I am currently engaged in one of the most painful, hideous projects known to man and I just have to kvetch about it: I’m trying to sell my house.
I’m sure you’ve been through it, so you can understand my misery. But because of the awful housing market in my area, you probably haven’t experienced it quite this bad–at least not in the past few years of the U.S. housing boom. Our house has been on the market for six months. Yes. Six. If we’d listed it a year ago, I imagine it would have sold in six days. That was the average turnaround time last spring/summer, when buyers competed and prices just kept going up. But suddenly (I think right around the time Katrina hit) people started deciding they really didn’t want to move to a coastal area in a hurricane-magnet state (huh, who’da thunkit?) and the housing market here just died.
So. Six months of trying to keep the house clean despite having three girls. Two of them are teenagers who are incapable of throwing away a single thing and have posters of Johnny Depp and Hugh Jackman all over their walls. (Okay…the posters stayed…I’m only so strong.)
Magnify the housecleaning because you have a small dog who enjoys peeing in the corner when she doesn’t get taken out often enough. After seeing lots of her little yellow spots, let me tell you, I’ve considered letting her walk around in my back yard to greet the alligators in the lake. But I love the rotten little mutt too much.
Now, if you haven’t tried to sell a house, let me acquaint you with the typical life-in-a-house-for-sale:
You have to make your bed. Every day. If your kids are in a hurry and forget, you have to make theirs too.
FYI: They’re usually in a hurry. And they ALWAYS forget.
You have to pack up half your stuff and get it the heck out, paying exhorbitant storage fees, because the last thing you want to do is have stuff stored in your own house, giving the impression that it’s not big enough for your stuff, much less anyone else’s. Like, uh, as if the new owner isn’t going to have twenty Christmas boxes too!
You have to keep your bathrooms clean and God forbid there’s a magazine lying around in there. Because prospective buyers just don’t want to think about the fact that a bathroom has actually been used.
No dirty clothes on the floor. Ever. But they’re not allowed to accumulate and overflow in the laundry baskets, either. And oh, you never want them piled up on the floor of the laundry room. Therefore, you must do laundry every day. And not just the “wash it and dry it and leave it in the basket” laundry, either. That stuff has to be folded and put away into drawers that are already too full, while ensuring that the full drawers actually close all the way, with nary a sock sticking out the top. (In my house, not one person has a dresser big enough for all their clothes. That works fine when we’re in a “normal” laundry routine…but when all our clothes are clean? Chaos reigns!)
A dirty glass in the sink means punishment. One left on a bedside table is instant death.
The grass has to be mowed every 6 days to keep it at that perfect height. No cheating and cutting it shorter so you can cut it less often–because it’ll be too short that first day or two and, of course, that’ll be the day Mr. Landscaper Professional home-buyer wants to look at your house.
You may use the kitchen, but if the boiling pot of soup overflows onto the flat cooktop surface, you will face my wrath.
The back bathroom with the glass doors is for absolute emergency showers only. Because the slightest fingerprint or streak of soap scum must be avoided at all costs. Stick with the front one with the shower curtain. Better yet–just grab a bar of soap and head to the back yard. Gotta keep those sprinklers running to keep the grass green, anyway.
Now that you have fixed every crack, painted the rooms, put in new carpet, updated the bathrooms, redone the kitchen and paid a fortune for shiny new appliances…you can sit back and imagine someone ELSE enjoying them after they buy your house.
You must be prepared to get out at a moment’s notice because some realtor driving by with a client spotted your house, called your agent and said, “I know the owner requires an hour’s notice, but we’re here, so can we just come in?”
While you’re getting out of the house–sweat dripping down your face because you’ve just vacuumed the living room, washed the kitchen floor, Windexed every glass door, cut the grass, cleaned the pool, wiped down every cabinet and countertop–you spy the potential buyers, make nice and pretend your house always looks as immaculate as it does right now. Then you get in your car and watch as the group of complete strangers–often with children who run wildly unsupervised straight into your living room toward your cabinet containing your Swarovski crystal collection–stroll into your house and begin to verbally rip it to pieces.
Yeah. Wow. Six months of this much fun. What a lucky girl I am.
Gotta sign off now–someone’s coming to see the house. And I still haven’t washed the bathroom floors, swept the patio or gone after the dozen spider webs that have sprung up around my front door since yesterday.
Anyone wanna move to Florida?
Leslie Kelly used to say she wanted to be a doctor when she grew up, but then she discovered Nancy Drew books. Being a flashlight-under-the-covers-nose-in-book reader throughout her childhood, she couldn’t think of anything else she’d rather do as an adult than continue to lose herself in fictional stories. Her real life marriage of 20 years to the man of her dreams is a constant reinforcement that happily-ever-afters really can happen…and that they’re worth writing about. Living in Maryland, Leslie spends her non-writing time laughing a lot with the above-mentioned romance hero and their three daughters. Though an author of more than thirty sexy, contemporary comedies, she has recently branched out to write dark romantic suspense under the pseudonym Leslie Parrish.
Destiny
Dirty Little Secrets
Once Upon A Valentine
Through The Night
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Hugs, hugs and more hugs. May you sell soon and move so you can all be together! ;(
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Hope that house gets sold soon.
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Ugh…that sounds so stressful! How in the world do you manage to write under so much stress?? I hope you sell your house soon. I myself haven’t sold a house but my husband and I built the house we now live in. THAT was fun!! NOT!!
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Wow, I can definetly see how stressfull that is. I just recently bought a new house for the first time. It definetly needed fixing up, and we have been there for over a month and still are working hard fixing it up. Doing the most important things first, ofcourse. It is definetly not a sellers market anywhere in the U.S. Hope you can sell your house soon, it must be a headache trying to keep it as clean as you want it to be.
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Sending house selling cyber vibes your way…okay, so maybe I can’t really do that but I do hope that it sells very soon for you and your family. I have to say that you amaze me to have been in this process for six months and still be able to write as much as you do. Your characters love you. :)
So until the house sells…you will still have to clean all the time but end it with a (d) or maybe several… (d) (d) (d)
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Les, I know how frustrating this has been…but man, keeping the house clean 24/7, too? And now hurricane season rears its ugly head again (we’re being pummeled by Tropical Storm Alberto as I write this.) The joys (not) of living in paradise. (n)
When we couldn’t sell our house back in the 90s, at least we were able to move and I didn’t have to live in the house while we showed it! (I did for a little while, but it was only me and the cat! Not to hard to keep the place clean.) Though paying a mortgage AND rent on an apartment was no picnic, I’d prefer that over the constant pressure you’re facing. But eventually, it did sell…so I’m hoping the same for you!
You know we’re praying for you every night!
And not only is Leslie writing, but she’s helped me plot my stuff, too! The woman deserves a medal. Hell, she deserves a trophy, a tiara, and a mega buck prize! (f)
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Leslie:
I totally feel your pain…yikes…two years ago, when we were selling our house, I had two little boys (at the time they were four and two), plus, I was newly pregant with #3. Add onto that, my oldest has autism, so I would be scooping him up, putting him in the van and driving around who knows where. I put a lot of miles on that van that Spring. I learned a lot about my old neighborhood. My husband was gone for most of it, too. The part I hated most was the leaving in ten minutes. No matter that we put that we had a child with special needs and needed at least an hour, relators didn’t care. I actually found one who did and was very understanding twice about it. I liked her and hoped she would have gotten the sale. I complained about the others and it was only a month. Don’t even ask me about the moving….I can’t imagine about six months of it….you deserve an award.
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Leslie, that completely sucks. You are TRULY a super-woman for all that you’ve had to do the past year, on your own. Here’s hoping the house sells very soon so the family can be together again and your life can return to normal! Big hugs along with a few drinks (d) (d) (d)
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Good luck, Leslie. My Mom is trying to sell her house too. She lives in Orlando. It’s a beautiful house but she told me it’s just not a buyer’s market right now.
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You are a stronger woman than I am, I’d never make it having to keep everything in place. Not with my utter lack of organizational skills. Wishing you a SPEEDY sale!!!
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When we were selling our house we were also building one at the same time. Now that was lots of fun! (n) Hopefully you’ll find a buyer soon.
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good luck.
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Sorry you are having such a rough time Leslie. I live about 90 moiles inland of the coast and the housing market is booming. My town was listed on the AARP list of where to retire and we are close enough to the gulf you can make a day trip or head a bit north and go to the mountains. There have been a lot of people tranplanting themselves in Georgia from Forida.
I know what you mean about the teenage daughters. I have 2 and i hate going in their bathroom. Five feet of vanity and I can’t see the top for all the bottles cosmetics, hair dryers and stuff. I gave up working myself to death to keep it neat, but I gave up. Plus they each have 3 drawers each to put the suff .
Again lot of luck!
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I think OUR collective summer months in Florida( I am a native of Miami)should be called “RAIN”. June, July, August, September. Nah….”Rain”. “Humidity” would be my near year round choice.I wish you the very best of luck. My husband and I have owned the same condo for the past 20 years but we have seen hoards of owners and tenants come and go. Being silly and keeping perseptive helps during stress. Iuse the feel my wrath line too!
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Leslie, I hope your house sells very soon. I know how trying that can be. When my husband & I split up our house went on the market & it was suppose to be kept clean–like I was super woman!! I am the type of person that if people are still living there it is not going to look like a model home!! :) It was an older house in the country & it all eventually worked out. A couple of years ago my daughter & her family moved from Colorado to Oregon & had to leave behind their house still on the market. This happened when the housing market in their area was not doing well & the house sat on the market for over a year. My poor daughter was going nuts because they were paying rent & still making house payments, plus other on going expenses with their house. The house finally sold & they were so happy. I tell you this to say hang in there, I just know the right person will come along & buy your beautifully cleaned house & you can move on.
I hope this storm that is heading over Florida is not affecting you.
Take care.
Donna M
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Leslie, I hope that your house sells soon for you. It is really the pits to have to keep everything up and sparkley for perspective buyers. I just hate to have to leave the house when agents bring in buyers, because you just know that some people are not going to be looking at what their kids are doing. As far as I am concerned they should leave the kids at home, as that is not the place to be bringing them. Hugs, to you and hope it all works out soon for you.
I think it is terrific that you are still able to write, and keep up with everything. You deserve a medal.
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After seeing the havoc Katrina wrought, I can understand no one wanting to buy a house in Florida. Good Luck!
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Hi Leslie,
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I remember all the times I had moved with my mom and sisters. It sure was a pain cause of all the stuff we had
. I wish you the best of luck :)
Linda.H.
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Hugs, Leslie! As someone who spends her “day-life” selling other people’s houses, I just want to pat you on the back for being a wonderful seller. (y) More often than not, sellers refuse to do any one of the things you’re doing. Much less all of them. I’m talking dirty underwear on the bedside table.. how’d it get there? Kitchen counter littered with empty wine bottles from a party… two weeks ago. Every wall covered by pictures and decorations to the point no one can see it, forget envisoining their stuff there. It makes it hard. So, here’s hoping all of that hard work pays off! SOON!! (*)
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Thanks all! Believe it or not, we got an offer today. A totally sucky offer that was pretty offensive, actually, but at least it was something.
Keep your fingers crossed, okay?
Leslie
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I’ll hope for the best offer ever for you Leslie. After all your hard work you deserve it. (y)
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“Keep the faith” things will turn around. I too live in Florida and also have seen the slow down in the housing market here… on the Atlantic side 2/3 of the way down. I strongly feel that people will return to Florida. We just need a COLD, SNOWY winter up north. Sorry you Northerners!
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Leslie:
I can relate. I packed and lived in my house in NY while trying to sell it with an 8 year old boy and a newborn. That was two years ago, before we moved to…FL!
You forgot to mention that you should keep your refrigerator reasonably stocked but free of indeterminate items (for those prospectives nosy enough to actually open the frig), keep all garbage cans empty at all times (and hope your garbage men NEVER fail to make a pickup), and make sure the inside of your oven and microwave are sparkling at all times (kids can’t nuke stuff without a cover until it explodes). LOL!
I finally had to halt all showings until AFTER we had moved out. Not ideal but the sanest way for me. I wish you well with your sale and hope you sell really soon!
Patricia W