couple of days before I had to drive in drivers ed. I was almost 17 when I got my license and momma had to make me do it. I live in a very small town so I wasn’t really afraid of being around a lot of traffic but I just didn’t care if I drove or not. For the longest time I only drove to school and then I slowly got to where I would go other places. Now I’m 24 and I drvie all the time but I still don’t like to.
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Great subject Janelle. First of all I love to drive but hate the crazy traffic & congestion in my area, not to mention :cursing: other drivers!! I did not learn to drive until I was 18 as my Mom said I couldn’t use the car so why bother! When I did learn to drive I started out with Mom trying to teach me & at first it was okay but once we got past the basic & I was building a little confidence things started deteriorating which actually turned out to be a good thing. A policeman we knew gave driving lessons in his off hours to earn extra money as the pay wasn’t terribly good. I took lessons from him & learned to be a very good driver & it was the best investment I ever made. One of my daughters (she is 37) still doesn’t drive & doesn’t seem to care to much. She gets around with public transportation, friends, me sometimes & once in awhile a splurge on a taxi. I admire her a great deal & look at what she saves on insurance, upkeep, gas, etc. She did start learning to drive earlier this year but the friend that was teaching her decided to go to school so did not have time to teach her. If she really wants to learn she will get there someday! Janelle, I admire you for teaching your daughter but after my experience I think it is better to learn from someone else or a professional if that is at all possible. Just my opinion.
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I got my license about two months ago and I should have done it years ago. I let fear stand in the way of me taking the road test. The best advice I have gotten from experience drivers is to always watch other drivers. A good driver is a defensive driver.
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Donna — I’m just teaching Danielle the basics of driving so she feels comfortable behind the wheel. After that, she’s going to driver’s training school to learn all the really important stuff!
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Jodie, I’m the same way. I watch everyone else like a hawk and it’s actually kept me out of several chain-reaction accidents.
I, too, was reluctant to drive. I didn’t get my license until I was 17 at least. I had a boyfriend who drove so until we broke up, I didn’t have to! I went through three driving instructors–my dad, a private tutor and finally, a driver’s ed course teacher who was awesome. I finally learned to drive.
However, when I graduated college, I purchased my first car. It was cool Toyota Celica (all black, sun roof, spoiler around the entire bottom of the car) and it was also stick shift. My father’s way of teaching me to drive it was to toss me the keys and tell me he’d meet me at home. I cried the entire way. If I’d had a cell phone back then, I would have called someone for help~! As it was, I got home and became actually a very good driver.
Well…except for the nickname of Andretti that was on the back of my sorority jersey and having my license suspended for speeding! That was all before I was 24, mind you. Since then, I’ve had a perfect record!
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The clutch-learning-curve stories are cracking me up. Especially since mine is the exact opposite. When my dad taught me to drive it was on a stick – 3 speed on the column. He took a roll of papertowels and drew a diagram of which gear was where, put it on the dash, and that’s how I learned to drive.
But…the first time he asked me to drive an automatic I cried and begged him to not make me do it (I was about 12). Of course, the fact that it was my brother’s truck, jacked up so high that his pregnant wife had to use a step-ladder to get into, might of had something to do with it (can you say Redneck!!!).
My dad and brothers lauged at me all the while I was begging and pleading and swearing that I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t grasp that it was as easy as “put the gear shift where the D is and you’ll be fine.”
Obviously, it was that easy and I still get teased about it. At least I was in the privacy of our own farm and not on a street with other people honking horns. That must have been terrible for all of you who had to go through that. At least you can laugh about it now.:thumbsup:
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Well, with only one van and 4 kids (1 girl & 3 boys) we really didn’t push driving. They all have permits but only the oldest actually has her license. She just bought her first car and is 23. It’s worked out OK because their friends have/had their own cars. My oldest son who will turn 21 hopes to get his license when he graduates from college, but he doesn’t want the hastle of trying to park on campus so he bikes, buses or walks same goes for son #2 (who’s 18 college freshman) and the youngest who turned 16 in July. We couldn’t afford the high insurance rates for boys!!
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I didn’t want to learn how to drive, either. I got my license a week before my 17th birthday. My youngest brother was the same. My middle brother and my dh were chomping at the bit to get to drive!
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Thought about it some more. I have twin nephews, down here in FL where they could drive legally at 16. (We’re originally from NY where the legal age is 18.) They will be 18 next July. They don’t even have permits yet. When I asked why recently, they said they just weren’t ready for that yet. Probably a little fear but maybe there’s something else going on there. Little birdies like not having the responsibility or maybe they aren’t anxious to leave the nest. Curious.
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My youngest was pretty much the same way. We had to go to a parking lot late at night when his friends wouldn’t see him. I’d never have got him to the school parking lot He’d still be walking. Not exactly macho, and what 16 year old wants to be seen with his Mom teaching him anything.
was when his driving instructor recommended he put a large orange on his dash for the winter. It seems it helps other drivers see you in snowy conditions, especially if your car is white. Well he naturally believed this guys word was law. He drove with that lucky orange all winter long. One spring day, I opened the freezer to find a frozen orange. It seems sometime in the first 200 miles of a young licensed drivers life the statistics say they will get into a fender bender. His friends had all been in one but not him. Hench the lucky frozen orange. And no it didn’t make it to the following winter. 
We had a stick shift and his stopping on a hill and restarting was a nightmare. We can still chuckle about it after all these years. One memory with a