I’m about to rant.
For those of you who read my post last week about the top ten “worst booksigning comments” let me update you. I almost made it through the 2 hour signing–which went very well for the most part, with a big crowd of supportive readers–without hearing any of those 10 “ugh” comments I talked about last week.
Then SHE came.
Get this in your mind: Mid-sixties. Powdered-white face. Bright red lips that were pursed to about the size of a dime. Brighter red hair frizzed out, long and ratty, flying in a bunch of directions. And an air of condescension that wafted around her as thickly as her gaggingly sweet old lady perfume.
Got it?
Guess which one she said. Really, you probably don’t even have to go look in last week’s archives to know…if you think about it for two seconds, I’m sure you’ll nail it…
“Oh, I don’t read those books.”
My first response: 
Man, we couldn’t even make it through one signing without a superior, pretentious literary snob with lousy hair making it her mission in life to look down on the four of us. I mean, imagine our gall, we jezebel heathens who had the audacity to say hello to her when she kept lurking (and I mean, this woman came back at least four times, including after she’d paid for her purchases!) around our table.
Her whole comment was this: “I don’t read those books, I read literary fiction and non-fiction, biographies and such.”
I smile. Say “Oh, I read those too.” (When what I really wanted to say was “Look, Witchy Poo, I Read The Red Badge of Courage, The Scarlet Letter, The Grapes of Wrath and The House of the 7 Gables when I was in FIFTH grade, so don’t look your pointy nose down at me.”)
Not satisfied with her “general” put down, she has to go on. “I read one of those romance books once. By Nora Roberts. And I did NOT like it.”
I keep my smile, thinking “Oh, I’m sure Nora Roberts is gonna be so freaking crushed to hear that.”
Then she adds, “I just found it entirely inappropriate and offensive.”
So, very curious (though I suspected I knew the answer) I looked up at her and asked, “What, the sex or the violence?” (since I wasn’t sure if she was talking about a J.D. Robb book.)
That mouth grew even tighter. I’m talking pencil eraser size here, and she spits out, “That sex. It was all over. There’s no need for that kind of content in any book.”
Let me pause to say, I am NOT–repeat NOT–exaggerating about this. The woman was incredibly rude, offensive and obnoxious, to my face, stopping people behind her from coming up to get a book, all so she could comment on how unnecessary sex was.
Hmm…made me wonder if she’d ever had it.
Anyway, back to the convo…my reply, “Well, I understand you might not have liked it, however romance is a very broad genre, with a little something for everyone. And some readers quite enjoy the more sensual aspects of some novels.”
I was trying to point out the wonderful–non-sexual–Steeple Hill novel of my signing mate (the lovely and talented Rachel Hauck) when she interrupted.
“They would NOT miss all that sex for a minute if it weren’t there! If you would just leave it out, readers would still read the books. It’s only because the authors are shoving it at them that they put up with it. But I won’t.”
Well, color me educated.
I sat there fuming, watching as she walked away, wondering how quickly I’d find out whether or not she was wearing a wig if I leapt over the table and grabbed two fistfuls of her hair. Somehow, however, I restrained myself.
But that’s not the end. Because the crowd picks up a little, I get busy, then I glance over and see the same woman standing and looking at Roxanne St. Claire’s books. Roxanne, being the charming sweetheart that she is, engaged her in conversation, while, under the table, I stabbed her in the leg with the tip of my pen. Fortunately, we are interrupted at that point by a local reporter, who’d come to cover the signing for the “society” page. (I didn’t know we even had a society page, nor why a handful of romance authors would qualify to be on it. But hey, free publicity…)
So, we do the interview, we pose for pictures. And guess who is lurking around this whole time, holding a bulging Barnes & Noble bag (probably filled with the biography of Mother Teresa, and classic novels by Steinbeck, Hemingway and Sidney Sheldon :snort:.) I can’t figure out why this judgmental woman is still sticking around until a few minutes later, when I see her spewing her judgmental, narrow-minded opinions to the reporter! I kid you not, at the end of the event, the reporter told us the woman had come up to her and given her an earful about the smut we were peddling.
Good thing Witchy Poo had left by then because I might have been tempted to go a little postal on her saintly ass.
So, there you have it, another example of the witless wonders who make it awfully dang hard to be a self-confessed romance novelist.
Fortunately, right afterward, Roxanne, Rachel, Karen Hawkins (adorable woman–great writer!) and I grabbed up our posses and went to T.G.I. Friday’s for a pig-out and enormous margaritas. 
But I can’t deny that I kept my eyes peeled for my number one fan…if I’d seen her again, I think I’d have offered her a free copy of one of my books, promising her it didn’t have any of that (gasp) nasty sex stuff in it. 
Personally, I think she really needs to read a hot sexy romance novel…even if she has to hide in a closet with a flashlight so nobody will ever know her deep dark secret. People like that usually do.
Leslie Kelly used to say she wanted to be a doctor when she grew up, but then she discovered Nancy Drew books. Being a flashlight-under-the-covers-nose-in-book reader throughout her childhood, she couldn’t think of anything else she’d rather do as an adult than continue to lose herself in fictional stories. Her real life marriage of 20 years to the man of her dreams is a constant reinforcement that happily-ever-afters really can happen…and that they’re worth writing about. Living in Maryland, Leslie spends her non-writing time laughing a lot with the above-mentioned romance hero and their three daughters. Though an author of more than thirty sexy, contemporary comedies, she has recently branched out to write dark romantic suspense under the pseudonym Leslie Parrish.
Destiny
Dirty Little Secrets
Once Upon A Valentine
Through The Night
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OH Les, I
and so admire your restraint. She deserved for you to go postal on her. 
I remember a Howard Stern where he said that Connie Chung probably had petrified eggs in her ovaries. OK tasteless, tacky Howard Stern, but this woman probably does! I pity her and all she’s missing in life. Never mind. I don’t pity her. That would mean I care somethinga bout what happens to her. I don’t. The thing about these people is that it’s like :wallbash: so why bother? EXCEPT that she spoke to the reporter and made news. Which really pisses me off.
And there you have it. The two reasons I don’t do book signings.
1. The people (who show up); and
2. The people (who don’t)
I’d much rather go where people love me. Like here.
:love:
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You were waaaay too nice to her, but that’s just cuz you’re a better person – even if you did want to stab her in the eye with a fork!
I wonder why she had to hover for so long – I bet she really wanted a free book LOL. If I were standing behind her, I would have “politely” asked her if she would mind moving (the hell) out of the way so us (damned, evil sinning) fans could get our (smutty) books signed, thank you very much (NOT!)
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I just love people who think they can change you by expressing their negative opinions about your perceived shortcomings.
I worked in a bookstore over the holidays a few years back. A man came in and bought a couple books, then proceeded to berate us for some of the “risque” calendars on the display rack. He informed us he’d never shop in our store again, then turned around and stalked out, swinging his Victoria’s Secret bag in his hand. Makes a girl wonder…
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:doh::doh:what i get for posting w/out coffe. I meant what nerve of her to prevent those who wanted your books from getting them!
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All I can say is
! 
Miserable people like that can not stand for other people to be happy. I applaude you for your restraint, I have no time for small minded people. Personally I would have gone postal (I still might if her comments show up in the paper) or had Barnes and Nobles escort her out.
All I can say is even though I couldn’t go, I want to Thank You!!!!! As a reader I appreciate you taking time out to meet your TRUE fans!!!
P.S – If you ever find out witchy poo’s name I would love to send her a copy of Sasha White’s The Cop!!!! That will make her red hair turn white and get her blood boiling! :happy2::happy2:
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Leslie- You handled that with class.
I would have probably told her to go live in a different country that sensors what you can read or pointed her in the direction of some X-rated Bookstore telling her that had just what she needed. Or point blank asked HER when the last time she got any was and if she was disappointed becasuse it didn’t live up to the books. :cursing: But then I am not known for my tolerance of idiots.
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Leslie, you did great! It’s always so difficult dealing with people like that. On one hand, you don’t want to add more fuel to their fire. On the other, you’d like to set them on fire. I usually handle those kind of people pretty calmly all the while berating myself for not being a ball buster. But then I heard Nora speak recently. She told a story about this horrible woman who hounded her at a booksigning. The woman kept talking about “those” books and how “awful” they were and how they should be burned. Nora looked right at her and said “Listen, you Nazi bitch. Get the hell out of my line!” Okay, I knew there was a reason (besides great books) that I liked Nora. So I vote we all go with the Nazi bitch line next time and kick some @#%!
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Leslie- You handled the situation with more class than witchy-poo deserved. I agree that your first response should have been
, then have the Barnes & Noble manager escort her from the store. All your real fans love when you come to our hometowns for books signings!!!:D
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I like that idea, Kim! :happy2:
Pesonally, Les, I would have loved to have seen you drop kick the woman right out of the bookstore! People like her are just TSTL. I hope none of her snarky comments make it into the reporter’s interview! And if it does, I hope it includes a full name so we can hunt down her address and inundate her with romance novels!
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Leslie,
What paper was writting the interview?
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everyone has a right to their opinion just don’t shove it down my throat.
I have a friend who calls some of the books I read porno, I just tell her they are erotic fiction. It’s funny that those are the books she always borrows though.
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Oh and BTW this is the same friend that also just bought me two Bad Boys books.
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It sounds like all of us have been brought up to be ladies and restrain our inner beasts. That woman’s negativity must flow off of her in waves. She can’t be very pleasant to be around and probably doesn’t have any friends. You did a great job restraining yourself and acting like a decent human being. Maybe she was an alien.
Aren’t we lucky who we are?
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Bless your heart. You did a good job. Remember just rewards come. You might not be around to see it when it does, but she’ll get hers. They always do!
Just smile and remember how many people are behind you!
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Hugs Leslie! But you handled that amazingly well. Much better than I would have! Good job!
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I guess there’s always one. Just remember all of the fans who were thankful that you were there and were glad to meet you. She needs to read “Tease”…she needs to face what she’s afraid of. ‘Course, she probably wouldn’t live through “Tease”…
Thanks for writing your books and for not being deterred by other’s negative opinions or comments
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yes she does. same thing happen to Jill shalvis
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Leslie,
You handled that situation like a pro!:bowdown:
Personally myself, I would have had my water pistol ready and gave her a good squirt!
Then, had Barnes & Noble announce over the intercom, “Would the lady with the Fire Red Engine hair in the book signing line, please exit the store immediately or you will be personally escorted out of the store!”
Well, just remember there are tons of fans who love you and your books and would stand in line for hours to get one signed by you!
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I’m so sorry that you had to endure that.
It’s probably a good thing that I could be at the signing. I’m sure I would have wanted to ask her if her family had been a part of book burnings back in the day.
Then I would have oh so politely asked her to get the h*ll out of the way. People like that make me so mad. 
There are so many more of us readers and writers out there that love what you do and the way you do it.
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Leslie, you handled it with a lot more class than I would have. Geez…if you don’t like the books, then get out of the bookstore…more for us! Passing you (and everyone) some of my birthday cake (it’s caloric free, I promise…I only do caloric free on my birthday! !):cake::cake::cake::cake::cake::thankyou:
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Were you at the West melbourne Barnes & Noble? It is right next to some of the largest retirement communities in Melbourne. LMAO. When I lived across the street from one (just down the street from the B&N) I would get lectures all the time about all kinds of life issues. Those ladies would probably have heart failure if they read one of my erotic romances. HeHe:devil:
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Katie, Happy Birthday,
, mine was yesterday!
I really hate people that look down on romance novels as I find great pleasure in reading them as do many people. I’m in my mid 60′s but my physical description is far different than hers! If I ever get to see you at a book signing or RWA you will hear nothing but positive remarks. I love Nora Roberts & I don’t think she has that much sex in her books–just my humble opinion! :)
Leslie, you are a lady with tact, I’m not sure I could have kept my mouth shut as I have that old red hair temper that is pretty mellow but still jumps out once in awhile!!!
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Happy Birthday, Donna, btw…us August girls got to stick together!
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You were waaaaay too nice to her!!
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I’m an August girl, too, Katie — the 27th
Oh, and I’m sending those pool boys over right away!!! Have fun 
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Well on the Birthday note add me to the August list!!!!!! 10 days till mine
8/24 – Trish
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Happy birthday August babies!!!
Leslie, sorry you had to endure such a twit!! Honestly, what was that narrowminded person planning on accomplishing by saying such things? Maybe you should have pointed her in the direction of the etiquette (sp?? I know it has to be wrong) books! I believe if you have nothing nice to say you are supposed to SAY NOTHING AT ALL!!!
And please do keep in mind that those of us that enjoy reading “those books” would love to be able to stand in a line to meet you personally and have a book signed. If we could all live in the same state that might be possible. LOL!
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Hi Leslie–
I am sure this would put a big damper on wanting to do book signings.
I had a bit of a similar experience this weekend myself. I went to the UBS in a town about 20 miles from where I live this weekend to pick up my copy of the new RT….no the bookstore in my town STILL doesn’t have the new issue.
Anyway as I am checking out this lady comes in looking for a book. tells the clerk that the titles of the books are The Husband Trap, The Wife Trap and The Wedding Trap…books are historical and by an author with three names to which the two clerks working at said store reply they do not know as they don’t read those kind of books. I throw out the name Barbara Dawson Smith as she was the first historical author with three names that popped into my head. No that’s not it says customer…..now the display of RT magazines are right by the cash register…with past issues as well as the current issue there. I pick up an older issue and turn to the historical section and discover that the author she is looking for is Tracy Anne Warren…took me two minutes to find the info…but do you think the store clerks could have been bothered to make the effort….no because they don’t read those kind of books.
It’s not just this store either…I find that overall book store personel know nothing about books…which just amazes me. I have been in a store where a customer comes in looking for the latest “John Grisham” novel and describes the story…and the clerk hasn’t got a clue. …7 habits of highly successful people….clerk could not point the person to the business or self help section…which is where that book would be shelved.
This kind of thing drives me up the wall…..If you work in a bookstore you should know something about books and you should never refer to any kind of book as those kind of books…sheee.
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Barbara: I can’t believe your experiences at a bookstore! Yikes. I am still in shock with poor Leslie’s book signing experience. Geez…is it my imagination or is customer service a thing of the past. I worked in retail about 10+ years ago and I have noticed since then, customer service is horrible!!!!
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Leslie,
You were a SAINT with that gal! I am, also, in my mid-sixties (without the powdered white face, bright red lips & brighter red, frizzy hair), but, I love the sensuous books (I say, pile it on–LOL), as long as they feature a monogamous, heterosexual, man/woman relationship & have a HEA. I just want to be swept away! Anyway, I’ve run into women in UBSs like the woman who ruined your night who say, “I won’t read those RED books” (guess that limits it, huh?). I always say, “well, that’s why books are so great–they encompass all interests”, but, somehow, it appears that people who love to moralize for all of us, never want to give up the dialogue. Let’s hope your next booksigning is peopled with only those who don’t make those insulting comments.
Patricia A.
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Leslie, I’m sorry to hear about your encounter with that woman. It’s one thing to express your opinion, but she was going too far sticking around and babbling on and on. Like others before me have said, remember that you have many fans out there who love your books and appreciate what you do. If reading romance novels is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
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Leslie, I can’t believe that she was such a witchy poo………and that she gave you such a bad time. Man, I would have loved to have been in line waiting and overheard that, I could have said to her well if you don’t like that kind of stuff please remove yourself from the rest of us who do…………..LOL
You were so much more diplomatic………kudos to you. The people who think that they know what is best for everyone is just appalling……….:wallbash:
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Methinks she protests too much – I would have so gotten into that bag of hers to see what she really bought. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but not entitled to think their opinion is better than someone elses. :cursing: Too bad you didn’t just say
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Wow Leslie…
You have more patience than me. I would have 
smacked the lady. lol. You need to have a screening process to enter the store to find out the cooky ones from the sane ones… Did you at least enjoy your drinks afterwards? 
Have a good week, and hopefully the next days will be better.
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*jaw drops* I can’t believe she went up to the reporter. Wow, that takes a lot of gall to say that first to the writers there and b) to someone covering it. Reminds me of a time I was in DQ and a homeless man was ordering a burger at the cashier (my dad I believe had given him $5 a few minutes before we went in) and this old woman grabs my arm and starts rambling off about how ‘we’ can’t let people like that around and isn’t there a shelter somewhere he could go to? *cringe* I just can’t stand narrowminded people like that
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This has been such an intriguing topic (I e-mailed earlier in the day) that had to stop back and see what everyone else had to say about this lady. I am so glad to see that we are all of the same opinion about this thoughtless rude lady’s antics. :thumbsup2: I absolutely adore romantic, gushy, mushy, books! They make you feel good and all tingly! :love:
I do realize that we all have the right to our own opinion’s but to voice them out loud and to belittle someone like that in front of a crowd is just appalling! I would have to say that this lady lacks any conscious, is very thoughless and is very insecure about her sex life.
Sounds like she needs some help from Dr. Phil! :lightbulb:
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Thanks for all the commiseration, guys! I will definitely let you know if any of “her” comments make it into the article. It’s coming out on Thursday–and the newspaper is called the Florida Today.
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OMG I can’t believe she went to the reporter.
What a prude and she probably did need some:happy2:
You handled yourself very nicely
Does Roxanne have a boo boo from you stabbing her
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Bless your heart Leslie. I hope you never have to put up with a witch like that again.:devil:
Some people think it is their mission in life to save anyone that isn’t them from the evil ways and romance writers of the world.
Good grief…. I thought that was why our forefathers came to America all those years ago so they could do what they wanted to do without some smart__s getting in their business.
Any way we all love you :love2: and your books. Don’t let that one bad apple bother you anymore. She is just full of rot.:cursing:
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“They would NOT miss all that sex for a minute if it weren’t there! If you would just leave it out, readers would still read the books. It’s only because the authors are shoving it at them that they put up with it. But I won’t.”
Is this lady for real???? Does she think babies come from cabbage patches? I bet her hubby doesn’t miss the lack of sex. He’s probably getting some down in the red light district.
Good for you, Leslie. I would’ve started crying.
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Les… you need a sainthood for that one. Really.
I have a lot of nasty comments in my head that could be said about her, but I’ll be nice. :) Do share the article when you get it. :)