Posted by Carly at May 14, 2006 6:00 am
THE WINNER OF CARLY’S JUNGLE MADNESS MAY FRIDAY is …. KIM H. chosen by an unbiased monkey family member. Congratulations! Don’t forget to email me at: carlyphillips@mac.com with your mailing address and your favorite Jelly Belly flavor jelly bean. Please go to www.jellybelly.com and make sure it’s available in the 2.2 pound package and I’ll make sure it’s sent directly to you. A signed copy of HOT ITEM will come separately.
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And now to honor the day: HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
My grandmother used to like to be called Mother. Not Mom, or Mommy or any other form of the name. So when anyone refers to my mom as “Mother” or buys a mother’s day card that says “To Mother” it becomes a joke in the family. Mother as in “MotherXXXX”. Bad word. OK maybe you have to be in my family to get this or laugh. I hope not.
Today I want to wish every MOM out there a very happy mother’s day, however you spend it! And in honor of all mothers … one of those round robin emails that was written by who knows, but is so perfect for the day!
MOM – JOB DESCRIPTION
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, no one would have done it!!!!
POSITION :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.00
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Congrats to all the moms out there. Enjoy.
Congrats Kim H.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!! I also want to take a quick moment to say Happy Mothers day even if you have no children yourself. I was a step mom, aunt and the oldest of 5 siblings before I became a mother and often those are the people that are over looked. You may not be a full time mom but in most cases these people are very motherly. (f)
Congrats Kim H.
Congrats to the winner! (y)
Carly, loved the Mother’s job description. That was absolutely priceless!
Have a great Mother’s Day to all the moms out there! (f)
Congratulations Kim! (y)
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, EVERYBODY! (l)
Congratulations to Kim H. on the win………
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY EVERYONE !!
And on that note I want to share this favorite of mine with you all – whether you are a Mom, Step-Mom, Foster Mom or a combination of all three and more, it pertains to all of YOU!!
M – O – T – H – E – R
“M” is for the million things she gave me,
“O” means only that she’s growing old,
“T” is for the tears she shed to save me,
“H” is for her heart of purest gold;
“E” is for her eyes, with love-light shining,
“R” means right, and right she’ll always be,
Put them all together, they spell
“MOTHER,”
A word that means the world to me.
- Howard Johnson (c. 1915)
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! And a big congratulations to Kim!
Congratulations Kim H. (y) (g)
It is the best.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms, Step-Mom’s, Foster Mothers, Grandmothers, aunts, sisters, etc. (f) (f)
The job description is priceless and oh, so true! However, it doesn’t mention one of the biggest rewards besides an endless supply of hugs, that reward is Grandchildren, yes with a capitol G. Being a grandmother is the real reason for having children!!
(y)
Happy Mom’s day to everyone!!!! Have a great one.
Congrats Kim! Happy Mother’s Day out there to all you special ladies (f)
Happy Mother’s Day to all. (f)
You don’t have to be a biological mother to be a mom to someone. So this is also to all the “other mothers”, spiritual mentors, or any woman who has that bond with another!
And as Kim says….wtg, Kim!!
yeah thanks so much. happy mom day to all and my mom. love ya
(y) (w) (l)
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the moms that are reading this. Hope everyones day was special. Take some time to enjoy what you love…family, reading, chocolate, wine…more chocolate and wine. (d)
(f) (f) (f) (f) (f)
thanks , item came so fast carly (y)
So Sorry to be be late but I’ve been under the weather.
Congratulations Kim on the win.
I hate that I’m late but Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms.
I got what I wanted a copy of Shall We Dance on DVD and some of the Dark chocolate that I love.
Oh and Carly you certainly got the definition of mother right. I just started the bonus phase (college). I just had to pay a big bonus for summer semester. Oh well that’s what you get when you sign on for being a parent. ;)